tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 21, 2014 11:56:40 GMT -5
We need to do something with these abvs DS is DEAR SON! Not Dear SISTER. We need to get another one for dear sister...DSr maybe.
In DSr's case I would say - darling, your cold feet cost me $300. Let's transfer it back to my account. Because I was under impression it is young fellow who is kind of hurt by fiancée, but now when it is THE person who called it of...get the money back!
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 21, 2014 11:58:47 GMT -5
Good morning! I just slept ten straight freaking hours! I'm hoping I'm no longer exhausted. Clarifications: this is about DH's oldest son who is 26. his fiancé is ~29. I am all for someone not getting married if he/she isn't sure that's what he/she wants. I, too, knew I shouldn't have gotten married the first time. I haven't asked for the $300 back because I know that's impolite/uncouth/insensitive/Scrooge-esque. That's why I brought it up here! They sent out save the date cards, but they never sent out invitations. Even though they had asked for financial help from us and DH volunteered far more than I was comfortable with, about four months ago, DS told us he was no longer allowed to be apart of the wedding plans. It also became obvious that even though DS had told DD#2 she could be a part of the wedding, the GF refused to acknowledge that. We have seen DS several times since he told us the wedding is off, but we've not seen the GF. Emotionally, I'm split: I absolutely don't want them to get married if they're not sure. I don't understand why he's still living with her. He has made it clear--at least to us--he wants a marriage and a children. He's fine with waiting another ten years before having children. I just hate to see him waste time with this girl if she s not sure she wants any of that. WHY have you used DS? and got everyone so confused? I think this thread needs to be deleted and re-posted because it is going to be a mess...not that I mind mess...
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 21, 2014 12:06:12 GMT -5
Good morning! I just slept ten straight freaking hours! I'm hoping I'm no longer exhausted. Clarifications: this is about DH's oldest son who is 26. his fiancé is ~29. I am all for someone not getting married if he/she isn't sure that's what he/she wants. I, too, knew I shouldn't have gotten married the first time. I haven't asked for the $300 back because I know that's impolite/uncouth/insensitive/Scrooge-esque. That's why I brought it up here! They sent out save the date cards, but they never sent out invitations. Even though they had asked for financial help from us and DH volunteered far more than I was comfortable with, about four months ago, DS told us he was no longer allowed to be apart of the wedding plans. It also became obvious that even though DS had told DD#2 she could be a part of the wedding, the GF refused to acknowledge that. We have seen DS several times since he told us the wedding is off, but we've not seen the GF. Emotionally, I'm split: I absolutely don't want them to get married if they're not sure. I don't understand why he's still living with her. He has made it clear--at least to us--he wants a marriage and a children. He's fine with waiting another ten years before having children. I just hate to see him waste time with this girl if she s not sure she wants any of that. WHY have you used DS? and got everyone so confused? I think this thread needs to be deleted and re-posted because it is going to be a mess...not that I mind mess... Seems to me ìf threads were to be deleted because they were a bit confusing (to a few), we would never see a Loony thread at all.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 21, 2014 12:10:01 GMT -5
WHY have you used DS? and got everyone so confused? I think this thread needs to be deleted and re-posted because it is going to be a mess...not that I mind mess... Seems to me ìf threads were to be deleted because they were a bit confusing (to a few), we would never see a Loony thread at all. And I am sure we wouldn't want it to happen, right? I am saying that here is going to be many people who will miss who DS is and continue talking about all different DSes... That can be fun.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Jun 21, 2014 12:37:04 GMT -5
I would ask about the $ 300 to see what he does. Obviously, it's not WW III, but on the other hand, why give the GF $ 300 to spend, because she will most likely spend it, if it's not already deposited on the cake !
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jun 21, 2014 12:57:58 GMT -5
I would ask about the $ 300 to see what he does. Obviously, it's not WW III, but on the other hand, why give the GF $ 300 to spend, because she will most likely spend it, if it's not already deposited on the cake ! ...and if it IS deposigted into cake - get the cake - call friends over for cake! And when they least expecting it - charge them $3 a piece and get your money back!
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 21, 2014 14:12:37 GMT -5
I'm the one that caused the confusion about a sister-sorry about that!
If the wedding was supposed to be next week then surely the $300 has been spent and most likely not refundable.
I see nazgul and cawiau's point, but if your gift has strings/expectations then you need to talk about those upfront or accept that the receiver may not use your gift in the way intended. I'd still rather lose money and have the wedding called off, then pay a bunch for a wedding and pay to get my child out of a bad marriage a few years later.
Sent from my ADR6410LVW usin1,g proboards
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jun 21, 2014 14:21:03 GMT -5
... pay to get my child out of a bad marriage a few years later. ... I find this to be a very interesting statement.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 21, 2014 14:50:08 GMT -5
... pay to get my child out of a bad marriage a few years later. ... I find this to be a very interesting statement. Not all obviously, but many parents provide some kind of financial support when their kids divorce. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Jun 21, 2014 14:53:20 GMT -5
Good morning! I just slept ten straight freaking hours! I'm hoping I'm no longer exhausted. Clarifications: this is about DH's oldest son who is 26. his fiancé is ~29. I am all for someone not getting married if he/she isn't sure that's what he/she wants. I, too, knew I shouldn't have gotten married the first time. I haven't asked for the $300 back because I know that's impolite/uncouth/insensitive/Scrooge-esque. That's why I brought it up here! They sent out save the date cards, but they never sent out invitations. Even though they had asked for financial help from us and DH volunteered far more than I was comfortable with, about four months ago, DS told us he was no longer allowed to be apart of the wedding plans. It also became obvious that even though DS had told DD#2 she could be a part of the wedding, the GF refused to acknowledge that. We have seen DS several times since he told us the wedding is off, but we've not seen the GF. Emotionally, I'm split: I absolutely don't want them to get married if they're not sure. I don't understand why he's still living with her. He has made it clear--at least to us--he wants a marriage and a children. He's fine with waiting another ten years before having children. I just hate to see him waste time with this girl if she s not sure she wants any of that. Wow...just wow....if what he told you is true, this woman sounds like a lunatic. She sounds like a control freak and your family will probably be pushed out of his life if they get married. Doing that to your DD isn't cool. It's his wedding as much as her's and they should both be involved in the planning. I would hope he runs far and fast. The $300 sounds like it's well worth it if it means he (and you) don't have to deal with her in the future...
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Jun 21, 2014 14:56:21 GMT -5
I know he wants a wife and children but he needs to think about what kind of involvement he will be "allowed"to have if he marries this one. If she is pushing him out of wedding planning and has this many control issues over this, what does he think will happen with their children? He will be relegated to being a penis with a paycheck... not a real dad. His opinions about the children/upbringing will be disregarded and the kids will come to have no respect for him, as they will know Mom is the one with all the control.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 21, 2014 15:03:24 GMT -5
... pay to get my child out of a bad marriage a few years later. ... I find this to be a very interesting statement. Me too. Nobody helped me out when I got divorced except the person typing this message OH, and tloonya don't feel bad about the confusion about the ds thingy, my brain always goes to DipShit!!
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Jun 21, 2014 15:10:49 GMT -5
I don't know anyone who helped a child finiancially through a divorce.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2014 15:22:55 GMT -5
I wish my grandparents had helped my mom through the divorce... My life might have been different.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jun 21, 2014 15:40:38 GMT -5
I worked hard to make sure that myself and my two siblings did not have to financial support my Mom when she was going through her divorce from Dad (or at any point during the rest of her life since Dad had allowed her to be totally dependent on him).
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jun 21, 2014 15:54:48 GMT -5
Good morning! I just slept ten straight freaking hours! I'm hoping I'm no longer exhausted. Clarifications: this is about DH's oldest son who is 26. his fiancé is ~29. I am all for someone not getting married if he/she isn't sure that's what he/she wants. I, too, knew I shouldn't have gotten married the first time. I haven't asked for the $300 back because I know that's impolite/uncouth/insensitive/Scrooge-esque. That's why I brought it up here! They sent out save the date cards, but they never sent out invitations. Even though they had asked for financial help from us and DH volunteered far more than I was comfortable with, about four months ago, DS told us he was no longer allowed to be apart of the wedding plans. It also became obvious that even though DS had told DD#2 she could be a part of the wedding, the GF refused to acknowledge that. We have seen DS several times since he told us the wedding is off, but we've not seen the GF. Emotionally, I'm split: I absolutely don't want them to get married if they're not sure. I don't understand why he's still living with her. He has made it clear--at least to us--he wants a marriage and a children. He's fine with waiting another ten years before having children. I just hate to see him waste time with this girl if she s not sure she wants any of that. Wow...just wow....if what he told you is true, this woman sounds like a lunatic. She sounds like a control freak and your family will probably be pushed out of his life if they get married. Doing that to your DD isn't cool. It's his wedding as much as her's and they should both be involved in the planning. I would hope he runs far and fast. The $300 sounds like it's well worth it if it means he (and you) don't have to deal with her in the future... This is the only part at which DH was actually ticked off. According to DS, the GF said she'd get married if no one but the minister and her friends were allowed to be there. DH and DS communicate in someway almost every day. DH made it clear that he would be more than displeased if there was an actual wedding and DH was not invited. If they elope and don't invite anyone, that would be different. DS was clear that he was not okay with a wedding at which his family was not included. I do want DS to be happy, but I've never thought this marriage was a good plan. She's nice enough; I just don't think it's a good match. I do like cake though.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jun 21, 2014 15:56:39 GMT -5
I don't know anyone who helped a child finiancially through a divorce. My parents did. My mother gave me her car. Well, she charged me $5.00. It was Mazda protege with low miles, and I was appreciative. Oddly enough, they paid stuff for XH that would have cost me in the long run had he not paid it.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jun 21, 2014 15:57:18 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2014 15:57:41 GMT -5
It doesn't sound like she's nice enough...
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jun 21, 2014 15:59:23 GMT -5
Except, they're still living together!!!
why won't he just end it!!! He should have at least some of that $300 to use as a deposit in a new apartment!
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TrixAre4Kids
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Post by TrixAre4Kids on Jun 21, 2014 16:01:07 GMT -5
It doesn't sound like she's nice enough...
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Mardi Gras Audrey
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Post by Mardi Gras Audrey on Jun 21, 2014 16:09:05 GMT -5
You should speak to the baker/cake person and see if you can get your $300 worth. Maybe they will deliver a cake to your home so you, DH, and the girls will have a tasty treat..
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jun 21, 2014 16:09:33 GMT -5
Except, they're still living together!!! why won't he just end it!!! He should have at least some of that $300 to use as a deposit in a new apartment!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 21, 2014 16:34:55 GMT -5
Some guys for some reason, just like some girls for some reason, like being trampled on. I hope he wises up and runs for the hills.
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JustLurkin
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Post by JustLurkin on Jun 21, 2014 17:28:00 GMT -5
I haven't asked for the $300 back because I know that's impolite/uncouth/insensitive/Scrooge-esque. You should let him know they need to return any gifts they may have received, or may receive as the date gets closer/passes.
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truthbound
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Post by truthbound on Jun 22, 2014 5:28:24 GMT -5
But she canceled it a few weeks ago. She seems to have commitment issues. However, she didn't break up with him. They're still living together. he hasnt shared much with us except that there are issues for both of them. Do you think they'll give me back the $300 I transferred to his checking account for the cake? Seeing as you were willing to pay $300 for a cake and his dumb ass is still living with her no I would not expect the money back.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 22, 2014 8:44:55 GMT -5
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Jun 22, 2014 10:48:51 GMT -5
At any rate, you can't ask for the money back because it was a gift.
Doesn't matter if the wedding didn't happen, it was a gift. It's tacky to want to take back a gift.
And to avoid all confusion, why is it so hard for internet people to just write "my husband, daughter, son, etc."
Have you also thought that maybe your step son doesn't have the financial means to move out of the apartment?
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 22, 2014 15:03:37 GMT -5
If my child's fiancé called of their wedding the last thing I would be worried about is $300. I think it would be cruel and heartless to ask for the money back. I know $300 is a small amount but in the case of a friend of my dad's... He was out of thousands of dollars when his daughter called of her wedding. He did not ask for his money back but he told her next time she gets married or think about it, it is on her dime. I know some are saying be happy they didn't get married but for those (the parents) that had to shell some serious bucks, they are thinking: how couldn't you call it off before I had to spend thousands of dollars I will not get back. $300 I will forget about. $10,000 - $20,000 ...'that is a different conversation. I think whether or not you forget about it, depends on the individuals own situation. $300 is more like $3,000 to a lot of people. Also, what the money was really spent on, would probably make a big difference, to me.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 24, 2014 8:19:36 GMT -5
I was supposed to get married next Tuesday. I'm out $400 for a Ketubah. I'm okay with that. Aw, Zib. I'm sorry. I am just catching up on stuff. I had not heard about this. WTH?
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