DS#1 was supposed to get married next Saturday

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

But she canceled it a few weeks ago. 
She seems to have commitment issues. 
However, she didn't break up with him. They're still living together. 
he hasnt shared much with us except that there are issues for both of them. 

Do you think they'll give me back the $300 I transferred to his checking account for the cake?

[msventoux]

If it was cancelled a few weeks ago and they haven't returned it yet, I wouldn't hold my breath.  But if they get married later, you've already made your contribution.

[busymom]

If it's not meant to be, then it isn't all bad. But, aren't they going to lose all of the deposits they put down before the wedding? And then, the bridesmaids won't get their deposits back on their dresses either. This could get messy for them...

[Jaguar]

I see T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2014 22:21:06 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

But she canceled it a few weeks ago. 
She seems to have commitment issues. 
However, she didn't break up with him. They're still living together. 
he hasnt shared much with us except that there are issues for both of them. 

Do you think they'll give me back the $300 I transferred to his checking account for the cake?

Maybe they spent the wedding money on hookers and blow.

[toomuchreality]

Jun 20, 2014 22:21:06 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

But she canceled it a few weeks ago. 
She seems to have commitment issues. 
However, she didn't break up with him. They're still living together. 
he hasnt shared much with us except that there are issues for both of them. 

Do you think they'll give me back the $300 I transferred to his checking account for the cake?

I hope so.   Did you ask for it?  My guess is that unless you do, it will be easy to overlook.

Be direct (not hurtful), so there's no question about what you expect.

Good luck!

[Nazgul Girl]

   I would ask for it back and just let him know that you wish them (him) the best, but the money was for the wedding ,and if there is not going to be one, that you want the money back.  

[Deleted]

Truth is though I'm sure they did lose a lot of deposits. I'd be more with msventoux... Consider it your wedding contribution now and for always..

[Deleted]

Also, I'd rather be out 300$, personally, than have my kid married to the wrong person...

[Nazgul Girl]

   I agree.   Bu as the mother of a daughter who had had two sets of wedding plans which did not come to fruition, I'd rather have the money back.   We're out about $ 2200 on the weddings which never took place, because we were cautious, but I'd still rather have the money for our mortgage.   She knows that we will not be contributing much to the wedding plans, if she ever does get married.   We will give a nice monetary gift for the wedding present, however.   I just don't do deposits, wedding gowns, or anything like that anymore  .   Been there, done that.

[raeoflyte]

Jun 21, 2014 6:52:59 GMT -5 oped said:

Also, I'd rather be out 300$, personally, than have my kid married to the wrong person...

I think its her sister, but I still agree 1000%.

Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards

[8 Bit WWBG]

I could hear this: "My relationship is in shambles, my fiancee is postponing our wedding and might leave, and this is when you ask about your $300?!?!?!!?!?!?!"

One of many possible reactions.  I doubt he is scamming you, but I like the idea that the contribution you made already stands for current and future cake.

If they do still decide to get married, I bet the guest list will be a lot smaller too.  If I was a second tier guest, and I got a cancellation notice (especially if I have to eat travel costs) I would probably not be coming.

[Nazgul Girl]

  Interestingly, my DD has told me that *if* she ever gets married, that she and the groom will just be married at a Sunday morning mass.   She said that she's talked with several priests, and they say that having a simple marriage ceremony at a regular mass is permissible, and is being done more often to save money and avoid show. She  would wear a simple white dress, and the guest list would be held to about 20-25 people, who will just simply attend the mass.   Afterward, she would want a little wedding breakfast or lunch, with a simple cake, and that's it.   

  We still have an elaboraetly beautiful wedding dress and veil which we've tried to sell to no avail, plus my DD has lost 80-85 lbs and looks like an Amazon now, so she'll never need a large-sized wedding dress.   It's a Casablanca model 1929 in size 18, and she's a size 8 now.   It's never been worn.   I don't really know what to do with it.    My niece is getting married in two years, and she's a larger-sized girl, so maybe she'd like to use it.  

[Nazgul Girl]

   I just re-listed the dress on a wedding dress resale website, and gave it a "premium listing" now, so maybe it will work out.  

[kjto1]

Jun 21, 2014 8:26:39 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

  Interestingly, my DD has told me that *if* she ever gets married, that she and the groom will just be married at a Sunday morning mass.   She said that she's talked with several priests, and they say that having a simple marriage ceremony at a regular mass is permissible, and is being done more often to save money and avoid show. She  would wear a simple white dress, and the guest list would be held to about 20-25 people, who will just simply attend the mass.   Afterward, she would want a little wedding breakfast or lunch, with a simple cake, and that's it.   

  We still have an elaboraetly beautiful wedding dress and veil which we've tried to sell to no avail, plus my DD has lost 80-85 lbs and looks like an Amazon now, so she'll never need a large-sized wedding dress.   It's a Casablanca model 1929 in size 18, and she's a size 8 now.   It's never been worn.   I don't really know what to do with it.    My niece is getting married in two years, and she's a larger-sized girl, so maybe she'd like to use it.  

Consignment shop?

[thyme4change]

Jun 20, 2014 22:21:06 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Do you think they'll give me back the $300 I transferred to his checking account for the cake?

   Clearly their lives are in a bit of turmoil, and your main concern is 300 bucks?  Remind me not to come to you with my problems.  

[Nazgul Girl]

Jun 21, 2014 8:46:15 GMT -5 kjto1 said:

Jun 21, 2014 8:26:39 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

  Interestingly, my DD has told me that *if* she ever gets married, that she and the groom will just be married at a Sunday morning mass.   She said that she's talked with several priests, and they say that having a simple marriage ceremony at a regular mass is permissible, and is being done more often to save money and avoid show. She  would wear a simple white dress, and the guest list would be held to about 20-25 people, who will just simply attend the mass.   Afterward, she would want a little wedding breakfast or lunch, with a simple cake, and that's it.   

  We still have an elaboraetly beautiful wedding dress and veil which we've tried to sell to no avail, plus my DD has lost 80-85 lbs and looks like an Amazon now, so she'll never need a large-sized wedding dress.   It's a Casablanca model 1929 in size 18, and she's a size 8 now.   It's never been worn.   I don't really know what to do with it.    My niece is getting married in two years, and she's a larger-sized girl, so maybe she'd like to use it.  

Consignment shop?

   I have looked into consignment shops, and they don't give you much on the dollar, but we might do it again when I we retire.   I have several immediate goals to accomplish right after I retire,  and getting the dress/veil/petticoat sold is one of them.  

[zibazinski]

I was supposed to get married next Tuesday. I'm out $400 for a Ketubah. I'm okay with that.

[Artemis Windsong]

Jun 21, 2014 9:03:24 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I was supposed to get married next Tuesday. I'm out $400 for a Ketubah. I'm okay with that.

I am glad you are okay with it.  What is a Ketubah?

[kittensaver]

Jun 21, 2014 9:03:24 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I was supposed to get married next Tuesday. I'm out $400 for a Ketubah. I'm okay with that.

Yowza - that's a lot of money! Did you have one custom made? The Rabbi brought ours to the ceremony as a part of his fee. But I "get it" that folks like elaborate and/or handmade ones.

[Miss Tequila]

If my child's fiancé called of their wedding the last thing I would be worried about is $300. I think it would be cruel and heartless to ask for the money back.

[raeoflyte]

Jun 21, 2014 9:50:34 GMT -5 @missmargarita said:

Jun 21, 2014 7:49:01 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I think its her sister, but I still agree 1000%.

Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards

I've read through this thread twice now and can't figure out this statement. Her DS was engaged to her sister? I know I'm missing something but this is how this reads....

I read ds as dear sister in this context. I thought op refers to her stepsons as dss. I could be wrong though.

Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards

[Tennesseer]

"Do you think they'll give me back the $300 I transferred to his checking account for the cake?"

Probably not.  But what can you do.  

If they decide to go through with it in the future, your contribution maybe should be to pay for the marriage license and ceremony at city hall, and a backyard cookout reception for fifty.

[Formerly SK]

Jun 21, 2014 6:52:59 GMT -5 oped said:

Also, I'd rather be out 300$, personally, than have my kid married to the wrong person...

I knew my first marriage was a mistake before the wedding.  XH got in a big fight with his sister and physically attacked her (in front of me).  This was about 1-2 weeks before the wedding.  I was shaken and upset, but we had already received some presents, I was living in his parent's home, we had all the deposits and dresses, etc...it seemed impossible to cancel it.  Instead I married him and lost five years of my life.  If only I had had a wise person to turn to in that moment who could have counseled me.  I was so young and dumb. 

Lost deposits are NOTHING compared to the cost of a bad marriage/divorce.

[NancysSummerSip]

Jun 21, 2014 9:03:24 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I was supposed to get married next Tuesday. I'm out $400 for a Ketubah. I'm okay with that.

Aw, Zib. I'm sorry. I am just catching up on stuff. I had not heard about this.

[tloonya]

Jun 20, 2014 23:21:35 GMT -5 @lillylake said:

Jun 20, 2014 22:21:06 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

But she canceled it a few weeks ago. 
She seems to have commitment issues. 
However, she didn't break up with him. They're still living together. 
he hasnt shared much with us except that there are issues for both of them. 

Do you think they'll give me back the $300 I transferred to his checking account for the cake?

Maybe they spent the wedding money on hookers and blow.

Don't you have to HAVE a wedding FIRST to GET the wedding money to spent on stuff?

[Deleted]

Jun 21, 2014 9:33:57 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

If my child's fiancé called of their wedding the last thing I would be worried about is $300. I think it would be cruel and heartless to ask for the money back.

I know $300 is a small amount but in the case of a friend of my dad's... He was out of thousands of dollars when his daughter called of her wedding.

He did not ask for his money back but he told her next time she gets married or think about it, it is on her dime.

I know some are saying be happy they didn't get married but for those (the parents) that had to shell some serious bucks, they are thinking: how couldn't you call it off before I had to spend thousands of dollars I will not get back.

$300 I will forget about.

$10,000 - $20,000 ...'that is a different conversation.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Good morning! I just slept ten straight freaking hours! I'm hoping I'm no longer exhausted.

Clarifications: this is about DH's oldest son who is 26. his fiancé is ~29. 
I am all for someone not getting married if he/she isn't  sure that's what he/she wants. I, too, knew I shouldn't have gotten married the first time. 
I haven't asked for the $300 back because I know that's impolite/uncouth/insensitive/Scrooge-esque. 

That's why I brought it up here! 

They sent out save the date cards, but they never sent out invitations. Even though they had asked for financial help from us and DH volunteered far more than I was comfortable with, about four months ago, DS told us he was no longer allowed to be apart of the wedding plans. It also became obvious that even though DS had told DD#2 she could be a part of the wedding, the GF refused to acknowledge that. 

We have seen DS several times since he told us the wedding is off, but we've not seen the GF. Emotionally, I'm split: I absolutely don't want them to get married if they're not sure. I don't understand why he's still living with her. He has made it clear--at least to us--he wants a marriage and a children. He's fine with waiting another ten years before having children. I just hate to see him waste time with this girl if she s not sure she wants any of that. 

[Miss Tequila]

Jun 21, 2014 11:11:17 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Jun 21, 2014 9:33:57 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

If my child's fiancé called of their wedding the last thing I would be worried about is $300. I think it would be cruel and heartless to ask for the money back.

I know $300 is a small amount but in the case of a friend of my dad's... He was out of thousands of dollars when his daughter called of her wedding.

He did not ask for his money back but he told her next time she gets married or think about it, it is on her dime.

I know some are saying be happy they didn't get married but for those (the parents) that had to shell some serious bucks, they are thinking: how couldn't you call it off before I had to spend thousands of dollars I will not get back.

$300 I will forget about.

$10,000 - $20,000 ...'that is a different conversation.

If I'm reading the OP correctly, her sons fiancé canceled it. That's why I'm saying that it would be heartless to ask for the money back.

[tloonya]

Jun 20, 2014 22:21:06 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

But she canceled it a few weeks ago. 
She seems to have commitment issues. 
However, she didn't break up with him. They're still living together. 
he hasnt shared much with us except that there are issues for both of them. 

Do you think they'll give me back the $300 I transferred to his checking account for the cake?

DS means dear son, right?
So dear son is having a wedding cancelled and dear mother is worrying about $300?

Where am I losing you, guys?