Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 8:03:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 10:41:51 GMT -5
"The manager of the pizza place next to my office sometimes stops by with her kids. If she is just running in for a second, her car is parked next to the curb. If I see her kids in it, with it next to curb (right outside the back door that has a window), I'm not going to say something. If it was parked in the parking lot and I see her kids, I'm going inside and finding Elaine. "
This is not the same thing. You know the person, if you thought was an issue, you can go get the person.
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Jun 20, 2014 10:45:55 GMT -5
Where are you all going with small kids asleep in your car in the middle of the night? Seriously- I actually am curious. When it's 2am my ass is in bed asleep and so is DH's and DS'. Yes we've done road trips but we always planned them so we were traveling during the day. Baring an emergency I don't see me voluntarily driving through the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. Sorry. That's just not something I would ever plan to do.
We are never going to agree. One side is firmly of the "it's fine, nothings ever going to happen to my kid" and the other side is firmly on the "not worth the risk" side. I'm on the not worth the risk side.
Things to Note: 1. I am not a single mother. 99.9% of the time if I am traveling somewhere with the Boy my husband is in the car with us. Yes during the day it's just me and the Boy. 2. My son is 16 now. I can say "I would never" because I know I never did. 3. I was never in a situation in which I was traveling in the middle of the night and needed to pee at a gas station when my son was asleep in the car and DH wasn't with us. 4. My husband has never had a surgery more complicated than his wisdom teeth out and a vasectomy so at no time did I have to juggle two small kids by myself. 5. I have ONE kid and only ONE kid. I will never have more than ONE kid.
The above factors have had a direct influence on my opinions. I can not say what other decisions I would have made had circumstances been different.
I am sure that every one of you are perfectly good moms and that you are comfortable with the decisions you have made in the past and will make in the future. I frequently disagree with the parenting decisions of others on these boards. I am also positive that people probably thing I am off my rocker with regards to the parenting decisions that I make.
At the end of the day we all want the same thing: for our kids to be healthy, safe and happy.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Jun 20, 2014 10:46:36 GMT -5
I plan and plan. Like getting a haircut, i have to do it at lunch or take off early. I plan too. I certainly wouldn't take my kids to get a haircut, nor leave them in the car. There are just times when you are doing things with the kids & therefore cannot avoid having the kids with you or when it realistically makes no sense to do the errand without the children. Like picking up milk before picking up the kids means the milk sits in the car for 1.5 hours. And maybe it is just me, but I have no interest in getting 3 kids out of the car to pick something up at work when I can park 10 feet from the door, have a glass wall so I can see the car & the kids, and I can get in & out within 2 minutes. All I would be doing is adding 10 minutes & a lot of frustration to the stop for no reason.
|
|
Angel!
Senior Associate
Politics Admin
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:44:08 GMT -5
Posts: 10,722
|
Post by Angel! on Jun 20, 2014 10:53:11 GMT -5
Where are you all going with small kids asleep in your car in the middle of the night? Seriously- I actually am curious.
The 2 AM thing was mostly an exaggeration because I haven't been on a real roadtrip with the kids in a while, but there have been times we have been at family gatherings or a party late into the evening & it might be a long drive home. My aunt's house is 3 hours away, so if we leave at 8 PM the kids will crash & be knocked out if I have to stop & pee at 10 PM. Same with my grandparent's cabin. If I was going on a roadtrip to visit family further away, then there is a decent chance I would plan to drive at least part of it through the night. Kids just aren't going to be thrilled sitting in a car for 5-10 hours. Doing it at night means they sleep & it can go so much faster & it is just easier on everyone.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 20, 2014 10:54:17 GMT -5
I'm not saying if I left the kid in the car for more than 5 minutes something bad wouldn't happen. I'm saying that in the circumstances I'm making that decision that I believe nothing bad is going to happen.
It is kind of like a gun in the house with small kids. An unloaded gun, locked in the gun safe with the ammo locked somewhere else. Not a safety hazard. A loaded locked in the gun safe, a little more dangerous. A loaded unlocked but away from the kids, a lot more dangerous. A loaded gun sitting on the table in the room with little kids is a disaster waiting to happen. Circumstances matter.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 8:03:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 10:54:24 GMT -5
" At the end of the day we all want the same thing: for our kids to be healthy, safe and happy. "
Totally agree. And i know every one who is saying they are ok with leaving their kids for 5 minutes is doing so only after careful consideration. My only thing is if i am the stranger that sees their kid, i would call the cops because i know nothing about the situation. Better safe than sorry.
As for running errands, my place, my work and daycare are all within 1 mile of each other. I picked the house based on work location and the daycare just happened to be close enough. It is easy for me to do some stuff at lunch and go home. I knew i was a single mom with no help so i made sure i had that option. But some of you may not have that option.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 20, 2014 10:55:31 GMT -5
Where are you all going with small kids asleep in your car in the middle of the night? Seriously- I actually am curious.
I haven't done the night trips but it's a helluva lot easier to travel when the kids sleep. We used to pack up and leave on Friday evenings for a weekend at the trailer in Door County. We'd get there between 10pm and midnight, depending. We started leaving earlier with the kids because I didn't want to screw up their sleep patterns too much.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 20, 2014 11:00:14 GMT -5
" At the end of the day we all want the same thing: for our kids to be healthy, safe and happy. " Totally agree. And i know every one who is saying they are ok with leaving their kids for 5 minutes is doing so only after careful consideration. My only thing is if i am the stranger that sees their kid, i would call the cops because i know nothing about the situation. Better safe than sorry.
As for running errands, my place, my work and daycare are all within 1 mile of each other. I picked the house based on work location and the daycare just happened to be close enough. It is easy for me to do some stuff at lunch and go home. I knew i was a single mom with no help so i made sure i had that option. But some of you may not have that option. My issue with this is that you can see some of the circumstances. You can see the weather if it is an issue. You can tell if you are at a big box store or a gas station. You (in general) could apply some common sense to the situation too.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 8:03:43 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 11:10:20 GMT -5
Where are you all going with small kids asleep in your car in the middle of the night? Seriously- I actually am curious.
I haven't done the night trips but it's a helluva lot easier to travel when the kids sleep. We used to pack up and leave on Friday evenings for a weekend at the trailer in Door County. We'd get there between 10pm and midnight, depending. We started leaving earlier with the kids because I didn't want to screw up their sleep patterns too much. x 100 It is way easier traveling when they're sleeping. Plus, I'm an introverted night owl. I really like driving at night listening to the radio and being all self-absorbed in my own thoughts. So, when we're out of town either at my parents in Minneapolis (2.5 hours away) or my sister's in Duluth (about 5 hours away), I'll often stay until 8 or 9 and drive home in peace with the kids sleeping. I love my kids, but if they're awake, they're talking...non-stop. After hours in a car my head is about to explode. I love the down time of driving late!
|
|
sheilaincali
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 17:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 4,131
|
Post by sheilaincali on Jun 20, 2014 11:12:36 GMT -5
But as a bystander it's not my job to assess the situation and try to determine the circumstances that lead to the kid being left in the car. The way I see it as a human being it is my duty to ensure that small children that can not speak up for themselves are protected.
I would rather err on the side of caution than have a kid die or be injured when I could have done something to prevent it. I'm sorry my decision will always be to protect the welfare of the child.
Beth and Angel- thank you for answering my question about late night trips. Makes sense I guess. I hate driving at night so I try to avoid it whenever possible. I'm just a wimp that way- if it's a road I'm not familiar with I want daylight.
|
|
hoops902
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:21:29 GMT -5
Posts: 11,978
|
Post by hoops902 on Jun 20, 2014 11:16:36 GMT -5
::To me, it seems like if your top priority as a bystander is the child's safety, you'd confront the parent. If your top priority is to screw someone over, you'd handle it the way the bystander did.
Again - not saying she was in the right. I just don't like the way Bystander Dude handled it.::
I think this sounds find and good up until someone gets stabbed or something because they "confronted" the parent. Then we'd all be talking about how stupid they were for confronting a stranger and they should have just gotten video on their phone and called the cops.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
|
Post by midjd on Jun 20, 2014 11:18:47 GMT -5
It's been a while since we've done a long trip, but we always used to do it at night. Otherwise you waste a whole day driving.
My mom did the same thing - as a kid, it was nice to get into the car around bedtime, sleep, stop somewhere for breakfast, and then be at your vacation spot by mid-morning (most of our trips were 12 hours or so to Virginia Beach/Myrtle Beach/Destin etc.).
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 8:03:42 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 11:18:55 GMT -5
"I think this sounds find and good up until someone gets stabbed or something because they "confronted" the parent. Then we'd all be talking about how stupid they were for confronting a stranger and they should have just gotten video on their phone and called the cops."
Exactly!!
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 20, 2014 11:48:46 GMT -5
Yeah, my 4 year old still can't get out on his own either. I'm to the point that I am encouraging him to try, but I struggle with the button - more in my car than in the daddymobile, but it is still not that easy. all three of mine, including my not even 3 yr old can unbucke their buckles and they usually get in and out of the car themselves. And they are pretty good at climbing to the front seats. All three are in 5 point harness type of restraints.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 20, 2014 11:52:43 GMT -5
Your kids must be so much better behaved than mine. If I left any of mine in the car by themselves, 2 out of 3 would start driving the car within seconds of me being gone. Overall, I am fairly laid back when it comes to many child-relating things. That being said, if there is something bad that I can prevent from happening, I will do it. I am selfish that way. No way I want to spend the rest of my life feeling guilty about not preventing my child's hurt or death. LOL! Well I don't leave the keys in the car with the kids, so driving isn't an option for them. And yes my kids are pretty well behaved for the most part. It would definitely depend on the kid, some you probably can't leave alone for a second. My son has always been an excellent rule follower & I trust him a lot. Yeah, that's why I said 2 out of 3. My oldest can be trusted with missile weapons. The two youngest - not even close. And I can't even say they don't listen. They just have attention span of a jelly fish.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 20, 2014 11:56:23 GMT -5
Are there any parents of three who have said that they would never leave their kids in the car under any circumstances? Seems like those saying it are parents of one or two (or no) kids. From what I remember about my childhood, the logistics were definitely a lot different with one 7yo and two babies vs one 6yo and one baby. Ironically, I never left my three. I did, however, left my oldest, when he was my only, in the apartment by himself. He was in a crib. I ran to the leasing office to give them my rent check. I did take the stairs, didn't want to chance that I could be stuck in the elevator. My husband was so pissed off, I am still shocked that we had two more kids after that
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 8:03:43 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 11:57:35 GMT -5
Yeah, my 4 year old still can't get out on his own either. I'm to the point that I am encouraging him to try, but I struggle with the button - more in my car than in the daddymobile, but it is still not that easy. all three of mine, including my not even 3 yr old can unbucke their buckles and they usually get in and out of the car themselves. And they are pretty good at climbing to the front seats. All three are in 5 point harness type of restraints. If you're not leaving them alone, when are they unbuckling themselves and climbing to the front seat? Mine doesn't even try to get his harness undone and older son never did either. It wasn't until he was in just a booster with a seatbelt that he would get himself in and out. Of course neither of my kids ever crawled out of their crib either. Older son was in his until he was almost 4.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 20, 2014 12:00:57 GMT -5
Mine have tried to get out of their seats when driving - not more than once, that's an instant pull over, get them back in and not move until they understand why they need to be strapped in.
Mine will get themselves out when we arrive wherever it is we're going. Once the car is turned off, they can unbuckle.
|
|
whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
|
Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 20, 2014 12:02:13 GMT -5
all three of mine, including my not even 3 yr old can unbucke their buckles and they usually get in and out of the car themselves. And they are pretty good at climbing to the front seats. All three are in 5 point harness type of restraints. If you're not leaving them alone, when are they unbuckling themselves and climbing to the front seat? Mine doesn't even try to get his harness undone and older son never did either. It wasn't until he was in just a booster with a seatbelt that he would get himself in and out. Of course neither of my kids ever crawled out of their crib either. Older son was in his until he was almost 4. Well, whenever we get home or anywhere else, they unbuckle themselves and get out of the car. In other words, I don't take my kids our of the car anymore. They are self-serving
|
|
greeniis10
Well-Known Member
Joined: May 9, 2012 12:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 1,834
|
Post by greeniis10 on Jun 20, 2014 12:03:04 GMT -5
It's been mentioned a couple of times on this thread that those of us who say we wouldn't, nor ever did, leave our kids in the car either don't have kids or only had 1. Not true.
How about a different scenario: (using Swamps example from yesterday about 2 kids, freezing cold, needing milk; not to single out Swamp or say what she did was wrong; just using the example) in that case, what about staying in your car with your kids and asking someone on their way into the store if they could get the milk for you? Offer to buy them a soda/coffee/whatever for their help. Would you ask someone? Would you do it if YOU were asked? Seems like we have so many people say they leave their kids in the car due to circumstances, so would you help another parent out instead of them leaving their kids unattended?
Not nitpicking anyone's choices. I'm just curious - what everyone would say or do?
Just thinking ahead and being careful, in that instance, even if the person asking had kids/babies in the car and they handed me a crisp $20 or $50 I'd ask the clerk to check it's validity, mention I'm doing a favor for *that* car in the parking lot (pointing it out) just in case the person is trying to pull a scam.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 20, 2014 12:46:21 GMT -5
I think I would get people rolling their eyes at me if I asked. I think someone would still do it, but I would be very hesitant to ask. In situations where I have left the kids in the care to do something, if I was at a gas station, I would be waiting a very long time for someone to come by or in the instance of my office, I have a security code to get in. So even if I told someone hey can you run up and do this for me, I'd have to explain the alarm, then where my desk was, etc.
Personally, I hate asking for help. I've had instances where I should have asked for help - took the kids to church after DH's surgery and needed bread. I took both kids into the grocery store and it was a nightmare. I was crying as I buckled the kids back into the seat. My friends from church showed up right after that and it is like crap, if I had just said something at church, one of them could have waited with the kids at my car while I went in. Last year, during our year from hell, people realized that we wouldn't ask even if we needed help, so they just started doing things for us. Friends from church just started saying, I am coming over on this day to mow your lawn and my mom during my hospital stay said I can't take it any more, I'm coming down. Because they knew we would never ask on our own even though we need it.
|
|
greeniis10
Well-Known Member
Joined: May 9, 2012 12:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 1,834
|
Post by greeniis10 on Jun 20, 2014 13:01:59 GMT -5
Mutt, thanks for the response. I am interested in opinions on that.
I guess I'm thinking that since there are so many parents out there with multiple children, in stressful situations, it sure would be nice if we could help each other out (even strangers) rather than assume they are a bad parent.
|
|
greeniis10
Well-Known Member
Joined: May 9, 2012 12:27:09 GMT -5
Posts: 1,834
|
Post by greeniis10 on Jun 20, 2014 13:07:08 GMT -5
And, just to clarify, I mean "helping out" by being the person who runs into the store to grab the item. I would never, ever ask a stranger to watch the kids while I went inside to purchase something. Again, I'm sure it depends on where you live because (again using the example of needing milk) I could take my kids directly home and the go ask a neighbor if they have some milk to spare. Oprah had a mother on her show a long time ago who left her son in the car when she went in the convenience store and someone jumped in her vehicle and started to drive away. The mom was able to get out there in time to open the back door and start to lift her son out, but the idiot driver stepped on it and the boy fell and was run over and died. That story has stayed with me for a long time.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Jun 20, 2014 13:07:46 GMT -5
So, how do you people that never leave your kids in the car (especially those of you with more than one) handle carrying small children AND the milk, eggs, mug of coffee or whatever? I really can't imagine going to a KT to get milk in the winter, unbuckling a 6 month old and 3 year old, putting on their winter gear. Carrying the baby, leading the toddler, going into the store, and grabbing a couple things, then getting them all back out to the car, taking off the winter gear, buckling them back in.... The same exact way I would if it were a longer-than-5-minutes trip and I had to take the kids in with me. Grab a cart. I get that it's inconvenient. Kids making things inconvenient is pretty well documented. That doesn't make a bad idea a good idea.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Oct 6, 2024 8:03:43 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 13:08:49 GMT -5
So, how do you people that never leave your kids in the car (especially those of you with more than one) handle carrying small children AND the milk, eggs, mug of coffee or whatever? I really can't imagine going to a KT to get milk in the winter, unbuckling a 6 month old and 3 year old, putting on their winter gear. Carrying the baby, leading the toddler, going into the store, and grabbing a couple things, then getting them all back out to the car, taking off the winter gear, buckling them back in.... The same exact way I would if it were a longer-than-5-minutes trip and I had to take the kids in with me. Grab a cart. I get that it's inconvenient. Kids making things inconvenient is pretty well documented. That doesn't make a bad idea a good idea. I don't know what kind of gas stations you have, but ours don't have carts.
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 20, 2014 13:09:21 GMT -5
So, how do you people that never leave your kids in the car (especially those of you with more than one) handle carrying small children AND the milk, eggs, mug of coffee or whatever? I really can't imagine going to a KT to get milk in the winter, unbuckling a 6 month old and 3 year old, putting on their winter gear. Carrying the baby, leading the toddler, going into the store, and grabbing a couple things, then getting them all back out to the car, taking off the winter gear, buckling them back in.... The same exact way I would if it were a longer-than-5-minutes trip and I had to take the kids in with me. Grab a cart. I get that it's inconvenient. Kids making things inconvenient is pretty well documented. That doesn't make a bad idea a good idea. Your gas station has a cart?
|
|
muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
|
Post by muttleynfelix on Jun 20, 2014 13:14:31 GMT -5
All I can say is that I am thankful we are out of the kids not walking stage. Jocelyn may need to be corralled a bit, but I can set her down, hold on to the back of her shirt, and have a little bit more of a hand free. Or if Ben is with us, he'll hold her hand, but if I can give her (or him) something to carry, they are usually willing participants. Makes life a lot easier. Being summer makes things easier too. Winter with little kids is just crazy since you can't buckle them properly in the car seat in a coat. Makes errands and things a pain in the rear.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Jun 20, 2014 13:19:03 GMT -5
I think some of you guys are overcomplicating this and reading into what those of us in the "it's not worth the risk" camp are saying.
Like others have noted, we don't think you're bad parents or even necessarily making bad decisions. Just because WE wouldn't feel comfortable leaving our kids in the car for "5 minute errands" doesn't mean that you shouldn't. We probably do other stuff with our kids that YOU wouldn't be comfortable with either. That's fine.
But all we are saying is that there's a RISK of someone calling the cops if they see your baby in the car unattended, in addition to the (probably close to nonexistent if it's only 5 minutes) physical risks of leaving the baby in the car.
And we're sorry if we wreck your day or whatever by calling the cops if you were only away for 5 minutes but it wasn't our job to sit around and make sure you came back. We called because we wanted to make sure your kids hadn't been abandoned by accident, not because we were trying to get you in trouble. And the chances of us doing that was part of the risk you assumed by leaving your kid in the car for your short errand.
That's really all there is to it. Just accept that people who see your baby in the car alone might be concerned and call the police. That's all we're saying. Not that it's a bad thing to do, because only you can make that call. Just that it might someday get messy for you in a way that maybe makes it not worth the risk.
At least that's all I'm saying.
|
|
Firebird
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 12:55:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,452
|
Post by Firebird on Jun 20, 2014 13:20:59 GMT -5
Your gas station has a cart?
Why do you need to leave the kids alone in a parked car at the gas station? I don't get that.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
|
Post by zibazinski on Jun 20, 2014 13:22:52 GMT -5
I used to be terrified that the car would burst into flames while I was gassing it and my kids would be trapped inside in those damn car seats.
|
|