Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jun 16, 2014 14:27:38 GMT -5
It's unfortunate. Making a big deal out of it won't help matters. The employee was likely responding to customer complaints. The customers were complaining because the girl's face was upsetting to them and/or their kids. Disfigured children in particular are extremely upsetting to some people. Not because they revile the children but because seeing them in such a state is distressing. And while the appropriate course of action for the plaintiffs would have been to leave or else sit and bear it, what happened happened. The best thing this girl's parents can do is teach her the value of patience, stoicism and forgiveness. How about the folks that got upset at the sight of the girl teach them and theirs a little empathy? That would be an even greater lesson. I wish that's the way it worked. I have friends with children in wheelchairs (CP and other disorders), and other adults are oftentimes so cruel to these small children. Making horrible comments that the parents can hear, etc. Some parents rarely go out in public because of it. Others fight back. But I can absolutely see some nasty customer complaining to the manager loudly enough that the manager thought to ask someone to leave. Unfortunately he/she asked the wrong persons to leave.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 16, 2014 14:32:55 GMT -5
Making horrible comments that the parents can hear, etc.If I heard it, they wouldn't be able to make comments anymore because they'd be too busy having to suck food thru a straw.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 16, 2014 15:11:40 GMT -5
Making horrible comments that the parents can hear, etc.If I heard it, they wouldn't be able to make comments anymore because they'd be too busy having to suck food thru a straw. I know it's not the same thing, but when Gwen comment on someone's differences, do you explain in a quiet voice or normal voice? I tend to use a slightly lower than normal voice because I don't want to hurt someone feelings, etc. And I tend to assume that most people with physical differences (teens and up) tend to know they look different. But kids (at least mine) don't always use a quiet voice and Lord knows I've winced at some of the comments they've made.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 16, 2014 15:15:56 GMT -5
I think most people understand children aren't perfect and will say things that aren't socially appropriate. Especially kids Gwen's age and yours. I usually pull her aside and explain in a quiet voice not because I am afraid of hurting someone's feelings but because I want her focusing on me while we talk. Adults know better than to make loud comments, especially on purpose.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 16, 2014 15:17:02 GMT -5
Didn't read the thread yet....
Am I the only one who thinks there is a lot more to that story.
Kids' parents or whoever already set up a donation site and now getting $$$ from KFC
I just really can't believe that anyone would say that to a child. And I am as cynical as you get
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 16, 2014 15:17:13 GMT -5
One of the HARDeST things to teach kids is to use the WHISPER voice when asking me a question about anyone. It finally got through but there was some fun times.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 16, 2014 15:27:11 GMT -5
It's unfortunate. Making a big deal out of it won't help matters. The employee was likely responding to customer complaints. The customers were complaining because the girl's face was upsetting to them and/or their kids. Disfigured children in particular are extremely upsetting to some people. Not because they revile the children but because seeing them in such a state is distressing. And while the appropriate course of action for the plaintiffs would have been to leave or else sit and bear it, what happened happened. The best thing this girl's parents can do is teach her the value of patience, stoicism and forgiveness. Per the article, the girl now doesn't want to look into a mirror or go out. That's a helluva lot of emotional damage done on top of the physical damage she's already dealing with. Because her grandparents undoubtedly made a big deal about it, demonstrated to her that the proper response to criticism is to make a big deal about it, and capably instilled her with the belief that we ought to care deeply about what some KFC manager thinks of our appearance. Bravo, grandparents. Which is why the parents need to set the example, from which the child learns. They set a bad example in this case. Is it unfortunate that the girl and her grandmother were asked to leave: yes. Should they have had to: no. Should this have ended with the grandmother saying, "Let's go to Dairy Queen across the street. They don't deserve our business here.": yes. We don't even know if the girl heard the complaint against her. I'm wondering if the manager didn't take the grandmother aside, and instead of walking out of the restaurant and never coming back, grandma threw a fit. Way to go, grandma. You've taught your kid to throw a fit.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jun 16, 2014 15:30:44 GMT -5
Yup someone is feeding the little one a bunch of crap.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 16, 2014 15:31:27 GMT -5
And it paid off, too!!
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jkapp
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Post by jkapp on Jun 16, 2014 15:49:16 GMT -5
Poor kid. With the wonders they can do with plastic surgery nowadays I hope they can reconstruct everything.
How stupid could that KFC employee have been?
I can think of plenty of things I've seen in fast food joints that I'd consider far more "disturbing" appearance wise than Victoria. The kid can't do anything about her face. Very true...I've seen much more hideous creatures sloshing around Wal-mart that needed to be banned from the public eye
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 16, 2014 15:51:14 GMT -5
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jun 16, 2014 15:51:30 GMT -5
Yup someone is feeding the little one a bunch of crap.
You mean besides the fake potatoes and questionable gravy?
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jun 16, 2014 16:02:28 GMT -5
Making horrible comments that the parents can hear, etc.If I heard it, they wouldn't be able to make comments anymore because they'd be too busy having to suck food thru a straw. I know it's not the same thing, but when Gwen comment on someone's differences, do you explain in a quiet voice or normal voice? I tend to use a slightly lower than normal voice because I don't want to hurt someone feelings, etc. And I tend to assume that most people with physical differences (teens and up) tend to know they look different. But kids (at least mine) don't always use a quiet voice and Lord knows I've winced at some of the comments they've made. We've had to explain differences to Aly. She knows S is the same age as her, but she doesn't understand why she's different. We were talking about her friends and said that we were going to play with S and B (twins). Aly said that S was a "baby" because she sits in a wheelchair or lays on the ground since she can't sit herself up. So we explained that S wasn't a baby but that she was just different and did things differently. That seemed to satisfy her and she loves to sit next to S's wheelchair and hold her hand and talk to her. We constantly remind Aly to interact with S as much as possible because I want her to grow up knowing that it is normal and right to be around people that are different and not to avoid them. It's not usually the questions from little kids that are a problem for our friends. But they've had adults tell them in public that their daughter is a waste of resources and that they shouldn't be keeping her alive. It's not like she's on life support at all, she breathes on her own, she's not on a feeding tube (still has formula though), but she's in a wheelchair and probably always will be. I can't imagine a stranger telling me to my face that my child would be better off dead than offending them with the sight of her!
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 16, 2014 16:03:52 GMT -5
Making horrible comments that the parents can hear, etc.If I heard it, they wouldn't be able to make comments anymore because they'd be too busy having to suck food thru a straw. I know it's not the same thing, but when Gwen comment on someone's differences, do you explain in a quiet voice or normal voice? I tend to use a slightly lower than normal voice because I don't want to hurt someone feelings, etc. And I tend to assume that most people with physical differences (teens and up) tend to know they look different. But kids (at least mine) don't always use a quiet voice and Lord knows I've winced at some of the comments they've made. I give small children a pass on these things. I do not give a pass though to school age children and up. They should have better manners by then.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 16, 2014 16:04:15 GMT -5
I can't imagine anyone saying that. Ugh.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 16, 2014 16:04:46 GMT -5
I know it's not the same thing, but when Gwen comment on someone's differences, do you explain in a quiet voice or normal voice? I tend to use a slightly lower than normal voice because I don't want to hurt someone feelings, etc. And I tend to assume that most people with physical differences (teens and up) tend to know they look different. But kids (at least mine) don't always use a quiet voice and Lord knows I've winced at some of the comments they've made. We've had to explain differences to Aly. She knows S is the same age as her, but she doesn't understand why she's different. We were talking about her friends and said that we were going to play with S and B (twins). Aly said that S was a "baby" because she sits in a wheelchair or lays on the ground since she can't sit herself up. So we explained that S wasn't a baby but that she was just different and did things differently. That seemed to satisfy her and she loves to sit next to S's wheelchair and hold her hand and talk to her. We constantly remind Aly to interact with S as much as possible because I want her to grow up knowing that it is normal and right to be around people that are different and not to avoid them. It's not usually the questions from little kids that are a problem for our friends. But they've had adults tell them in public that their daughter is a waste of resources and that they shouldn't be keeping her alive. It's not like she's on life support at all, she breathes on her own, she's not on a feeding tube (still has formula though), but she's in a wheelchair and probably always will be. I can't imagine a stranger telling me to my face that my child would be better off dead than offending them with the sight of her! I think the answer for that "This is why I'm her parent and you are not. One needs compassion, love and strength which clearly you don't have." Or a nice solid "F#$% you." would be good too.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 16, 2014 16:06:52 GMT -5
Didn't read the thread yet.... Am I the only one who thinks there is a lot more to that story. Kids' parents or whoever already set up a donation site and now getting $$$ from KFC I just really can't believe that anyone would say that to a child. And I am as cynical as you get I does not surprise me a bit a parent/child would complain. Mississippi has the most uneducated children in the entire nation. And the parents of the uneducated children are no better.
ETA: The complaints were not said to the child. The complaints were made to store management who then informed the guardian of the child at KFC the had to leave.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Jun 16, 2014 16:09:45 GMT -5
Didn't read the thread yet.... Am I the only one who thinks there is a lot more to that story. Kids' parents or whoever already set up a donation site and now getting $$$ from KFC I just really can't believe that anyone would say that to a child. And I am as cynical as you get I does not surprise me a bit a parent/child would complain. Mississippi has the most uneducated children in the entire nation. And the parents of the uneducated children are no better. Education and compassion do not always go hand in hand. Some of the kindest souls I know never made it out of HS.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 16, 2014 16:12:35 GMT -5
I does not surprise me a bit a parent/child would complain. Mississippi has the most uneducated children in the entire nation. And the parents of the uneducated children are no better. Education and compassion do not always go hand in hand. Some of the kindest souls I know never made it out of HS. However you like it. Bottom line is Mississippi is one ignorant state.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 16, 2014 16:14:57 GMT -5
I'm sure parts are. Most states have areas that are less than knowledgable.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 16, 2014 16:18:39 GMT -5
I'm sure parts are. Most states have areas that are less than knowledgable. In Mississippi's case, it is most of the state.
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 16, 2014 16:19:39 GMT -5
I know it's not the same thing, but when Gwen comment on someone's differences, do you explain in a quiet voice or normal voice? I tend to use a slightly lower than normal voice because I don't want to hurt someone feelings, etc. And I tend to assume that most people with physical differences (teens and up) tend to know they look different. But kids (at least mine) don't always use a quiet voice and Lord knows I've winced at some of the comments they've made. It's not usually the questions from little kids that are a problem for our friends. But they've had adults tell them in public that their daughter is a waste of resources and that they shouldn't be keeping her alive. It's not like she's on life support at all, she breathes on her own, she's not on a feeding tube (still has formula though), but she's in a wheelchair and probably always will be. I can't imagine a stranger telling me to my face that my child would be better off dead than offending them with the sight of her! Just pity people who think and talk like that. They don't know any better.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 16, 2014 17:13:26 GMT -5
Didn't read the thread yet.... Am I the only one who thinks there is a lot more to that story. Kids' parents or whoever already set up a donation site and now getting $$$ from KFC I just really can't believe that anyone would say that to a child. And I am as cynical as you get I does not surprise me a bit a parent/child would complain. Mississippi has the most uneducated children in the entire nation. And the parents of the uneducated children are no better.
ETA: The complaints were not said to the child. The complaints were made to store management who then informed the guardian of the child at KFC the had to leave.
That part might be true, but I can not imagine that anyone with half a brain would actually walk over and repeat it to the grandmother in front of the child. May be if there weren't all those money flowing the kid's way right now, I would believe it a bit more
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 16, 2014 17:23:51 GMT -5
I does not surprise me a bit a parent/child would complain. Mississippi has the most uneducated children in the entire nation. And the parents of the uneducated children are no better.
ETA: The complaints were not said to the child. The complaints were made to store management who then informed the guardian of the child at KFC the had to leave.
That part might be true, but I can not imagine that anyone with half a brain would actually walk over and repeat it to the grandmother in front of the child.
May be if there weren't all those money flowing the kid's way right now, I would believe it a bit more See Sam814's posts #32 and #44. Adults are capable of anything.
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truthbound
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Post by truthbound on Jun 18, 2014 3:03:50 GMT -5
Of all the idiot employees! I've worked in different jobs where I had direct contact with the public for years. I've had customers who smelled like they hadn't showered in a week, those who looked like they slept in their clothes, those who smelled like a liquor cabinet...you get the idea, & I served them all with a smile. And some poor kid is thrown out with scars on her face?!? Which is why the employee should be fired. Not a reason to write a 30k check.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 18, 2014 7:28:39 GMT -5
Of all the idiot employees! I've worked in different jobs where I had direct contact with the public for years. I've had customers who smelled like they hadn't showered in a week, those who looked like they slept in their clothes, those who smelled like a liquor cabinet...you get the idea, & I served them all with a smile. And some poor kid is thrown out with scars on her face?!? Which is why the employee should be fired. Not a reason to write a 30k check. The money (as you know) is for (privately) the potential for a temporary loss of business, and (publicly) good community relations. So eat more 'chicken'.
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truthbound
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Post by truthbound on Jun 19, 2014 5:12:18 GMT -5
No one should be writing a check.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jun 19, 2014 7:27:10 GMT -5
Could your DD have said something that scared the girl? With all the inclusion going on, I have a hard time believing she's never seen a child that looked "different." I taught those "different" children and I always had a few that weren't so with younger students, I always explained beforehand that I had children of all kinds in my classes and that they could ask ME any questions they had about them but not THEM because it wasnt polite. Still, my special needs kids answered questions, if they were able, about what was different about them. My autistic couldn't but I had deaf and brittle bones along with others and they certainly could and did answer questions students had. Those kids were so good. I miss them so much. I hope they're alive and happy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2014 18:36:47 GMT -5
I go through this kind of stuff with our daughter all the time. Most recent yesterday. She has Williams syndrome and looks very different. I had to take the Caddy in for recall work yesterday. She went in and sat down next to a girl about 10 or so? I was outside and could see right away this was not going well. The girl was scooting far away as she could.
I went in and sat down beside my DD. Didn't take but a few more minutes for the mom, girl, and dad to get up. They went to the back part of the office and sat on steps rather then up front in chairs. Hummm, now what do you suppose this was about? Believe me I can tell by the looks it was because she might taint them in some way. They sat back there during the whole service appt. I imagine after we left they came back up. That's an excellent thing to teach a child, I'm sure she will avoid people like her her whole life. God forbid she doesn't have a baby less then perfect.
And DD is not so challenged she doesn't realize it. Very hard to keep her self esteem up. But she does better and I've told her to just let it roll that not everyone will accept her or be her friend, just the way it is. I have a cousin that has hideous scars all over his face (laid over his motorcycle, skidded his face on the pavement). He likes to say "When people recoil from me just because of my appearance, it says more about the ugliness in their heart than it could ever say about anything about my appearance."
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Virgil Showlion
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Jun 19, 2014 21:01:27 GMT -5
I go through this kind of stuff with our daughter all the time. Most recent yesterday. She has Williams syndrome and looks very different. I had to take the Caddy in for recall work yesterday. She went in and sat down next to a girl about 10 or so? I was outside and could see right away this was not going well. The girl was scooting far away as she could.
I went in and sat down beside my DD. Didn't take but a few more minutes for the mom, girl, and dad to get up. They went to the back part of the office and sat on steps rather then up front in chairs. Hummm, now what do you suppose this was about? Believe me I can tell by the looks it was because she might taint them in some way. They sat back there during the whole service appt. I imagine after we left they came back up. That's an excellent thing to teach a child, I'm sure she will avoid people like her her whole life. God forbid she doesn't have a baby less then perfect.
And DD is not so challenged she doesn't realize it. Very hard to keep her self esteem up. But she does better and I've told her to just let it roll that not everyone will accept her or be her friend, just the way it is. I have a cousin that has hideous scars all over his face (laid over his motorcycle, skidded his face on the pavement). He likes to say "When people recoil from me just because of my appearance, it says more about the ugliness in their heart than it could ever say about anything about my appearance." Disgust is an innate phenomenon, and recoiling is an autonomous reaction to disgust. In some cases it's possible to inure oneself against being disgusted by specific things--given a great deal of persistence and effort. But in general we can't choose the things that disgust or frighten us, and when we're surprised by something disgusting/frightening we have very little control over our immediate reaction to it. My point being that people recoiling from your friend's appearance reflects as little on the ugliness of their hearts as it does on the ugliness of his.
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