Adult birthday gifts

[quince]

Consensus: We would all invite ava to our parties.

[Shooby]

If an adult is having a party I bring a gift. But I don't buy gifts for my adult relatives. We all just agreed that it a card was fine.

[swamp]

My standard gift for adults is $20 worth of lottery tickets in a card. Howeve, the host is tacky. 

[Ava]

I haven't read all the replies yet. 
I saw so many people interested on the recipe that here it is;

This is for 1 litre, I generally do double the quantity (2 litres). One litre is around 1/4 gallon ( I think).

Mix 3/4 cup of sugar with 2 tablespoon of cornstarch. The cornstarch doesn't add anything to the flavor but it's good for texture; with the cornstarch your ice-cream won't crystallize.
Gradually add 1 cup of milk while stirring.
Cook it slowly, stirring with a wooden spoon, in the stove until it becomes thick. Set aside.
Beat two egg yolk and add them, little by little, to the mix. Bring it back to the stove, and cook for 1 minute, stirring.
Let it cool.
Once it's cool add; 1 cup of milk, 1 cup of heavy cream (already whipped), a pinch of salt, 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract, and 1 1/2 cup of dulce de leche. Beat it a few minutes.
Put the mixture in a an airtight container. Put it in the freezer. Once it's solid 4 inches around the edges take it out and whip it again. This is the time when you should add chocolate chips if you want.
Put it back in the freezer. Let it solidify.

I also have a cheat recipe for doing dulce de leche if you cannot find it where you are. Get two or three cans of sweetened condensed milk. Put a big pot in the stove with water. Let it boil. Once the water boils, add the cans of sweetened condensed milk. You have to make sure the cans are completely covered by water (otherwise they will explode, so this is very important). Cover the pot. Add water as necessary. Every now and then take the cover out and move the cans inside the pot, so they will cook evenly. Let it boil for two hours.
After two hours, take the cans out of the water and let them cool completely.
Open the cans and you have dulce de leche.

The dulce de leche ice-cream recipe was my idea. I took a vanilla ice-cream recipe from an Argentinean recipe book and adapted it. It's been a huge hit every time I make it.
I don't want to put it in the recipe section because I have it in Spanish and I don't know how to translate it properly.
If any of you make it, please let me know how it was.

[Ava]

I don't want to decline their invitations. They are my friends, have been for years.
It was kind of awkward and totally out of character. I found it funny. I'm not offended.
It takes a lot to offend me.

[Deleted]

Recently I was honored to be invited to a friend's 80'th birthday party.  It was an amazing occasion with folks from every age and stage of her life and we were all so thrilled to meet one another so we could share the perspective we have of this amazing woman, whether from her childhood or her career or her current neighborhood.  Some brought material gifts, some didn't - it just wasn't an issue.  

I'm sorry that you experienced this hurt.  You seem like a much bigger person than the birthday boy and his family.  

[Jaguar]

I saved this thread in my Favs pm to myself, so if anyone ever wants the recipe I got the thread saved.

[zibazinski]

May 26, 2014 16:21:25 GMT -5 milee said:

Homemade food is always a thoughtful gift.  Especially for an adult who should know what time and effort went into it.  The relatives were rude to question your gift or lack thereof. But if you want to avoid any awkwardness in the future - some people think a hostess gift or food to share is different than a birthday gift - you could gift the birthday boy with a homemade food that is intended just for him. He can then choose if he wants to share. If it were my birthday, I'd love that someone brought homemade ice cream to share, but I wouldn't necessarily think that was a gift for me. (On the other hand, as an adult, I don't expect gifts, so maybe culturally that's different.)  If you want it to be a gift for him, bring him something that he decides whether or not to share. Then you cover all the bases.

Some people just have different ideas about etiquette.  Different traditions, different manners, etc.  I served a couple of really good, premium ice cream cakes at a birthday party I threw for my sister once.  A few months later, my sister's MIL invited me to a Mother's Day party at her house (I'd just had my first baby.)  When I accepted the invitation, she said, "great, I'm glad you're coming.  Would you bring those ice cream cakes you served at _____'s birthday?"  I was surprised and it took me a while to figure out how to respond because I thought it was pretty rude to invite me to a party supposedly to celebrate a special day as a new mom and then after I'd accepted ask me to bring $70 worth of cake to the party... 

I wouldn't have brought it. I'd have brought something but not that.

[zibazinski]

I didn't specify either way for DFs party. It's rude to say no gifts because it implies you expected gifts to begin with. If people bring something, fine, if they don't, fine, if it a gag gift, fine. It's up to the invitee to decide. I would never show up with no gift but that's me.

[Ava]

May 26, 2014 20:32:22 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I didn't specify either way for DFs party. It's rude to say no gifts because it implies you expected gifts to begin with. If people bring something, fine, if they don't, fine, if it a gag gift, fine. It's up to the invitee to decide. I would never show up with no gift but that's me.

Exactly; that's why I don't tell people not to bring me gifts. 

[raeoflyte]

I try to buy gifts for my single friends since they may not otherwise get any gifts for their birthdays. Thankfully I don't have a lot of friends so I'm not trying to figure out what to get many people.

I think you ice cream dish was perfect. Thank you for sharing the recipe!

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[marvholly]

Even when we have milestone birthdays the invits specify eith NO gifts or $X (usually $5-10) gag gifts only.

The ONLY ones I get bday gifts from are y kids & that is combined w/Mothers Day as they are abiut 1 month apart. That is also likely to stop as newest Grand's bday is 3 days off from me. EVERYTHING will be for her.

[zibazinski]

The invites should specify nothing when it comes to gifts. How tacky. People may or may not ask, THEIR choice. When people have asked me, I answered. 

[raeoflyte]

I think etiquette is/has changed and "no gifts please" on invites is not considered rude anymore-except probably in the south.

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[zibazinski]

Could be. Of course I never show up empty handed, either. It stuns me that Midwesterners do. 

[Deleted]

Stuns? Why? You just said it was a choice... 

[zibazinski]

I go with what accepted in the Midwest because that's where DF is and the party will be. It stuns me the amount if people who show up empty handed to parties. But I don't so that's what's important. I would never attend any party of any kind and not bring a gift of some sort. I'm not into gag gifts anyway and put thought into my gifts. I expect more than 95 per cent will show up empty handed. 4 per cent will do cards and or gag gifts and 1 per cent will bring a gift that shows they think well of DF and have upbringing. I've come to accept this as standard behavior up here.

[Deleted]

I would feel wrong to not bring a gift but probably wouldn't notice not getting one.

As for what to get an adult for @ $20 -- lottery tickets! I buy more lottery tickets for others than I do for myself. And I would be A-OK with them sharing their winnings.  

ETA: I see that swamp and I think alike again! 

[zibazinski]

Lottery tickets are a great idea! Would it bug you if they won big and ddnt share?

[Deleted]

YES! But I know going in that I could be giving away a million bucks. And I would remind them every time I saw them that they wouldn't have ____ if it wasn't for me.  

[Deleted]

and Ava didn't show up empty handed, however, she was told that what she brought wasn't 'good' enough

[zibazinski]

That's the rub. 

[Deleted]

May 27, 2014 9:25:15 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

and Ava didn't show up empty handed, however, she was told that what she brought wasn't 'good' enough

I think those people didn't consider what she brought a gift because the recipient didn't get to decide whether or not he wanted to share it.


And I think it was beyond rude for them to say anything other than "thank you" to ava.

[Deleted]

May 27, 2014 9:31:46 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

May 27, 2014 9:25:15 GMT -5 @singlemominmd said:

and Ava didn't show up empty handed, however, she was told that what she brought wasn't 'good' enough

I think those people didn't consider what she brought a gift because the recipient didn't get to decide whether or not he wanted to share it.


And I think it was beyond rude for them to say anything other than "thank you" to ava.

and it doesn't matter if they considered it a gift as nobody is entitled to a gift for anything.  they may as well have charged admission.

[Wisconsin Beth]

My family doesn't do adult b-days, unless they're milestones.  The exception is the parents.  My side does token gifts - a candy bar, garden stick things picked out by the grandkids, or a joint gift if one of us has a brilliant idea for something.  Mom just got a new phone for Mother's day.  I wrote a check to my sister yesterday when I saw her - Mom's cell phone is part of my sister's plan.  Mom's worried about overages on the plan - I pointed out they have 3 teenagers and it's not likely that Mom is going to out overage the kids.  My BIL agreed firmly with me.   

My DH's family shows love via gifts and parties.  I roll with it but it's pretty much gotten down to gift cards for places we think they'd like.  At least it's easy.... 

[Wisconsin Beth]

May 26, 2014 16:58:11 GMT -5 quince said:

Consensus: We would all invite ava to our parties.

Yep. 

[milee]

May 27, 2014 7:36:11 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I think etiquette is/has changed and "no gifts please" on invites is not considered rude anymore-except probably in the south.

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[tloonya]

May 26, 2014 13:37:42 GMT -5 Ava said:

I was a little surprised when they asked me why I didn't bring a gift. I answered, thinking that would be that. But they kept going at it. Like I said; funny but kind of weird.
The point, in my view, is that we already are too materialistic and the biggest gift is being there and having a good time together. No $20 cologne needed.

How is it funny?
They had basically put you down in front of people calling you a cheapskate and a freeloader!
I wouldn't feel like laughing after such humiliation.
However I would never come empty handed or with desert only to a BDay where you know people are catering or cooking.
Coming without gift is ill mannered. If you don't want to spend on gift - decline an invitation 'due to a cheap nerve inflamation'.
And stay home, eat your desert and don't answer questions about why not without gift?
I am actually so surprised - I had never heard about anyone actually put cheap guest on the spot like that. 'Why no gift'? brilliant!

[zibazinski]

Absolutely.

[Tennesseer]

Instead of buying the ingredients for the dessert you made for the party, spend the money instead on a bottle of wine and a card.