thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 22, 2014 15:07:09 GMT -5
My kids have always been very easy and wonderful. I've always wondered how it would transition to rotten teenage years. And I think I'm seeing how this is going to go.
My daughter is very sly. If she doesn't want to do something (like clean her room) she just find sly ways to not do it. She used to just do it quickly and poorly, but now she just figures out a way to not do it and me not even realize it until an hour later when I peek in her room and it is a disaster. I started watching, and I notice that she does this with a lot of things. She pretty much does whatever she wants. Ack!
My son is at least a little more forward about it. He has started to hate everything and not wanting to do anything new. He doesn't want to go to any camps this summer. He complained when we went to the art museum and pouted when I told him we were going to the movies. He never wants to eat anything but pizza or tacos. He was always very adventurous and do whatever and eat whatever. Now he is just a poop.
So, it begins.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on May 22, 2014 15:09:09 GMT -5
My condolences.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 15:09:25 GMT -5
I was just thinking today daughter isn't going to be as easy as son...
Of course I can't remember what made me think that, so maybe my advancing age will actually help...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 15:12:32 GMT -5
it only lasts for a few years
your iq according to them dropped like a rock when they hit 10.....and stays near zero till around 22 or so
then it starts to climb again.....and they actually start listening again
actually they will listen now....but they wont heed anything you say
be firm....be a listener....be there when they need you
not much else you can do for a few years
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justme
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Post by justme on May 22, 2014 15:16:45 GMT -5
Batten down the hatches and join a wine club or two! You're in for a bumpy ride.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 22, 2014 15:25:20 GMT -5
My son is at least a little more forward about it. He has started to hate everything and not wanting to do anything new. He doesn't want to go to any camps this summer. He complained when we went to the art museum and pouted when I told him we were going to the movies. He never wants to eat anything but pizza or tacos. He was always very adventurous and do whatever and eat whatever. Now he is just a poop. So, it begins. My DS is like this. Unless it has to do with baseball. Then it's all good. He's 10. We have our first day since January where no one has to work or be at anything on this coming Sunday. My DS has announced that he is not in the mood, really, to do anything with us that involves going more than 2 miles from our house. I'm not taking it so well.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on May 22, 2014 15:29:23 GMT -5
DS went through this phase too. Didn't want to go places with us. Thought everything we wanted to do was stupid, etc. He's 16 now and has pretty much outgrown it.
We basically sat him down and told him we didn't care for his attitude and that we enjoyed doing things together as a family. We made a deal with him that we would try to work it so he would only have to spend half his weekend doing boring stuff with mom and dad. We also promised to give him advance warning whenever possible.
As in: - Your grandma's bday is in 2 weeks and we'll probably be doing something with her then. - We are going to take grandma out to dinner next sunday for her birthday - tomorrow we are taking grandma out for dinner - at 6pm we are picking grandma up to take her to dinner.
That way we have given him plenty of advanced warning thus eliminating his right to bitch and complain about the last minute plans we always make.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on May 22, 2014 15:52:34 GMT -5
Batten down the hatches and join a wine club or two! You're in for a bumpy ride. I have 15 and (almost) 13 year old stepsons. My liver will likely fail very soon. Or a vessel will burst in my brain and put me out of my misery more quickly - fingers crossed!
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on May 22, 2014 16:01:04 GMT -5
DW's aunt recommends burying them until they are 21. Then you can dig them up and see if they have matured enough that you want to deal with them. Me, I'd sell the shovel.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on May 22, 2014 16:03:12 GMT -5
I have two boys, 13 and 16, what you describe is perfectly normal. Your only wagering tool is now food. As in, let's go to grandmas and we will eat. Clean your room and you can eat....
Everything evolves around food. My 16 year old can be really talkative one minute, and a grumpy SOB the next, it's now the new normal. He also communicates with me often, but only makes grunting noises for my wife...
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on May 22, 2014 16:05:42 GMT -5
Batten down the hatches and join a wine club or two! You're in for a bumpy ride. I have 15 and (almost) 13 year old stepsons. My liver will likely fail very soon. Or a vessel will burst in my brain and put me out of my misery more quickly - fingers crossed! I honestly don't know how my mom survived through 4 of us without drinking. And MIL made it through 6!!! I am not nearly as saintly since the toddler years are already doing me in.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 16:05:47 GMT -5
It's bad enough when I tell her something and she acts like she knows it all already, but my fav are when she asks me a question... I answer... And then she acts like she knew it all already Then don't ask me...
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 22, 2014 16:51:27 GMT -5
You guys ARE saints.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on May 22, 2014 17:05:40 GMT -5
DH and I have already laid the groundwork for the teen years. If we don't like DD's "Fill in the blank" (Surly, know it all, angry, attitude) we will find a way to act totally silly and embarrass her in front of her friends. We've done it before so she has no doubt that we will do it
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steff
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Post by steff on May 22, 2014 17:12:37 GMT -5
Besides just using food to motivate (seriously, teen boys are like, literally going to starve to death if they don't eat ever 2 hours like a baby) is using freedom. Such as, if you suck it up & act nice for 2 hours at gramma's, you can turn into a vegetable playing video games with no hassles all day tomorrow. Or, if you take out the trash & empty the dishwasher, I won't bug you for the next 3-4 hours to do something else. Or the last resort, kiddo leaves his room to come upstairs & get a drink, I go to his room & take the game controllers, mouse & keyboard and tell him he can't have them back until he mows the yard.
I am really laid back tho & only had 1 kiddo. he had a lot of freedom to lock himself in his room & ignore everyone if he wanted. It meant it was nice & quiet in the rest of the house. I didn't force him to participate in everything. He had to hit the highlights/holidays. But a bbq, he could skip it. No one wants a whiny, grumpy, pouty teenager sitting on his phone in the corner the whole time anyway. There were days that I only saw him as he stomped thru to do the trash & get food. Then there were days he came out of his room for the whole day & interacted like a normal person with no teenaged dramatics. days that he would rather flop around having a fit over bringing in groceries & days when he'd volunteer to go to the store with me and we'd be goofy/silly & have fun. It's a total crap shoot and you just roll with it. I actually liked my kid more as a teenager than I did when he was under 10.
My hubby is more of a hard ass & would bitch up a storm over something like kiddo sleeping his weekend away. My attitude is so what. I remember being a teenager, staying up all night & sleeping all day. We know where he is. His friends were here last night, (you can see them scattered around his room sleeping all day too), so we know who he was with & what he was doing. so what's the problem? you're awake & he's not. and? I think me being so laid back balanced out hubby's hard ass routine.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on May 22, 2014 17:21:26 GMT -5
I love when I'm with my oldest somewhere and there is music playing and I'll start to discreetly try and dance like a total dork and I tell him I can't help but shake my booty and he begs me to "please stop, mom... mom... don't".. hahahaha!!!! (adds this to her list)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 18:04:33 GMT -5
My daughter is the oldest and when she hit her teenage years I was pretty sure aliens had kidnapped my kid and left me with an alien that just looked like her. All I wanted was for them to come get their alien brethren and give me my child back.
We were recently talking about a particularly memorable, hellacious period of time when she was 14 or 15. In my mind, that spell lasted for months. She said it was less than 2 weeks but she did really crazy stuff and got in serious trouble every. single. day. and maybe that's why it seemed like such a long time to me.
It was during that spell that she calmly told me during a random conversation that she didn't care about getting in trouble. By the time she got in trouble, she'd already done what she wanted to do. I was already at my wits end and had no idea how to deal with that kind of attitude.
Out of all the things I tried, what finally made her calm down was one day she'd done something else and I was frustrated and fresh out of ideas so I just told her to go in the living room and run in place while I got my nerves together. I have no idea where that came from, but making her do that got her attention more than any consequences or restrictions I'd been using. Oh, the drama that ensued while she was running. You would've thought she was dying. To this day, she'll say how she hated doing that so much that she decided to curb her behavior so she wouldn't have to do it again. It was all very strange, but whatever works.
Teenagers are something special. You have my sympathies.
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mamasita99
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Post by mamasita99 on May 22, 2014 18:17:36 GMT -5
I'm going through the same thing with my 14 (almost 15) year old DD. She really is killing me slowly. It's awesome to see her changing into a young woman, but damn, what a pain in the ass she can be! Unbelievable she's the same kid who used to be so happy and sweet. I hold onto the pleasant moments as they come, they get me through the rough times with her. That and beer.
I appreciate the advice from veteran parents, it gives me hope that I'll get my real daughter back one day!
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 22, 2014 18:56:04 GMT -5
What's the saying? "Teenagers remind parents why some animals eat their young."
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 22, 2014 18:58:39 GMT -5
Hee, hee, hee! Some of you are in for a really, really rude awakening! I adore teens. They're so off kilter they're hilarious if you can hold onto your wit while dealing with the little rascals!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 19:52:17 GMT -5
My former colleague had the daughter from heaven, or so we all thought. ALWAYS available for her mom, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS, even when she was in her 20s. She'd come home from college and blow off her friends so she could spend time with her mom.
Late 20s, she went for her PhD in Clinical Psychology, and had to go through analysis. She did not talk to her mother for 6 long years. The "angel child" left a gaping hole in her mom's heart, but the hardest part was that she went from one extreme to the other. She didn't even contact her mom when her mom was having cancer surgery.
This was all a long time ago (over 10 years) and her DD came out the other end and they are very close again. She has her own DD now, and my former colleague goes over regularly to see her DD and her GDD.
But I realized, watching that from the opposite desk, that I would rather my kids go through a hellish but "normal" adolescence ANYTIME than have to go through that.
One of my close friends always says that Gd knows what he was doing when he sends 17 or 18 YOs off to college, rather than 13 or 14YOs. LOL.
ETA: Like Mmm, I LOVE (older) teens. But now I only teach them, I don't have to live with them (except for DS3) LOL.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2014 20:06:45 GMT -5
I actually like teens too, I think 11-14 is the harder part, although I'm pretty lucky all around, minor angst, nothing big... To date anyway...
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on May 22, 2014 20:09:22 GMT -5
Very pesky teenager Mom cocks eyebrow, uses icy glare and says: you keep this up and this is not going to end well for you kid. Just ask your other 7 siblings. Teen: I don't have... Mom: think about that kid, think about that Mom walks away and cozies up with Auntie Merlot And so we dream on...
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Apple
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Post by Apple on May 22, 2014 21:28:52 GMT -5
My sister-in-law has an agreement with her teen daughter that if she doesn't do her chores, mom gets her cell phone. Well, one day it happened and DD had to leave her phone with mom all day. So, DD's friends started getting texts that said something along the lines of "you're the grooviest!", and whatever other cheesy sayings she could come up with. Her daughter was SO embarrassed, she hasn't skipped the chores since.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on May 22, 2014 21:33:46 GMT -5
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on May 22, 2014 21:34:08 GMT -5
Batten down the hatches and join a wine club or two! You're in for a bumpy ride. I have 15 and (almost) 13 year old stepsons. My liver will likely fail very soon. Or a vessel will burst in my brain and put me out of my misery more quickly - fingers crossed! This. Mine are 14 & 16 yo girls. Ugh! But it does get better. Just hang in there. I don't know about boys, but girls are interesting. My 16 yo is going to be senior & has started really thinking about her future. From 6th grade to 9th grade I prayed to God for the strength not to beat her. But now we are as best friends as we could be while me still being her mother. She has a good head on her shoulders. I am so proud of her. My 14 yo doesn't know what she wants to be yet, but she is a very good girl. The world is a better place because she is in it. I love them both very much, but there were some times where I wondered what in the heck I got myself into.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on May 22, 2014 21:45:11 GMT -5
My sister-in-law has an agreement with her teen daughter that if she doesn't do her chores, mom gets her cell phone. Well, one day it happened and DD had to leave her phone with mom all day. So, DD's friends started getting texts that said something along the lines of "you're the grooviest!", and whatever other cheesy sayings she could come up with. Her daughter was SO embarrassed, she hasn't skipped the chores since. This is so going into my arsenal! I worked with a lady once who had a couple of grown boys. I got so many ideas frome her! Like finding a bottle of tequila in his car & replacing it with vinegar. Crushing his glass pipe (you know what he smoked out of it) into dust & leaving it in the ash tray. There were so many things. I still talk to her. I refer back every now & then. Some of it was so classic!
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justme
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Post by justme on May 22, 2014 22:20:18 GMT -5
Take advantage of the embarrassment working in your favor while you can! I quickly started rolling my eyes and telling my friends "Like I can control what they do? It's best to ignore them." And, word to the wise, don't ever say "Oh, I have my ways of knowing when you're lying, I just chose not to let you know". I think I was a freshman or sophomore in college? I just laughed and said "well, what the hell do I care about you knowing if I didn't get into trouble" and walked away. You need to use your mysterious ways of finding out as long as you can!
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truthbound
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Post by truthbound on May 23, 2014 4:25:01 GMT -5
My dad had no problem handling teens. You will do what I say until you are 18 and gone or I will knock you out. We did what he said.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2014 6:14:59 GMT -5
From my friends who have two the same gender I think maybe that has its own issues... Mine squabble sometimes, but I've never had to break up hand to hand combat...
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