HoneyBBQ
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 27, 2010 10:36:09 GMT -5
Posts: 5,395
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Post by HoneyBBQ on May 20, 2014 15:38:48 GMT -5
Honey,
Re-read Later's post. She's spot on. I know. It's hard letting go of wanting to please your parents. And I'm non even Asian! (tiger mom)
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kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
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Post by kittensaver on May 20, 2014 15:42:44 GMT -5
Howzabout you do it for her? As in: when a new box arrives, take photos with captions and send them to her. "This went to the women's shelter for a family who needed warm clothes." "This went to the homeless center for their silent auction." "This went to the gift boutique for the pre-school." Etc. Etc. Etc. Hey! - hire your professional organizer to do this with every box she sends! LOL. I like it. Well if she's not gonna stop/she will continue no matter what you say or do: ya might as well make sure her "stuff" gets put to good use and benefits others Particularly since she has given you permission to donate the stuff.
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midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,720
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Post by midjd on May 20, 2014 16:56:59 GMT -5
LOL. I know. This is what I struggle with. This idea that I can still have a normal relationship with my mother and one where I just forget I have one. I want my DD to have a family of more than just H and I. Sucks. Eh, family doesn't have to be related. Spend the energy that you are currently using for your mother and her stuff to cultivate relationships with people you want to have in your life who can be 'family'. I agree. Family by blood is overrated. You don't have to look any farther then Apple's thread for proof.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,912
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Post by zibazinski on May 20, 2014 17:18:06 GMT -5
I get that you want a normal Mom and a normal Mother and daughter relationship. If you've been a member for awhile, you have seen a lot of posters never had this. You have to get past this orbit will ruin your life. You can't fix people, just your reaction to them
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kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
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Post by kittensaver on May 20, 2014 17:32:07 GMT -5
Eh, family doesn't have to be related. Spend the energy that you are currently using for your mother and her stuff to cultivate relationships with people you want to have in your life who can be 'family'. I agree. Family by blood is overrated. You don't have to look any farther then Apple's thread for proof. I agree also! It takes time, effort and energy, but it IS possible to build a "family" of like-minded people around you. Some possible places to look: church/temple/religious affiliation; the Y; boy scouts/girl scouts; mommy and me classes; pre-school; grade school (become the Room Mom or join the PTA); local community groups (sailing club, bowling league, community garden, local theatre group, t-ball/baseball/soccer etc etc). My brother and his wife moved across the country when my nieces were very small, and I admired the way they worked to "build their family network." The oldest girl just got engaged last weekend and their "family" of friends were commenting on FB about how wonderful it was to watch her grow "from diapers to diamonds." THAT is family! ETA: we (DH and I) know several couples (college friends) that weren't all *that* thrilled about joining churches or community groups, but they did it for the sake of their kids - and in the end every single one has said it was worth it (even though most of them dropped out of school leadership/the Y/the church after the kids had gone off to college). ETA #2: we even know one couple that has "popped back in" to their community circle for the sake of their grandchild.
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 9, 2024 14:33:33 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2014 21:26:37 GMT -5
Honey, i hope this doesn't sound mean but what is you tell her you don't want used stuff. She can still send you things but instead if spending $50 on several used things and junk she can spend it on one quality item and send it to you. Do you think she'd be willing to do that?
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