Some people are really awful people

[zibazinski]

   Like the dog and pony show? It's crossed my mind.

[zibazinski]

But I am counting on you ALL to help me maintain some semblance of class and grace under bad circumstances. Because I'm going to need to vent.

[Deleted]

Not being able to lord it over you because you don't even wanting to go is going to annoy princess, isn't it?

[zibazinski]

Don't know. She's not a very nice person and you'd think the fiancé would run like hell but the money he THINKS she is going to inherit is a nice draw. Ugh. 

[Deleted]

They sound like they deserve each other. 

[CarolinaKat]

May 15, 2014 9:07:12 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Don't know. She's not a very nice person and you'd think the fiancé would run like hell but the money he THINKS she is going to inherit is a nice draw. Ugh. 

This makes me nosy as to how things are structured in the will...

[Tennesseer]

May 15, 2014 8:16:16 GMT -5 achelois said:

There is a lot of hatred and contempt directed against women by men in this country on some websites and news sites depending on the articles: for example, the pay gap, single mothers, child support, etc. 

Some, most, are absolutely venomous and reading them turns my stomach. The fact that there are so many makes me wonder if there are ANY decent men in this country or  in the world.  Maybe some few, but doubtless a minority.  Of course, then there are the rapes which seem very widespread and the kidnappings and the murders...

Yes, I try not to read them too much, but it is sometimes almost unavoidable. 

Most men (and women) are more than decent to the opposite gender.  Only 'If it bleeds, it leads' news makes the front page.  Do not let the jerks color your opinion.

[zibazinski]

Will is structured by DF at least that his former stepkids get each a third, thanks to me because it was unequal before and I put my foot down about that, and Princesses kids, if she has any at the time of his death, get the other third. If she has no issue, then it's divided among his former stepchildren. But she will inherit millions from her mom and a home up north so she isn't destitute!

[Deleted]

You know what's funny? This thread is an opposite Godwin's thread -- we started out with Nazis and ended up talking about our lives. 

[zibazinski]

That always tickles me. A home up north. The next stop from here is Canada so why do you want a home up north? We ARE up north!

[zibazinski]

I went to a talk yesterday in a Congregational church by a rabbi! He talked about Moses and was able to bring his journey into a persons journey through life. Fascinating but spot on. What a dynamic speaker. How's that for off topic?  <img text="" alt=" " src="http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png">

[NancysSummerSip]

May 15, 2014 8:20:01 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

But there are also women who hate all men with a passion as well. Just their voices are unheard because they are powerless which makes them even more angry. I am TRYING to keep in mind that hate only hurts the hater. I may need everyone's help in this because DFs precious wants a LOT of money from him for her wedding next year after treating him like shit for the past four. Please help me have the strength to just keep my mouth shut and walk out of the room. Btw, she informed her father I'M not to come with him. I seriously didnt know weddings for normal people could cost over 50k. To me, that's obscene.

It's worse than obscene, frankly. Especially given that DD treats her dad like a well-used doormat. But it takes two here. He has to say, "Sorry, First National Bank of Daddy will not be handing over that amount." No excuses or explanations from him are needed.

And while I understand this situation bothers you, you need to just walk away from it. Unless you and your DF decide to go to the wedding together. I can see both sides of this: it's her wedding, and she can invite whomever she wants, assuming she's paying for it. IF DF does kick in the money, all bets are off. He can, and should, be accompanied by you. Or tell his DD that he won't be attending.

[zibazinski]

I don't want to do that to him. I want him to go. It's his only child and he loves her. He doesn't like her very much but he still loves her. I understand she wants her perfect day and her perfect fantasy. It's one day. He says if he goes without me, it sets the stage for the relationship for the rest of their lives. I get it and he's RIGHT but I don't want to be the cause of this. I know SHE'S the cause of all the problems but he created her to be this way so he needs to deal with it. You can't stop treating a princess like a princess and not expect flack back.

[Deleted]

I can totally see your point. Even though the situation sucks. 

[NancysSummerSip]

May 15, 2014 9:35:16 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I don't want to do that to him. I want him to go. It's his only child and he loves her. He doesn't like her very much but he still loves her. I understand she wants her perfect day and her perfect fantasy. It's one day. He says if he goes without me, it sets the stage for the relationship for the rest of their lives. I get it and he's RIGHT but I don't want to be the cause of this. I know SHE'S the cause of all the problems but he created her to be this way so he needs to deal with it. You can't stop treating a princess like a princess and not expect flack back.

I get that, and I'd be fine with it, if she was paying. She'd still be wrong and very stupid, because like it or not, you are in the picture, presumably to stay. He can stop treating her like a princess, accept the flak and let time pass, though that's the painful way to do it. And you are right; what happens with this situation will set the stage for good. She bullies him on this, and he accepts it, then there's no stopping the demands. Fifty grand for a wedding...next she'll be looking for a house down payment, or maybe he should fund her honeymoon.

Just curious...if her mother has money, why didn't DD just go to mom and whine at her for the cash?

[busymom]

I'm thinking too that she will use her future children as blackmail fodder. You want to see the grandkids? Then pony up some more money. That's why I think he needs to stop it now. However, I get where you're coming from. But trust me, it won't stop at the wedding. She's going to be using him for years, if he lets her get away with it.

I agree with Nancy. Why doesn't she hit up Mommy for money, if her Mom is doing so well?

[Deleted]

I think zib is right to remove herself when it comes to DF and his DD's "realtionship".


It's got to be difficult to try and have a normal relationship with someone while the giant Swavorski crystal-blinged out white elephant is always hanging over their heads.


I think zib is trying to do the best she can without overstepping bounds, so I am not going to ask any more questions about the DD.


ETA: but we are always here if she needs to vent. It's kind of what we "do". 

[NancysSummerSip]

May 15, 2014 10:18:31 GMT -5 busymom said:

I'm thinking too that she will use her future children as blackmail fodder. You want to see the grandkids? Then pony up some more money. That's why I think he needs to stop it now. However, I get where you're coming from. But trust me, it won't stop at the wedding. She's going to be using him for years, if he lets her get away with it.

I agree with Nancy. Why doesn't she hit up Mommy for money, if her Mom is doing so well?

Exactly. Kids need clothes, Dad. Kids need shoes, Dad. I wanna send the babies to daycare/private school/camp. Oh, and you want to see them, there's an admission fee.
My brother's XW tried that crap on my mother, telling her she could not see her grandchild unless she paid (my brother was already paying his XW an obscene amount in alimony and child support). My mother let her know in no uncertain terms that we call that extortion and she'd be going to civil court for it.

[busymom]

Venting is what we do best!   Vent away.

Nancy, some states are better than others when it comes to "Grandparent's Rights".  Good for your Mom for telling her to suck on it! 

[zibazinski]

Princesses mommy tells everyone she's starving. The starving mommy spent January in Bonaire wind surfing. The ENTIRE month. Right now she is in NC having a nice time. I don't begrudge it, if I had her money and no DF, my butt would NOT be here and I told him so!!  She won't part with a dime because she doesn't have to. She's the mother of the bride no matter what. Princess won't have her big day without mommy being there but daddy needs to pay to play. I'm going to let DF handle this as much as I can.

[NancysSummerSip]

May 15, 2014 13:23:23 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Princesses mommy tells everyone she's starving. The starving mommy spent January in Bonaire wind surfing. The ENTIRE month. Right now she is in NC having a nice time. I don't begrudge it, if I had her money and no DF, my butt would NOT be here and I told him so!!  She won't part with a dime because she doesn't have to. She's the mother of the bride no matter what. Princess won't have her big day without mommy being there but daddy needs to pay to play. I'm going to let DF handle this as much as I can.

I hope princess bride ends up with butt warts and toenail fungus, as Miss Rigby used to say.

[zibazinski]

[Deleted]

May 15, 2014 8:16:16 GMT -5 achelois said:

There is a lot of hatred and contempt directed against women by men in this country on some websites and news sites depending on the articles: for example, the pay gap, single mothers, child support, etc. 

Some, most, are absolutely venomous and reading them turns my stomach. The fact that there are so many makes me wonder if there are ANY decent men in this country or  in the world.  Maybe some few, but doubtless a minority.  Of course, then there are the rapes which seem very widespread and the kidnappings and the murders...

Yes, I try not to read them too much, but it is sometimes almost unavoidable. 

There are some decent men.  My husband is one as are a few male friends of mine.  I have seen them stand up to other men and try to get the massage across.  My husband came with me to DC for the unitedwomen.org protest.  We need to ask these men to step up.  The average college age rapist (uncaught) has raped about 6 times.  But most men don't get educated.  Once they do, they will stand up. 

[zibazinski]

Well, funny enough, Princess has stopped calling. I don't know what DF said but the calls have stopped. But tonight we were at a fund raiser and a friend of his ex was there and very pointedly ignored him. Wanted to make sure he knew she was ignoring him. I felt so sorry for her husband who had to be mortified by her behavior. But so typical that this is the kind of person his ex would be friends with. Classless and manner less. As we were leaving I felt so sorry for DF and he said she acted as shitty as his dd did. So it seems he has made his decision.

[tallguy]

Well, funny enough, Princess has stopped calling. I don't know what DF said but the calls have stopped....  So it seems he has made his decision.

I HOPE it is because he finally stood up and said something.  She would be in utter shock at how quickly and completely she would be out of luck if I were in his position.  And honestly, if I were in yours I could not respect anyone who would acquiesce to such BS.  I'd be out. 

[zibazinski]

My mom always said that if DF and I broke up, it'd be over his relationship with his Princess, and she's right. I told him that, too. He won't lose me over her, thank GOD, but I also don't want to make him choose. If she'd have half a brain, she could have ended us years ago but because she played her bitch mode, she lost. Funny aside. I won the raffle of the event we were at last night. Because we left early, we weren't there when my name was called but DF says he'd have given anything to have seen the look on the classless ones face when MY name was called as the winner!!

[Deleted]

I think he should cut her off, but I'm not sure the wedding is the time to do it completely. I agree if he wants you there and he's paying anythng, he decides, not princess. But he's been culpable in this too... He's used the money=love equation for a long time. She needs to be taught it doesn't, and he needs to admit his culpability in leading her to believe that... But given to her $=love! pulling completely from such a big thing as the wedding might cause a permanent break...

[zibazinski]

I totally agree. He created this monster.

[zibazinski]

Guess she stopped calling because her half sister shamed her about asking for money when DF has been ill. Probably didnt say anything about the nerve of asking for money when she's been such a brat for four years. But it'll start again, especially when she hears about our trip.

[mmhmm]

May 18, 2014 9:24:24 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I totally agree. He created this monster.

Yep.  That's why it's his job to un-create it.  You don't do that by continuing the creation process.  You do that by stopping that which enabled the creation and letting the creation know exactly what you're doing, and why.  It's the only way.  Otherwise, the misery continues ... and continues ... and continues.

The attitude he received from the ex's friend suggests he may have done this.  I certainly hope so for everyone's sake.