some people can't handle working

[Deleted]

My cousin is in her 40s and doesn't last at a job very long. Things come up that she wants to do, so she quits. Her last job was 20 hours a week (day time) but they weren't hours she wanted. She wanted to pick her own hours . . . so she quit.

She has a bachelor's degree in teaching. She is single with three teenagers. She does not have a pot to piss in. She lives in her parent's house. I have no idea where she gets money for gas, clothes, food, concerts, trips, etc.

What is it? Responsibility? Lazy? Crazy? What will her kids be like?

[Deleted]

Well, I'm lazy but I like having my own place and I like to eat so I work anyway. For 13 years my work hours sucked and I worked every weekend and most holidays (still work weekends and most holidays), and I didn't quit working.

I don't know why your cousin is like she is. Maybe her parents have made it too easy and comfortable for her. It is irresponsible imo to have children and raise them in your parents' house just because you don't really want to work.

[cronewitch]

She isn't hungry enough to work. Some people just can't work for various reasons and need assistance but she has been given too much. Her parents give her a free place to live and probably child support for the three kids from the dads so why should she work?

I knew a lady who got an annuity of almost enough to live on it killed any motivation to do any work she didn't love. She liking gardening so did my flowerbeds and later took a job in a nursery at the community college but working just was a hobby.

My nephew's wife is going to have to quit her job soon and never work again. She is a mental mess, abused as a child, hates to be around people, can't attend meetings at work. She is depressed and now crying everyday before and after work. He is going to roll her 403B into a IRA then start withdrawing and paying the penalties since he can't support them. She is morbidly obese and has heart problems besides the mental problems. She had gastric bypass and gained all the weight back.

[NoNamePerson]

Apr 29, 2014 20:55:50 GMT -5 @tbird said:

I can't handle working. ...

Can I quit?

Sure you can. Just check balance in checking account like I did       I developed a severe case of anal glaucoma!!

[haapai]

One of my grandmothers had this condition, my mom had a touch of it too.  Luckily, both of them married very well and only had to spend brief, miserable spells in the workplace. 

When I was growing up in the 70s, I listened in on a lot of discussions regarding the monetary gains of "wives" working and assumed that they were telling the truth about how little could be gained from it.  This was in an era of much more progressive taxation and some pretty lousy pink-collar wages.  Cars were also part of the financial and logistical mix.  The cost of owning two good cars or two decent cars and a spare was quite a bit more than owning a good car and an old car. 

Maybe their arguments made financial sense at the time, but I always suspected that a bigger part of their resistance to paid labor was that they both loathed working with and for other women. 

[Tiny]

Apr 29, 2014 17:50:54 GMT -5 @bluester said:

My cousin is in her 40s and doesn't last at a job very long. Things come up that she wants to do, so she quits. Her last job was 20 hours a week (day time) but they weren't hours she wanted. She wanted to pick her own hours . . . so she quit.

She has a bachelor's degree in teaching. She is single with three teenagers. She does not have a pot to piss in. She lives in her parent's house. I have no idea where she gets money for gas, clothes, food, concerts, trips, etc.

What is it? Responsibility? Lazy? Crazy? What will her kids be like?

I don't know... I suspect she's happy with her situation - that it's not all that bad. Her time is her own and she's got shelter/food/entertainment.    I don't think she's Lazy or Crazy after all she's probably got to deal with some sort of something to maintain her circumstances. There is no 'free lunch'.   I think whatever she's doing to maintain her living arrangements is agreeable to her (worth the effort).    

Sometimes I'm a bit a jealous of someone who can deal with the 'emotional/mental' payment that she's making to have a nice comfortable life with plenty of time to do the things you want to do. I don't have enough 'emotional/mental' currency to 'buy' something like that.

[Sunnyday]

Deep down in my core, I don't think I was made for work.

I think that something was broken in us as children as none of my siblings work.

I'm the only one who has ever worked, but even though I know that the standard workplace is not for me, I so don't want to confirm my family's curse or pattern that I force myself to do it every day.

I also have this neighbor who I don't get.

She use to have a good-paying government job.

Then, I know she want on some sort of sick leave, and then she did personal leave. I know she was getting some kind of disability for a while, but that stopped.

Shr hadn't worked in the four years I've known her. Shr also just bought a new car, and travels. She's divorced, and because they have joint custody, I don't think she gets anything.

So she only has her kids half of the time, doesn't work, but she's always saying that things are hectic! I kind of find that bullshitty to say.

But I don't know if my opinion is worth much. Because according to some i must have a low threshold for work because I only have a full time work and two young children and don't have any time or energy for anything else.

BUT according to YM, I should also be able to juggle full time studies and maybe another part-time job!! And do it all perfectly!!! [insert eyeroll]

I feel like auch a failure I can barely keep up with posting on YM!

[Deleted]

Apr 29, 2014 17:50:54 GMT -5 @bluester said:

My cousin is in her 40s and doesn't last at a job very long. Things come up that she wants to do, so she quits. Her last job was 20 hours a week (day time) but they weren't hours she wanted. She wanted to pick her own hours . . . so she quit.

She has a bachelor's degree in teaching. She is single with three teenagers. She does not have a pot to piss in. She lives in her parent's house. I have no idea where she gets money for gas, clothes, food, concerts, trips, etc.

What is it? Responsibility? Lazy? Crazy? What will her kids be like?

Family business: For weeks, a woman begs for a job. On FB, on the phone and in person. "Has no money, can't afford rent, no food etc."
She is given the only position open, working nights and weekends, almost full time.
One week later she approaches the manager and states that if she is not taken off of nights and weekends, she will quit.
Manager wished her well and sent her on her way.

[haapai]

She may be in for a rude shock when and if her children become independent. 

If I had to guess, I'd suspect that she's currently surviving because she is a mother.  Child support payments or transfers may be financing her severe underemployment and her parents may be providing shelter for their grandchildren.  If the kids attain the wherewithal to live independently, or if the grandparents get fed up or tapped out, she may be in a bad spot. 

She may move on to providing "caregiving" to her parents. 

God help the kids if she's cutting the legs off from underneath them.  Some people make sure that their kids can never, ever leave them. 

[Deleted]

Apr 30, 2014 8:13:59 GMT -5 haapai said:

She may be in for a rude shock when and if her children become independent. 

If I had to guess, I'd suspect that she's currently surviving because she is a mother.  Child support payments or transfers may be financing her severe underemployment and her parents may be providing shelter for their grandchildren.  If the kids attain the wherewithal to live independently, or if the grandparents get fed up or tapped out, she may be in a bad spot. 

She may move on to providing "caregiving" to her parents. 

God help the kids if she's cutting the legs off from underneath them.  Some people make sure that their kids can never, ever leave them. 

My mother did this to my younger brother. She was divorced and lonely, so she kept him near her for company by providing for him.
Now she is gone and he has no legs.

[Deleted]

Excepting people that are born rich, these people settle for a lot less than what I want to have. I'm too greedy not to work.

[Deleted]

Apr 30, 2014 7:45:22 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

Deep down in my core, I don't think I was made for work.

I think that something was broken in us as children as none of my siblings work.

I'm the only one who has ever worked, but even though I know that the standard workplace is not for me, I so don't want to confirm my family's curse or pattern that I force myself to do it every day.

I also have this neighbor who I don't get.

She use to have a good-paying government job.

Then, I know she want on some sort of sick leave, and then she did personal leave. I know she was getting some kind of disability for a while, but that stopped.

Shr hadn't worked in the four years I've known her. Shr also just bought a new car, and travels. She's divorced, and because they have joint custody, I don't think she gets anything.

So she only has her kids half of the time, doesn't work, but she's always saying that things are hectic! I kind of find that bullshitty to say.

But I don't know if my opinion is worth much. Because according to some i must have a low threshold for work because I only have a full time work and two young children and don't have any time or energy for anything else.

BUT according to YM, I should also be able to juggle full time studies and maybe another part-time job!! And do it all perfectly!!! [insert eyeroll]

I feel like auch a failure I can barely keep up with posting on YM!

Meh, I wouldn't let what a bunch of people who live on the internet think affect me either way. 


I do know that DH's BFF's wife hasn't worked since she got married (the summer after she earned her Masters). Her kids are in Middle School now and she does a lot of volunteering for the school; so that seems to keep her busy. Maybe your neighbor is the same way? 

[ginpin]

 Perhaps the cousin is depressed?  It could seem like she is just being lazy or entitled.  My mom is the same way.

 

[movingforward]

I don't know - she sounds like a spoiled brat to me... why is she not teaching?  I know someone who is continuously broke because he "just can't do the 9-5 thing" .  Some people have absolutely no motivation to do anything.  It is hard for me to understand because I have always been motivated to work and set goals for myself.  Don't get me wrong, I don't live to work but sitting around doing nothing all day is not my cup of tea.  I enjoy both my work and my personal time.  Also wanting/needing food, clothing, shelter, nice vacations, healthcare, etc. is enough to get my butt to work everyday.  I also NEVER want to be depend upon someone else to take care of me.  I take care of me!  Some people seem to be just fine living off other people though.  It is something I will never understand. 

[Deleted]

Even if you "just can't do the 9-5 thing", you figure out something else to support yourself. You figure out how your talents can make you some money, or learn a skill where you can make your own work schedule. People have "hustles" instead of traditional jobs and make enough money to support themselves without doing anything illegal or immoral.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Personally, I don't want to work.  But being a SAHM is not for me.  I was home yesterday with a sick kid and boy was I glad to be back to work today.  DH is home with her.    Now, being home without kids would be nice, at least for a bit.  But I have a spouse and 2 kids for whom I provide insurance.  Plus we like not having to scrimp. 

[haapai]

Apr 30, 2014 9:54:18 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Some people seem to be just fine living off other people though. It is something I will never understand.

I think for my mother and her mother, dependence on another person was pretty much part of being a woman.  When I look back into the world in which I was raised, (I'm speaking of the world outside the home here) it's absolutely shocking to me how much of growing up had to do with getting used to this idea and choosing your meal tickets well.  I was a bookish kid, and most of the books that I read were written before WWII, so I was a bit out of my time, but seriously, have you read much of that stuff recently? 

It's possible that the only thing that broke the spell for me was my grandfather's early death.  Seeing my grandmother's rocky return to the workplace while her own child was still an infant had an effect on my mother.  She had an awful lot to say about the virtues of independence and being able to carry your own weight when I was a kid, even if she wasn't all that great at showing me how it was done. 

[sheilaincali]

My older brother is like this. The Hippie (Not to be confused with the Idiot). He suffers from shiny object syndrome (TM pending) and can't stay focused on anything.  He got married right before their senior year of college.

Right after graduation they got jobs working for an Indian Reservation in South Dakota.  Technically they hired my SIL and let my brother be a substitute teacher part time on the Reservation.  That lasted about a year until he literally pissed off the tribal elders and they politely escorted them off the land. They told my SIL that they'd be happy to keep her but my brother had to go. So she quit too.

They moved back to MN and worked for some non profit environmental outfit for a couple of years until their positions were eliminated.

Her grandma died so they inherited a big house in the metro and a healthy chuck of cash.

She went to Vet school full time and he played around at getting his masters and worked part time at an organic grocery store.

Some idiot convinced him that he didn't really "need" his masters if he was going to get his doctorate too. So he finished the course work but never did the thesis so he has no masters degree. He went straight to his PhD program without applying for any grants or funding.  So the entire thing was out of pocket.  He is "supposed" to be getting his doctorate in Conservation Biology soon. He defended his dissertation a couple of weeks ago (after running out of over two years worth of extensions)

He occasionally teaches as an adjunct- usually one or two classes a semester. He has never taught two consecutive years at the same school. He has no plan for post doctorate employment.  Meanwhile they have 3 kids and my SIL works full time as a Vet.  

DBro is 43 and has never in his life held a full time job.  My parents give him a $600 a month stipend.  They have had to float him money to pay his mortgage, repairs when he decided to shut off his sump pump during rainy season, pay for the kids' camps and activities, etc.  I figure his 15 year old will have a full time job before my brother will    

[NancysSummerSip]

I've got an uncle who seems to be allergic to work. Does not suffer from an allergy to spending money, as long as he doesn't have to earn any of it by legitimate means. His favorite way to make money is to sue people and companies for all kinds of imagined accidents and slights. He's actually done pretty well with it (and his wife worked full-time until she retired, which helped).

Of course, his three kids are total losers - gee whiz golly gosh oh my, cannot imagine why that happened.

[The Captain]

In a way I'm kinda serious when I ask this, but I have to wonder sometimes if there may be a genetic component to it?

My mom's first husband was something of a trust fund baby.  Their marriage didn't last but her son (my brother) from that marriage has been pretty honest about resenting having to work for a living.  He's filed for BK twice despite making a great living because his tastes are way beyond his considerable means.  Which, considering the job he has, and the lifestyle it affords him, I have to admit to finding absolutely hilarious!  (A lot of his clients are trust fund babies themselves so I can see where he get's a skewed view of reality).

My sister and I from Mom's second marriage take more after our father (strong work ethic).  We are both savers and believe in providing our employer with a good bang for the buck.

We were all raised in the same environment, so who knows?

[Deleted]

"some people can't handle working"

I work with some of them. They should stay home.

[haapai]

Didn't your half-bro have contact with his dad's milieu that you didn't? 

[The Captain]

Apr 30, 2014 12:32:39 GMT -5 haapai said:

Didn't your half-bro have contact with his dad's milieu that you didn't? 

My brother got back in contact with his bio dad when my brother was in his upper 20's or so.  By then any of the family trust was already gone and his father also had to work for a living (partially also because his father needed to support two grandchildren that my brother's younger half brother could not be bothered to support).

If by milieu (not familiar with that term, I had to look it up) you mean a bit of an upper crust society? - remember my brother's bio dad had nothing to do with him from the time he was a 5yo until my brother sought him out as an adult.  I hardly think that exposure at that point in my brother's life impacted his sense of "entitlement".  Even with everything I've said, based solely on conversations I've had with my brother, his dad was not very successful at earning a living as my brother is/was.

I could be wrong, it happens at least two or three times a day...

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I do think some of it may be how you are wired, but I don't know if it is directly related to your parents.

I'm extremely hardworking and pretty thrifty. I took my parents drumming into me that you do what you have to to support yourself/family to heart. Plus as much as I love my parents I'd rather chew glass than live with them again so that's a pretty good motivator to stay employed.

My brother on the other hand is exactly how Almost40 describes. He also "doesn't like to be told what to do" which pretty much eliminates every job on the planet. There is always a reason why he can't take a job or has to quit a job. He's perfectly content coasting on a part time job and living off of others.

And I get not everyone is cut out for traditional 4 year college. But he's now 24 and hasn't done ANYTHING since he graduated from high school.  IMO the notion that he gets to be picky about what he does for a living boggles my mind.

[Deleted]

Apr 30, 2014 12:43:38 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

My brother on the other hand is exactly how Almost40 describes. He also "doesn't like to be told what to do" which pretty much eliminates every job on the planet. There is always a reason why he can't take a job or has to quit a job. He's perfectly content coasting on a part time job and living off of others.

That is how my brother is.    Luckily he has a lifestyle that is in line with not making much money. 

[Deleted]

I can't even imagine having my parents subsidizing my life. Especially in my 30's and/or after having kids!

Part of being a "grown up" is taking care of your life yourself (the other part is doing stuff you don't want to do because of part one). 

[Phoenix84]

Well, some people can't handle working because of some mental health or addiction issue.  Though it sounds like your cousin is just lazy, with a sense of self entitlement.  She's certainly not setting a good example for her kids.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I think your mentality has a lot to do with it. My brother is very much a victim, everything happens TO him and he's powerless to control anything. It's all his boss' fault he quit. It's the fact pot isn't legal that kept him from getting that job after he tested positive for drugs.

Didn't go over too well when I said maybe you should just not smoke pot? That blow-up highlighted the fact the I am wired totally differently from my brother.

In the OP she wouldn't have had to quit if the boss had just given her the hours she wanted. Probably didn't occur to her to look for another job she'd be happier in or make peace with the hours she already had.

[HoneyBBQ]

Apr 30, 2014 7:45:22 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

So she only has her kids half of the time, doesn't work, but she's always saying that things are hectic! I kind of find that bullshitty to say.

My mother has been retired for 20 years and she STILL says things like this to me. "I could BARELY finish the laundry today I was SOOOO busy!!!"

I want to reach through the phone and throttle her senseless.

I guess it's all perspective.

[achelois]

Apr 30, 2014 13:47:57 GMT -5 HoneyBBQ said:

Apr 30, 2014 7:45:22 GMT -5 Sunnyday said:

So she only has her kids half of the time, doesn't work, but she's always saying that things are hectic! I kind of find that bullshitty to say.

My mother has been retired for 20 years and she STILL says things like this to me. "I could BARELY finish the laundry today I was SOOOO busy!!!"

I want to reach through the phone and throttle her senseless.

I guess it's all perspective.

I may do this to my kids!  Your mom is delightfully "evil"! 

I cannot handle work any more and the  end of June cannot come quickly enough.