wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 28, 2014 15:07:54 GMT -5
FWIW, I know full well CSI is a fantasy and it's not nearly so simple or quick. But I also know that this guy was released for around 6 months before he did the first attack (that we know of.) IMHO, that's plenty of time to get a DNA sample into a database.
And if it were possible, I'd gladly volunteer my operations redesign expertise to address that issue. I've had experience redesigning processes, bringing technological solutions and reorganizing systems to solve far more complicated issues than that one and would do this project free of charge. But you and I both know the government toadies in charge of those fiefdoms will never admit a problem much less allow an outsider to look at how things are working.
If we turned down Amazon and Steve Jobs they'll think nothing of turning you down. Steve Jobs offered my group predictive modeling software for free if it didn't work. Obama said no repeatedly. Amazon offered to build the marketplaces and were turned down. My group's databases are running by a revolving door of contractors each batch less experienced and knowledgeable than the last. The running joke is we put the original healthcare.gov contractor in charge of our network. I'm curious to see what direction DOJ takes under a new AG. I hope its a welcome change and not more of the same old.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 28, 2014 15:09:57 GMT -5
tloonya, this thread is NOT about you. You said you're "outta here". I think that's an excellent idea and I'll expect you to follow through with it.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 28, 2014 15:33:46 GMT -5
FWIW, I know full well CSI is a fantasy and it's not nearly so simple or quick. But I also know that this guy was released for around 6 months before he did the first attack (that we know of.) IMHO, that's plenty of time to get a DNA sample into a database.
And if it were possible, I'd gladly volunteer my operations redesign expertise to address that issue. I've had experience redesigning processes, bringing technological solutions and reorganizing systems to solve far more complicated issues than that one and would do this project free of charge. But you and I both know the government toadies in charge of those fiefdoms will never admit a problem much less allow an outsider to look at how things are working.
If we turned down Amazon and Steve Jobs they'll think nothing of turning you down. Steve Jobs offered my group predictive modeling software for free if it didn't work. Obama said no repeatedly. Amazon offered to build the marketplaces and were turned down. My group's databases are running by a revolving door of contractors each batch less experienced and knowledgeable than the last. The running joke is we put the original healthcare.gov contractor in charge of our network. I'm curious to see what direction DOJ takes under a new AG. I hope its a welcome change and not more of the same old. Having done some work for various government agencies in the past, I reserve judgment on the healthcare.gov contractors until I know more about what the contracts said. In my experience, not only were most government agencies incapable of performing or overseeing the work, but most didn't have the brainpower or level of people needed to even draw up a decent contract to get others to do the work. It was horrible. Can't tell you how many times we replied to a request for proposal with phrases like this, "We would be happy to do the work you're requesting. It will take this long and cost this much. However, you are trying to solve problem Z and the work you're asking for will not solve problem Z. If you'd like to solve problem Z, you need to do work Q. So let's talk about how to structure your project so you get work Q, which will solve problem Z." The reply was always a blank stare or a shrug and return to the original proposal. Cut forward to six months later when we did the project they requested and insisted on - but that didn't actually solve the problem - and they were irate that it didn't solve the problem.
My guess is that there was a lot of that going on with the healthcare.gov implementation. It had been awarded with some of it piecemeal and without strong oversight and a tech expert to make sure they were even asking the various contractors to do relevant work, it was bound to be a disaster. Seen it before.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 28, 2014 15:35:39 GMT -5
I'm really sorry, milee, for your friends, and for you. The progression of dementia is certainly no picnic for anyone concerned. It's a difficult road. My fiercely independent mother is also travelling that road and it hurts her and, through her, it hurts me. Thankfully, I'm able to provide her care but I know it shames her for me to have to do some of the things I have to do for her. We talk about it, but ... she forgets. All we can do, really, is love them and offer them what we have to give. You're certainly doing that. Constanz, I'm sorry for your situation, as well. I truly hope your future is bright and these things can be controlled. I'll have all of you in my thoughts. I do understand. Your mom is lucky to have you to take care of her. I'm sure she appreciates it.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2014 15:38:59 GMT -5
And then there were issues like the third application I started had to be scrapped because the SS happened to update their software that week and was suddenly incompatible and crashed the whole thing again... Its such a huge undertaking requiring so many different factions of government and the private sector...
I know that in working in the capacity to oust government fraud my father has some aggravating stories about how higher ups just could not conceptualize how the fraud was taking place in many instances... ie. why it was fraudulent behavior. (Or maybe they were just pretending to be ignorant...?)
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 28, 2014 15:43:24 GMT -5
Very sorry Milee.
My mom has dementia. At her facility of Easter I sat and talked to a former judge, a former attorney, several former teachers. There was a lovely woman who sat and chatted with me but didn't realize the man sitting next to her was her husband (they had four kids together) - she thought he was her doctor.
It's so terrible to see these very intelligent, very self suffecient people reduced to to the point they don't know where they are or what time of the day it is - even what month it is. You're right, we really don't have control of our lives the way we think we do.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 28, 2014 15:48:42 GMT -5
I'm really sorry, milee, for your friends, and for you. The progression of dementia is certainly no picnic for anyone concerned. It's a difficult road. My fiercely independent mother is also travelling that road and it hurts her and, through her, it hurts me. Thankfully, I'm able to provide her care but I know it shames her for me to have to do some of the things I have to do for her. We talk about it, but ... she forgets. All we can do, really, is love them and offer them what we have to give. You're certainly doing that. Constanz, I'm sorry for your situation, as well. I truly hope your future is bright and these things can be controlled. I'll have all of you in my thoughts. I do understand. Your mom is lucky to have you to take care of her. I'm sure she appreciates it. Sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't, hon. It's all in what kind of day she's having. Dementia has so many facets and the early stages usually involve a lot of denial and a lot of confabulation to make things seem right even when they're not right. That's what you're seeing with the first friend you described, and what I sometimes see with mother. When I have to get insistent, I know she resents it. She's the mom, after all! Still, when it's for her safety it has to go my way. So, we have our moments. My relatively useless brother and his wife are moving to North Carolina from California. He was kind enough to call a little bit ago to let me know they'll be here tomorrow. Mother decided I should make reservations for them. Ummmm ... no. I'm not going to be his substitute enabler because she can't do it anymore so she's a bit miffed with me at the moment. I imagine he's made reservations for himself. If he hasn't, they can sleep in their car. It's my guess they'll just stop through here on their way to Charlotte. He doesn't want any part of the day-to-day care-giving, believe me, and neither does his wife (whose responsiblity it ain't). I'll just dude mother up as best I can and let her hold court while they're here.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 28, 2014 16:00:24 GMT -5
Very sorry Milee. My mom has dementia. At her facility of Easter I sat and talked to a former judge, a former attorney, several former teachers. There was a lovely woman who sat and chatted with me but didn't realize the man sitting next to her was her husband (they had four kids together) - she thought he was her doctor. It's so terrible to see these very intelligent, very self suffecient people reduced to to the point they don't know where they are or what time of the day it is - even what month it is. You're right, we really don't have control of our lives the way we think we do. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My close friend's mom is having issues similar to the lovely woman you're describing. The last time my friend visited her parents, her mom came over and whispered, "That man is really annoying me. He keeps following me around and trying to talk to me. I hope his wife comes to pick him up soon." The man was her husband, with whom she has 5 children. My friend was able to laugh about this story, but it's hard.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 28, 2014 16:10:21 GMT -5
Aww. I'm glad your friend could find the humor in a difficult situation, milee. Not everyone can and it really is hard to do sometimes. Mother often calls out for daddy in the night. Even when I come to her it takes her a bit to realize he's no longer with us. Then, we can have a laugh about it, but I know it hurts her. This morning, she was in New York with the church (mother is an atheist and doesn't go to church). It took awhile to get her back here to South Carolina so she could have her breakfast and get cleaned up!
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 28, 2014 17:08:09 GMT -5
I read a book a few months ago - Still Alice - about a woman getting an early Alzimer's. It's fiction, but it had such an effect on me, I couldn't get it out of my head for the longest time
Milee, my heart goes out to you and your friends.
And I hope it doesn't sound selfish, but I often wondered - is it harder to experience certain things or be on the sidelines watching. May be "harder" is not the right word, but...I hope you understand what I am saying
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ners
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Post by ners on Apr 28, 2014 17:59:00 GMT -5
milee I am very sorry about your friends.
My mother is in a nursing facility suffering from dementia. She has been there for over a year. My dad took care of her for many years. When she feel 3 times in 24 due to a bladder infection we put her in the home. She was becoming more combative and difficult for dad to take care of her.
Her brother just past away. He had dementia at the end.
My father visited his 90 year sister. After talking to her for a few minutes he told her children he thought she had a little dementia. She is now in an assisted living facility after attacking her son and various caregivers. One son thinks she can come home at some point his other siblings are not in agreement.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 28, 2014 19:24:07 GMT -5
I've heard it wasn't full competition for one thing. I had contracts training with some of the IT people. Apparently there were 3 pieces to the system. 2 of 3 we did in house and they don't interface with the general public. Those work flawlessly. Honestly I think part of their problem is the contract and planning was probably written for a small handful of states. I can promise that nowhere in their planning did they envision running exchanges for that many states. It was badly handled all the way around. Yes, their requirements might have been vague but this was new to everyone but Massachusetts.
I had a training in data analytics today with all kinds of agencies. I could be wrong but is part of the DNA backlog the lack of machinable data? It should absolutely be a priority but if it has to be entered by humans I can see how they got a two year lag.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 29, 2014 7:51:24 GMT -5
Very sorry Milee. My mom has dementia. At her facility of Easter I sat and talked to a former judge, a former attorney, several former teachers. There was a lovely woman who sat and chatted with me but didn't realize the man sitting next to her was her husband (they had four kids together) - she thought he was her doctor. It's so terrible to see these very intelligent, very self suffecient people reduced to to the point they don't know where they are or what time of the day it is - even what month it is. You're right, we really don't have control of our lives the way we think we do. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My close friend's mom is having issues similar to the lovely woman you're describing. The last time my friend visited her parents, her mom came over and whispered, "That man is really annoying me. He keeps following me around and trying to talk to me. I hope his wife comes to pick him up soon." The man was her husband, with whom she has 5 children. My friend was able to laugh about this story, but it's hard. I think the only thing you can do it approach it with a sense of humor. When I saw my mom on Saturday, she thought I was her fourth daughter, then she thought I was her second daughter (I'm her third). Then she thought I was her sister. Then when the nurse complimented her on a finger painting she had done, my mom told her she was going to give it to her mom, and that her mom had already seen it and loved it and would be very glad to have it. (Her mom died in 1965). She has an imaginary boyfriend but can't remember our father's name (she calls him 'your dad' - they were married 53 years). She also told the nurse she was 32 years old and did not have any memory problems. My little sister (who is a control freak) tries to correct my mom every time she says one of these statements, but all that does is annoy my mom and lead to arguments. It's easier on my mom and on me both to just agree with her and go on. I think, though, that of all the ways to die, this one must be the worst - a slow decent into confusion, until you get to the point everyone around you is a stranger and you never know where you are or who you are. Tragic.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 29, 2014 7:58:28 GMT -5
I'm guessing the one son who thinks she can come home is not the person who would be her caregiver. In our family, the second and third daughters (me) live close to my mom and take care of her. The fourth daughter lives about 10 hours away, and she likes to weigh in on what she thinks the second daughter and I ought to be doing, to care for our mom properly. If we fail to comply she gets furious with us, but I figure the kids actually doing the care giving get to decide the course of action, and the kids who aren't (and only visit once or twice a year, like my sister) don't really have a say-so in Mom's care. I would be glad to move my mom closer to my little sister and allow little sister to care for her a while (second sister and I have been doing it for going on 3 years now) but little sister has all kinds of reasons why she can't care for our mother - and all kinds of complaints about what she thinks second sister and I are doing 'wrong.'
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 29, 2014 8:06:14 GMT -5
I've told my son to take me for a walk close to water and just let me wander in. I can't swim and I don't want to exist like that.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2014 8:18:24 GMT -5
My grandma wanted someone to take her out back and shoot her rather than end up in a home. She developed dementia and spent the last 7 years of her life in a home not knowing who anyone in the family was. It is tragic.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Apr 29, 2014 8:26:26 GMT -5
I'm very sorry, milee. It's hard to see this happen to your friends and/or family. My mother suffered the effects from fast-advancing Parkinson's disease with dementia. It was horrific.The story about your friend who was beaten and suffered a traumatic head injury was very painful even read. I hope that they both have good lives for what time is left to them.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 29, 2014 9:37:35 GMT -5
My grandma has dementia. For years her memory started slipping and half of the siblings (my mom is the oldest of 5) were in denial. She lived in a tiny town of 300 people 8 miles from the "big" town of 5,000 people. She was well known and my mom and aunts started getting calls for distant relatives and neighbors about grandma's driving and that. They bounced her in and out of an assisted living apartment. She'd get so mad she'd throw a fit and they'd let her move back home for a few months and then something would happen and they'd move her back to the apartment.
Finally the assisted living place called and said "she's got three strikes against her and we aren't set up to deal with her level of memory loss". So my mom moved her to our city and she lives in a memory care facility two miles from my house. My mom handles the bulk of her care and doctor's appointments, however when my mom is out of town that job falls to me.
I got the job of dealing with grandma's "psychotic break" this January. My mom was left on a Sunday for 3 weeks and on Monday they called me at 11pm to come to take grandma to the ER. Over the course of that week I got called there every single day to calm her down. She was hitting the staff, tackling the residents, ripping decorations off the walls, yelling at people, etc. They finally "expelled" her and sent her to a special geriatric psychiatric facility to get things straightened out. Turns out her diabetes was so out of wack that it was ramping up her dementia. After two weeks she came back to the facility in town.
It's a terrible thing to watch and you have my sympathy for what your friends are going through.
I think the scrapbook idea is a good one. My mom and aunt made grandma a serious of shutterfly books to help her. Every time we do a wedding, Christmas, reunion, etc. they make her another book with pictures, names, dates, etc. They are pretty straight forward in the captions under the pictures. "here is Sheila, W's oldest daughter, dancing with her son S"
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 29, 2014 10:52:14 GMT -5
I've told my son to take me for a walk close to water and just let me wander in. I can't swim and I don't want to exist like that. This is so tough and so personal, but if I could make a suggestion - if you really feel that way (and I do, too, so completely get it), you may want to figure out how to do this for yourself rather than put that burden on your kids. As awful as it is to watch Alzheimer's and dementia happen to a loved one, it might be even harder on the loved ones to have to be in charge of offing you. My grandfather, who I was very close to, had Alzheimer's and as horrible a slow death it was, there is no way I could have hurt him much less taken his life even though I know that's what he probably would have wanted.
Since losing my mind is one of my big fears I've posted about this before so sorry to repeat a story. But I don't want to live like that and more importantly, don't want my family to live through the years of watching me lose myself or having to off me, so if I'm ever diagnosed have an idea how I can handle this myself. The biggest problem people have is by the time they're far enough gone that they wouldn't want to live any more, they're too far gone to know that they need to off themselves. So if/when I'm diagnosed, I'm going to prepare this packet:
- The envelope will be taped to my bathroom mirror. - The outside of the envelope will say, "If you don't know what this is, open the envelope and follow the instructions." - The envelope will contain a note from me to me explaining that I have memory loss and forget to take my daily medication, so please take this medication right now. - The pills contained will not be medication.
Sorry to introduce a solution that will seem so morbid, but for me, this is actually very comforting to know I might be able to avoid going through a long, slow death or putting my family through it either. But I also know this is not the right choice for everyone so am not remotely recommending it, just sharing my ideas.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 29, 2014 11:08:00 GMT -5
Milee- In addition to watching my grandma suffer with dementia I watched my mom's dad die from bone cancer and my dad's dad died from brain cancer. Both are cruel, cruel illnesses.
I went to university a mile from the hospital so I got to visit my grandpa towards the end. The bone cancer had progressed to the point in which he was in constant pain. Sometimes when I'd get to the hospital I'd have to take a minute to collect myself before I'd go in to see him. I over heard him several times telling my grandma that he wanted to die because the pain was so bad. His body was destroyed but his mind was still there and aware of every painful moment.
My other grandpa developed the same brain tumors that killed his sister 30 years earlier. They now believe it's genetic. His body was fairly healthy but his mind was his worst enemy. The tumors made him remember things from decades ago and robbed him of is tact and inhibitions. He would call my 40 year old uncle up and start screaming at him because he ran over grandma's favorite rose bush when he mowed the lawn when he was 9 years old.
Both were terrible to watch and completely changed my opinions on end of life assistance and care. I completely understand where you are coming from.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 29, 2014 11:15:54 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandparents, Sheila. End of life care is a place where technology is outpacing our ability to deal with the consequences so we have people whose bodies live much longer than their minds with no legal or medical alternatives. It's unfortunately a self-help kind of area.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 29, 2014 11:25:26 GMT -5
Milee, that is EXACTLY what the character in that book did.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 29, 2014 11:29:29 GMT -5
My grandma wanted someone to take her out back and shoot her rather than end up in a home. She developed dementia and spent the last 7 years of her life in a home not knowing who anyone in the family was. It is tragic. I can remember my father, in one of his few lucid moments toward the end, asking me: "How did I end up in a place like this?" It was all I could do not to cry. We couldn't keep him at home anymore because he wandered at all hours, and actually left the house and walked a mile and a half before we found him. He was turning on burners on the stove and forgetting them. Mother, thankfully, suffers from limited mobility. She has to have help just to rise from a sitting position. In a way, that's a boon. It allows me to keep her here. So very sorry for all who must deal with this. It just plain hurts!
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Apr 29, 2014 11:55:44 GMT -5
I will probably move to Oregon as I get closer to my end.
My situation is complicated by DH, who is opposed to physician assisted suicide. However I am a bad influence on him and he is becoming more open minded about that kind of thing.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 29, 2014 12:05:41 GMT -5
I will probably move to Oregon as I get closer to my end. My situation is complicated by DH, who is opposed to physician assisted suicide. However I am a bad influence on him and he is becoming more open minded about that kind of thing. Maybe by then you will have another person you can ask to serve as your decision maker and have healthcare POA. Or maybe your DH will be able to respect your wishes even if they aren't his. DH and I want different things and I'd follow his wishes for him (even though they're not what he'd want.) Cross my fingers that he'll follow my wishes even though they're not what he wants. It's tough.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 29, 2014 12:15:24 GMT -5
I will probably move to Oregon as I get closer to my end. My situation is complicated by DH, who is opposed to physician assisted suicide. However I am a bad influence on him and he is becoming more open minded about that kind of thing. All he needs to change his mind is an elderly relative dying from dementia/alzheimers. My mother doesn't remember how to wipe herself. If she gets the trots, she uses up half a roll of toilet paper and still can't get a handle on it. I came into the bathroom once and she had crap all over herself, on the floor, the towels, the sink, the trashcan. I had to help her into the shower to hose off, then clean up the room. Convinced me 100% that I didn't want to live past the point where I could take care of myself. I will not force my son to have to deal with that with me. Another good motivator is the price. My mom spends about $6000 per month to stay at that facility, basically being an eggplant because she can't do any of the things she used to love to do - crosswords, knitting, even reading is too difficult for her now. She was always a frugal person, and if she was in her right mind she would resent all that money being spent at that facility, but as her family, we'll spend every dime she has to keep her in a comfortable place. Personally, I would rather my hard earned money go to my son and his kids, instead of me burning through it all at a nursing home where I sit in a wheel chair and stare at the TV or nap.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 29, 2014 12:23:18 GMT -5
ONe of my big complaints with my mom is all the meds she's on. I don't think the doctors really know how all those drugs interact with each other. I suspect only part of her problem, initially, was with dementia, and part of it was with her poor diet/excessive meds, but it was very difficult to get a medical professional to sit and take a hard look at what mom was taking.
Diet is a HUGE thing for older people - my neighbor's mom, a sweet little southern lady who never drank or swore, started calling her grand daughters whores and swearing at everyone. My neighbor was taking her upstairs in the elevator at the hospital with two big black orderlies, and this charming sweet little old lady called one of them a 'big mother -f'. My neighbor said there was dead silence in the elevator (as he stood there wondering if one of the orderlies was going to turn around and punch him in the head, since you can't punch a little old lady) but then the other orderly turned to the insulted orderly and said "well I guess she told you!" and they both laughed. Fortunately for my neighbor. Turns out his mom, who was a very tiny person, had stopped eating 'real' food and started living just on chocolate cake, while still taking all her meds, and that turned this charming little old nanna into a racist hate monger who swore like a sailor.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Apr 29, 2014 12:25:55 GMT -5
I had the same kind of moment with my dad - he looked at me and said "I'm so confused right now." He was such an intelligent guy, an engineer, and to see him not even be able to figure out how to turn on a light switch, and eventually to not even be able to find words to speak was just devestating.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 29, 2014 12:28:16 GMT -5
Stop! Stop! You're ruining another one of my cherished delusions! When I hit 85, I planned to stop eating kale altogether and go on the all Little Debbie diet. Not that Little Debbies are the height of good eating, but they're relatively yummy and have an unlimited shelf life so I'd never have to cook again.
Then again, if I was swearing like a sailor, my friends might not notice any change.
(The racist hate stuff would be a big change though. In fact, that's one of the incidents with R that I referred to in the OP. R has never said anything racist before and last week said some very strange, racist stuff so I knew something was up.)
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 29, 2014 13:16:42 GMT -5
ONe of my big complaints with my mom is all the meds she's on. I don't think the doctors really know how all those drugs interact with each other. I suspect only part of her problem, initially, was with dementia, and part of it was with her poor diet/excessive meds, but it was very difficult to get a medical professional to sit and take a hard look at what mom was taking.
First off- I'm about 75% convinced you are one of my aunts because your experiences with your mother are very similar to ours with my grandma. At Easter they picked her up to bring her to my mom's house. She was very lethargic and got there around 11am and went straight to sleep on the couch (with 25 people milling around and kids yelling and playing). They woke her up to eat lunch around 1:30 pm and she promptly went back to sleep. It was very unusual for her. They couldn't get her to wake up enough to sit in a chair later in the afternoon.
My cousin's fiancé is a pharmacist and he asked to see her meds (the home sends them in a baggie for us to give her when she's away from the home). He looked at them and the dosages and said "this isn't right, she shouldn't be on this high of a dose". So mom, one aunt and one uncle took her to the ER where they promptly admitted her for 2 days due to dehydration and the med interactions. She was being grossly over-medicated on the anti-psychotic that was supposed to help keep her "calm" after her issues in January.
My mom is freaking pissed. $5,000 a month they spend and they didn't notice that my normally alert and talkative grandma was sleeping 20 hours a day? For pete's sake after my mom said something the girl on staff said "oh I caught her sleeping on the floor in the hall the other day and just thought she was sleepy". The whole facility only has like 24 residents and a full time staff ratio of one staff per 4 residents.
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