Have you ever felt discriminated against?

[Ombud]

tloonya, our Neiman Marcus is like that. If I go there dressed for weekends, they watch me like a hawk - like I'm about to rip them off! But when I was at a charity event (work attire) they couldn't wait to help!! Same help LOL

[Artemis Windsong]

I was discriminated against a few more times.  One, I had not overcome a drug and alcohol problem.  Another because I wasn't a minister.

[Phoenix84]

Apr 24, 2014 10:24:18 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Beth- Oh I've pointed it out to him a few times. He keeps living under the delusion that DBro will "rise to the occasion". He won't. That's why I plan to leave the city when the handing over of the reigns happens. I want to be nowhere near here when the shit hits the fan.

My dad is highly regarded in our industry and is very well respected. Unfortunately my brother has been following dear old dad around for years and has established a reputation of being a horse's ass. He screams, swears, throws things, threatens people, etc. It would take more than both hands to count the number of customers who have left because of my brother. When I bring it up I hear excuse after excuse.

At this point dad has openly admitted that no one else would hire my brother and if my dad doesn't keep him employed here than he will end up living in my parents basement. I work for a different company but we share an office building and my employer "rents" me out to the other company to do their bookkeeping.  It's a long convoluted situation and I am seriously only staying at this point for the paycheck. I don't have a bad attitude around the customers and employees but I know I can't stay long term. It wouldn't be a good fit for me.

What do you think will happen when your brother runs the company into the ground?  He'll probably end up in your parent's basement at that point anyway right?

[muttleynfelix]

I haven't been discriminated against despite starting out young and female in a male dominated field.  But I had experience to back it up from the get go (thank you, Dad).  I just joke now that I was a child prodigy.  I do think some clients think they can intimidate me.  I shock them when I push back and don't let them push me around.  I'm still often the youngest in the room, but I've been working in this town for 10 years now. I've got relationships with most of our clients and they all know that I am competent and I'll give them a good product.  We try not to work with too many crappy clients.  On the other side of things is that my boss does most of the face to face with the clients. 

[skubikky]

1981 in my first engineering job out of college, worked for an avionics firm in Sunnyvale, Ca.
My first boss was actually a great, kind and smart guy.
If he called out back to the lab to talk to me or ask me to come up to his office for  something, he'd say "front and center doll"....
It used to crack me up....I was never very sensitive about it as he was a great boss and really helped me in that job.

I've worked in a predominantly male occupation for the past 33 years and for the most part was usually treated reasonably well.
If anyone treated me less than nicely it wasn't usually just limited to me, it usually was being experienced by the whole group.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Apr 24, 2014 14:41:44 GMT -5 Ombud said:

Apr 23, 2014 22:36:22 GMT -5 BeenThere...DoneThat... said:

...yes... we're evangelical Christians and have been ridiculed/passed over in the secular work world since obviously we're loony tunes for believing in such mishmash... meanwhile, some churches have just plain said that they wanted only certain genders doing certain work... so, c'est la vie...

I was once terminated bc the boss noticed my star and said he didn't think I fit in the Christian office. Medical office, not a church job. Turned out for the good bc I went to work for government instead & stayed there 22 yrs

At last night's event, someone asked me why I didn't hide the star. I told her I never take it off (I don't) and it doesn't bother me (about 1/2" on a thin gold chain)

I don't get this.  Why would anyone ask this?  Either I'm stupid, unobservant or don't care about other people's necklaces/religious choices.  I do notice shoes though.  So if you had stars on your shoes I'd definitely be commenting if I liked them (if not, I'd not mention it.)

[Deleted]

Someone wearing a cross necklace doesn't even register as a blip on my radar. Any kind of religious comment shouldn't be made in a secular workplace. 

[sheilaincali]

What do you think will happen when your brother runs the company into the ground? He'll probably end up in your parent's basement at that point anyway right?

Probably sounds bitchy to say but it won't be my problem.  They have allowed him to behave as his does so honestly they've created the situation they are in now.  I don't have it in me to fight them every step of the way for my "share".  My mom babies my brother and will argue with anyone that speaks out against him.  If I say something like "B please stop saying the F word and screaming at dad during staff meetings"  My mom will get pissy, start to cry and not speak to me for 2 week. 

It's a messed up situation I know.  My brother has destroyed my relationship with my parents.  They live 10 minutes from me.  This last weekend for Easter was the first time I'd seen them outside of work since Christmas.  I don't like to see the way he treats them so I avoid the situation.  My son doesn't need to see his uncle shove his grandpa across the kitchen and scream at him.  My husband grew up in an abusive home and has asked that I do my best to not expose our son to that sort of behavior.  My parents are essentially battered spouses where my brother is concerned.  Nothing I say or do will change that.  They don't appreciate me defending them so I've slowly distanced myself from them. 

Like I said- 2 more years and then I'm moving on (unless I find a new job before then- in which case I will move on sooner).  Two years to get out to debt and save up money for DS' college tuition and keep building up my savings and retirement.   

[Wisconsin Beth]

It's not bitchy, it's reality.  You're not treated equal to your brother, you've pointed out the potential issues with your parents' plan and they're still ignoring you/doing nothing to change anything.  Outside of asking for an advance on the inheritance (not saying you should) but brother is going to spend them dry and probably do his best to fuck up probate of anything left, there's nothing left for you to do.  No one wants help, so you have to let them hit the bottom.  And it's not bitchy to want to watch from a distance and do quiet "I told them so"

[Ombud]

Wisconsin Beth, it was at a Jobs Networking event and I guess she thought it might hold me back? I view it as a positive suggestion which would make mine an inappropriate response. But I'm working (FT to 5/2 then MWF) and she's still looking

[CarolinaKat]

When I was laid off from my last job and I 100% sure it was because I was the youngest person in the department. They had to let go a good number of people in the 'protected class' of older workers, many who'd been there over 30 years. They showed them a worksheet with the ages of people who were being let go so they wouldn't be called discriminatory. At my bridal shower (same day we got layoff notices) the older workers said it looked like they fired a calculated representation of those under 40. I was the youngest they could get on that list.

Before that, my 2 annual reviews I was one of the only 5% of people across the company to get 'above average' ratings and management approval of them (no questions from management either).

[Wisconsin Beth]

Apr 25, 2014 9:20:16 GMT -5 Ombud said:

Wisconsin Beth, it was at a Jobs Networking event and I guess she thought it might hold me back? I view it as a positive suggestion which would make mine an inappropriate response. But I'm working (FT to 5/2 then MWF) and she's still looking

Ok.  I guess what I'm missing is why anyone would care what religion you are, as long as you can work the shifts being hired for or have an acceptable plan to cover the shifts.  I work with fire personnel who work every 3rd day.  They're free to make trades with other personnel as long as it's the same rank and the person's not already on the day in question.  And we do have some personnel who schedule days off, vacation time and make trades to accommodate their religious beliefs.  Also court ordered visitation schedules.  The only reason I know this is happening is because every once in a while stuff gets screwed up and they have to write an explanation of why they need help with their schedule. 

[Nazgul Girl]

   Sheilaincali, if your brother is battering your parents, you have to do something.   If he's shoving your father and mother around, you need to call the police.   He needs to be put into jail.   He could eventually seriously injure or even accidentally kill one of them.   This is a horrible situation.   Sorry that your unwise parents are going through this.   They can't admit that their son is some kind of monster, and you will be the bad person, but they need to be protected.

[Ombud]

Yeah, Wisconsin Beth, it went over my head too. Only later did I think maybe it was what was on the chain not the fact that it wasn't polished or really pretty -- very utilitarian.

Never mattered when I worked for government

sheilaincali, hugs. It sounds like it'll only get rougher as they watch their life's work waste away

[NancysSummerSip]

One discriminatory situation due to religion. At a former place of employment, a coworker took a dislike to me, and decided to bitch to someone else via email. Except the other person responded, and copied the original email in the response, which my coworker opened, of course...then walked away from her computer and left open. Both of them caught using anti-Semitic slurs. Both counseled, one (my coworker) eventually let go when her past embezzlement on a previous job was discovered. Karma is a beyotch sometimes.

Other than that, I get stares and comments because of age and weight issues, usually at running or swimming competitions. Some have been downright rude, but that's fine. I do better when I'm pissed off. One very memorable one occurred at a 5K race, when I caught up to a mother and daughter close to the end of the race. As I passed them, I heard the mother say to the kid (who looked to be about seven or eight years old), "Run faster. You don't want that fat lady to beat you, do you?"

I did beat them, and at the finish line, I saw her yelling at the kid. Way to go, mom.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yeah, you get used to having all sort of people work with you when you work for gov't. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

Apr 25, 2014 9:40:42 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

One discriminatory situation due to religion. At a former place of employment, a coworker took a dislike to me, and decided to bitch to someone else via email. Except the other person responded, and copied the original email in the response, which my coworker opened, of course...then walked away from her computer and left open. Both of them caught using anti-Semitic slurs. Both counseled, one (my coworker) eventually let go when her past embezzlement on a previous job was discovered. Karma is a beyotch sometimes.

Other than that, I get stares and comments because of age and weight issues, usually at running or swimming competitions. Some have been downright rude, but that's fine. I do better when I'm pissed off. One very memorable one occurred at a 5K race, when I caught up to a mother and daughter close to the end of the race. As I passed them, I heard the mother say to the kid (who looked to be about seven or eight years old), "Run faster. You don't want that fat lady to beat you, do you?"

I did beat them, and at the finish line, I saw her yelling at the kid. Way to go, mom.

Jeez, Nancy.  I yell at my kids but not like that.  Poor kid.  Although we're about to start DD in sports (soccer starts on Monday) so hopefully I won't be an annoying parent, just an enthusiastic one. 

[NancysSummerSip]

Apr 25, 2014 9:32:26 GMT -5 Nazgul Girl said:

   Sheilaincali, if your brother is battering your parents, you have to do something.   If he's shoving your father and mother around, you need to call the police.   He needs to be put into jail.   He could eventually seriously injure or even accidentally kill one of them.   This is a horrible situation.   Sorry that your unwise parents are going through this.   They can't admit that their son is some kind of monster, and you will be the bad person, but they need to be protected.

If one or both parents is over 65, this is battery on an elderly person, a felony charge in most jurisdictions. And the parents don't have the option to prosecute. It's up to the state attorney to do so, whether the parents cooperate or not. It would be helpful if they would cooperate, but they don't have to.
However, putting brother in jail (assuming the possibility of bail being set) could lead to escalation. I'm not saying don't do it. Just saying it could happen, if his anger is that far out of control. He will continue on this path because he can, because he knows he has control and because he knows no one will stop him.

[NancysSummerSip]

Apr 25, 2014 9:44:34 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Apr 25, 2014 9:40:42 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

One discriminatory situation due to religion. At a former place of employment, a coworker took a dislike to me, and decided to bitch to someone else via email. Except the other person responded, and copied the original email in the response, which my coworker opened, of course...then walked away from her computer and left open. Both of them caught using anti-Semitic slurs. Both counseled, one (my coworker) eventually let go when her past embezzlement on a previous job was discovered. Karma is a beyotch sometimes.

Other than that, I get stares and comments because of age and weight issues, usually at running or swimming competitions. Some have been downright rude, but that's fine. I do better when I'm pissed off. One very memorable one occurred at a 5K race, when I caught up to a mother and daughter close to the end of the race. As I passed them, I heard the mother say to the kid (who looked to be about seven or eight years old), "Run faster. You don't want that fat lady to beat you, do you?"

I did beat them, and at the finish line, I saw her yelling at the kid. Way to go, mom.

Jeez, Nancy.  I yell at my kids but not like that.  Poor kid.  Although we're about to start DD in sports (soccer starts on Monday) so hopefully I won't be an annoying parent, just an enthusiastic one. 

I see it at a lot of events. I also see the other end of the spectrum...parents who take their kids on the 5K race, and run off without them, leaving the kids to finish alone, assuming the kids will be able to find their way back by following the crowd.

[tloonya]

How do you do this quoting just a name of the poster?

[NancysSummerSip]

Apr 25, 2014 11:36:00 GMT -5 tloonya said:

You mean like that?

[CarolinaKat]

Apr 25, 2014 11:36:00 GMT -5 tloonya said:

How do you do this quoting just a name of the poster?

you use the button in the reply bar with a @ symbol next to a little person in a blue shirt. Then a box pops up and you start typing in their name until you see the right person and then click on it. Then it sticks it in the post for you.

[Deleted]

Or just type "@" before their name. You would be "@"tloonya"

[CarolinaKat]

Apr 25, 2014 11:46:59 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Or just type "@" before their name. You would be "@"tloonya"

with as often as people shuffle nicknames here, that never works for me

[Deleted]

If you hover your mouse over their name it shows you what to type. 

[CarolinaKat]

Then I have to remember it for like 30 seconds and how to spell it!

[Deleted]

You're right. This:

you use the button in the reply bar with a @ symbol next to a little person in a blue shirt. Then a box pops up and you start typing in their name until you see the right person and then click on it. Then it sticks it in the post for you.

does sound much simpler than typing the name out.... 

[steph08]

NancysSummerSip that's ridiculous. I would have punched her in the face! Someone did that to me at a race once too - except the girlfriend was on the sidelines after already finishing and I'm pretty sure she yelled something to her boyfriend who was right behind me about beating me because I heard his turnover immediately pick up - and so did mine.   He didn't beat me that day!

[NancysSummerSip]

Apr 25, 2014 12:23:28 GMT -5 steph08 said:

NancysSummerSip that's ridiculous. I would have punched her in the face! Someone did that to me at a race once too - except the girlfriend was on the sidelines after already finishing and I'm pretty sure she yelled something to her boyfriend who was right behind me about beating me because I heard his turnover immediately pick up - and so did mine.   He didn't beat me that day!

Oh, I know. I've learned never to judge by looking anymore. But just beating her was karma enough. I felt bad for her kid, though. Imagine having to deal with a mother like that.

[sheilaincali]

I have only witnessed him shove my dad once. (dad was 63 at the time). My niece (age 5 at the time) was having her birthday dinner and the whole family was at my parents house. My niece called me mom a "stupid bitch" and when I suggested she apologize to Nana my brother flipped out and started screaming. When my dad told him to calm down he shoved my dad into the kitchen cabinets. At which point my dad said "everyone out" and we all left except my parents (it was there house) and my brother and his kids. Later my dad called to excuse my brother's behavior by blaming it all on me saying I should just ignore the 5 year old calling people Stupid Bitch, Fucking Whore, etc. That was the last time I went to my parents for any occasion that wasn't Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter.

Seriously we sound so trashy when I spell out it. I swear we aren't those people but my brother keeps trying to drag us down.   

I have told my dad that if I witness my brother hit, shove, push, etc. my dad again that I will be calling the police.  I really don't want to derail Phoenix's thread.