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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2014 21:26:33 GMT -5
It is counseling for him through EAP. EAP counselors are better than nothing, but just barely. How many sessions is work paying for?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 20, 2014 22:13:35 GMT -5
It was a start for him, it did take about a month for him to get seen which is this wed, on my advice he did go to our PCP and apparently he is not depresssed and gave him a book to read but H thought it was a bit extreme.
I think he gets five and I would get five, we have insurance and would not hesitate to get more help for both of us together and individually if needed and thats what he would like.
I never thought i would be the one to say I was concerned about his mental health.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Apr 21, 2014 5:56:24 GMT -5
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other Day by day.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 6:50:41 GMT -5
Wait a minute, you went from not knowing what to do, to getting a job in south FL and telling him you're going to move, all in one day? That sounds like some hasty decisions and those rarely work out well for ME. I don't think you should have told him anything until you had all your plans in place and were sure what you're going to do. Just my opinion, of course.
I'm still wishing you good luck!
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JustLurkin
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Post by JustLurkin on Apr 21, 2014 7:16:38 GMT -5
Naggie sounds like she knows what to, more like a case of last minute jitters.
It's not Naggie, it's her husband...you can't make someone else be happy.
Best of luck Naggie.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 21, 2014 8:45:53 GMT -5
Naggie- based only on the information that you have provided in your recent threads I honestly think you should continue with your plans to move on with your life. My take on him waiting until his counseling session is that he is hoping the Dr. will either pat him on the head and tell him he's doing the right thing or that they'll have some magic solution for him. It just feels like he doesn't want to fight to save the marriage so it would be an uphill battle of you compromising your feelings to stay in a broken marriage.
I think you should try the South Florida thing. Give it 6 months. Open yourself up to these new experiences and opportunities. You married and had kids young and now it's time for you to start to live your life for you.
As for your kids- honestly there's a good chance that they already know something is up. Unless you and DH are Oscar worthy actors they've probably noticed things over the years.
Best of luck to you as you (potentially) embark on this next chapter of your life.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 8:56:18 GMT -5
It is counseling for him through EAP. EAP counselors are better than nothing, but just barely. How many sessions is work paying for? I've used EAP and most of the therapists in our area where covered as "allowed" providers. I got three free sessions covered by the EAP and then continued on under regular medical coverage with the copay.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Apr 21, 2014 9:17:53 GMT -5
Nutty, I agree with others, this is not sudden, you talked about it a year or two ago. I don't know about counselling, all I know is you can not work on a Marriage all by yourself, so if he is not willing, I don't believe there would be a positive outcome. It is painful going through a divorce, so in answer to your question, if there is a chance you can work it out, I do think it is worth the effort (but remember he has to be willing to work with you).
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 21, 2014 9:18:07 GMT -5
Good luck Naggie.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 21, 2014 9:43:43 GMT -5
Got a job in south Fl. got more pals down there too help me and Dd will move down there as c's family is down there. i just told him i have a job and one pup pup rehomed alreadsy and he is pissed. I'm in South Florida. PM me when you arrive.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 9:56:27 GMT -5
so about call my friend in south fl and it really is legit. with alimony and the job it would work.
gettin into emotional stuff my mother abandoned me and i said that i will never abandon my kids like that emotiionally, physicalletc. u would have to be me to understand thiss. but i can do so fl.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 10:03:17 GMT -5
I do think it is worth working out, just not right now. as lurkin said and mmmhh its not sudden. we talked last nigh, i wasnt at my best and i aired my grievances. i feel great lettin them go. it feels like now i told him i can move on and not feel bad. i told him honestly my plan was to just be gone one day but i couldnt dothat to him and thats not really mature now is it fleeing like a thief in the night. i was feeling bad about hurting him. he is hurting himself and i cant help that anymore, again i am concerned for his mentasl health but hey i have been looking after him for 22 years. time to move on. thanks nancy, not sure how south fl;orida you are but i certainly will.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 21, 2014 10:07:23 GMT -5
I do think it is worth working out, just not right now. as lurkin said and mmmhh its not sudden. we talked last nigh, i wasnt at my best and i aired my grievances. i feel great lettin them go. it feels like now i told him i can move on and not feel bad. i told him honestly my plan was to just be gone one day but i couldnt dothat to him and thats not really mature now is it fleeing like a thief in the night. i was feeling bad about hurting him. he is hurting himself and i cant help that anymore, again i am concerned for his mentasl health but hey i have been looking after him for 22 years. time to move on. thanks nancy, not sure how south fl;orida you are but i certainly will. I realize this is not a sudden thing that you just doing now. Do what you need to do. I'm on the east coast: Dade/Broward/Palm Beach/Martin/St. Lucie/Indian River area. All those counties are an easy drive.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 10:10:46 GMT -5
oh cool right where i am looking out. bit weird to be so close to Scarletts daddy side of the fam, but they are really nice most of the time. it willl be cool. we can all shaare our scarbelle.
miss nancy i bet you are in fancy boca lol ?? at least it was fancy 30 years ago.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 21, 2014 10:15:01 GMT -5
Of course it's hard to live apart from your kids since you love them and want to be close, but this is not "abandoning" them so don't use strong words like that, even to yourself. They're adults and you need to move for a job and the chance to start a new, better life. Be nice to yourself, even with the language you use to describe what's going on.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 10:17:26 GMT -5
no i agree south florida is not abandonning them, that is an emotional part of it though. I will prefer to say moving on now, thanks milee, its not like I am going to CA or anything.
I am all ready to get going on this but I have the baby, that stops a lot of work during the day so I guess I will be posting a lot seeing is that is all i can seem to get accom[plished with her.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 21, 2014 10:18:58 GMT -5
Of course it's hard to live apart from your kids since you love them and want to be close, but this is not "abandoning" them so don't use strong words like that, even to yourself. They're adults and you need to move for a job and the chance to start a new, better life. Be nice to yourself, even with the language you use to describe what's going on. So very much this.
They are adults, you are telling them what's going on, where you are moving and why. Sounds like your DD may follow you down there.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 10:22:32 GMT -5
Yes, that would be exciting for DD to follow. But first me LOL
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 10:50:22 GMT -5
O dear, I just walked into the garage to see if I could find some boxes, it is a mess and I don't know where to start now. Detangling sure is messy.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 21, 2014 11:04:16 GMT -5
Yes, that would be exciting for DD to follow. But first me LOL Isn't your DD trying to get into school? How would her following you affect that?
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 11:07:02 GMT -5
the program is once a year and she is still doing pre reqs. i am pretty sure they have a few CC in south fl that might have the program either way she still has a year.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 11:09:05 GMT -5
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Apr 21, 2014 12:15:29 GMT -5
oh cool right where i am looking out. bit weird to be so close to Scarletts daddy side of the fam, but they are really nice most of the time. it willl be cool. we can all shaare our scarbelle. miss nancy i bet you are in fancy boca lol ?? at least it was fancy 30 years ago. Not in Boca, and you're right, it's fancy. I can get there easily, though.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 12:32:09 GMT -5
lol so its still fancy, well afew are down there palm beach etc but all my info is 30 yeras old.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 12:47:34 GMT -5
Nutty, I haven't followed your saga that closely, but I think you should slow down. It's just my opinion, but I think you are reacting instead of acting.
Fight or flight is real, and you've chosen flight. I think you should fight for an equitable share of the life you two built together. You aren't guaranteed alimony, you know. What are you going to do about benefits like health insurance? There are a hundred little details involved.
You are going to need money for the apartment and deposits for utilities. You don't even have your car back yet. But here you are about to start packing and moving.
People on here are telling you that the decision is just as much yours as it is his and to quit letting him do this to you. They are absolutely right. But you have to calm down enough to make that decision. You are acting out of pain, which is understandable. But the choices you make now can affect your entire life.
I wish you could get some counseling as well. Does the EAP extend to spouses?
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 21, 2014 12:56:52 GMT -5
Nutty, I haven't followed your saga that closely, but I think you should slow down. It's just my opinion, but I think you are reacting instead of acting. Fight or flight is real, and you've chosen flight. I think you should fight for an equitable share of the life you two built together. You aren't guaranteed alimony, you know. What are you going to do about benefits like health insurance? There are a hundred little details involved. You are going to need money for the apartment and deposits for utilities. You don't even have your car back yet. But here you are about to start packing and moving. People on here are telling you that the decision is just as much yours as it is his and to quit let him doing this to you. They are absolutely right. But you have to calm down enough to make that decision. You are acting out of pain, which is understandable. But the choices you make now can affect your entire life. I wish you could get some counseling as well. Does the EAP extend to spouses? Thank you for saying what I have been thinking. Not only is she going to need money, she is going to need to show a stream of income in order to be able to rent an apartment. Even if she gets alimony, it is VERY unlikely she is going to get it for more than a short period of time and during this she will need to acquire a career. Unless there are extenuating circumstances (like a documented disability or she paid for her husband's career), I really doubt a 22 year marriage is going to give her permanent alimony. <putting on my flameproof suit> I think nutty needs to let her daughter start fending for herself, including child care. Nutty needs to find a way to upgrade her job skills NOW, not after she moves out. This is going to take time, and there is no reason why she cannot continue to do this while married. It might make things uncomfortable at home, but jumping before you have the ability to take care of yourself is really not a smart move to make. Even if you have enough money to pay for deposits for an apartment and utilities, she does not have the ability to pay them month after month. JMHO
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 13:56:39 GMT -5
Oh I am going to get it as well, we both have our appointments this week. I have been packing since he dropped this on me a month ago, I am not going to SoFl tomorrow or even next week. It will be in a few months.
I know you guys ask these questions because they haven't been adressed HERE but they have been adressed in my life and frankly we could go into a milllion details of some of the questions SS asked, not one of them has not been addressed and taken care of.
I am sure I will miss things.
I will get alimony.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 13:58:53 GMT -5
Yes, get a job first, maybe here prob here, I am not moving out tomorrow guys, it may seem that way.
No my DD and DGD will always come first, I would die for my children, I will always be there. That may be something some of you don't understand, that's emotional as some of it will be.
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nutty
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Post by nutty on Apr 21, 2014 14:02:42 GMT -5
I know I know, I am so sorry I cannot address all these questions but again I have not seen one that has not come up and been adressed. Yes I always choose flight SS, you are so correct, that is very me, I still have things to do here, this is not happening tomorrow or next week or even next month.
It will take time I know.
We will be separating not divorcing at this time due to a reason some of you may know, I am not going to talk about that. I will be making just made my first consultatin...poop have to pay 75 bucks.
hmm that was kinda sad making that appointment, ok no more crying.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 21, 2014 14:18:59 GMT -5
Yes, get a job first, maybe here prob here, I am not moving out tomorrow guys, it may seem that way. No my DD and DGD will always come first, I would die for my children, I will always be there. That may be something some of you don't understand, that's emotional as some of it will be. I feel the same way, but always remember the flight attendants information--always put on your oxygen before assisting your children or someone else. In this situation, you can't help them if you're broke and floundering yourself.
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