Britain youngest parents: he is 13 and she is 12...

[sheilaincali]

My graduating class was 275 kids. We had 3 girls that stayed at our school after they became pregnant. There was an alternative school in my city where many "at risk" kids ended up. They had a daycare on campus that was well used. I don't remember any specific girls transferring to Central so I don't know how many more could have had kids that I'm not aware of.

T- had her son when we were in 11th grade. He just turned 21 last week. He has spent a good bit of time in jail and struggling with his addictions.

J- had her son the summer before our senior year. He made J a grandma during his senior year.

M- did transfer to Central I think. She got pregnant, married someone who was not the baby daddy. The girl is now a mother herself- but I think she maybe didn't have her baby until she was over 18.

I know all of this thanks to facebook

[imawino]

Apr 16, 2014 14:07:03 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

My graduating class was 275 kids. We had 3 girls that stayed at our school after they became pregnant. There was an alternative school in my city where many "at risk" kids ended up. They had a daycare on campus that was well used. I don't remember any specific girls transferring to Central so I don't know how many more could have had kids that I'm not aware of.

T- had her son when we were in 11th grade. He just turned 21 last week. He has spent a good bit of time in jail and struggling with his addictions.

J- had her son the summer before our senior year. He made J a grandma during his senior year.

M- did transfer to Central I think. She got pregnant, married someone who was not the baby daddy. The girl is now a mother herself- but I think she maybe didn't have her baby until she was over 18.

I know all of this thanks to facebook

Shockingly the only two couples I can think of that had babies right out of high school are still together and actually happy and financially successful.  It's hard for me to imagine.

[muttleynfelix]

Apr 16, 2014 14:07:03 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

My graduating class was 275 kids. We had 3 girls that stayed at our school after they became pregnant. There was an alternative school in my city where many "at risk" kids ended up. They had a daycare on campus that was well used. I don't remember any specific girls transferring to Central so I don't know how many more could have had kids that I'm not aware of.

T- had her son when we were in 11th grade. He just turned 21 last week. He has spent a good bit of time in jail and struggling with his addictions.

J- had her son the summer before our senior year. He made J a grandma during his senior year.

M- did transfer to Central I think. She got pregnant, married someone who was not the baby daddy. The girl is now a mother herself- but I think she maybe didn't have her baby until she was over 18.

I know all of this thanks to facebook

My sister was looking up people she went to high school with and a bunch of them were divorced and then reconnected with old flames at their 20 year high school reunions and are now expecting in their early 40s.  It was just funny talking to her at mom and dad's while she was looking people up on facebook and she was look oh look who got together and had a baby.    AH facebook, the things you can find out.

[sheilaincali]

God I hope that's not the case! My 20 year reunion is this summer. I have no desire to hook up with someone I graduated with but I am looking forward to seeing all the drama. There were a few marriages broken up because one party cheated with another person we graduated with. About 7 or 8 years ago there was this weird "wife swap" "open marriage" club of sorts. In the end like 3 couples got divorces, several friendships ended and one successful business partnership was dissolved.
I'm looking forward to sitting back and watching the drama unfold.

[imawino]

Apr 16, 2014 14:41:49 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

God I hope that's not the case! My 20 year reunion is this summer. I have no desire to hook up with someone I graduated with but I am looking forward to seeing all the drama. There were a few marriages broken up because one party cheated with another person we graduated with. About 7 or 8 years ago there was this weird "wife swap" "open marriage" club of sorts. In the end like 3 couples got divorces, several friendships ended and one successful business partnership was dissolved.
I'm looking forward to sitting back and watching the drama unfold.

I want to come to your reunion!

[nutty]

It is funny you should say that Sesfw because people used to do the same with H and I, they would count the months from our wedding until DS was born.

It was pretty rude and funny at the same time, especially when it came from family.

I got married in June at 18 and had DS the following May, so NO it wasn't a shotgun wedding ( do they even call it that now??) I was 19 when I had DS and 21 when DD came along. Then we stopped because we could not afford any more of those little boogers.

I guess DD followed in my footsteps as far as having DGD young but she isn't married whereas I was. She was also a tiny bit older than me when I had DS, she had DGD at 19 and is now 20.

She made me a Nana at 40, so young that most of the time if me and H are out with her that people ask how old our daughter is. Could be just conversation I don't know but it's funny and I an very quick to answer that she is my DGD not my daughter.

My DD moved out of the family home at 18 with two friends, they had one bedroom and DD had the other. She was no longer under my roof to ask/tell her to not do silly things. 

We had always discussed things given the opportunity but she was paying her rent, working, putting gas in her car, paying her utilities, making her own decisions so my influence at that time was pretty negligible and IMO opinion rightly so she as she was an adult doing adult stuff (paying her bills, taking care of herself etc) with a few silly teenage things thrown in for good measure  I am sure.

So even with all the talking we did she still "popped out a kid", must have done somewhere wrong somewhere.

The "good" thing about this, if anything can be good at this point is that she determined that in order to give herself and her DD the best chance to succeed would be to go to school and she is in her third semester doing her pre-reqs to apply ( and hopefully get accepted) to the Physical Therapy Assistant program which is a program to which you need to be admitted to.

She will be doing her internship soon and she hopes that she will make a great impression to get a PT AIDE job out of it (in which she will be awarded points that will apply to the admissions process). She wants to start working in the fall as part time so she has time to take her classes and be a mommy and be as good as she can be at all of it, if she doesn't get accepted she will just continue on to get her AA, and try again the following year.

She and the boyfriend live together and are trying hard at the relationship and being young parents and I think they are doing okay.

Baby Scarlett is my joy, she is well loved by all of her extended family and they both have lots of emotional support. Baby Scarlett is WELL looked after and I have no worries in that area, no drugs or smoking (that I am aware of) and DD took to mommy hood like a duck takes to water.

I am very proud of them both, do i wish things were different? NO because I think they would both still be working at McDonalds, do I think things should be done the way the were back in the day? YES because that is what I know but at the end of the day Scarlett is theirs not mine and she will be raised by DD and C, not me.

At the end of the day I am a Nana and I love Scarlett so much it hurts my heart sometimes, I WILL never, ever, for one minute regret the decision that DD and C made to bring that baby into my/our life. NEVER for a minute do I not I not enjoy spending time with our little sweetheart.

[Phoenix84]

Just imagine, you could be "Uncle Cawaiu" next year.

[swamp]

My sister is an OB/GYN and did her residency in center city Philadelphia. She delivered a baby from a 10 year old.

[Phoenix84]

Aren't pregnancies of girls that young high risk?  Aren't there high risks of complications for the mother and baby?

[movingforward]

Apr 16, 2014 15:27:53 GMT -5 swamp said:

My sister is an OB/GYN and did her residency in center city Philadelphia. She delivered a baby from a 10 year old.

That is depressing as hell.  When I hear things like that I also wonder if the child is a product of sexual abuse.  It is just hard to believe a 10 yr old would make the choice to have sex with someone. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Maybe DH's idea of a chastity belt isn't such a bad idea after all.

[Deleted]

Apr 16, 2014 15:43:55 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Apr 16, 2014 15:27:53 GMT -5 swamp said:

My sister is an OB/GYN and did her residency in center city Philadelphia. She delivered a baby from a 10 year old.

That is depressing as hell.  When I hear things like that I also wonder if the child is a product of sexual abuse.  It is just hard to believe a 10 yr old would make the choice to have sex with someone. 

The feeling is mutual. I think of my sister at 11 having sex and the only plausible answer is she was forced/molested and I would probably kill that person before the cops got to them.

I just don't see her at her current stage wanting to be with a boy sexually, and she is 11 going on 18.

[movingforward]

Apr 16, 2014 15:46:13 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Apr 16, 2014 15:43:55 GMT -5 movingforward said:

That is depressing as hell.  When I hear things like that I also wonder if the child is a product of sexual abuse.  It is just hard to believe a 10 yr old would make the choice to have sex with someone. 

The feeling is mutual. I think of my sister at 11 having sex and the only plausible answer is she was forced/molested and I would probably kill that person before the cops got to them.

I just don't see her at her current stage wanting to be with a boy sexually, and she is 11 going on 18.

I didn't even kiss a boy (I  am talking a "real" kiss) until I was 13...

[Wisconsin Beth]

Apr 16, 2014 15:31:12 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Aren't pregnancies of girls that young high risk?  Aren't there high risks of complications for the mother and baby?

Yeah, their hips aren't right for birthing babies that young. 

[muttleynfelix]

She made me a Nana at 40, so young that most of the time if me and H are out with her that people ask how old our daughter is. Could be just conversation I don't know but it's funny and I an very quick to answer that she is my DGD not my daughter.

Why do you think it is funny that everyone thinks it is your daughter?   40 isn't that old to have a baby.  My DH was 45 when our oldest was born.  Your 40s are that age when it could be a grandchild or it could be your child.

[muttleynfelix]

Apr 16, 2014 15:27:53 GMT -5 swamp said:

My sister is an OB/GYN and did her residency in center city Philadelphia. She delivered a baby from a 10 year old.

That makes me very sad.

[muttleynfelix]

Apr 16, 2014 14:41:49 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

God I hope that's not the case! My 20 year reunion is this summer. I have no desire to hook up with someone I graduated with but I am looking forward to seeing all the drama. There were a few marriages broken up because one party cheated with another person we graduated with. About 7 or 8 years ago there was this weird "wife swap" "open marriage" club of sorts. In the end like 3 couples got divorces, several friendships ended and one successful business partnership was dissolved.
I'm looking forward to sitting back and watching the drama unfold.

-faint-That sounds like it will be interesting. 

The age difference between my sister and me make looking at our peer groups interesting.  The divorce rate in her age group is significantly higher whereas a lot in my age group just got married in the last 5 years and are now having baby #1 or #2.  Of course there is one former couple from my class that when they finally married (I say finally because they started dating at 14 and didn't marry until 23) only lasted a couple years (long enough to have a child).  She's now remarried and having a baby with husband #2.

[constanz22]

My high school was very small, very rural.  Our graduating class was less than 90.  I graduated in 1988 and we had a HUGE issue with teen pregnancy.  I don't remember the exact number, but something like 20+ girls either had a child or were pregnant at one point.

My mom got pregnant at 15, first child at 16.  Hard to believe thinking back.  She and my dad did get married and were married 30+ years and were very good parents.

As a social worker, I'm afraid to even tell you how many teen parents I've seen.  One of the youngest is one I'm working with right now.  She was 13 when she got pregnant and 14 when she had her child.  The sad part is, is that she is probably more mature and a better mom than her own mother.  It's hard to predict which ones then go on to a life of poverty/welfare.  I think one of the bigger factors is if they stop at one, at least kind of get their shit together before going for 2, 3, 4 etc.  and yes, I have worked with MANY women who are 25 with 4, 5, even 6 kids.  None of them have a shot...

[Deleted]

I'd say results were mixed for those who had babies in my high school... and it depended more on the educational and financial background the mother was coming out of than anything... probably similar to what might have happened if they didn't have babies till after high school actually...

The girl 2 years ahead of me who scored a perfect score on her SATs had a baby in high school. 

I had 3 classmates, one got an accounting degree, one works in some kind of associates level med field job and one works at her brother's business... they are the most blue collar. 

It happens everywhere. And i'd guess family support is going to make the most difference in how much of an impact it has on both the baby and mother...

eta: yes, having more, especially many more plays a part... and any support, not necessarily family support, can play a role...

[Deleted]

Apr 16, 2014 19:27:55 GMT -5 constanz22 said:

 I think one of the bigger factors is if they stop at one, at least kind of get their shit together before going for 2, 3, 4 etc.  and yes, I have worked with MANY women who are 25 with 4, 5, even 6 kids.  None of them have a shot...

Good point- that happened to my niece, who had a baby at 19. I know that compared to these stories, that's elderly. With a LOT of help from her parents (DS described Baby Daddy as "a sweet little guy with the brains of a paramecium" and his mother was a drug addict) she got trained as a radiology tech.  Now she's getting extra schooling to do radiation therapy.  She married an architect, he's adopted the little girl and they have a son together.  Somehow with the first one she decided that motherhood was serious business and maybe she should stop at one till she got her act together.  We were all grateful for that.

I wouldn't go so far as to get a daughter on birth control pills at 15, but I did have a friend who kept a huge supply of condoms in a bowl in the bathroom when their daughter was in HS.  If they disappeared, she bought more.  I liked that idea- it didn't matter if her DD was using them or handing them out to her friends.  They served a good purpose.

[sheilaincali]

Every time the issue of teen pregnancy comes up DH reminds me of two of his friends from high school.  When the girl found out she was pregnant she hid it from everyone for about 7 months. They finally broke down and told their parents together. First of her parents were upset that she didn't tell them sooner so she could be getting prenatal check ups. The parents were upset at first and then came together with a plan.

They agree to let them live with one set of the grandparents under certain rules.

A. they both had to graduate from high school

B. They both had to enroll in college

C. They would agree to practice safe sex and not have any more kids until after they were out of college.

D.  They would both work at least part time to contribute to their expenses.

I'm sure there were other rules too. But due to the support (financial and emotional) that they received from their parents they have defied most of the odds. They got married, the baby is not a healthy 21 year old. They both graduated from college and are teachers at their old high school. They went on to have 2 more kids and are still happily married.

I will admit that they did have an advantage in that they both came from financially stable families who had the means to help them out.

[Sam_2.0]

My parents didn't want us on birth control because they thought that gave us a license to have sex. Then the doc requested we be on it for other medical reasons. Good thing, too, since it kept DS from getting pregnant until she was 19 I want my kid to know our values and reasons, but she also has to make her own choices and I want her to be prepared for whatever choices she may make and not shame her for making choices differently than we would have hoped.

I am a big fan of the IUDs for young girls in at-risk populations. Saw a study once where they were giving them for free to girls in populations with high teen pregnancy rates. The Mirena is good for 5 years. If a girl gets that when she's 15 then she is covered until she's 20. It won't help with STDs so they still need to be smart about that, but there won't be any skipping pills or medical interactions (antibiotics). It gives them time to finish high school first. There are risks just as there are with any medical method, but I think the benefits are great. DS is going to talk to her step-daughter about getting one after the kiddo is born to prevent another one from coming along. And trying to see if the other step-daughter can get one before she gets pregnant.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

The no medical interactions with the Mirena isn't accurate. While it's mainly a barrier method it does also rely on progesterone and certain meds can interfere with it. My gyno made sure I understood that b/c a lot of women get the Mirena and Paraguard confused and she didn't want me to end up with a surprise.

Paraguard is the one you don't have to worry about b/c it has no hormones and that one is good for 10 years.

[constanz22]

I know here in NY, they still offer Norplant, or a variation of it.  The one that is implanted just under the skin of the upper arm, and is also good for 5 years.  I think one of the long term BC options should be required for any woman on welfare that has a child/children.  It should be mandatory to continue to receive welfare benefits.  JMHO after 20+ years in the social work field.

Another issue is that Medicaid will not pay for a woman under 25 to get their tubes tied unless for medical reasons.  I had another young mom on my caseload once, who was like 23-24 with 3 kids.  She asked over and over to get her tubes tied and they wouldn't do it.  Of course, baby number 4 came along shortly thereafter.  It's a shame really.  Unfortunately, those of us in the field develop a rather sick sense of humor about such issues and have come up with a whole slew of solutions.  The mobile vasectomy van where we'll offer them a carton of cigarettes and a case of beer to get clipped.  Or just taze them first...lol , and we have a similar plan for women.  Don't worry, we are equal offenders.

[Deleted]

I never got that about NYS. She's old enough to pop out a kid a year but she's not old enough to consent getting herself sterilized?!? smh

I think the state is worried about being sued down the road that the ladies were victims of forced sterilization. 

[wvugurl26]

I don't know what the age is in WV but they also are reluctant to do it. I had a cousin who was bipolar and ended up as a ward of the state before she was 18. She begged them repeatedly to tie her tubes and they would not do it. She knew herself well enough to know that the behaviors she engaged in were liable to get her pregnant and that she had zero business raising a child.

Of course the state refused and she did get pregnant a few years later by her loser husband. The child is and has always been raised by her step grandparents. Not exactly how they pictured their retirement but they didn't want the baby to end up in foster care.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm told that doctors here are reluctant to do them too.  But I think that's more on the "you'll change your mind" mentality. 

[Deleted]

And if they've already got a litter then preventing them from conceiving when they "change their mind" isn't a bad thing, IMHO.

[nutty]

Noooo Mutt gosh women and men procreating over the age of 40, bloody disgusting if you ask me....and I sure didn't know that women's uterii still work after the age of 40 and can incubate young.....NOOOO say it ain't say JOE. 

Do ya feel a bit put out that I said it was funny.

Mutt deigned to specifically quote that I said I thought it was funny when DGD and H are out that people ask how old OUR DD is.

Not sure why it was so interesting to Mutt but IT DID have nothing to do with anyone but H and I, you know doing that meet and smile over at eachother, it's a personal joke. Good grief no, DGB is not ours we stopped 20 years ago, I also said it could just be conversation who knows.

So when we encounter this situation we cock our head to the side and meet each others eyes and smile that little smile that says no we can give this one back.

[Deleted]

So are you and DH doing better, then?