Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2014 10:27:36 GMT -5
My Mom was pregnant with my brother when I was in 5th grade. She got us an age-appropriate book explaining where babies come from and then told us to ask her any questions after we read it.
I wish I could remember what it was called! I think it did a really good job explaining it without grossing us out.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Apr 16, 2014 10:30:08 GMT -5
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 16, 2014 10:33:47 GMT -5
How can people wait until puberty to start having those conversations with their kids? 5 year olds (in most cases) should know the medical explanation of how babies are made, and conversations continue from there. I'm not saying that alone will prevent these things but waiting until kids are going to be embarrassed by the mere thought of that conversation doesn't seem like a good way to get the kid to listen or absorb any of the info. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards I actually think the opposite. I don't want my 5 yr old to know any of this yet. I lot of moms that I know are VERY open about anything and everything sex/babies related. I know a few co-sleeping families where mothers are sleeping naked with their 4-5-6 yr old sons. Call me a prude, but I just don't see the reason for such young kids to know such complex things. that being said, my oldest, who is 5.5 has been bugging me to add "human body" to our science curriculum, but I will be saving a reproductive area for the very end and even then will be talking about it in very general terms. I just don't think that knowing how things work has anything to do with whether your kid will be having sex at 12 or 22 It's about being age appropriate and knowing that the lines of communication are always open, even for uncomfortable conversations. My mom had the book from the 70's--how was I born? and we started with that. By the time I was old enough to realize that they were potentially embarrassing conversations I also knew that my mom was willing to talk to me about them and we continued to have very open and honest conversations until I was 16. I know my friends were talking about sex by the age of 9 and they had some pretty wacked out ideas that came from tv and some from being molested and not understanding what had happened. Since we used 3rd party sperm donation to conceive the kids the clinic made us go to counseling and our biggest take away was to explain to the kids very young (and the therapist said around 3) how they were conceived so that it wasn't a secret to be ashamed of later on. So that was important to us as well.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Apr 16, 2014 10:35:48 GMT -5
There was a pregnant girl in my middle school (back in the mid 1980's). I didn't really interact with her. From what I remember she was kind of a bully so she really didn't get much sympathy from anyone at school. I never saw her after the end of that school year (I believe she had her baby in the summer). I have no idea what happened to her...
In high school there was girl in my AP History class (junior year) who was pregnant with her second child! She was extremely book smart but apparently needed a lesson in birth control. She was from an extremely poor family and lived at least 20 minutes east of where the high school was located. I do wonder what happened to her. The last I heard she had been accepted to a few state schools (which I think included some scholarships). I hope she made it out but with 2 kids who knows... so sad...
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Apr 16, 2014 10:38:14 GMT -5
In my parts middle schoolers are engaging in sexual activity that "technically" still keeps them virgins. I'm still grappling with how you talk to a 10 year old about oral and non-traditional forms of sex.
My kids were in grade school when the whole Clinton "I did not have sex with that women" was all over the news. We pretty quickly had to explain "oral and non-traditional forms of sex".
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 16, 2014 10:39:48 GMT -5
Oh God! I have an 11 year old and I could be the young mother's grandmother with the age of her and her mother. I guess I can be happy that my DD has managed to get to 18 and almost graduated from HS without ever being on drugs, arrested or pregnant.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Apr 16, 2014 10:46:09 GMT -5
Maybe parents should share this with their middle-school kids:
Link
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Apr 16, 2014 10:55:17 GMT -5
I think what bothers me the most was the attitude of the parents. They almost sounded proud.
While I know my parents would support me if I had wound up pregnant at 11, they would have been horribly disappointed in me. All I wanted to do was make them proud of me, not disappoint them, so this worked in their favor.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 16, 2014 11:10:41 GMT -5
This is why I'm glad I have a boy. Only have to worry about the one penis.
Like MPL's son my kid is super nerdy. Like seriously this kid wears bowties to school, by choice, on a regular basis. There are a number of girls that go for that sort of thing.
We used to sit DS down and make him watch 16 & Pregnant with us and point out all the trouble the kids were having. Financial, Academic, etc. We've told him repeatedly that when he becomes sexually active to always wear a condom. I said "girls will say they are on BC pills, but wear a condom anyway. I was on BC when I got pregnant with you". Fortunately he's very level headed so far and the girls in his social group are very serious and several have stated that they aren't dating anyone until they are over 18.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Apr 16, 2014 11:13:56 GMT -5
This is why I'm glad I have a boy. Only have to worry about the one penis.
Like MPL's son my kid is super nerdy. Like seriously this kid wears bowties to school, by choice, on a regular basis. There are a number of girls that go for that sort of thing.
We used to sit DS down and make him watch 16 & Pregnant with us and point out all the trouble the kids were having. Financial, Academic, etc. We've told him repeatedly that when he becomes sexually active to always wear a condom. I said "girls will say they are on BC pills, but wear a condom anyway. I was on BC when I got pregnant with you". Fortunately he's very level headed so far and the girls in his social group are very serious and several have stated that they aren't dating anyone until they are over 18. But one boy can father several children. At least a girl can only have one baby at a time (usually).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2014 11:14:31 GMT -5
Interestingly enough we got to the last chapter in daughter's Life Science today and as i was ripping the test out of the test booklet, i realized that there was another test... but no chapter in my teacher book and no chapter in her book... It was a test on human reproduction. Now this is the one and only 'Christian' science curriculum i'll ever buy... it was very thorough in some things, but I had to skip WAY too much God's World stuff and had to add Evolution ... but I'm wondering if the test pack was from a different edition and they removed that chapter ?? ... Interesting anyway... So, anyway, it opened up the door for yet another discussion on the potential cons of experimenting with anything that could lead to human reproduction... ... to which son of course deadpanned something about not having the right sized test tubes or source of refrigeration...
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 16, 2014 11:22:54 GMT -5
GOD WHY DID I HAVE A GIRL ? Ok. THIS could turn me into a helicopter parent. Well it is your DH's fault! It seems like a sad case of history repeating itself. The girl's mom is only 27 and has a 12 year old. I don't know how you break cycles like that. I'm 29 and having a kid would rock my world. I can't imagine being a grandmother!
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Apr 16, 2014 11:27:47 GMT -5
My sister will be a grandma this year at 28. It's her 17-yr old step-daughter that is having the baby, but still. Her DH was really young when he had her (just out of HS), so looks like daughter is following in her parents' footsteps.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Apr 16, 2014 11:30:55 GMT -5
It seems like a sad case of history repeating itself. The girl's mom is only 27 and has a 12 year old. I don't know how you break cycles like that. That is exactly what I thought. DS is 12 and one of the older kids in his class. He can barely talk to the girl he likes. Thank God.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 16, 2014 11:33:10 GMT -5
Sam this is true. However, I hope he is smarter than that. This is a kid that takes his schooling and his plans for his future very seriously. It would be very out of character for him to start sleeping around with half a dozen different girls and get them all pregnant.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Apr 16, 2014 11:40:21 GMT -5
I'm trying to wrap my brain around the fact that there are grandmothers who are 3 years younger than me...
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Apr 16, 2014 11:41:13 GMT -5
When I watched the first couple seasons of 16 and pregnant, most of the mothers of the 16 year olds had kids as teens themselves. Maybe it was when they were 18 or 19, but they were still teen moms.
My impression in high school (and junior high) is that sex ed does matter. My school district had a pretty proactive health courses, covered sex ed starting in Junior high science - STDs, reproduction etc. We still had teen pregnancies. Usually in high school, one girl each year had a baby out of a school of 300. Not great, but not too bad either. I don't know what the school district south of us was doing for sex ed, but it was not working. My senior year, their graduating class of 45 students had 7 girls pregnant or had babies in high school!! Assuming 2/3 of the class was girls (which was the ratio at my high school), that is 23% of them as teen moms! Yikes! It will be interesting to see the 2 girls from my class that became teen moms. Both of them were pregnant when we graduated, but had the babies later in the year. JJ married the baby daddy. Their oldest daughter is now 13. I wonder if she'll end up following her parent's footsteps. JT might have married her baby daddy but I know they aren't married any more. She's got 4 kids and some of them having different father's. I don't know all the details there.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Apr 16, 2014 11:48:10 GMT -5
Well, I meant to have the sex talk with DS at 9. He's 10, and I know I need to do it now. We haven't talked the big talk for many reasons. Sure, he knows egg and sperm meet, and that's the extent of it. Any further explanations have previously been met with my DS telling me I'm wrong and him laughing. In my parts middle schoolers are engaging in sexual activity that "technically" still keeps them virgins. I'm still grappling with how you talk to a 10 year old about oral and non-traditional forms of sex. We also have to talk seriously about addictions, since they tend to run in H's family..I'm also still grappling with that as well. I don't want to scare the kid or have him think he's being deviant in his teens, but he does have to be careful. It would be easier if we had more talking points about sex. We talk about other things like drugs and drinking quite easily. But IMVHO, it's easier to when your favorite sports player is caught juicing or when pictures of heron addicts that have ODed show up on the news. DH and I both have teen moms in our families, but we don't have relationships with them. We've looked at some book series to use with DD. Not sure which one I want to order yet but I will get one soon. They start at toddler age and go up through adolescence. It helps to introduce things at an age-appropriate level and helps with discussion. As a kid that was sexually abused when I was very young, I want DD to have some knowledge of what is appropriate and what is not. Knowing that can help prevent abuse or at least let the kid know it was not right and hopefully report it. And I don't really want her getting her info on sex from the playground with other 8-10yr olds I would rather she know the facts before hand. Can you let me know what you get? Our DDs are the same age and would like to be prepared.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Apr 16, 2014 11:53:03 GMT -5
Sure, Taz.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Apr 16, 2014 11:59:45 GMT -5
We used the book "It's so Amazing" when our son was younger. It's informational but done as a cartoon (with a bird and a bee) so it's geared toward kid level. One of the characters was really embarrassed to talk about sex, so that helped too. I think we first read it at about 7 when I was getting concerned that he might get mis information on the playground.
Now we do a lot of joking around. When we watch TV and a it shows a couple in bed I'll say " I hope he's wearing a condom or she's going to get pregnant"
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2014 12:02:50 GMT -5
As we all learned from Dark (at least I did), having kids at a young age is not all that bad.
The kid is going to be out of the house when the parents are 30 and 31. How awesome is that!
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Apr 16, 2014 13:07:11 GMT -5
The kid is going to be out of the house when the parents are 30 and 31. How awesome is that!
It's great .......... until the kid can't find a job and comes back home with kids in tow.
When DD started developing and taking physical science class in Jr Hi I told her if she starts screwing around she will end up pregnant. It must have worked because she waited until a couple years after marriage for her first baby.
While I was in high school a couple of my classmates took care of a sick aunt for about 6 months. During that time girls gave their babies up for adoption and came back to finish high school. 1950s A couple of them were pregnant at graduation but went to Vegas and married that weekend.
We had DD 10 months after marriage and a lot of people carefully counted the months. I still remember DD (age 8) asking me when DH and I married. I could see her mentally counting the months in her head. I guess at school someone told her that it takes 9 months for a baby. She was happy when the count got to 10.
Kids are very smart little creatures. LOL
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2014 13:17:47 GMT -5
We got married when I was 5 month pregnant with the second one... we didn't want the little bastards to have any ambiguity in terms of the math...
Again, i guess this is a place where i feel a little hesitant to do a 'where were the parents'... cause try as you will, its still there but for the grace of (insert whatever higher power you might believe)...
I think the dad was upset. But what are you going to do at that point? Paint her room scarlet and make her wear a hair shirt? ... Its like the women i know who won't go to a baby shower for a teen mom because they don't want to 'encourage' the behavior... so I get to be one of the only ones there... me, who is probably the only one who wouldn't have cared if she'd chosen an abortion instead...
Once a baby is here... you deal with it, and you celebrate it the best you can... you deal with the consequences in a manner that minmizes the cons as much as possible... can't do much else at that point.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 16, 2014 13:26:27 GMT -5
You give the baby up for adoption since children not capable of supporting themselves have no business having children. Another cradle to grave mentality strikes again. Better parents would help, too. If all that 12 year old has been exposed to is people with the attitude that having a child have another child, maybe that 12 year old needs some decent parents too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2014 13:28:30 GMT -5
You volunteering?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2014 13:28:39 GMT -5
HA! Us too. And that is why I didn't have a baby shower. I told my Mom that I didn't expect relatives to shell out for two gifts for me within a year.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Apr 16, 2014 13:35:54 GMT -5
My BBF from college had her first exactly nine months after her wedding. I didn't care one way or another but her mother made a big deal at the shower saying how delighted she was about a "Honeymoom" baby. I was also thrilled to be able to buy two gifts (and plan two showers) for happy occassions within a year .
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2014 13:46:28 GMT -5
I am sure that would be the prevailing attitude with everyone, but I won't be steamrolled into doing something I don't want to do. ETA: and I have anecdotal evidence that people will give you gifts whether you have a shower or not.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Apr 16, 2014 13:59:00 GMT -5
You give the baby up for adoption since children not capable of supporting themselves have no business having children. Another cradle to grave mentality strikes again. Better parents would help, too. If all that 12 year old has been exposed to is people with the attitude that having a child have another child, maybe that 12 year old needs some decent parents too. Good grief. Not everyone in the world is some scammer out to game the system, and not every story is a reason to rail against welfare. There is absolutely nothing in this story that indicates they are expecting any government support. In fact, the girl's father specifically says he will support them. That said, were it my own child I would have encouraged adoption or abortion. She was 8 months pregnant when her parents found out, so obviously abortion was out of the question. So in that case I do think giving the baby up for adoption would have been a good choice - for the 12 year old mom and for the baby. But you can't force people to give up their babies, and I know it's not a choice a lot of people could/would make. At this point they all really just have to make the best of the situation. There is no point in trying to punish anyone now, when they need support and love to have any hope of raising a healthy, happy child.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Apr 16, 2014 14:06:51 GMT -5
We got married when I was 5 month pregnant with the second one... we didn't want the little bastards to have any ambiguity in terms of the math... Again, i guess this is a place where i feel a little hesitant to do a 'where were the parents'... cause try as you will, its still there but for the grace of (insert whatever higher power you might believe)... I think the dad was upset. But what are you going to do at that point? Paint her room scarlet and make her wear a hair shirt? ... Its like the women i know who won't go to a baby shower for a teen mom because they don't want to 'encourage' the behavior... so I get to be one of the only ones there... me, who is probably the only one who wouldn't have cared if she'd chosen an abortion instead... Once a baby is here... you deal with it, and you celebrate it the best you can... you deal with the consequences in a manner that minmizes the cons as much as possible... can't do much else at that point. So glad my mother took me to the doctor and had me on birth control when I was 15. She knew she couldn't watch me every minute of the day - and although I was a smart kid hormones can make anyone stupid for a few very vital moments. If I had a daughter I would get her the shot or the implant - the pills are too easy to forget. I have two stepsons, and the older one (who just turned 15) is very popular with the girls. I know his dad has talked to him, but I just worry he hasn't been as persuasive and comprehensive as he should be. I also worry that their talks may have been ALL "wear a condom" when they should also involve discussions of girls feelings and the continuous repetition of "no really does mean no. Always. And even if you're both already naked."
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