how old for first kid?

[jras]

how old is "too old" to be having ones first (and only) child?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Little kids are tiring.  I can't always keep up with mine.  I'll be 44 this summer and the kids are 4.5 and going on 6. 

[mollyanna58]

Is it that DW wants a child and brought up the subject, or do you want to broach the subject to her? 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

First question you should ask is does your wife want to have kids? If she does then proceed from there.

You'd need to discuss when you'd retire and what you want it to look like. Do kids fit into that picture? Are you willing to modify your vision of retirement to fit kids?

Really it all comes down to what you and your wife are comfortable with.

DH will be 41 when our second kid is born. We discussed it and he told me he'd like to be done before he hits 45. I'm only 30 so I had to take into consideration DH didn't want to waffle as long as I might be willing to when it came to having another kid.

[mollyanna58]

Well, that ended quickly.

[tloonya]

If your doctor says you are strong enough to carry a baby for 9 month - go for it.
There is no 'age'...for it.
Where I came from - 29 years old were cold 'late pregnancy'...
Nowadays when prenatal care is so advanced - there is no age limit, I think...
But do not spoil that kid rotten just because its your last creation...them late kids are sometimes just

[The Captain]

I had a friend in college who buried her dad when she was 20.  His second marriage.  Her stepmother then proceeded to cut her off to support the younger brothers and sisters so the second half of her junior year and her senior year totally blew financially while she was greiving for the loss of a second parent.

Her dad was around 65 if I recall.  Her next oldest brother was 12 or so so I think he was in his early to mid-50's when his second family was born.

Take your age and add 21 minimum, 30 to allow the kid to really get on their feet.  Do you think you'll be around that long?

Personally, I think 40-45 is the limit, but I'm very conservative.

I cringed at the media specticle of the 62yo walking his 11yo down the asile to give her memories...yea, her only memories will be of a father really to old to do things most fathers do with their kids.

 

[tloonya]

Apr 8, 2014 14:55:26 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Well, that ended quickly.

You think they are 'doing it' right now?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

No it was about the OP is a few years away from retirement and has a wife 10 years younger than him. He wanted to know how old is too old to have kids.

[tloonya]

Apr 8, 2014 14:57:21 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

No it was about the OP is a few years away from retirement and has a wife 10 years younger than him. He wanted to know how old is too old to have kids.

So...63 and 53? Doable. This is what Viagra for, isn't it?

[steph08]

My personal cap would be about 52 - that puts you at 70 when the kid graduates from high school. 70 isn't as "old" as it used to be, but a lot of 70-year-olds aren't young and spry either.

DH and I are having our first child at 28 (me) and 35 (him) and he's worried about being too old.

[jras]

oops, I thought I nipped this in the bud. sorry. well, DW would certainly love to have one. I never did want any but over past few years have sometimes felt that it could be a good thing. Now I actually am rather interested. I think I forget how it's done though (just kidding)

Actually, it seems it could even work out well, financially, retirement-wise, etc. The only thing though is that most of my family has died off, and this would be dooming the kid to the "early death" of the parent(s) and lack of family connections. Still...

[giramomma]

It all depends.

I know a couple that married later..sometime in their 40's. They had one bio kid and adopted another one. I think dad is close to 65, has a 17 yo kid, and usually ski's the birkie as long as the birkie's a go  www.birkie.com/.

I know another woman that turned 50 and then adopted a chinese girl. The girl was 4, but has some issues to attend to (needs an IEP at school, pretty severe cleft palate). She also does ski patrol (at the birkie), works nearly full time, etc..... She's gone through either two or three husbands. (I've forgotten now), and her only bio son died in a car crash right before he graduated HS.

I'm almost 40, and the kids freaking wear me out. But, I'm also not in good physical condition.

You don't need to have a baby. I wish, wish, wish we were in a different position. On our state's adoption site, there are two teen aged boys that would like to be adopted. They have no issues (physical, cognitive, emotional). They just want to be adopted. I'd take them in a heartbeat if we were in a different place of our lives.

[mmhmm]

If you wish, I can remove the thread, jras.  It doesn't make sense, at this point, to have an empty first post.  If you don't want to discuss the matter, it's best to remove, or lock the thread.

mmhmm, Administrator

ETA:  Since you've replaced the first post, I'll assume you do want to discuss the topic and leave things as they are.

[Deleted]

Well, my aunt kept adopting well into her 50's.  She's 65 with 4 still at home (one is disabled).  They are 35, 17, 15, and 12.  She seems happy and is very active.  She said the kids keep her young.

[Shooby]

You get them when you get them. If the time is right, then the time is right. What other people think is irrelevant. Somebody has to be the "old mother" and somebody has to be the "young mother".

[HoneyBBQ]

My H had a child when he was "old" compared to most people. He had 2 teenage children from wife #1.

It was my first and only child and I was 34 when she was born.

I think he would have been fine without. I so was I for many years, but honestly, when we got together and I saw how much he loved his kids - I wanted one, too. Most people thing he is at least 10 years younger than he is, and he certainly acts like a kid and goofs offs all the time. He's healthy and fit. I think it's more about your mental status than anything.

You can blame parents for dying saying they were too old, etc. But the truth is you never know what can happen. My father died when I was under 10. He was not too old, he was unlucky. The 62 yr old posted earlier with his 11 year old- he has pancreatic cancer. That disease can strike old and young alike. I don't think 51 is too old for a father, but then again, I have an "old" spouse.

If you WANT a child, HAVE a child. Provide well with time and love while you have it. Have life insurance and a will. Know what will happen to your child if something were to happen to you, and if something were to happen to both of you. And this should happen whether you are young OR old.

[HoneyBBQ]

WAIT. this is jerky, but weren't you (aren't you?) on the brink of divorce? And your wife is too ill to work? I would certainly reconsider. HIGHLY. You need a stable and happy marriage. Sorry.

[andreawick]

52 is the oldest that you're allowed to have a kid.

[zibazinski]

Dfs father had a second family. He died very young and very fast from pancreatic cancer. Left kids in junior hi and high school. He was going to leave her for someone new before the cancer got him. So there could have been another family. Yes, that spectacle of that old man walking his kid down the aisle was just that-a spectacle. I don't know why people have to parade private crap like that. Sick. My dad was old when I was born, 46. I lost him at 72 but I was in my twenties by then and he had married me off! But he missed his grandchildren and all their accomplishments and my kids missed the most awesome grandpa ever.

[midjd]

My dad was 46-47 when my youngest sibs were born (he's almost 57 now). On one hand, he has much more patience with them than he did with us, and - by all appearances - is a much better father. (He was 26-32 when we were born).

On the other hand... have you seen those slideshows that show how much each President aged during his term in office? He looks like that. He's also had a few hospital stays already and I doubt he'll live to see them graduate college.

So it really depends. If you're physically healthy, in a strong relationship, and really want kids - go for it. Age doesn't matter that much.

If you're already having health issues, or aren't sure how strong your marriage is, or are on the fence about kids in the first place - think it over. They are a hell of a lot of work.

[swamp]

I had my kids at 36 and 37. While I am a much better parent than I would have been when I was in my 20's, those liitle buggers wear me out.  I'm now 44. I don't think I could deal with a newborn or chase around a toddler. 

[alabamagal]

My DHs cousin just announced his wife is pregnant.   They are both 44. Not that unusual, but they had their first very young (18) and are already grandparents of a 3 year old.

[milee]

Apr 8, 2014 19:46:00 GMT -5 swamp said:

I had my kids at 36 and 37. While I am a much better parent than I would have been when I was in my 20's, those liitle buggers wear me out.  I'm now 44. I don't think I could deal with a newborn or chase around a toddler. 

One of my friends who is 46 or 47 just had her first baby. It's a gorgeous, sweet baby and I'm happy for her, but whenever I see them all I can think is that I'm so glad it's her baby, not mine.

That being said, right now I'm only a few years older than DH was when we had the first oops and still younger than he was when we had the second.  Guess that's what you get when you go for the younger wife.   

[sarcasticgirl]

The thing is... You never really know how long you'll live. If you are healthy and active and capable, then why not?

Sent from my Nexus 10

[Deleted]

Older can also mean more able to hire help... That can make a big difference. 

How do you currently picture your retirement?

[thyme4change]

When our kids were 5 and 6 YO, we went to a friend's 50th birthday party.  Her kids are the same age as my kids.  I remember thinking that must be so tiring, but she is a great mom.  

[cronewitch]

I think any age if you want to and are healthy and have a healthy baby. Having a special needs baby that you need to take care of for life would be harder to face if you start off older. If you have something happen to your adult child and take on raising a grand child you might be too old. I had a boss who was about 75 and a son in college. His wife had a son when he married her then he married and had two sons. He and his wife were killed in a car accident leaving two boys. The women's family took one boy but refused this one because he was adopted so they had to take in a grand child in their 50s.

All too common for people to depend on parents to help raise the children.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Me personally, I couldn't imagine having kids after forty. Modern medicine wise, you can procreate well into decrepitude. No idea why you'd want to, but somewhere there's a fertility clinic willing to help you have a first while everyone else your age is already a grandparent.

[sarcasticgirl]

Apr 8, 2014 14:57:06 GMT -5 The Captain said:

I had a friend in college who buried her dad when she was 20.  His second marriage.  Her stepmother then proceeded to cut her off to support the younger brothers and sisters so the second half of her junior year and her senior year totally blew financially while she was greiving for the loss of a second parent.

Her dad was around 65 if I recall.  Her next oldest brother was 12 or so so I think he was in his early to mid-50's when his second family was born.

Take your age and add 21 minimum, 30 to allow the kid to really get on their feet.  Do you think you'll be around that long?

Personally, I think 40-45 is the limit, but I'm very conservative.

I cringed at the media specticle of the 62yo walking his 11yo down the asile to give her memories...yea, her only memories will be of a father really to old to do things most fathers do with their kids.

 

I buried my dad when I was 17. He was only 47. Sadly, you never know.

On the other hand, a friend's mom is about to turn 80, she has a more active social life than most people that I know. You'd swear she had to be 60.



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