sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Apr 9, 2014 8:41:17 GMT -5
DH's dad passed away when DH was 5 (dad was 42) so having DH when he was 37 didn't guarantee he'd see DH graduate even kindergarten. Shit happens. Two years later his uncle died at 42 and left behind an 18 year old daughter and a 20 year old daughter. One of DH's frat brothers was a late in life Oops baby and born when his parents were in their late 40's. S is 43 now and his folks are still alive. There is no formula on when is the best time to have kids.
I had DS when I was 22 and I am very much looking forward to DH and I being empty-nesters in two years when the Boy leaves for college. But we only had a year of marriage pre-kid. I will tell you this- when I visit my friends that have small children all I can think is "thank god that's not me". I don't have the energy or desire to chase after small children and have my sleep interrupted.
That's just my opinion- but I'm at a place where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and am enjoying my son's teenage years. Even if teaching him to drive is giving me gray hairs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 8:43:20 GMT -5
Sometimes you gotta take 'em when you get 'em. I had DS at 31; a great age. I'd established myself in my career but still had plenty of energy to deal with a child. I have 2 nieces who had difficulty getting pregnant. One, after a few miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy, gave birth to twin girls at age 40. The other had trouble because her husband had a low sperm count and they're expecting twins (also girls) next month. She's 35. I'm sure both couples had help and I'm SO happy for them.
When I had DS, my then-husband's sister and her husband (ages 36 and 41 at the time) had a son at the same time. They were at DS' wedding; DBIL is getting older but he's still a great guy and has been around to see his grandchildren by this son. He was a great Dad; he and SIL had a very successful business and were able to back off a little and enjoy raising my nephew.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 8:49:09 GMT -5
I'm 45 with a 3 year old and he's a riot. I can't imagine life without him.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 9, 2014 9:01:39 GMT -5
I had DD at 30and DS at 38. I think looking back 30 is my ideal age. I was old enough to be mature and mostly set up in life. She had friends whose parents were really young. I helped them when I could and it was easy to see how much a toll the stress took on them. So while they may have had the energy of youth on their side it didn't help much considering how much extra crap they had to deal with. By the time I had DS I was much more relaxed but man did I have less energy at 38 than I had at 30! As DD is getting ready for college DH and I are both almost 50. Thinking about retirement makes me wish we were doing this with our last instead of our first.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Apr 9, 2014 9:36:12 GMT -5
I had mine at 29 and 32. I would have started younger if DH let me!
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Apr 9, 2014 9:54:35 GMT -5
It's all personal preference and what you want out of life. I wouldn't trade the fun I had in my 20's and early 30's for kids when I could have kids later. I was playing on 5 different sports teams each season, traveling around the world for work, happy hours and clubs after work, concerts, making bad decisions- like hoping on the back of Harley to go to Daytona bike week, marti gras, etc. Stuff I most definitely would be risk adverse to do later in life. For me, having kids was slowing down. If you keep your body in shape, there is no reason you can't have plenty of energy in your 40's, 50's and on. I personally think it seems boring to be an empty nester at 40 something when you still have to work and everyone else is raising kids, but to each his or her own (no judgement to those who prefer it that way).
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Apr 9, 2014 10:08:58 GMT -5
When I say younger, I don't mean 20, just that I was ready a couple years before we had them. 27 and 30 would have been ideal to me. Not that two years makes much difference. You're right though, I got in an extra two years of traveling and me time and my career is probably better for waiting too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 10:22:15 GMT -5
It's all personal preference and what you want out of life. I wouldn't trade the fun I had in my 20's and early 30's for kids when I could have kids later. I was playing on 5 different sports teams each season, traveling around the world for work, happy hours and clubs after work, concerts, making bad decisions- like hopping on the back of Harley to go to Daytona bike week, mardi gras, etc. Amen to that. Once I got out of college, studying for actuarial exams (in addition to my FT job) was a huge time sump, but I also "played the field" and got to Europe a couple of times on vacation. I've always said you should have kids either before you do everything else, or after, although you're rolling the dice if you pick "after". I would have liked a second child but it didn't happen, and my 2 nieces mentioned earlier had a really hard time of it.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 9, 2014 10:53:44 GMT -5
I wouldn't have a baby/adopt after age 40. I'm 44 and we adopted our first when I was 34 and our second when I was 36... sometimes I wish we had started earlier... I definitely wouldn't do it later. People have different energy level. I had always been a couch potato and for me having a kid at 18 would be the same as if I had it now. My friend on another hand has 2 children and at 55 is watching 2 grandkids full time (well, almost) and working full time and cooking from scratch every day and making preserves, pickling, feeding all of her friends with her home-made stuff, attending her garden...you name it! So if she was about to have another child right now - she would just do it. See? You have to know who you are and what is your energy level.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 9, 2014 10:55:12 GMT -5
I'm 45 with a 3 year old and he's a riot. I can't imagine life without him. You are not a lazy type, right?
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vonna
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Post by vonna on Apr 9, 2014 10:59:45 GMT -5
Well, most of the responses here seem like people are happy with the choices they made. If you think about it, that is what life should be about! Happy with your own life, so you recommend others follow your same path!
Those that had kids younger can't imagine starting over again with a baby, and look forward to their empty nest years . . .
Those that had kids older can't imagine life without their "babies" and are glad they waited until they were ready . . .
Bottom line, life is an individual thing! There is no "one" right answer.
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jras
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Post by jras on Apr 9, 2014 11:02:25 GMT -5
I'm surprised I didn't get flamed. There are good reasons for being flamed for even thinking of having a kid at such a late age... it would be selfish and consigns the kid to likely losses.
(Maybe if I'd left up the original first post with its details I would've been flamed)
On the other hand, my finances are certainly way, way, way better than for someone of more normal child-rearing age. And once retired I would be able to be around all the time for the kid, not away at work. Also, I wouldn't be distracted by such things as "work".
How do I see my retirement? Well, I don’t want to go off and play shuffleboard. I've really had 40 years of 'doing my own thing' as an adult. I don't think I need any more, I wouldn't do anything more than I've done already.
My health and activity and physical condition are pretty good. No potbelly here. etc.
But I am pipe dreaming really. I doubt that DW is fertile; that's what she tells me even though she has always been eager for a child.
Yes, it was me last month posting about our marriage traumas. I am more convinced that there is a hormonal component to this seeing as how this month the same situation emerged, although I was able to short-circuit the trauma. But this child thing isn't a last ditch effort to save a failing marriage by having a child.
Well, I will keep dreaming...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 11:06:04 GMT -5
I'm 45 with a 3 year old and he's a riot. I can't imagine life without him. You are not a lazy type, right? Define lazy. I do like my couch in the evening too. Early bedtimes!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 9, 2014 11:08:23 GMT -5
I doubt that DW is fertile; that's what she tells me even though she has always been eager for a child.
If you were both open to it you could always adopt. You could adopt a baby if you wanted that experience or you could adopt an older child and skip that stage. There is nothing that says she needs to be pregnant in order to be a parent.
Yes, it was me last month posting about our marriage traumas. I am more convinced that there is a hormonal component to this seeing as how this month the same situation emerged, although I was able to short-circuit the trauma. But this child thing isn't a last ditch effort to save a failing marriage by having a child
Now that you've prompted me to remember your last thread, before you consider doing anything child wise you do really need to get your marital issues under control. Even in the happiest of marriages having a child is like setting off a landmine. Adding a child to the mix if things are still as bad as they were is a recipe for disaster for everyone.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 9, 2014 11:09:05 GMT -5
You are not a lazy type, right? Define lazy. I do like my couch in the evening too. Early bedtimes! But you have no problem running after a toddler! And if there were no couch time - just bed time - you wouldn't mind, right?
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Apr 9, 2014 11:12:59 GMT -5
I'm surprised I didn't get flamed. There are good reasons for being flamed for even thinking of having a kid at such a late age... it would be selfish and consigns the kid to likely losses. (Maybe if I'd left up the original first post with its details I would've been flamed) On the other hand, my finances are certainly way, way, way better than for someone of more normal child-rearing age. And once retired I would be able to be around all the time for the kid, not away at work. Also, I wouldn't be distracted by such things as "work". How do I see my retirement? Well, I don’t want to go off and play shuffleboard. I've really had 40 years of 'doing my own thing' as an adult. I don't think I need any more, I wouldn't do anything more than I've done already. My health and activity and physical condition are pretty good. No potbelly here. etc. But I am pipe dreaming really. I doubt that DW is fertile; that's what she tells me even though she has always been eager for a child. Yes, it was me last month posting about our marriage traumas. I am more convinced that there is a hormonal component to this seeing as how this month the same situation emerged, although I was able to short-circuit the trauma. But this child thing isn't a last ditch effort to save a failing marriage by having a child. Well, I will keep dreaming... Do not dream too long, you are not getting any younger you know And remember - sometimes children lose young parents to all sorts of things...if you feeling like you said pretty good - god speed! We are going to be here...waiting.
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