Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2014 20:26:53 GMT -5
I know this whole thing is stressing you out, but I'm really confused about why you're upset. I'm reading this as you do think of him as the one who got away. But, I'm not sure that makes sense either. No, he was just a rebound bf. It lasted way too long and many terrible things happened, all of which were my fault. A lot of time has passed and I think we're on good terms. I don't have concerns about him being mean to my son. You can't just post that and not say more.... we need details.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Apr 3, 2014 20:43:36 GMT -5
Well considering that he was an ex what 15 or so years ago (married 11 years, dated DH, another BF) I would say just follow Later's advice and say "so and so" is coaching the team and leave it at that. No reason to either provide more information or withhold that information; nor is there anything to feel guilty about. It is all too long ago.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2014 7:35:08 GMT -5
I think after all this time he should be in a better place emotionally than he was when you broke up. But if he self-destructs, it is not your fault.
I have had have limited contact with my DS's coaches -- they usually talk to the parents as a group instead of individually. They're there to interact with the kids, not us.
I do think it will become a non-issue after 2 or 3 practices. Good luck!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Apr 4, 2014 7:39:48 GMT -5
Well, you can always tell him "I'm sorry I was a jerk, bitch, etc. I'm really glad you're doing great."
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2014 7:49:04 GMT -5
Of course he was not abusive. I would never consider letting my child be on his team if I knew that about him. So, I thought a lot about this last night, especially because everyone here thought it was strange that I feel guilt. Here's what I think (and I'm a little embarrassed to share it because I realize it sounds like I'm very conceited and a little bit delusional): When ex-bf and I were dating, (here's the conceited part) I think he liked me too much. Way too much. That's why I was able to get away with as much as I did, why he put up with it, why he made some terrible decisions, and why his life came pretty close to ruins. This was a long time ago and things seem to be going well for him now -he's married, has a family, seems happy, etc. (Here comes the delusional AND conceited part.) I'm worried that by showing up in his life again, it could cause him to self destruct. I'm not planning on interacting with him anymore than I have to, but for some reason I think that my mere presence could trigger something. Ridiculous, right? I told dh, via text, about the coach and I think it's fine. I had to work 12 hours so I didn't see him yesterday. There was a million details during the day that I had to wrap up, so I sent him a text in the evening with updates saying something like "took care of this and that and oh, by the way, I was able to get ds on a team even though we missed the deadline, but in an awkward turn of events, xxx will be his coach". Dh just replied "you were busy". I think he would of called or said something (at least sarcastically) if he was bothered. I'm sure everything will be fine and this isn't a big deal and it will only be uncomfortable for the first few practices. I'm going to try and not think about it anymore. Did he kill someone you hated just to try to get you to like him?
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Apr 4, 2014 7:59:58 GMT -5
I think after all this time he should be in a better place emotionally than he was when you broke up. But if he self-destructs, it is not your fault. I have had have limited contact with my DS's coaches -- they usually talk to the parents as a group instead of individually. They're there to interact with the kids, not us. I do think it will become a non-issue after 2 or 3 practices. Good luck! When my son played baseball the only contact parents had with coach was when some irate parent made an ass out of themselves in the stands or got in the coaches face about not playing their angel. Me, I took a frozen Daiquiri in an Icee cup and climbed up to the top of the bleachers and sat in a corner all by myself so I wasn't able to reach/slap said parents. Lots of Daiquiris since my son played from age 6 to 16
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Apr 4, 2014 8:59:38 GMT -5
Well. I do understand now. It's been a long time, and I'm sure he's fine. Focus on your babies and you will be fine too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2014 9:06:14 GMT -5
Ahhh, I had totally misinterpretted the guilt. I thought you felt guilty towards your husband. You feel guilty towards the coach! So apologise and congratulate him on doing so well and get it over with. Whether he "let you get away with it" or not, you obviously harmed the guy. You should feel guilty. I don't think you will feel better until you apologize. And pay back whatever money you owe him.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Apr 4, 2014 12:30:56 GMT -5
Does your dh know and if not will he flip out about it? (Shouldn't matter of course, but everyone has to choose their own hills to die on). I just found out and haven't told him yet. I don't know what his reaction will be. Don't try and jump (the coach's ) his bones, and both you and husband will be fine with it. Honestly, I've faced my exhusband, whom I am not fond of, a few times, and we were just polite to each other, and just moved on.
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