DH lost his job - WWYD?

[mmhmm]

Those who don't like Ensure and that sort of nutrition drink (thicker, usually chocolate, vanilla, strawberry) will often like Breeze.  It's more like a fruit juice.  I know they've got the wild berry mother likes, orange, and some other flavors.  Walgreens might carry them.  They were my go-to in the hospital for patients who weren't eating well and wouldn't drink Ensure if you threatened them.

[Lizard Queen]

Update:

(I haven't been to the store yet to look for Breeze--forgot about it when I was getting some Depends for mom in case of night-time accidents)

Survived the week of 4 tests.  The first one, I could have sworn I failed, and I didn't even care.  It's pretty bad when the students are complaining to the professor during the test.  He let every one have a second stab at the problem section today, was very lenient with the grading, so I got 41/50 before the update from the problem rework.  Accounting test was 94, which is fine.  I didn't study much, since I was so worried about the first test.

Tuesday night, mom's helper called me at 8:30.  My mom wasn't acting herself and could barely get up, but didn't want to go to bed.  I went over there 9ish.  She may have taken a full dose of Ativan instead of the half dose she normally takes.  I don't know.  I got her to bed, but didn't make a bathroom pitstop first.  That made Wed. morning bad, if you can imagine.  A little more with it, but still not walking great.  Another call from the helper last night, again, went over there at 9ish.  She was more with it and walking much better, so that was good.  


Today, mom was back to normal pretty much. My test this morning was okay.  I should have studied more, but spending 2.5-3 hrs at my mom's put a dent in the available time.  Studied for the problem rework.  That went okay.  Then I studied for my last test.  I should have studied more for it, but I was studied out.  That class is at the end of the day, and it gets just the remnants of my time and energy, unfortunately.  Totally forgot to take a quiz before class started on Tuesday, and forgot to read my chapter and write up a summary for today.  Neither should affect my grade, but evidence that things are starting to unravel.

Tomorrow morning, going to mom's and her PT will be there for the final time.  Then off to GR to do a tour for extra credit for my mgmt. class (which I need if I want to hope to get an A).  Mom's helper is coming in the afternoon, so she should be set for the afternoon.  Then when I get home, DS2 needs to get his shots up to date before we change insurances.  Maybe pick up perch for dinner for everyone.

Saturday morning, off to school again for special Excel session. I need to check on my mom too--wish my brother would, but can't count on him for anything on the weekends.

Somehow, I need to do an industry analysis with a presentation by Tuesday, plus read a chapter in accounting, do the homework and a case.  Read some stuff for my Ethics class, I think I'll avoid looking to see if anything is due for management.  Theoretically, it should be doable, but that is not taking into account helping my mom.  The time I will spend over there is a complete wildcard, and I can't concentrate on any of my work if I'm over there and mom's awake.

Oh, and I still need to apply for a couple of internships.

[mizbear]

When my Mom moved in with me after my dgm's death it got pretty hairy. Still is. her being here skewed the finances and everything. I finally had to put my foot down and stand up for me. Some people say I am a total b-i-zitch for doimg it, but I had to.
You need to take care of you too

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 21, 2014 3:49:40 GMT -5 mizbear said:

When my Mom moved in with me after my dgm's death it got pretty hairy. Still is. her being here skewed the finances and everything. I finally had to put my foot down and stand up for me. Some people say I am a total b-i-zitch for doimg it, but I had to.
You need to take care of you too

Good for you for standing up for yourself.  There are always some people that will say nasty things.
Thanks, I'm trying.  I pretty much gave up on getting back into shape for now, though.    I wish I had more energy to do everything I should be doing.

[Lizard Queen]

  Just checked Mgt class assignments.  There's a quiz on the next chapter due by 8:30 am Tues.  We just had our last exam the last class period!     Does this professor not realize this isn't the only class most of us are taking and we have to plan ahead of time?

[Lizard Queen]

So, today my brother took my mom to the foot doctor.  Everything was fine there, but my mom decides she wants to go to Poland for a 6 week visit.  That would be great, but she wants to go with her caretaker's sister and 5 yo daughter, who are leaving Friday.  Her caretaker doesn't think it's a good idea--my mom isn't strong enough yet, and it would be too hard for her sister with a little kid in tow.  Well, my mom's not getting any stronger, but if some stranger doesn't want to help her, then I'm not going to press the issue with them.  We can figure out some other way.

I have homework/projects due tomorrow up the wazzoo, and my brother keeps calling and talking, and talking and talking about it.  If it's happening, fine, if not, whatever, but I don't have time to chit-chat all day about it!  

[Lizard Queen]

Really frustrated with my mom now.  Stopped over there on my way home last night and suddenly she's balking at the cost of her caretaker.  This week was the most she's been there--16 hours, and I was thinking of seeing if we could find another one to come on the days she doesn't come.  Mom says she doesn't need help, and I tell her she needs more--that I need to get a job and won't be able to come over there 2/3x a day every day.  I have kids at home I'd like to see!  She barely batted an eye when my brother stole $1000 from her to pay for his boat slip, but is too cheap to spend < $200/week for help for herself.     We're lucky if my brother stops over there more than once a week, while this lady has cleaned her house from top to bottom.  My mom was in hospital/rehab for a month, where they didn't even touch my mom's in-grown toenails, and this lady fixed them right up.

[Shooby]

Part of the reason for saving money is that you can pay people to help you down the road. Too many elderly people either don't want to admit they need help or don't want to pay for it. The reality is that if they would just understand this and pay for the care they need, they might wind up with many more years of living in their home versus winding up having to go to long term care. It costs money. If it makes life easier, then why not?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Milizard it might be time to call Elder Services, they can help you figure out the best way to handle your mother. You do deserve a life and your kids deserve to have time with their mom. It sounds like the situation is quickly degrading, staying in her home with a aprt time caretaker isn't going to cut it for long.

I can understand wanting to help, but if your mother refuses to accept help but at the same time can't care for herself living at home isn't the ideal situation.

 Have you talked to her doctor about her behavior?  He might be able to get thru to her that if she keeps it up she isn't going to like her options. At the very least he can discuss options with you in regards to her care.

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 28, 2014 9:44:15 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Part of the reason for saving money is that you can pay people to help you down the road. Too many elderly people either don't want to admit they need help or don't want to pay for it. The reality is that if they would just understand this and pay for the care they need, they might wind up with many more years of living in their home versus winding up having to go to long term care. It costs money. If it makes life easier, then why not?

I agree--that's why the money is there.  I think part of it is that it's a little bit of a power thing.  She has this pot of money, and she wants to dole it out the way she sees fit, not out of necessity.

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 28, 2014 9:47:17 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Milizard it might be time to call Elder Services, they can help you figure out the best way to handle your mother. You do deserve a life and your kids deserve to have time with their mom. It sounds like the situation is quickly degrading, staying in her home with a aprt time caretaker isn't going to cut it for long.

I can understand wanting to help, but if your mother refuses to accept help but at the same time can't care for herself living at home isn't the ideal situation.

 Have you talked to her doctor about her behavior?  He might be able to get thru to her that if she keeps it up she isn't going to like her options. At the very least he can discuss options with you in regards to her care.

I laid down the law.  Either she got some help there, or go live with her sister, or go to assisted living.  She seemed better about it all this morning.  There are all kinds of programs for elderly people in my area, but my mom doesn't speak much English.  So that puts the kibosh on a lot of things, and makes assisted living a much worse option than for someone who speaks the language.

My mom has always been damned stubborn--it's not a new thing.  Her reaction wasn't a surprise, it just took her a while and I was hoping we were beyond that already.

[Lizard Queen]

So, I went to pay her bills online this morning, and $515 had gone to pay my brother's dentist.  WTF?  She had already given him $1000 months ago to pay for his teeth.  She helps me a lot too, but I just wish that my brother would help her out without there being something in it for him in return--all the freakin' time. (And really slanted in his direction at that!)  Her garage is still filled with his crap.  There's a boat, trailer, and misc. crap all over the backyard from him, and the basement is still half full of his garbage. 

[mizbear]

mililizard- My brother is the same way and angry because I am considering moving out of the area for work and my sanity. Take a breath and let it ride, but remind your Mom that you are not a bank and if she gives her money away to your brother or anyone else, you are not in a position to help her

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 28, 2014 11:50:19 GMT -5 mizbear said:

mililizard- My brother is the same way and angry because I am considering moving out of the area for work and my sanity. Take a breath and let it ride, but remind your Mom that you are not a bank and if she gives her money away to your brother or anyone else, you are not in a position to help her

Thanks.  Brothers!  I never realized he was this bad until my dad died.  My mom did spoil the crap out of him...

[Lizard Queen]

UPDATE:  DH signed up for unemployment on the 1st and applied for 3 jobs.  He was hoping to hear back right away, but of course didn't.

[Lizard Queen]

I applied Tuesday for a summer (paid, part-time) internship.  I'm not feeling too optimistic about my chances of getting it, especially since it would be perfect.  Great people--super close to my house, etc.  I never seem to get the good jobs--I only get the type of jobs no one else wants.    (--Feeling sorry for myself--please ignore if it annoys you.)

ETA:  I had the interview on Wednesday.  I'm just no good at bragging about myself!

[mizbear]

Mili- don't put.yourself down. I am going back into fast food management because they are hiring. Some people are very negative about it, but they don't have to pay my bills

[taz157]

Mili.  Good luck!  

[Lizard Queen]

Thanks, mizbear and taz157.  I was just getting down on myself because I'm so bad at interviews, and they were asking me if I was in this campus organization.    I told them I did some events with the group, but I didn't have time to go to the weekly meetings.  What do I say? I'm too busy taking care of my kids and my mom?  Ugh.  

There are a couple other possible internships I could apply for later this week if this one doesn't pan out.  I should probably try go the corporate route anyway. 

I found a really good possibility for a job for DH too.  He's been getting depressed, so I now think it might be best if he hurried back to work if he can find something right away.

[taz157]

At your interviews, just remember to do the best that you can do.  Answer the questions as honest as you can.

Good luck with your upcoming interview(s) and DH's job possibilities. 


FWIW, they aren't supposed to ask you any personal questions, such as how many children, taking care of parents, etc.  

[Lizard Queen]

Thanks, Taz.  I did mention something about wanting to balance work with family, so maybe that's how they got that I had kids...or Facebook...I don't know.  They did ask how many kids I had, and what their ages are.  Since this is just a temporary internship, I guess it's not that big of a deal that they asked.  All 3 of them had kids too, though the one lady's kids were grown and out of the house.  I hate feeling like I should hide things like that, but you never know.

I still haven't heard back, but I expect to by tomorrow.

[Lizard Queen]

Apr 27, 2014 16:33:40 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I saw this today, so how are you and hubby doing? Either of you found work yet? I hope things are improving.

Let us know.

Aww, thanks for asking, Pat!  No luck with the job hunt so far.  DH is getting unemployment now, and we're getting insurance for $163/month due to Obamacare (we could probably qualify for $0/Medicaid, but we were optimistic about our salary estimate this year so that we wouldn't have to go on Medicaid).  

We're doing okay moneywise for now, but no jobs for either of us makes me really nervous.  I wanted to get something part time for the summer, but my mom went to the hospital on Saturday--looks like congestive heart failure.  They're talking about weeks in the hospital.  Since she doesn't speak much English, I have to help her communicate.  I don't know if I'll have to be there more once she gets out--probably unless we find more helpers.  So, I'm stuck and don't know if I should continue looking right now (although I'm continually checking Indeed.com.  DH is looking.  He's realized that he definitely doesn't want to be a SAH Dad!

ETA: I guess I'm the queen of denial.  My mom's in a lot worse shape than I imagined.

[The Captain]

Sorry about your mom!  I didn't realize there was the language issue as well.  Any chance DH could help out there (does he speak the same language as your mom?)  

Good luck with everything!

[Lizard Queen]

Apr 29, 2014 18:24:36 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Sorry about your mom!  I didn't realize there was the language issue as well.  Any chance DH could help out there (does he speak the same language as your mom?)  

Good luck with everything!

Thanks. DH only speaks English. He helps out by taking care of the house/kids when I'm out.

[Lizard Queen]

Apr 29, 2014 19:23:09 GMT -5 @patstab said:

Sorry to hear that. My mom had CHF also, very hard to regulate the meds, especially if they can't cooperate.

I hope things improve for you, brutal going through those sorts of situations.

Thanks Pat. I'm just now realizing how little I know about healthcare. I had no idea it was her heart.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Does the hospital have translators on staff? I know not all hospitals do but the one I work at offers them and it is a free service. They acutally prefer it because the translators are trained in medical terminology so they know the patient is hearing exactly what the doctor says.

Definetly call and ask about it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I think most major hospitals in bigger cities do but I don't know where the OP lives. Some smaller hospitals don't have the option or only have 1-2 translators on staff so you end up waiting forever for one.

She should definetly inquire. That would take a huge burden off her if mom is going to be in the hospital for weeks.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Oh hugs.  Lots of hugs. 

[Lizard Queen]

Apr 30, 2014 10:16:04 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Does the hospital have translators on staff? I know not all hospitals do but the one I work at offers them and it is a free service. They acutally prefer it because the translators are trained in medical terminology so they know the patient is hearing exactly what the doctor says.

Definetly call and ask about it.

I'm sure they have Spanish speakers, but not Polish.  They use these translator phones that do not work for my mom at all.  The other area hospital has 3 Polish phlebotemists (sp?) that helped out a little when she was there a few months ago.  (My mom actually knows 2 of them personally, and I used to bowl with the other one.) They also hired someone to come in to help with the physical therapists when she was at the other hospital but she wasn't medically trained.

[Lizard Queen]

Apr 30, 2014 10:26:32 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I think most major hospitals in bigger cities do but I don't know where the OP lives. Some smaller hospitals don't have the option or only have 1-2 translators on staff so you end up waiting forever for one.

She should definetly inquire. That would take a huge burden off her if mom is going to be in the hospital for weeks.

It's not a tiny town--100,000 in the whole metro area.