DH lost his job - WWYD?

[Lizard Queen]

DH was informed that his job was eliminated last Monday.  Pay/benefits are continuing through the end of the month.  He had just gotten the job last May, and has been really irritable/stressed coming home every day.  So much so that I'd been urging him to look for a new job for a few months already.  So the job loss wasn't a huge disappointment, except I had quit my job last August to go back to school, so it's not good either.

I'm purposely avoiding YM for this thread, because I don't need more of what I expect there, which is: find a job, any job as quickly as possible or you're a worthless bum.

However, he really needs a break from the stress, and our house needs a LOT of work.  I'm in my last full semester of some really hellish classes, then I'll have just 2 more classes left, which I was planning on taking spring/summer.  It seems that I should be the one to get the job while he's on unemployment, at least once this semester ends.  I was hoping to get some of the home projects done while I went back to school, but other things have gotten in the way of that plan.

The problem is, I've been helping my mom out a lot at home.  She had a fall back in January.  While she's doing much better, she lives alone, doesn't drive anymore and doesn't speak very good English.  It limits the pool of available helpers for her--a lot.  (Visiting nurses don't want to come out without my being there to translate, which is really no help at all.)  We found one Polish lady to help her a couple days a week, which is great, but not enough. This was an issue for me BEFORE DH's job loss, as I wanted to get an internship to satisfy one of the 2 final classes.  I just don't know what to do.  I've been urging her to go back to the old country to stay with her sister, but she doesn't want to.  I'd miss her like crazy, but I can't work all day, come home to see the kids for a couple hours, and then go check on her every night.  It would just be too much for me, while it wouldn't be enough for her, if you KWIM.  For some reason, she just won't cook dinner for herself.  She'd rather just not eat.  Breakfast she does fine, her meds are fine for the most part (except she is resistant to taking the new ones).

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to vent a little before I go back to studying since I have no less than 4 tests coming up this week.  Ugh!

[Shooby]

When it rains it pours. Just keep swimming. You will make it through.
.

[mollyanna58]

Can you manage financially with your husband's unemployment?  If the house needs work, and he enjoys it, maybe it'll give him time to de-stress. 

Good luck on your tests!

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 16, 2014 19:35:03 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Can you manage financially with your husband's unemployment?  If the house needs work, and he enjoys it, maybe it'll give him time to de-stress. 

Good luck on your tests!

Yeah, I got a low 6 figure inheritance from my dad that I was using to fund my Roth each year, and in place of life insurance. Most of it is in an IRA, so taxable as I withdraw.

Thanks.

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 16, 2014 19:33:25 GMT -5 Shooby said:

When it rains it pours. Just keep swimming. You will make it through.
.

Thanks. I'm trying!

[Sharon]

Would your Mom qualify for Meals on Wheels?  My grandma found that by having a big meal at lunch she was fine in the evening with a much smaller meal, sandwhich etc, or that there would be enough left over from lunch to reheat for dinner.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

The home maintenance might be a good de-stresser for your DH - while he continues to look for new employment, that is.

If you can continue your studies, that would be good. If DH is going to be unemployed, can he take over seeing to checking-in on your mother? That would take one chore off your plate.

[mizbear]

HUGS!!!

Would it help (if the room is there) to move your Mom in with you? I say this hesitantly because of the situation with my Mom, but it works very well for some people. I have been there with the caretaker role and school too (currently a FT student myself) and it is exhausting.

[whoisjohngalt]

So, here is what *I* would do -

if possible, have your mom at your house during the day where you husband can keep an eye on her and bring her home after she ate dinner with you guys

set a time line when your husband would start looking for a job and have a list of things that he will be working on

start looking for a job for yourself - you never know, your new job might pay for your last two classes

I would avoid statements to your husband such as "take some time off", "why don't you wait a bit to look for a job and work on the house", etc etc.  It's very easy to fall into that kind of mind set.

My husband lost his job in June, a few years ago.  We just bought a house and I was 7 mo pregnant with our 3rd.  We agreed that he will take the summer off and will start looking in Sept.  It alleviated all stress during my last few months of pregnancy, he had a chance to spend time with our two older kids, work on things around the house and there were no "did you see anything on the job market" weekly conversations. 

I think having a plan can do wonders in those type of situations.

[Ombud]

Depending on where you live, I would suggest encouraging him to join the professional network thru his unemployment office. Ours was called experience unlimited ( www.euccc.org ) to help with the de-stressing and re-focussing. It is called Pronet.org (professional network) in Silicon Valley North. Meets for 2-3 hours once a week & does wonders for your psyche. Just hope I don't get back there (they'd understand - purpose of group is to become meaningfully employed)

Finally, I'd keep it off YM. They're burned by those milking the system. Just bc he's temporarily out of work doesn't mean he's a mooch

[Deleted]

Your plan to finish last FT semester sounds good and then you find job again.
Husband can make list of the specific jobs and when to do them unless kids are out of daycare and he watches them.
Mom is difficult. You should get her low sodium canned soups and tasty bite meals that are very easy for her to make (microwave instead of cook) so she can manage it. Also cut fresh fruits and yogurt so she can eat some healthy no cook items.

[Peace77]

Will your Mom eat frozen dinners?  If she is not up to cooking, there are some that are fairly healthy.  Or, you can make a little extra of whatever your family eats and bring over later.  Meals on Wheels is a good idea too.

You should not have to translate for your mom, there are language lines that the nursing service can call and get a translator on the phone.  Where I lived before it was run by the Red Cross.

While it may be tempting for DH to take a vacation, there are minimum requirements for job searching in order to qualify for unemployment benefits.  When my DH was unemployed, he had to have at least 2 contacts each week with possible employers. Perhaps, he could start with your state's employment website and a mufti site employment website such as www.Indeed.com

Are there ways that you could cut expenses?  Consider a cheaper cell phone plan or a less expensive cable TV package.  

You and your family will get through this.  Best wishes for your husband to find an even better job than he had.

[haapai]

Breathe.

Study the money.  The options that you have at this point are pretty much determined by your finances. 

Vomit and cry as necessary. 

Do what you have to do with your eyes wide open. 

[Lizard Queen]

Sharon - We just had a social worker out on Friday and found out a little more information on Meals on Wheels.  I guess that, if you have the money, you just pay $5 or so per meal, so she should be able to get it.   I was hoping to have them deliver mostly on the weekend, but apparently they don't do weekends, so we'll see.

Shamrock_Lassie - I'm definitely finishing this degree--otherwise that would be about $15k down the drain.    DH only speaks English, and is introverted otherwise, so he'd feel very uncomfortable talked with checking on my mother.  My brother lives even closer than I do, and works 2nd shift 4 days per week, so technically he could check on her before work and Fri, Sat and Sun.  Theoretically, he could, he just won't do it when it comes right down to it.

mizbear - Thanks.  I don't think moving her in would work.  My MIL stayed with us for 2 months and drove us batty.  I think my mother would be better in many ways, but now we have a 2nd kid, and the kids sleep schedules aren't synched up yet.  The kids are 4 and 17 months, so toys (tripping hazards) are all over the place.  The 17mo puts everything into his mouth, and climbs and reaches as much as he can, so it's dangerous for her to have her meds around where he could potentially get them.  My mother is hard of hearing so watches tv with the sound literally all the way up.

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 16, 2014 21:07:58 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

So, here is what *I* would do -

if possible, have your mom at your house during the day where you husband can keep an eye on her and bring her home after she ate dinner with you guys

set a time line when your husband would start looking for a job and have a list of things that he will be working on

start looking for a job for yourself - you never know, your new job might pay for your last two classes

I would avoid statements to your husband such as "take some time off", "why don't you wait a bit to look for a job and work on the house", etc etc.  It's very easy to fall into that kind of mind set.

My husband lost his job in June, a few years ago.  We just bought a house and I was 7 mo pregnant with our 3rd.  We agreed that he will take the summer off and will start looking in Sept.  It alleviated all stress during my last few months of pregnancy, he had a chance to spend time with our two older kids, work on things around the house and there were no "did you see anything on the job market" weekly conversations. 

I think having a plan can do wonders in those type of situations.

My mom wouldn't want to come over every day, and DH only speaks English, so it would be uncomfortable and awkward for both of them.  The house next door to mine was up for sale.  I suggested my mom buy it, but she didn't want to.  Since my dad's first wife actually bought the family home (before she passed away), he wanted it left to my half-brother and half-sister, so there wouldn't have been equity to use to buy the house next door to me.

DH has already been looking for jobs out there, but has not applied for anything.  At the very least, I don't think he needs to start until next month, since he's still getting paid and won't start unemployment then anyway.  DH is very responsible and I don't worry about having to urge him to look.  I wonder if I should urge him to hold off for a couple of months.

Thanks for your input with your experience.  It must have been worrying with your DH losing his job just when you bought a house and were pregnant.  I made a huge list of house stuff that needs to be done.  DH has already started on it.  I think making a plan for looking is a good idea. 

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 16, 2014 21:20:51 GMT -5 Ombud said:

Depending on where you live, I would suggest encouraging him to join the professional network thru his unemployment office. Ours was called experience unlimited ( www.euccc.org ) to help with the de-stressing and re-focussing. It is called Pronet.org (professional network) in Silicon Valley North. Meets for 2-3 hours once a week & does wonders for your psyche. Just hope I don't get back there (they'd understand - purpose of group is to become meaningfully employed)

Finally, I'd keep it off YM. They're burned by those milking the system. Just bc he's temporarily out of work doesn't mean he's a mooch

I will look into the networking. It's a smallish city, so not sure how much is available. His old boss suggested that he email an acquaintance of his at the local chamber of commerce, so that could be an in.

Yeah, I already know the attitude on YM, and I don't need that right now. DH has worked probably the last 25 years straight (beginning in high school or maybe even jr. high), except for taking one semester off while in college.  When I first met him, he was working 2 full time jobs and still found time to date me.

[Lizard Queen]

Is it Spring yet Pat?--She kind of was in assisted living when she was staying at the rehab place for the month.  She actually is back on her feet, and doing way better than anyone thought.  It's just that she needs someone checking on her, and I can't be in 3 places at once.  I don't think bringing her home would work either, and we can't afford for me not to work--not long term anyhow.  I need to make sure I get a job before I get too old and no one will want to hire me.

Lilly of the Lake District--The kids are staying in DC full time for a few more weeks, then we plan on going down to 3 days a week so that we save their spots and we can get some stuff done around the house.

Mom sometimes will make herself frozen dinners/soups.  I buy her fruit cups so that it doesn't go bad if she leaves them out, and she doesn't have to prepare anything.  She does eat yogurt occasionally.  I'll have to get her some more.

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 17, 2014 5:49:56 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Will your Mom eat frozen dinners?  If she is not up to cooking, there are some that are fairly healthy.  Or, you can make a little extra of whatever your family eats and bring over later.  Meals on Wheels is a good idea too.

You should not have to translate for your mom, there are language lines that the nursing service can call and get a translator on the phone.  Where I lived before it was run by the Red Cross.

While it may be tempting for DH to take a vacation, there are minimum requirements for job searching in order to qualify for unemployment benefits.  When my DH was unemployed, he had to have at least 2 contacts each week with possible employers. Perhaps, he could start with your state's employment website and a mufti site employment website such as www.Indeed.com

Are there ways that you could cut expenses?  Consider a cheaper cell phone plan or a less expensive cable TV package.  

You and your family will get through this.  Best wishes for your husband to find an even better job than he had.

We had been doing some frozen dinners and I do occasionally bring over extras for dinner.  She doesn't like a lot of what we make, and the issue is taking more of my time to bring over food all the time, with taking time away from the kids while their awake.  I guess this will be better when they're home more instead of daycare.

They tried the translator phones in the hospital, and they did not work for her at all.  Not sure if it was because she's also hard of hearing, but probably.

2 contacts a week seems pretty minimal.  He's been checking indeed, as I have been--multiple times a day since I went back to school.  (I would come across jobs for him when I looked for myself.)

Our cell phones are already cheap--tracfone for me, $35/mon Virgin for him.  Cable is the cheapest plan, and we were already planning on getting rid of it as soon as the snow melts and we can put an antenna on the roof. 

Thanks

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 17, 2014 7:50:36 GMT -5 haapai said:

Breathe.

Study the money.  The options that you have at this point are pretty much determined by your finances. 

Vomit and cry as necessary. 

Do what you have to do with your eyes wide open. 

Thanks. Our finances are fine for now, as we always try to keep recurring bills to a minimum, and I have that inheritance. I don't want to waste it, though. I should take more time to work on finances, but just don't have the time right now. There is a generous slush in my accounts for now.

My main worry is my mom and my need to get back to work by the end of August at the latest and the end of April at the earliest.  Work + helping mom + desire to see my kids grow up just doesn't compute.

[whoisjohngalt]

What field are you in?

Back when I was working, spring was the best time to look for jobs bc it was right after people got their bonuses and started to move around

Summer was kind of dead, with tons of people on vacations and managers not bothering to interview.

So, *I* would start looking now, but again, it might differ depending on what field you are in.

ETA:  fall was the best time for my husband to look bc that's when the contracts in his field usually got renewed. 

So, know YOUR good time to look.

[mizbear]

Sending you lots of hugs and light.

My mother lives with me and drives me nuts even though I love her- that's why I was hesitant to suggest that.

It will all work out.

[Peace77]

2 contacts per week is the minimum for Maryland, your state may be different.

Has your Mom been to an audiologist?  Perhaps hearing aids could help her.

If your Mom has an assortment of frozen dinners, fruit and yogurt on hand, could you reduce the number of times that you go over to your Mom's to cook?

If the nursing agency had a some communication sheets, perhaps they would feel more comfortable coming over when you are not there.  That is, if you could type up a list of most commonly asked questions and answers in both languages.  Then the nurse and your Mom could point to the line or word they want to say.  

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 17, 2014 11:43:48 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

What field are you in?

Back when I was working, spring was the best time to look for jobs bc it was right after people got their bonuses and started to move around

Summer was kind of dead, with tons of people on vacations and managers not bothering to interview.

So, *I* would start looking now, but again, it might differ depending on what field you are in.

ETA:  fall was the best time for my husband to look bc that's when the contracts in his field usually got renewed. 

So, know YOUR good time to look.

I'm trying to become a financial analyst, or something along those lines.  He's been an asst. manager, office manager and most recently an account manager, so nothing high ranking or anything.  That's a good point on timing the job search with the tendency for openings.  I have no idea what the trend is around here though.  Both my old job and DH's most recent job here had bonuses and raises in March, just like you said.  I've been looking at job openings for myself this whole time, and it's killing me that I can't just jump in, but I am just so stinking swamped with school work.  Then you add my mom and kids to the mix...it's frustrating.

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 17, 2014 12:33:50 GMT -5 mizbear said:

Sending you lots of hugs and light.

My mother lives with me and drives me nuts even though I love her- that's why I was hesitant to suggest that.

It will all work out.

Thanks, Mizbear.  I know what you mean about living with your mom.  I think the only adult I could ever stand to live with is my DH.  

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 17, 2014 12:49:55 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

2 contacts per week is the minimum for Maryland, your state may be different.

Has your Mom been to an audiologist?  Perhaps hearing aids could help her.

If your Mom has an assortment of frozen dinners, fruit and yogurt on hand, could you reduce the number of times that you go over to your Mom's to cook?

If the nursing agency had a some communication sheets, perhaps they would feel more comfortable coming over when you are not there.  That is, if you could type up a list of most commonly asked questions and answers in both languages.  Then the nurse and your Mom could point to the line or word they want to say.  

I think it's the same for Michigan.

Mom has not been to an audiologist.  HA would probably help, and...she probably wouldn't wear them.  She got partial dentures last year that she won't wear.  Trust me, she's just that way.  Stubborn.

The dinner thing isn't the only reason I go over there. (Although, frozen dinners, fruit, etc. would certainly help.) I check on her to make sure everything is in order and she's taking her new pills.  She tends to sleep a lot in the afternoon and then gets confused about time/day when she sleeps too long.

Good idea on the communication sheets.  They had something like that at the hospital.  It didn't work there, but she was having other issues, so it may work now.

[whoisjohngalt]

Mar 17, 2014 16:10:51 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Mar 17, 2014 11:43:48 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

What field are you in?

Back when I was working, spring was the best time to look for jobs bc it was right after people got their bonuses and started to move around

Summer was kind of dead, with tons of people on vacations and managers not bothering to interview.

So, *I* would start looking now, but again, it might differ depending on what field you are in.

ETA:  fall was the best time for my husband to look bc that's when the contracts in his field usually got renewed. 

So, know YOUR good time to look.

I'm trying to become a financial analyst, or something along those lines.  He's been an asst. manager, office manager and most recently an account manager, so nothing high ranking or anything.  That's a good point on timing the job search with the tendency for openings.  I have no idea what the trend is around here though.  Both my old job and DH's most recent job here had bonuses and raises in March, just like you said.  I've been looking at job openings for myself this whole time, and it's killing me that I can't just jump in, but I am just so stinking swamped with school work.  Then you add my mom and kids to the mix...it's frustrating.

I was an accountant.  Yeah, I would think April/May would be your bestest time.

Good luck!!

[mmhmm]

I'm sorry about your husband's job, milizard, but it almost sounds like the loss was a blessing in disguise.  Hopefully, he can find something that better suits him and won't stress him to the breaking point!  I'll cross my fingers and toes for him.

Has your mother tried Ensure Plus?  It's a liquid nutrition supplement.  I give them to mother on days when I don't feel she's getting enough nutrition, and she really loves the dark chocolate flavor.  There are a number of flavors your mom could try.  Another possibility is Breeze nutrition drinks.  Mother likes the wild berry flavor and will drink several a day.  That would be easy for mom and would, at least, let you know she's getting some calories, vitamins and minerals.  Stuff's not cheap, but I buy it online and get free shipping, so it doesn't break the bank. You might also check with local senior centers to see if there are any services in town that might send somebody by just to check on mom.  My late DH and I used to do meals on wheels and we always checked on the clients to be sure everything was okay with them.  It wasn't all just about delivering the meals.  It was about their needs and their well-being.

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 17, 2014 16:25:11 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I had an older friend that made all kinds of excuses why she couldn't hear. I really got aggravated and told her she was missing out on life, a stubborn old gal. She finally went to an ENT, he cleaned gobs of crap out of her ears and her hearing improved dramatically.

I don't know if you can afford it but there are all kinds of services that provide various inhome types of care. Some are paid my medicare some not. Some offer services to help seniors stay in their homes. Check with home healthcare agencies in your area.

It's like MIL I'm not taking her in here, I'm getting to old, can't with DD and she also drives me crazy hearing the same stuff over and over and over.

She can afford some help, just not round-the-clock for more than a couple of years.  I think her hearing loss is more than wax, but an exBF sold hearing aids, so I know what you mean about that.

Like I said to my mom's sister, don't I deserve a life of my own?  I think you have plenty with just your daughter to take care of.  (That pill dispenser sounds cool!)

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 17, 2014 17:09:20 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Mar 17, 2014 16:10:51 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I'm trying to become a financial analyst, or something along those lines.  He's been an asst. manager, office manager and most recently an account manager, so nothing high ranking or anything.  That's a good point on timing the job search with the tendency for openings.  I have no idea what the trend is around here though.  Both my old job and DH's most recent job here had bonuses and raises in March, just like you said.  I've been looking at job openings for myself this whole time, and it's killing me that I can't just jump in, but I am just so stinking swamped with school work.  Then you add my mom and kids to the mix...it's frustrating.

I was an accountant.  Yeah, I would think April/May would be your bestest time.

Good luck!!

Good to know.  Exactly what I needed to know, in fact.  Thank you!

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 17, 2014 18:51:56 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I'm sorry about your husband's job, milizard, but it almost sounds like the loss was a blessing in disguise.  Hopefully, he can find something that better suits him and won't stress him to the breaking point!  I'll cross my fingers and toes for him.

Has your mother tried Ensure Plus?  It's a liquid nutrition supplement.  I give them to mother on days when I don't feel she's getting enough nutrition, and she really loves the dark chocolate flavor.  There are a number of flavors your mom could try.  Another possibility is Breeze nutrition drinks.  Mother likes the wild berry flavor and will drink several a day.  That would be easy for mom and would, at least, let you know she's getting some calories, vitamins and minerals.  Stuff's not cheap, but I buy it online and get free shipping, so it doesn't break the bank. You might also check with local senior centers to see if there are any services in town that might send somebody by just to check on mom.  My late DH and I used to do meals on wheels and we always checked on the clients to be sure everything was okay with them.  It wasn't all just about delivering the meals.  It was about their needs and their well-being.

Thank you mmhmm.  I think so too.

My mom had some drink like that at the hospital that she didn't like at all.  I can't remember what brand it was.  Don't want to waste a bunch of money if she's not going to drink it.  Hmm, I'll keep my eyes open for singles so we can figure out if she likes any of them.

Good to know about Meals On Wheels.  I should pursue that for at least a day or 2 a week.