What do you wish your spouse would do?

[milee]

Not as sorrowful or drooly as a Basset hound. Just kind of flat.

I think he's been struggling with depression for a long time. But again, it's hard to tell and he's certainly not talking.

[Gardening Grandma]

DH can do pretty much anything he decides to... Except make a decision about treatment for his prostate cancer. He says he doesn't feel like he has enough information, but doesn't know what to ask the dr. I think he's suffering from analysis paralysis. I've suggested he see a second dr for a consult (close to home) who some friends have used and say he is great about explaining stuff in layman's terms. He likes his urologist but doesn't like talking to him on the phone and it is an all day trip to go to Seattle to talk to him.

His indecision is making me crazy.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Grandma does the hospital your DH goes too offer nurse advocates?  Several chains here do, especially with cancer patients, so you have one central person who helps you navigate thru all your doctors and the information.  They'll also help you coordinate all your appointments.   It'd be worth looking into if your DH feels overwhelmed.

[teen persuasion]

Mar 10, 2014 14:40:12 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Mar 10, 2014 14:09:32 GMT -5 teen persuasion said:

OMG - we have the same husband!

DH is great at demolition, but never seems to finish the rebuilding phase.  Our kitchen remodel began in 2001? I think, and I'm still in the "temporary" kitchen upstairs.  The kids don't even remember using the old kitchen anymore, at least the ones that were already alive then.

Holy Mary Mother of God.  I'd have hired someone a long time ago.  It's one thing to have a crappy kitchen but once we rip the sucker apart - it better be put back together in a few months.

See, we bought a fixer-upper 4 unit, and slowly began taking apartments back as they went empty.  One became 3 kids bedrooms, one is behind the kitchen (and was intended to become a mudroom/storage central), and the last upper one to empty was intended to eventually become the master bedroom and 2 full baths (one master, one family).  The plan was to keep its kitchen intact until the remodeled kitchen was up and running.  It has been too convenient (other than the fact that the fridge is still downstairs in the computer room), so there is always something else that needs to get done first, or something that needs to be demolished first, and then he realizes he doesn't quite know how to ___.

Of course, now there are only 2 kids left at home (and they share a bedroom), and I'm seriously thinking about downsizing when DS4 goes to college in a few years.

[Deleted]

Sounds like the house I grew up in, teen persuasion!   We joked that if Dad ever finished fixing up the house he'd die. 

[zibazinski]

Let me give him a 60th birthday party. He's used to being treated like crap and feels he doesn't deserve one. I think being treated like the great guy he is and having everyone celebrate with him is long overdue.

[tloonya]

Mar 9, 2014 20:17:09 GMT -5 swamp said:

DH is a great father, loving husband, very handy, hard worker, doesn't drink much, doesn't go out, his main vice is about $2 a week on lottery tickets. And sci fi TV shows. 

But he can't cook.  

Is there anything you wish your spouse could do?  

Sooooo...you are perfect and your husband is not?

Whatever. We all married to defectives...

Mine can't:
make a cup of coffee
vacuum because he doesn't know how to turn vc on
...and basically everything that has to do with housework.

However he doesn't ask for much. I think I can still leave with that.
Unless of course I will agree to the affair.

[tloonya]

Mar 10, 2014 11:40:47 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Tskeeter puts himself up for auction.



Desirable attributes:

Cooks and bakes - 10 years experience in dinner house kitchens.  Initial training by Luthern Church Basement Lady mother, aunts, and grandmother.  Capable of Scandinavian specialties lefse, rosettes, krumkake, sandbakkels, as well as a variety of hotdishes.  Holder of a smokehouse hero award for baby back ribs, pulled pork, canadian bacon, turkey and a variety of cheeses and sausages. 

Cleans and does laundry - including windows, toilets, and scrubbing carpet

Auto mechanic - devoted a portion of an ill spent youth to building and maintaining hobby stock race cars.  Specializes in diagnostics, automotive systems, and manly sounding cussing.

Carpenter -  working knowledge of framing, roofing, siding and drywall installation, finish carpentry and trim installation, and residential electrical and plumbing systems.  Currently training in cabinetry and fine furniture making and power tool acquisition.

Landscaper and landscape designer - experienced in design and construction of plantings, water features, and garden/potting sheds.  Knowledgable in turf maintenance and fertilization, weeding, and pruning.  Has been known to align lawn mower tracks with the tracks in the adjacent yard for a more harmonious and polished appearance.


Geopositioning capable - knows location of all area shopping malls, fully equiped with Nordstroms shoe departments locator app






Note that this is a one of a kind model.  The only unit produced during this production run.  Serial number 2 is a fully functional, immaculately factory maintained, vintage edition of the fine Tskeeter line of spouses.  Well trained to respond to inquiries with, "yes, Dear", "whatever you'd like, Dear", and "go ahead, it's only money, I can make more".

Bids may be submitted at www.iwantmyowntskeeter.com.

   

How ugly are you?

[swamp]

Mar 11, 2014 10:12:29 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Mar 9, 2014 20:17:09 GMT -5 swamp said:

DH is a great father, loving husband, very handy, hard worker, doesn't drink much, doesn't go out, his main vice is about $2 a week on lottery tickets. And sci fi TV shows. 

But he can't cook.  

Is there anything you wish your spouse could do?  

Sooooo...you are perfect and your husband is not?

Whatever. We all married to defectives...

Mine can't:
make a cup of coffee
vacuum because he doesn't know how to turn vc on
...and basically everything that has to do with housework.

However he doesn't ask for much. I think I can still leave with that.
Unless of course I will agree to the affair.

Nope, I'm not perfect.  In fact, I think there are times that I'm probably very difficult to live with.  I know there are things he wants me to do.    Some I've tried.  Others, meh. 

[tloonya]

Mar 11, 2014 11:54:19 GMT -5 swamp said:

Mar 11, 2014 10:12:29 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Sooooo...you are perfect and your husband is not?

Whatever. We all married to defectives...

Mine can't:
make a cup of coffee
vacuum because he doesn't know how to turn vc on
...and basically everything that has to do with housework.

However he doesn't ask for much. I think I can still leave with that.
Unless of course I will agree to the affair.

Nope, I'm not perfect.  In fact, I think there are times that I'm probably very difficult to live with.  I know there are things he wants me to do.    Some I've tried.  Others, meh. 

So you think he might be sitting in a forum right now and posting thread 'how to live with...difficult wife?'

[Deleted]

That would be AWESOME!!


I can complain about what DH does not do while still appreciating what he does do, yanno. I have many layers. 

[tloonya]

Mar 11, 2014 12:46:06 GMT -5 @missmargarita said:

Mar 10, 2014 17:13:17 GMT -5 milee said:

No.  If he did that, I'd know he was an imposter that had kidnapped my husband and was wearing his skin. 

I'm not huge on sitting and talking at length about my feelings, either, so that wouldn't be very appealing.  But it would be nice to know that he does indeed have feelings sometimes.  Happy, angry, sad, loving, tired, excited, quizzical... assuming he does indeed experience these things... all look and sound the same.  He's very closed off. 

My husband is the same way. It gets very difficult to deal with after a while. He's always been emotionally "distant"... now it seems there are times where he is actually emotionally void.

you married?

[tskeeter]

Mar 11, 2014 10:16:16 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Mar 10, 2014 11:40:47 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Tskeeter puts himself up for auction.



Desirable attributes:

Cooks and bakes - 10 years experience in dinner house kitchens.  Initial training by Luthern Church Basement Lady mother, aunts, and grandmother.  Capable of Scandinavian specialties lefse, rosettes, krumkake, sandbakkels, as well as a variety of hotdishes.  Holder of a smokehouse hero award for baby back ribs, pulled pork, canadian bacon, turkey and a variety of cheeses and sausages. 

Cleans and does laundry - including windows, toilets, and scrubbing carpet

Auto mechanic - devoted a portion of an ill spent youth to building and maintaining hobby stock race cars.  Specializes in diagnostics, automotive systems, and manly sounding cussing.

Carpenter -  working knowledge of framing, roofing, siding and drywall installation, finish carpentry and trim installation, and residential electrical and plumbing systems.  Currently training in cabinetry and fine furniture making and power tool acquisition.

Landscaper and landscape designer - experienced in design and construction of plantings, water features, and garden/potting sheds.  Knowledgable in turf maintenance and fertilization, weeding, and pruning.  Has been known to align lawn mower tracks with the tracks in the adjacent yard for a more harmonious and polished appearance.


Geopositioning capable - knows location of all area shopping malls, fully equiped with Nordstroms shoe departments locator app






Note that this is a one of a kind model.  The only unit produced during this production run.  Serial number 2 is a fully functional, immaculately factory maintained, vintage edition of the fine Tskeeter line of spouses.  Well trained to respond to inquiries with, "yes, Dear", "whatever you'd like, Dear", and "go ahead, it's only money, I can make more".

Bids may be submitted at www.iwantmyowntskeeter.com.

   

How ugly are you?

Sparkling blue Irish eyes in a Santa Claus physique.  Full set of teeth.

[tloonya]

Mar 11, 2014 13:05:15 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Mar 11, 2014 10:16:16 GMT -5 tloonya said:

How ugly are you?

Sparkling blue Irish eyes in a Santa Claus physique.  Full set of teeth.

Full set is nice
Are you far from Philly?

[tloonya]

Mar 11, 2014 13:24:41 GMT -5 @missmargarita said:

Mar 11, 2014 13:13:26 GMT -5 tloonya said:

Full set is nice
Are you far from Philly?

And this is why men misinterpret your intentions...

You don't say...I did say a few times that size matters...OMG! It is all my fault.

I actually meant to find someone for Santa here

[ken a.k.a OMK]

I don't clean because I did such a bad job my wife cleaned behind me. No sense in both of us doing it.

I'm pretty handy and can fix almost anything.

[justme]

I wish my spouse would exist.

Though this thread is making me have second thoughts.

[Spellbound454]

I luckily (according to him)...... married the world leading expert on everything under the Sun.
from potty training and to choosing shampoo.... to world politics.

I wish he would just be quiet..........
 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Mar 10, 2014 17:51:13 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

DH can do pretty much anything he decides to... Except make a decision about treatment for his prostate cancer. He says he doesn't feel like he has enough information, but doesn't know what to ask the dr. I think he's suffering from analysis paralysis. I've suggested he see a second dr for a consult (close to home) who some friends have used and say he is great about explaining stuff in layman's terms. He likes his urologist but doesn't like talking to him on the phone and it is an all day trip to go to Seattle to talk to him.

His indecision is making me crazy.

I've got two books about it. One is Prostate Cancer for Dummies. I can't remember the other one, but it was also good. If you have a kindle or the kindle app, I'm happy to lend hem to you. 

[Gardening Grandma]

Mar 11, 2014 22:20:25 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Mar 10, 2014 17:51:13 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

DH can do pretty much anything he decides to... Except make a decision about treatment for his prostate cancer. He says he doesn't feel like he has enough information, but doesn't know what to ask the dr. I think he's suffering from analysis paralysis. I've suggested he see a second dr for a consult (close to home) who some friends have used and say he is great about explaining stuff in layman's terms. He likes his urologist but doesn't like talking to him on the phone and it is an all day trip to go to Seattle to talk to him.

His indecision is making me crazy.

I've got two books about it. One is Prostate Cancer for Dummies. I can't remember the other one, but it was also good. If you have a kindle or the kindle app, I'm happy to lend hem to you. 

Chloe
Sending you a pm

[taz157]

Mar 10, 2014 17:51:13 GMT -5 Gardening Grandma said:

DH can do pretty much anything he decides to... Except make a decision about treatment for his prostate cancer. He says he doesn't feel like he has enough information, but doesn't know what to ask the dr. I think he's suffering from analysis paralysis. I've suggested he see a second dr for a consult (close to home) who some friends have used and say he is great about explaining stuff in layman's terms. He likes his urologist but doesn't like talking to him on the phone and it is an all day trip to go to Seattle to talk to him.

His indecision is making me crazy.

Good luck with his decision.

FWIW, my FIL had prostate cancer and had his prostate removed. He was diagnosed and received treatment about 12-13 years ago and at 79, he's still alive and kicking! Probably drives my MIL batty, but what do you expect when both are retired?

[Gardening Grandma]

Well, Chloe's post sent me to Amazon. I had no idea there were so many books about it! One caught me eye "The Decision" (written by a urologist who dealt with it himself)... DH has downloaded it and is reading it right now!

PS
Thanks Taz (and Zib too)

[Green Eyed Lady]

Mar 11, 2014 14:36:41 GMT -5 justme said:

I wish my spouse would exist.

Though this thread is making me have second thoughts.

LOL!!  That's exactly what I was thinking!

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Gardening Grandma, glad y found some books. I didn't get a Pm. I'm off to get ready for bed and I'll check in the mOrning.  This time change is really difficult for me to adjust to, so I have to go to bed early!

[Peace Of Mind]

I wish my DH would listen.  I don't like repeating myself so I'm thinking of getting a taser to make sure I have his full attention.  I think he'd hear the crackling and popping sounds and they have one in pink. 

[Sunnyday]

I wish my husband was handy.

[sunshinegal1981]

(I'm a few cocktails deep, so keep that in mind when reading this post.)

I don't wish my husband did anything.

He's perfect, just the way he is.  I married a partner, not a project.    Marriage looks good on HIM, too. He came home from work today, and told me a coworker of his remarked, "You seem really happy, since you've been married."

It's only been a year-ish (our legal marriage was in Jan '13, the churchy-party one was in Oct '13).

I hope we are always this happy, this communicative, and this understanding with each other.


---
Alright, now for a dose of reality:   Did any of you feel this lovey-dovey a year in, but then things changed?  What happened? And how does one prevent it, and keep the spark alive?

Thanks in advance.  

[Deleted]

I'm with Zib. Dance. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I wish my husband was handy.

Me too!  I've never met a man who can break things like DH can.  It's absolutely fascinating to watch as well as extremely frustrating.  If I have something I need fixed and I don't want him to bust I call my dad.  He doesn't mind he agrees with me.  It's cheaper to let my dad do it. 

Did any of you feel this lovey-dovey a year in, but then things changed? What happened

Yeah.  It's normal.   We've been together for 10 years.  The newness and excitment wore off, we now know each other too well.   We still love each other very much it's just not the same as it was when we were getting to know each other.  Personally I prefer where we are now b/c we truly love each other for who we are, we are not putting on our "best faces" anymore. 

To me real love is when your spouse will meticulously put RIT on your head and pick it for nits.  No way in hell he would have done that when we first started dating. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Mar 12, 2014 22:51:28 GMT -5 sunshinegal1981 said:

---
Alright, now for a dose of reality:   Did any of you feel this lovey-dovey a year in, but then things changed?  What happened? And how does one prevent it, and keep the spark alive?

Thanks in advance.  

We're six years in, and still lovey dovey. That's not to imply we've never had an argument. We work through those pretty easily because we don't ever want to fight. 
We (DH more so) work hard to keep our lives fun and demonstrate that we are each other's best friend.