Damn, why didn't I think of this??

[whoisjohngalt]

I think I need to start suing people.  Evidently it is "the" thing to do.

shine.yahoo.com/parenting/nj-teen-sues-parents-for-cash-and-college-tuition-201404488.html

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

As long as she was living under her parents' roof and they were financing her education, it was up to her to obey their rules.

She moving out was of her own volition - she wants to live by her own rules, she should be willing to pay her own way.

She's only 18 - I hope she comes to her senses and realizes how ridiculous this is - and moves back home.

This lawsuit is a joke - I doubt she or her friend's daddy the lawyer will get a dime out of this - and she's going to end up being very embarrassed - no doubt she will be crawling home again in the very near future - once she realizes what a mistake she made.




.

[Tiny]

Wow. I guess the daughter is punishing her parents for 'cutting her off'. I think it would be fair for her parents to pay the tuition so she finishes HS in good standing. And maybe she's got some 'right' to any college money she's been promised. But other than that I'd say if her parents want to be done with her - she's 18 they can be done. I suspect after this is all said and done - no matter what the outcome there is no "happily ever after" for this family.

[whoisjohngalt]

I often think how will I handle my kids' demands when they get older.  Even now I have a hard time saying "no" to them.  I do it, but it's hard. 

But I can't stand people who think they are owed something, it would be very difficult for me if my kids were like that

[Deleted]

Entitled brat. They must be so proud of her. Is age of majority 18 or 21 in that state? 
I wish they were going on Judge Judy so that kid would get a dose of reality and a deserved smack down.

[973beachbum]

Mar 4, 2014 0:46:40 GMT -5 @lillylake said:

Entitled brat. They must be so proud of her. Is age of majority 18 or 21 in that state? 

It depends.  For most things 18 is the age of legal majority.  UTMA's and UGMA's it is 21.  So if the saved money is in a custodial bank account for a minor they don't have to legally turn it over until she is 21.  If the money is in a 529 I don't know if they have to at all.  I have two and while it is our intention to use it on the kids.  It is our account though and we can change the beneficiary as  we wish.  I can't imagine a judge over riding that.

the one part where I think she could win is the private HS tuition.  I have filled out a LOT of paperwork for my kids school.  Never once has it asked me to have my kids sign something like a school admission paper or a promise to pay tuition.  To me if they signed that paper saying they were promising to pay for her private school tuition for the year the school probably has a good case for making them do it. 

The scary part for most parents if if the judge actually decides that she is eligible for support during college the way courts regularly order support for college to children of divorced parents.  If the judge were to do that it would be a total game changer!

[sesfw]

But I can't stand people who think they are owed something, it would be very difficult for me if my kids were like that

I hate to say this but kids are very good with the guilt trip for parents.  It's their job ....... and they do it well.

Make a copy of your statement and tape it to your bathroom mirror so you can see it each day ..... and add the statement ......... I AM THE PARENT

  

Good luck

[bean29]

Well, I do think that she would have a case if she was arguing that FAFSA assumes she is getting support from her parents and will only allow a small fraction of the tuition as a non-guaranteed Student Loan.  Without the parent support kids from well off homes would be locked out of college.  If she was emancipated she would be able to avoid having a parental contribution expected on the FAFSA I think.

I did notice that this is not the argument they are making.  They are arguing that she is not emancipated and she is dependent on them for support.

[whoisjohngalt]

Mar 4, 2014 10:26:33 GMT -5 sesfw said:

But I can't stand people who think they are owed something, it would be very difficult for me if my kids were like that

I hate to say this but kids are very good with the guilt trip for parents.  It's their job ....... and they do it well.

Make a copy of your statement and tape it to your bathroom mirror so you can see it each day ..... and add the statement ......... I AM THE PARENT

  

Good luck

  That might not be a bad idea

The other problem is that my husband comes from a very different perspective as his parents are still wiping their daughter's ass and she is 47 yr old.  Obviously, the term "TOUGH love" is not familiar in that family

[Deleted]

Then her attorney should file emancipation papers instead of a frivolous lawsuit! 

[whoisjohngalt]

Mar 4, 2014 7:17:46 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

Mar 4, 2014 0:46:40 GMT -5 @lillylake said:

Entitled brat. They must be so proud of her. Is age of majority 18 or 21 in that state? 

It depends.  For most things 18 is the age of legal majority.  UTMA's and UGMA's it is 21.  So if the saved money is in a custodial bank account for a minor they don't have to legally turn it over until she is 21.  If the money is in a 529 I don't know if they have to at all.  I have two and while it is our intention to use it on the kids.  It is our account though and we can change the beneficiary as  we wish.  I can't imagine a judge over riding that.

the one part where I think she could win is the private HS tuition.  I have filled out a LOT of paperwork for my kids school.  Never once has it asked me to have my kids sign something like a school admission paper or a promise to pay tuition.  To me if they signed that paper saying they were promising to pay for her private school tuition for the year the school probably has a good case for making them do it. 

The scary part for most parents if if the judge actually decides that she is eligible for support during college the way courts regularly order support for college to children of divorced parents.  If the judge were to do that it would be a total game changer!

Obviously this is not the only reason, but it's partially why I am very determine to ingrain my kids' little brains that mommy and daddy don't owe them anything except bread and water and a place to sleep.

I am not even exaggerating.  I keep telling my two oldest that while I have to feed you, I don't have to feed you what YOU want.  And while I have to provide a safe place for you, toys are not part of it, etc etc etc

I don't know if my brainwashing will work, but seriously, some of the things I read about kids make my blood boil and hair on my neck stand up

[Abby Normal]

I heard about this on the radio in the car this morning.  It sounds like she left the house two days before her 18th birthday.  Parents said she walked out, she says they threw her out.

I think alot of 18 yo have some issues "obeying" the rules as they think that they should be able to do whatever they want.  Sad, that it would come to this extreme.  You would think if she's an honor student, she'd be smarter than this.  Though, it really makes me wonder just what rules she didn't want to follow. Other they mentioned respect and a boyfriend the parents didn't approve of.

[Deleted]

Mar 4, 2014 10:51:29 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Obviously this is not the only reason, but it's partially why I am very determine to ingrain my kids' little brains that mommy and daddy don't owe them anything except bread and water and a place to sleep.

I am not even exaggerating. I keep telling my two oldest that while I have to feed you, I don't have to feed you what YOU want.  And while I have to provide a safe place for you, toys are not part of it, etc etc etc

I don't know if my brainwashing will work, but seriously, some of the things I read about kids make my blood boil and hair on my neck stand up

OMG! I said the exact same thing to my kids last week! 

[justme]

Mar 4, 2014 11:21:38 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

I heard about this on the radio in the car this morning.  It sounds like she left the house two days before her 18th birthday.  Parents said she walked out, she says they threw her out.

I think alot of 18 yo have some issues "obeying" the rules as they think that they should be able to do whatever they want.  Sad, that it would come to this extreme.  You would think if she's an honor student, she'd be smarter than this.  Though, it really makes me wonder just what rules she didn't want to follow. Other they mentioned respect and a boyfriend the parents didn't approve of.

One article also mentioned a curfew. I know sometimes parents have to draw a hard line, but forcing her to move out (whether she left because of the rules or they threw her out because of them) because they didn't like her bf just seems insane. You've now given her unfettered access to the boy you don't think is good with her and have practically put her on the path you didn't want her to take.

Also still don't get how parents haven't figured out that asking a kid to break up with a gf/bf just drives them closer to them.

[Wisconsin Beth]

My Mom has always been carefully neutral about any boy or girl we talked about/brought home.  She said to like them was the kiss of death to that relationship and to dislike them would draw the relationship out. 

[Abby Normal]

Mar 4, 2014 11:49:12 GMT -5 justme said:

Mar 4, 2014 11:21:38 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

I heard about this on the radio in the car this morning.  It sounds like she left the house two days before her 18th birthday.  Parents said she walked out, she says they threw her out.

I think alot of 18 yo have some issues "obeying" the rules as they think that they should be able to do whatever they want.  Sad, that it would come to this extreme.  You would think if she's an honor student, she'd be smarter than this.  Though, it really makes me wonder just what rules she didn't want to follow. Other they mentioned respect and a boyfriend the parents didn't approve of.

One article also mentioned a curfew. I know sometimes parents have to draw a hard line, but forcing her to move out (whether she left because of the rules or they threw her out because of them) because they didn't like her bf just seems insane. You've now given her unfettered access to the boy you don't think is good with her and have practically put her on the path you didn't want her to take.

Also still don't get how parents haven't figured out that asking a kid to break up with a gf/bf just drives them closer to them.

But it's her version that they forced/threw her out.  I have a friend who is dealing with something similar (though thankfully not to this extreme).  Kid turned 18, and has decided he doesn't want to  follow the house rules, and doesn't want to go to school because he's an adult now. Everytime they start talking about his path in life, he screams at her and says he's moving out with his GF.  He was talking about it months before he turned 18.  Friend is hoping she can keep a "truce" long enough to get him his HS diploma


My nephew went through the same thing only he did move out. He did graduate and joined the Air Force.  He's only just now (three years later) realizing what his Dad was trying to do for him.  Smart kid- just made some dumb decisions.

[justme]

I was saying that the parents rules were why she's not living with them. Whether they told her to leave because she wasn't following them, or she left because was tired of following them - the rules forced her out either way. I hope there were some other rules/circumstances not mentioned as I stand by my opinion that the parents made a dumb decision by keeping the rule that she needs to "reconsider her bf" as their hill to die on. Well, they died, the girl is still with the bf and she can do whatever she pleases without her parents being able to watch over her in case whatever they fear will happen happens.

[Abby Normal]

But I'm wondering if the rule is " you can't see that boy at all because he's a bad influence" or " you can not  have sex with that boy on my couch" type of issues.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Mar 4, 2014 12:36:22 GMT -5 justme said:

I was saying that the parents rules were why she's not living with them. Whether they told her to leave because she wasn't following them, or she left because was tired of following them - the rules forced her out either way. I hope there were some other rules/circumstances not mentioned as I stand by my opinion that the parents made a dumb decision by keeping the rule that she needs to "reconsider her bf" as their hill to die on. Well, they died, the girl is still with the bf and she can do whatever she pleases without her parents being able to watch over her in case whatever they fear will happen happens.

From what I read, the b/f was not the whole issue.  They said that she didn't respect them, their curfew and wouldn't help out with chores.

When I was 18, my folks told me "my house, my rules and if you don't want to live here with my rules, there's the door".  As I was living at home while I was going to college, it seemed like biting off my nose to spite my face NOT to follow their rules until I could get my education.

[Deleted]

You sound like a reasonable person, she does not. 

[justme]

Mar 4, 2014 12:53:15 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Mar 4, 2014 12:36:22 GMT -5 justme said:

I was saying that the parents rules were why she's not living with them. Whether they told her to leave because she wasn't following them, or she left because was tired of following them - the rules forced her out either way. I hope there were some other rules/circumstances not mentioned as I stand by my opinion that the parents made a dumb decision by keeping the rule that she needs to "reconsider her bf" as their hill to die on. Well, they died, the girl is still with the bf and she can do whatever she pleases without her parents being able to watch over her in case whatever they fear will happen happens.

From what I read, the b/f was not the whole issue.  They said that she didn't respect them, their curfew and wouldn't help out with chores.

When I was 18, my folks told me "my house, my rules and if you don't want to live here with my rules, there's the door".  As I was living at home while I was going to college, it seemed like biting off my nose to spite my face NOT to follow their rules until I could get my education.

I didn't see the chores part. Never said the bf was the whole issue, just that I'm willing to bet he was the hill both parties were willing to die on and the parents chose wrong. Hell, if they ground her enough for violating curfew and not doing her chores it's not like she can see the bf that much.

[mollyanna58]

Mar 4, 2014 10:38:04 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Then her attorney should file emancipation papers instead of a frivolous lawsuit! 

One of the articles I read this morning said that she is seeking to be declared non-emancipated, so that Mommy and Daddy keep having to pay the bills.

I'm wondering how she managed to accrue $12,957. in legal fees so far, when the suit has just been filed. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

www.nbcnews.com/news/education/n-j-honor-student-booted-home-sues-parents-college-aid-n43826

The b/f isn't even mentioned in this article.

[justme]

There's another thread on this board somewhere that posted yesterday, before it started getting as much national press. I believe it was from a local news source. Stated that "reconsidering her relationship with her bf" was one of the rules she didn't follow, she's living with her best friend - whose dad is fronting the money for the lawyer, and they're asking for her parents to pay the legal fees.

ETA: It was a yahoo article, but stated the list of rules, including reconsidering the bf, came from talking to the parents. shine.yahoo.com/parenting/nj-teen-sues-parents-for-cash-and-college-tuition-201404488.html

ETA2: Whoops, best friend's dad is a lawyer and the one suing them.

[Lizard Queen]

I'm sorry, but I don't get how this is the fault of the parents in any way.  They should be able to fully expect their children to follow their rules when living in their household.  If a child legally becomes an adult and decides she doesn't want to, she shouldn't expect any financial support from her parents.  If you accept money from others, then you become beholden to them in some way, be it following their rules, or whatever.  If she truly wants to call her own shots, then she needs to support herself.

The BF's dad seems to be pretty damn self-serving by charging (an arm and a leg) for legal services for himself.  Short of abuse in the home or something along the lines, I don't see how it is even right of him to allow that girl to move in with his family.  I just hope the judge isn't an idiot.

[justme]

I've never said she should get money from her parents. I just said it was ridiculous and stupid of them to make "reconsider your bf" one of the rules. It's not even a rule as it's impossible to break it (yup, reconsidered, still dating him thanks) - their goal was to get her to break up with her. Which is a stupid move when you're dealing with teenage hormones. If the guy is a bad influence, sure punish her for all of her bad actions as a result of him, but if you tell her to break up or move out don't be upset/shocked/heart broken when she does.

As for the best friend's dad, yeah it's self serving and I don't think it's a wise move on his part to be her lawyer. But I don't see how he shouldn't let his daughter's best friend move is wrong since there's no abuse....better than having her move in with the bf or live on the streets.

[Lizard Queen]

Mar 4, 2014 14:49:44 GMT -5 justme said:

I've never said she should get money from her parents. I just said it was ridiculous and stupid of them to make "reconsider your bf" one of the rules. It's not even a rule as it's impossible to break it (yup, reconsidered, still dating him thanks) - their goal was to get her to break up with her. Which is a stupid move when you're dealing with teenage hormones. If the guy is a bad influence, sure punish her for all of her bad actions as a result of him, but if you tell her to break up or move out don't be upset/shocked/heart broken when she does.

As for the best friend's dad, yeah it's self serving and I don't think it's a wise move on his part to be her lawyer. But I don't see how he shouldn't let his daughter's best friend move is wrong since there's no abuse....better than having her move in with the bf or live on the streets.

You seem to be stuck on the boyfriend thing, while I read it was several different things.  My experience--it's usually more than one thing, though the boyfriend can get her on a really bad path.

BFF's dad doesn't have to make leaving home a nice, easy, cozy choice.  The other choices would probably knock some sense in her quite quickly.  Living with the boyfriend?  Yeah, they'd probably break up real quick.  The streets?  Did you see the picture of her?  I doubt she'd resort to living on the streets.

[justme]

Mar 4, 2014 14:57:59 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Mar 4, 2014 14:49:44 GMT -5 justme said:

I've never said she should get money from her parents. I just said it was ridiculous and stupid of them to make "reconsider your bf" one of the rules. It's not even a rule as it's impossible to break it (yup, reconsidered, still dating him thanks) - their goal was to get her to break up with her. Which is a stupid move when you're dealing with teenage hormones. If the guy is a bad influence, sure punish her for all of her bad actions as a result of him, but if you tell her to break up or move out don't be upset/shocked/heart broken when she does.

As for the best friend's dad, yeah it's self serving and I don't think it's a wise move on his part to be her lawyer. But I don't see how he shouldn't let his daughter's best friend move is wrong since there's no abuse....better than having her move in with the bf or live on the streets.

You seem to be stuck on the boyfriend thing, while I read it was several different things.  My experience--it's usually more than one thing, though the boyfriend can get her on a really bad path.

BFF's dad doesn't have to make leaving home a nice, easy, cozy choice.  The other choices would probably knock some sense in her quite quickly.  Living with the boyfriend?  Yeah, they'd probably break up real quick.  The streets?  Did you see the picture of her?  I doubt she'd resort to living on the streets.

In the article that I posted where they talked to the dad - he mentioned three rules: respect, curfew, and reconsidering the bf. I'm sure there were other things too, but those were the three listed. In my not so long ago experience as a teen (and then moving back after grad school where they saddled me with the my house my rules) the top few rules I broke were the ones they harped on me the loudest about. Obviously don't know the situation but could easily see fights about how she never disrespected them or missed curfew before she met bf, making even the other rules about the bf adding fuel to the fire.

As for why I'm stuck on the bf - is because it's a damn stupid rule. The rest aren't - it makes sense to establish rules like that and want them followed. It's stupid as all get-out to try to force your teenage daughter to break up with her bf by making it a rule. Everyone knows that's just going to make her cling to him more, think it's them versus the world, that her parents just want to see her miserable. It's just a stupid, stupid rule and I think her parents are stupid for making that rule and even stupider for making it "reconsider". When you're dealing with stupid teenagers and their looooove you're immediately going all-in in a high-stakes game when you make them choose the bf or her parents.

If you don't like what your kid is doing, even if you suspect it's heavily influenced by someone they know, you punish the actions instead of railing against the person. She missed curfew? Ground her for a week. She talks back? Sorry, can't go on your date tonight. Doesn't do her chores? You don't get your keys back until you do them for a week straight.

No, she probably wouldn't be on the streets, she'd be couch surfing - but all of her other friend's parents should turn her away too according to you so I'm not sure where she'd go. Or at least any decently safe place. I just don't think it's her best friend's parents job to parent her or make it tough on her.

[Lizard Queen]

"No, she probably wouldn't be on the streets, she'd be couch surfing - but all of her other friend's parents should turn her away too according to you so I'm not sure where she'd go. Or at least any decently safe place. I just don't think it's her best friend's parents job to parent her or make it tough on her. "

Damn straight it's not their job to parent her--they should butt out of it completely, since there is not even hint of any type of abuse.  I don't think any other parents should let her couch surf or move in, and BFF's dad definitely shouldn't be filing outrageous lawsuits on her behalf.  The only thing I can see, is for them to pay the rest of the current year's tuition, because she's already in the middle of the year.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Mar 4, 2014 15:15:15 GMT -5 justme said:

Mar 4, 2014 14:57:59 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

You seem to be stuck on the boyfriend thing, while I read it was several different things.  My experience--it's usually more than one thing, though the boyfriend can get her on a really bad path.

BFF's dad doesn't have to make leaving home a nice, easy, cozy choice.  The other choices would probably knock some sense in her quite quickly.  Living with the boyfriend?  Yeah, they'd probably break up real quick.  The streets?  Did you see the picture of her?  I doubt she'd resort to living on the streets.

In the article that I posted where they talked to the dad - he mentioned three rules: respect, curfew, and reconsidering the bf. I'm sure there were other things too, but those were the three listed. In my not so long ago experience as a teen (and then moving back after grad school where they saddled me with the my house my rules) the top few rules I broke were the ones they harped on me the loudest about. Obviously don't know the situation but could easily see fights about how she never disrespected them or missed curfew before she met bf, making even the other rules about the bf adding fuel to the fire.

As for why I'm stuck on the bf - is because it's a damn stupid rule. The rest aren't - it makes sense to establish rules like that and want them followed. It's stupid as all get-out to try to force your teenage daughter to break up with her bf by making it a rule. Everyone knows that's just going to make her cling to him more, think it's them versus the world, that her parents just want to see her miserable. It's just a stupid, stupid rule and I think her parents are stupid for making that rule and even stupider for making it "reconsider". When you're dealing with stupid teenagers and their looooove you're immediately going all-in in a high-stakes game when you make them choose the bf or her parents.

If you don't like what your kid is doing, even if you suspect it's heavily influenced by someone they know, you punish the actions instead of railing against the person. She missed curfew? Ground her for a week. She talks back? Sorry, can't go on your date tonight. Doesn't do her chores? You don't get your keys back until you do them for a week straight.

No, she probably wouldn't be on the streets, she'd be couch surfing - but all of her other friend's parents should turn her away too according to you so I'm not sure where she'd go. Or at least any decently safe place. I just don't think it's her best friend's parents job to parent her or make it tough on her.

I don't read it as a b/f issue, but one that she is not respecting the house rules.  If the b/f is encouraging her to break them, then he IS a problem too.

How do you know that this last punishment isn't after years of doing what you suggested?  I really doubt that the parents went to this extreme without trying alternative methods.