Getting tired of all of this...

[Deleted]

Today I got a phone call from the jail that DH wanted me to roll all his retirement accounts into a college fund for DS.  I was like WTH?  Why?  Well turns out that getting divorced, being homeless and having nobody to bail him out wasn't quite enough.  His sentencing was today (again, it's been delayed 3 times) but he's still sitting in jail because they're stuck.

Last November they transferred him to a halfway house and 10 days into it realized my insurance wouldn't cover it and they couldn't get him on medical assistance because he was married and I owned a house, so they kicked him back to jail.  Then I got a bill for 3K for the 10 days he was in there.   Now, he's served 4 months for a misdemeanor and they can't get him into an inpatient facility because he's considered "stable" and the halfway house won't take him back because he has an outstanding bill (even though everything from here on out will be covered).  Someone told him that if he dumped the IRA that they would waive it because he had no assets, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way.  They'll know he dumped it.  Anyhow, I ended up putting the 3K on a credit card and he gave me permission to take 3K out of the IRA to cover it.  This is in addition to the 6K I took out last August, so now he's down to a whopping 19K in his retirement at age 38. 

This post is nothing but venting.  The hoops you have to jump through to get help for the mentally ill is just ridiculous and the criminal justice system is the slowest moving thing ever.

[Shooby]

I don't get it.  Why are you paying his bills?  

[Deleted]

Has he been praying hard enough?   It doesn't sound like it to me. 

[swamp]

I sympathize. I see the same situation in many of my criminal defense clients.

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

I guess I haven't been paying attention, because I didn't know any of this was going on! 

 to you! 

[Shooby]

He needs to figure out his own life.  That isn't your job.

[muttleynfelix]

 

[sarcasticgirl]

[Deleted]

Feb 12, 2014 14:54:17 GMT -5 Shooby said:

I don't get it.  Why are you paying his bills?  

Because we were married up until 7 days ago.  This bill is from last November and I'm paying for it with his money.  He can't do anything about it from jail and he needs to get in a treatment center, he should have been in there months ago. 

[Shooby]

Oh, so this is your DH?  Not DS?  

[swamp]

Feb 12, 2014 15:04:41 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Feb 12, 2014 14:54:17 GMT -5 Shooby said:

I don't get it.  Why are you paying his bills?  

Because we were married up until 7 days ago.  This bill is from last November and I'm paying for it with his money.  He can't do anything about it from jail and he needs to get in a treatment center, he should have been in there months ago. 

And most private insurances will only pay for about 10 days of inpatient rehab, which won't do squat. And you don't qualify for Medicaid when you have assets, and your spouses assets are your assets when applying.

[Shooby]

  I am so sorry MPL.  I didn't know you were going through all of this.  

[Deleted]

Feb 12, 2014 15:05:44 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Oh, so this is your DH?  Not DS?  

Yes.  He pretty much had a psychotic break last spring and it's been hell getting him help.  My sons are 11 and 3!

[Deleted]

Feb 12, 2014 14:58:14 GMT -5 Shooby said:

He needs to figure out his own life.  That isn't your job.

She's probably trying to do what she thinks is right because of the unusual circumstances. A recent divorce from your child's father who happens to have some mental health issues and is in jail is fairly unusual imo. I think it's likely that not enough time has passed for everything to be sorted completely out where everyone can just go on their merry way.

[Shooby]

  I was thinking this was an adult DS, etc when i read the initial post.  I am caught up now.  So, yes, i understand.

[Deleted]

On the plus side, I talked to him this morning.  When the jail administrator called me to relay the message, I asked to talk to him personally.  I haven't seen or spoken to him since last November and he sounded WAY more lucid and rational than he was back then.  He wasn't all rambling and nutso sounding and seemed just ready to move on and get back to life.  He really sounded like himself from years ago. Of course it was just a 5 minute conversation and they are drugging the hell out of him there... 

Still, I'm cautiously optimistic.

[raeoflyte]

I'm so sorry MPL.  I know it sucks, but considering everything I'd be tempted to have him hand over his IRA to the half way house if he would be able to stay there on medicaid (or however that works) after that.  I don't know anything about jail except what I've seen on TV, but being in longer seems like a terrible idea, and it sounds like he might actually be ready to get help.  maybe?  

Lots of virtual hugs and good luck.  

[justme]

They may be drugging the hell out of him, but it's good the drugs seem to make him more lucid and rational instead of have no or a worse effect.

[Chocolate Lover]

-hug-MPL

[Angel!]

Feb 12, 2014 14:52:47 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

 The hoops you have to jump through to get help for the mentally ill is just ridiculous and the criminal justice system is the slowest moving thing ever.

Totally agree.  I have become completed disillusioned with the whole system the last few years.  People who really need help rarely get what they need & poor people seem to get screwed due to their inability to afford getting through the system. 

I am sorry

Can your lawyer help you out as to whether moving the money makes any sense at all?  I agree, they will know he dumped the funds.

[Shooby]

Yes I think legal advice is paramount.

[Deleted]

Feb 12, 2014 15:17:45 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I'm so sorry MPL.  I know it sucks, but considering everything I'd be tempted to have him hand over his IRA to the half way house if he would be able to stay there on medicaid (or however that works) after that.  I don't know anything about jail except what I've seen on TV, but being in longer seems like a terrible idea, and it sounds like he might actually be ready to get help.  maybe?  

Lots of virtual hugs and good luck.  

I don't think the IRA matters for getting medical assistance from here on out, it sounds like he's been accepted and they're fine with paying, but they won't retroactively cover that 3K bill and the halfway house won't take him back with an outstanding balance.  So, I'm hoping that by paying this it will clear everything up.  But, I've been wrong oh so many times before!

[busymom]

First of all, <HUGS> for everything you're dealing with.

Before transferring any more money, I would consult with an accountant, or an attorney (or both).  I don't want those transfers to come back & bite you in the butt later.  I am also concerned about tax consequences...

[Peace Of Mind]

Feb 12, 2014 14:57:32 GMT -5 Rocky Mtn Saver said:

I guess I haven't been paying attention, because I didn't know any of this was going on! 

 to you! 

  I'm sorry that you are going through all of this and he is very lucky to still have you in his corner! 

[giramomma]

I'm so sorry that everything is such a battle..

[Gardening Grandma]

MPL
I am so sorry.  

[Deleted]

[wvugurl26]

So sorry you are still dealing with this crap. And yeah it is ridiculous trying to get mental health treatment in this country. It is an illness that requires medical treatment! 

[happyhoix]

The hoops you have to jump through to get help for the mentally ill is just ridiculous and the criminal justice system is the slowest moving thing ever

Amen.

A friend of mine has a 60 something year old sister who was living with their 90 year old mother. The sister has always had mental health issues, but she was doing well enough she could help her mother. Unfortunately over the last few years she's had multiple breaks with reality, at which point she gets abusive and physical. Different siblings have tried to help her but she pretty much burned all those bridges. After her last melt down, my friend was able to get her admitted to a psychiatric ward in the nearest city, about 45 minutes away.

Unfortunately, with no insurance, they would only keep her 72 hours, after which they called various family members to come pick her up. When they all refused (they had all agreed it wasn't safe for sister to keep living with the fragile 90 year old mom anymore) the hospital actually got the local police to drive her home in a squad car. Dropped her off at the front door and drove off.

Sister is still angry, physical and abusive to mom. Siblings don't want her living with mom, and don't want to take her in. Sister doesn't want to be there, but has no where else to go. Sister has never worked, has no money, and no friends willing to take her in. Hospital won't take her back because they claim she isn't dangerous (although they would probably be glad to take her if she had insurance).

Miserable situation.

[mmhmm]

MPL, I've got nothing, hon.  I'm just sorry as heck!  You've been through so much and it just doesn't seem to stop.  You're an amazing person for hanging in there and fighting the good fight for this poor guy.  Our mental health care is absolutely horrible.  It's a shame.  It really is.

Hugs to you and I really hope things work out in your favor.  You deserve a break!