Should my Boyfriend and I break up?

[Frappuccino]

My boyfriend still spends almost all of his free time with me. He is nice, cute, smells good, smart, and funny. We used to be great friends talking and laughing all the time. Once we had sex, most of that has gone out the window. Now, he seems bored with me. He is at my house most of the time but plays games on the computer. We only have short conversations when i start random stupid ones. Our common interest seems to be going out to eat, trying new places to eat, and watching movies/TV. We dont interact much during these activities anymore. I don't feel close to him. He has female friends that make him laugh, and can keep his attention in a conversation. He knows everything about me, i think i know everything about him. He gets annoyed when i bring up this topic. I feel like we would be closer if we would have remained just friends. We're in our 30s. Thanks

[mmhmm]

If you don't feel close to the guy, why would you want to continue the relationship in its present form?

[flopsy]

I feel kind of like this myself, I'm not sure when I started struggling to find things to do or talk about with him but I am struggling.<br><br>I say break it off, you will be happier.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Sounds like he's comfortable with you as a friend - and now as a friend with benefits.

He probably doesn't think of you in a long-term relationship capacity like you'd want. It might be wise to move on now instead of wasting more time hoping for something that's unlikely to develop any further than it is.

[Jaguar]

Feb 4, 2014 21:11:33 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

Sounds like he's comfortable with you as a friend - and now as a friend with benefits.

He probably doesn't think of you in a long-term relationship capacity like you'd want. It might be wise to move on now instead of wasting more time hoping for something that's unlikely to develop any further than it is.

This is exactly it. He's a glorified room mate not a boyfriend. And most certainly NOT a husband or long term material.

[Peace Of Mind]

Yes, you should break up.  It's him.  Not you. 

[Tennesseer]

After you tell him what you want, ask him what he wants. You will find your answer.

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2014 17:28:10 GMT -5 Frappuccino said:

My boyfriend still spends almost all of his free time with me. He is nice, cute, smells good, smart, and funny. We used to be great friends talking and laughing all the time. Once we had sex, most of that has gone out the window. Now, he seems bored with me. He is at my house most of the time but plays games on the computer. We only have short conversations when i start random stupid ones. Our common interest seems to be going out to eat, trying new places to eat, and watching movies/TV. We dont interact much during these activities anymore. I don't feel close to him. He has female friends that make him laugh, and can keep his attention in a conversation. He knows everything about me, i think i know everything about him. He gets annoyed when i bring up this topic. I feel like we would be closer if we would have remained just friends. We're in our 30s. Thanks

Sounds like you are married.

[andi9899]

Feb 4, 2014 22:06:02 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

After you tell him what you want, ask him what he wants. You will find your answer.

This.  You have to lay it all out there.  If your ideas don't jive, your relationship will not be successful.

[NoNamePerson]

If you have to ask - well that sorta seals it for me 

[Deleted]

Sounds like he's the kind of guy that quits trying once the chase is over. Sorry.

[Deleted]

Time to move on, I don't see this getting any better. He brought his A game til he won you over and now you see the real him. This is your future if you stay with him.

[weltschmerz]

Feb 4, 2014 17:28:10 GMT -5 Frappuccino said:

My boyfriend still spends almost all of his free time with me. He is nice, cute, smells good, smart, and funny. We used to be great friends talking and laughing all the time. Once we had sex, most of that has gone out the window. Now, he seems bored with me. He is at my house most of the time but plays games on the computer. We only have short conversations when i start random stupid ones. Our common interest seems to be going out to eat, trying new places to eat, and watching movies/TV. We dont interact much during these activities anymore. I don't feel close to him. He has female friends that make him laugh, and can keep his attention in a conversation. He knows everything about me, i think i know everything about him. He gets annoyed when i bring up this topic. I feel like we would be closer if we would have remained just friends. We're in our 30s. Thanks

Well, there's your problem, right there.  You should have sex more than once.

[thyme4change]

Feb 4, 2014 17:28:10 GMT -5 Frappuccino said:

 Our common interest seems to be going out to eat, trying new places to eat, and watching movies/TV. We dont interact much during these activities 

Sounds like marriage.

[thyme4change]

Crap - I missed Archie's before I posted.  Nice to know we have the same sense of humor (or the same type of marriage.   )

[jencin]

I agree with Tennesseer.

You don't say how long you've been together. Even the best relationships go through snags from time to time ... that's when you both need to care enough to work on it.

Do you try as hard as you once did to think of things that might encourage him to sit up and pay attention, or is it just too much trouble, and at this point you don't care enough to make the effort. It could be you're equally bored if that's the case.

Instead of asking him whether he's dissatisfied, tell him YOU are feeling restless. See how he responds to that. Tell him the things that are important to you and ask what is important to him. Might not be a bad idea at that point to ask if he's ready for a commitment/long term relationship ... but be ready in case he comes back with something you don't want to hear. 

Of course you might want to wait until after Valentine's Day. Good luck.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Why wait til after Valentine's Day? It's a superficial "holiday". (No, I'm not a cynic, but love doesn't need a day to celebrate it - it should be celebrated every day with a committed couple - through actions & deeds, and those "little things" you do for each other - along with common interests).

It sounds (from Frap's OP) that the guy is just "there" and comfortable with being a friend/room-mate - with benefits.

Time to ask directly if this is going to lead into something more serious/permanent, or if Frap is just going to spend the next months (or years) spinning her wheels and hoping for something that isn't going to happen.

It was pretty much established with DH and I when we became intimate, that our relationship was solid and going to move on to marriage.

[greatandpowerfuloz]

Have you considered the possibility that maybe the sex wasn't that great?

Sometimes people just don't click in the sack....it's not really anyone's fault.

You don't want him going all Fletcher Reede on you..."I've had better"

[jencin]

I dunno. I've had some very nice Valentine's Days. Not for everyone perhaps, but I see nothing wrong with celebrating a great relationship in a little different way, once a year, especially on a chilly night in February.   

 

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Instead of asking him whether he's dissatisfied, tell him YOU are feeling restless. See how he responds to that. Tell him the things that are important to you and ask what is important to him. Might not be a bad idea at that point to ask if he's ready for a commitment/long term relationship ... but be ready in case he comes back with something you don't want to hear.

Of course you might want to wait until after Valentine's Day. Good luck.

I just don't see the point of you thinking Frappuccino should wait til after Valentine's Day. What makes you think the relationship is going to change like magic on Feb 14?

Is Cupid going to magically appear and sprinkle him with love dust and he'll suddenly have an epiphany & become more attentive and committed to the relationship?

Sounds like he's more than satisfied with the way the relationship's going now - he has a friend with benefits - but he's not in any hurry to move the relationship forward.

I think Frappuccino's going to waste a lot of time hoping for something more in the relationship than what's there now.

[sarcasticgirl]

Feb 4, 2014 22:31:34 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Feb 4, 2014 17:28:10 GMT -5 Frappuccino said:

My boyfriend still spends almost all of his free time with me. He is nice, cute, smells good, smart, and funny. We used to be great friends talking and laughing all the time. Once we had sex, most of that has gone out the window. Now, he seems bored with me. He is at my house most of the time but plays games on the computer. We only have short conversations when i start random stupid ones. Our common interest seems to be going out to eat, trying new places to eat, and watching movies/TV. We dont interact much during these activities anymore. I don't feel close to him. He has female friends that make him laugh, and can keep his attention in a conversation. He knows everything about me, i think i know everything about him. He gets annoyed when i bring up this topic. I feel like we would be closer if we would have remained just friends. We're in our 30s. Thanks

Sounds like you are married.

exactly what i was going to say. 

[justme]

A lot of people don't like to break up right before holidays because it's "mean" and the person would be alone. Personally, I'd rather be alone than with someone that has to fake it. Plus, I'd be the bitch asking for whatever gift I gave them back if I got dumped right after a holiday.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Feb 13, 2014 17:30:48 GMT -5 justme said:

A lot of people don't like to break up right before holidays because it's "mean" and the person would be alone. Personally, I'd rather be alone than with someone that has to fake it. Plus, I'd be the bitch asking for whatever gift I gave them back if I got dumped right after a holiday.

Since Frap started the thread on Feb 4, that would have been almost 2 wks before VDay.

I have to assume she was already feeling unhappy with their relationship as it stands for longer than that, and before she even started the thread.

The person's going to be hurt an alone after a breakup no matter what day or time of year it happens. I'd rather have a breakup occur before VDay - than waste time "going through the motions" or having the other person faking their true feelings for the sake of a superficial holiday.

Breaking up shortly after VDay would be more painful than before, IMHO.

[andreawick]

Feb 4, 2014 23:27:54 GMT -5 @missmargarita said:

Feb 4, 2014 22:31:34 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Sounds like you are married.

#yeah that#.

that's the problem when your with someone for a while...they get boring (you're still incredibly awesome)...anyway, once your SO gets boring it's time to move on.

Find someone younger and more exciting.

Good luck!!

[Otto the Orange]

is the sex good?

[Deleted]

So, this is old... did you break up? I want details...

[Deleted]

Well DAMN, girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  You can find someone to play computer games with, have short conversations with and go out to eat with ANYWHERE!   Move on!  Your standards are higher than that!!

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Since Frap hasn't updated since the beginning of Feb - I'm going to assume this relationship is already dead.

B/F was more interested in playing computer games than playing with Frap - or actually talking/doing things together.

[Frappuccino]

Well i never did break up with my boyfriend. Despite all our problems, i love him, i am attracted to him, and i was desperate for him to treat me as good as his other female friends, and i was desperate for him to respect me like he respects his other female friends. Well he dumped me yesterday and is not taking me back. I am sick and anxious. I want to get over him and get back to my comfortable single days.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Hang in there Frappuccino - you can be strong - you just have to look within yourself to see that you're the better person exiting this relationship. I'm sorry & I know it cuts to the core, but that's what happens when you truly believe you're in love but the other person isn't as committed or willing to commit.

It may turn out to be your blessing - there IS someone out there worthy of you, and you'll find each other - this person wasn't meant to be your soul-mate.

You two were probably never meant to be. Consider yourself lucky to find out now.