cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jan 28, 2014 15:50:44 GMT -5
We stopped actually buying gifts for each other that need wrapped and surprise. But last night I did ask him what he was getting me for a retirement gift, my party is Saturday. I was sure he was thinking nothing but he said I don't know, what do you want. I am ridding my house off all things with wildlife on them and my bedroom lamps have eagles on touch lamps, he has no bedroom lamps and decorates in all wildlife. I told him I want him to take the eagle lamps to his house I want new ones without eagles. So I showed him some pictures of lamps, he gave me money so now I have to buy my own retirement lamps because he can't pick out lamps. Turns out he was trying to come up with a gift and asking his friends what to get me. They said jewelry but I don't wear jewelry so he was clueless and jumped at the chance to not have to think anymore.
I buy him things like live lobsters when I feel like it but not actual gifts to wrap and over the years have tended to buy him most of his clothing since he hates to shop.
We are totally separating now, not ever living together again, I told him last night. Separate houses but both welcome to come visit anytime. I told him I can't live in his house because it isn't mine and I don't feel at home there. He thought I would sell mine and move in with him but I really like having my own house. We are kinda rich so can afford two houses for two people. His house is a double wide log cabin looking house on a river decorated in wildlife and dead fish and deer head on the walls. He keeps it spotless, loves his house and everything in it is brand new. I am a little messy so if i spent the day in his house while he was at work I would feel like I couldn't even leave a coffee cup in the sink so would have to live like company. Now I can go visit, eat something microwaved, throw out the trash and leave him with a dirty fork then go home. My nephew and I went to play cards with him Sunday and my nephew apologized for leaving two dirty forks in the sink. He doesn't mind if company does but I don't think he would like it if I lived there and did. I plan to be better in my house but not perfect and my mess is mine to deal with my way not bothering anyone else. So I will just be company at his house maybe spend weekends when he is home go home Sundays to my house.
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Plain Old Petunia
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Jan 28, 2014 16:06:40 GMT -5
I guess I'm not specifically talking about Valentine's Day. I am talking about throughout the year. For example: I bought him a winter coat because he needs one. I have been "dating" him for over five years. I see no reason to get married. That could be a whole other topic. Do you not receive any gifts? Does it bother you? If so, you need to speak up. We all want to feel loved and appreciated.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Jan 28, 2014 16:36:51 GMT -5
People who say they don’t do Christmas or Valentine ’s Day because they are too commercial, or you shouldn’t only be thoughtful one day drive me batty. You don’t have to be commercial to be thoughtful, romantic, or fun. Leave a note, make dinner, wash the car, go for a walk, it shouldn’t be that off putting to put in a little effort for someone you love. If you don’t mind doing that kind of stuff randomly throughout the year, why the hell is so off-putting to be romantic on a day it is customary to do so? Is there a limit on generosity and love?
I like to celebrate, give gifts, and do nice things for people I care about. It is fun. Often times it is something small, but every once in a while I get a great idea for something that is a little extravagant, and will do so. It doesn’t have to be feast or famine.
This year my SO will be getting a nice bottle of whiskey for V-day. I suppose those greedy slugs at Bevmo corporate will be happy that I am lining their pockets but I don’t care. It’s not my goal in life to see that no one profits off of other’s joy.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 28, 2014 16:42:22 GMT -5
I have friends who celebrate "Anti-Valentine's Day" to protest the commercialism of V-day. How did they do this? By handing out store bought Anti-V day cards. They didn't like it when I asked how exactly does this protest commericalism?
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reader79
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Post by reader79 on Jan 28, 2014 17:24:40 GMT -5
Was she surprised with new car payments as well? I have always wondered about that.
I would love to be in a relationship where someone thought of me, and did little things like buying me a new comic or something. Instead, I was once dumped before Valentine's Day because he didn't want to spend money on a gift.
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cronewitch
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I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
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Post by cronewitch on Jan 28, 2014 17:30:26 GMT -5
Buying someone a car is too much money for a surprise. I wouldn't want it especially if it came with payments. Major purchases like a house, car or boat need thought not surprise. I was considering having a boat built as a surprise gift but spending 40K or so then have him say I wish it had something different is too much.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Jan 28, 2014 17:36:39 GMT -5
We pretty much stopped exchanging gifts because when either of us wants something, we just go buy it. We usually go out to dinner once a week but we skipped Valentine's week last year because all the restaurants in the area were running "special" limited menus with higher prices.
The main thing is that we discuss it in advance and both agree to it before we just ignore a holiday or birthday. I would feel very hurt if DH just stopped keeping track of my birthday or if I told him I wanted something and he disregarded me.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Jan 28, 2014 18:01:24 GMT -5
I bought DH a pack of Lemonheads from the $1 bin at Target for Valentine's Day. I'm expecting nothing. Are you telling me we're headed for divorce? DH loves mac and cheese- but the homemade stuff like his grandmother made. I make it once year for his birthday (I hate mac and cheese so never think to make it). Every year he says " best gift ever". Edit- meant to quote the mac and cheese comment. and now I'm too lazy to fix.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 28, 2014 18:14:18 GMT -5
I guess I'm not specifically talking about Valentine's Day. I am talking about throughout the year. For example: I bought him a winter coat because he needs one. I have been "dating" him for over five years. I see no reason to get married. That could be a whole other topic. If i need if want something I go buy it. My husband is a great guy, a living husband and a good father. What he is not is a romantic gesture kind if guy. I can probably count on one hand the number of times he bought me flowers "just because" (we've been together for 26 years). I have to spell out what I want if we decide to exchange gifts for Christmas (sometimes we don't because neither of us can think of something that we want). If I said I wanted an IPad my husband would expect me to go buy it. Never would it occur to him that I was hinting for him to go buy it. We no longer share finances but I would kill him if he came home with a car as a surprise! You sound unhappy ...only you can decide if you are getting what you need out if this relationship
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 28, 2014 18:15:46 GMT -5
Was she surprised with new car payments as well? I have always wondered about that. I would love to be in a relationship where someone thought of me, and did little things like buying me a new comic or something. Instead, I was once dumped before Valentine's Day because he didn't want to spend money on a gift. Sounds like you dodged a freaking bullet!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 28, 2014 18:17:35 GMT -5
I think most of the people that would buy a car as a surprise are going to pay cash for it. Because yeah, 5 years of car payments would kind of kill any warm and fuzzy feelings I got from the present.. LOL Dead god, I'm going to admit to watching the housewives...but, Slade bought a Rolls Royce for Gretchen's birhday as a surprise...only he was unemployed so she had to make the payments!lol And if we had shared finances and he withdrew the cash to buy my car I would dreaming kill him!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 28, 2014 18:19:10 GMT -5
@bluester I am twice divorced. The problems I had with both of my ex's were there from the start and I knew about them. I'm not sure if I thought they would change or that I could live with them but either way I was wrong. I waited 10 & 8 years respectively to figure that out. That's a lot of wasted time. Talk about a slow learner :-p
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 28, 2014 18:21:41 GMT -5
Dead god, I'm going to admit to watching the housewives...but, Slade bought a Rolls Royce for Gretchen's birhday as a surprise...only he was unemployed so she had to make the payments!lol And if we had shared finances and he withdrew the cash to buy my car I would dreaming kill him! LMAO!!! But Slade's a total douche so I would expect that from him! I mean.. errr... I don't watch the show... Lmao!! And she got the boot this year from the show....sure hope she sells enough purses to carry that lease payment...
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Jan 28, 2014 18:22:02 GMT -5
We always cooked (together) a wonderful feast at home for V Day Dinner - usually seafood or a prime rib - and lotsa bubbly/wine, candle-light, nice music in the background, and usually followed by some "alone-time". (Jacuzzi for 2 anyone? included).
The money spent on a nice dinner & wine was more romantic that some gift from the store.
We usually bought each other special gifts for our Anniversary and/or Birthdays.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 28, 2014 18:25:19 GMT -5
Lmao!! And she got the boot this year from the show....sure hope she sells enough purses to carry that lease payment... Why did she get booted? I haven't kept up... but she really needs to the dead weight and latch onto another rich oldie... I think they got the boot for being freaking annoying! I only read it in passing so maybe it was rumor...
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 28, 2014 18:25:58 GMT -5
We always cooked (together) a wonderful feast at home for V Day Dinner - usually seafood or a prime rib - and lotsa bubbly/wine, candle-light, nice music in the background, and usually followed by some "alone-time". (Jacuzzi for 2 anyone? included).
The money spent on a nice dinner & wine was more romantic that some gift from the store.
We usually bought each other special gifts for our Anniversary and/or Birthdays. Umm...you included anyone in your jacuzzi for "alone time". I KNEW you were kinky :-p
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 28, 2014 18:27:43 GMT -5
She is annoying.. and has a really big face... and bad skin! And that laugh...holy freaking annoying!
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Jan 28, 2014 19:37:56 GMT -5
I guess I'm not specifically talking about Valentine's Day. I am talking about throughout the year. For example: I bought him a winter coat because he needs one. I have been "dating" him for over five years. I see no reason to get married. That could be a whole other topic. If i need if want something I go buy it. My husband is a great guy, a living husband and a good father. LOL... I would hope so!
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Jan 28, 2014 20:00:35 GMT -5
The Valentine's Day advertising has got me thinking about things. I know of some people that get awesome gifts. A co-worker was surprised with a new car for Christmas. (I thought that only happened on tv.) Others can say "I need a new iPod" and the next day they have a new iPod. I hear of this happening with many things: winter coats, boots, lap tops, tablets, etc. My significant other and I do not do anything special. Well, maybe I do. Since Christmas I bought him a nice shirt that was on sale and now I ordered him a winter coat that he needs. Other than that, we fend for ourselves. We are not married. It's kind of depressing. Do you and your significant other buy things for each other? Do you buy nice, thoughtful gifts? Do you receive any gifts? At least your significant other isn't like my DW's husband. As the story goes, the husband bought the new DVD player she wanted while at her parents in MN over Christmas. To avoid the hassle of hauling the DVD player back to CA on a crowded airplane, the husband decided to return the DVD player and get a replacement at home. It is alleged that the doting husband did obtain a replacement DVD player. But, that the replacement DVD player was given as a birthday gift a couple of months later. (Is this the classic example of re-gifting?) I'm not so sure that this tale is entirely true. But it makes a good story. DW also tells the story about her husband, who bought her a new laptop for her birthday because the desktop was getting pretty old and would take up too much space if it was moved to a more convenient location in the family room. Then the husband decided that since he was going to be living in a hotel room while they relocated, it made more sense for him to take the laptop to the hotel and for her to take the old desktop to the rental house in the new location. To top it all off, the laptop was charged to DW's credit card, so she got stuck for the bill for a new laptop computer she didn't even get to use. Anther good story. This one, her husband confirms is absolutely accurate. So, how long would you stay married to this guy?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 28, 2014 20:50:11 GMT -5
I'm getting DF a pair of gloves he wanted but didn't want to spend the money on. I'm getting but it's supposed to be a surprise -a car. That I can safely drive in this weather complete with snow tires. I'm not making the payment. So I actually will get something that I have always wanted, a car with a huge bow on it! Too bad the weather is so shitty that I won't be able to admire it in the driveway!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 28, 2014 20:55:00 GMT -5
If i need if want something I go buy it. My husband is a great guy, a living husband and a good father. LOL... I would hope so! What can I say...I set the bar low :-p
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Jan 28, 2014 22:36:59 GMT -5
If my husband bought me an expensive gift without consulting me, I would be pissed!
If something costs a lot, I would want a say in the color, style and brand.
Example: I picked out my own engagement ring, bought it with my credit card to get the 5% cash back from that merchant, and had him reimburse me with a check. We are not romantic folk.
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aliciar6
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Post by aliciar6 on Jan 29, 2014 7:50:03 GMT -5
sometimes we do gifts, usually I get flowers, cook a nice dinner or go out, nothing elaborate. this year though it's guns. and his was expensive. We just decided to list them as valentines gifts this year.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2014 8:12:33 GMT -5
If my husband bought me an expensive gift without consulting me, I would be pissed! If something costs a lot, I would want a say in the color, style and brand. Example: I picked out my own engagement ring, bought it with my credit card to get the 5% cash back from that merchant, and had him reimburse me with a check. We are not romantic folk. You are a true YMer!
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Sunnyday
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Post by Sunnyday on Jan 29, 2014 8:28:23 GMT -5
If my husband bought me an expensive gift without consulting me, I would be pissed! If something costs a lot, I would want a say in the color, style and brand. Example: I picked out my own engagement ring, bought it with my credit card to get the 5% cash back from that merchant, and had him reimburse me with a check. We are not romantic folk. You are a true YMer! Damn right, sister!
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aliciar6
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Post by aliciar6 on Jan 29, 2014 11:24:46 GMT -5
How would you feel if you got NOTHING? perfectly fine, i never liked valentine's day anyway. i went many years getting nothing. DH is the first person to get me anything at all on valentine's day.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2014 11:49:10 GMT -5
We do celebrate holidays, including Valentine's Day, but usually it is a day off from work and a nice lunch while our child is in school (a random day in February, not on the 14th to avoid crowds). Many times it involves making/baking special treats. Sometimes we do big gifts sometimes small gifts and sometimes no gifts. They key is letting your partner know what you would like/expect.
It is annoying when people claim that it is stupid to celebrate "made up" holidays. Life has enough tough times so I like celebrating every chance I can. It is fun. Just because you celebrate holidays does not mean that thoughtful gestures aren't happening on the non-holidays. It is not all or nothing. My husband and I also do "just because" gifts and gestures. My guess is that probably about half of the people who say how stupid the holidays are secretly wishing their partner would get them something.
To the OP, you need to tell your partner what you need. Be direct. If you tell him and then he doesn't respond, you have to ask yourself if that is the kind of relationship you want to be in. Good luck.
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Cass
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Post by Cass on Jan 29, 2014 13:04:38 GMT -5
We never do gifts. For the first few years I expected it and was disappointed, but now I realize that the specific holidays mean absolutely nothing to him and for the most part he doesn't even remember the dates. But he does take me to nice dinners, clubs and shows all.the.time. So that makes up for the lack of gifts. And I don't have to buy him anything either.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Jan 29, 2014 14:09:08 GMT -5
How would you feel if you got NOTHING? The very first Valentines day I was with DH (we were just dating then) he got me nothing. No dinner out, no flowers, no jewlery, nothing. This was just after him not buying me a christmas present, so I was very upset and hurt and (pretty embarassingly) made quite a big deal out of it). So the next day he went and bought me the most god-awful locket i've ever seen and gave it to me. I wore that ugly thing for like a month so he'd stop acting like a kicked puppy everytime he saw me. We've been together over 3 years now and will be celebrating one year of marriage next month. I've learned that he's not a 'gift for special occasion' person. He knows when the 'gift occasion' date is, but it never clicks with him to get something to have ready on time. I got my christmas present this year on Jan 5 for instance. It doesn't hurt my feelings anymore, he;s just an impulsive gift buyer instead of a planner. He will see something that he wants me to have and give it to me immediately instead of on the appropriate day. I have fun shopping for him and getting him presents and don't really worry about getting one in return, he's just not good at that. And surprisingly i'm ok with it now.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jan 29, 2014 14:11:56 GMT -5
sometimes we do gifts, usually I get flowers, cook a nice dinner or go out, nothing elaborate. this year though it's guns. and his was expensive. We just decided to list them as valentines gifts this year. Happy Valentine's Day sweetie, now please don't kill me with the gift.
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