Job stress- How do you deal?

[sarcasticgirl]

Jan 23, 2014 16:51:50 GMT -5 Pants said:

You could always try the Lysistrata method.

with all this stress, he's practically using the Lysistrata method on ME! 

[Deleted]

Sometimes you only get what you are worth when you "jump ship". Sounds like your DH needs to make that happen, because it sounds like he is both unhappy and undervalued where he is now.

Change is always scary (for me), but sometimes it's for the better!

[Phoenix84]

In general, I relieve stress by playing video games, or reading, or watching a movie or something.

If I encounter a stressful situation at work, and that's not an option in the immediate future.  I prioritize what needs to be done first, and finish that, then move onto step two, and so on.  Basically, when I get overwhelmed, I take it one step at a time.  Even if the steps are small like "ok, open up this document."

[mmhmm]

Jan 23, 2014 17:02:42 GMT -5 sarcasticgirl said:

Jan 23, 2014 16:52:52 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

You said he's got high blood pressure, sarcastic.  Did he see a doctor to find this out?  Is he on medication for it?  I can understand your concern and he really needs to understand how important it is he address this problem before it gets worse.

His blood pressure was high at our last optometrist visit. It was high the year before when he went to the DR. for bronchitis. His entire face turns red when he's stressed- I can see his blood pressure rising. 
But he has not gone to the DR. for this specific thing. He refuses to go to the DR for just about anything. 
Optometrist aside, he's gone to the DR. one time in the 6 years we've known each other. 

-On the flip side, I have a Gyno, an allergist, an endocrynologist... lol

Oh, man!  Sometimes, you'd just like to bat some folks upside the head with a baseball bat!  If he doesn't do something about that blood pressure, things aren't going to get better - that's for damned sure.  That's not something to play around with.  It really isn't.  The optometrist can't help him with his blood pressure.  He needs an internist.  Please, enlist whomever you can to get this man to the doctor.  If it's affecting your sex life, as you indicated, that can be the result of more than just stress.  It can be due to circulatory problems caused by the blood pressure.  Maybe, if he realizes the real seriousness of his potential situation, he'll agree to, at least, let the doctor look him over and prescribe for the blood pressure.  High blood pressure isn't called the "silent killer" for no reason.

[Deleted]

I changed jobs (careers, in fact) 4 years ago.

For two reasons, one was a new horrific commute (1h45m each way), the other was CONSTANT stress at work. 

Sarcastic, I used to bitch about my job, for years, to a friend. One day she said, so, what are you doing to change the situation? It initially hurt my feelings, quite badly, because I had always been there for her in the situation that caused stress in HER life (ie her stepson).

But then I thought about her hurtful statement, and I realized she was right. I needed to change the situation.

The change didn't come immediately, but her comment opened me up to change, if that makes sense. And when the next opportunity came up (ie a payout at my old job because of the company's move and my much longer commute) I grabbed it. 

To be honest I'm not sure I would have, if my friend hadn't said that to me about a year earlier. Trust me, her comment RANKLED! 

I am SOOOOOO much happier now! I still have stressful periods at work, but they are related to the PERIOD, not to the job itself, if that makes any sense. I have a BOATLOAD of marking several times during the year, and those periods are VERY stressful.

I think when you are stressed and miserable, it is difficult to see that there are other options. But there are! 

Best of luck to your DH (and to you too).

[sarcasticgirl]

Jan 23, 2014 17:10:24 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

Jan 23, 2014 17:02:42 GMT -5 sarcasticgirl said:

His blood pressure was high at our last optometrist visit. It was high the year before when he went to the DR. for bronchitis. His entire face turns red when he's stressed- I can see his blood pressure rising. 
But he has not gone to the DR. for this specific thing. He refuses to go to the DR for just about anything. 
Optometrist aside, he's gone to the DR. one time in the 6 years we've known each other. 

-On the flip side, I have a Gyno, an allergist, an endocrynologist... lol

Oh, man!  Sometimes, you'd just like to bat some folks upside the head with a baseball bat!  If he doesn't do something about that blood pressure, things aren't going to get better - that's for damned sure.  That's not something to play around with.  It really isn't.  The optometrist can't help him with his blood pressure.  He needs an internist.  Please, enlist whomever you can to get this man to the doctor.  If it's affecting your sex life, as you indicated, that can be the result of more than just stress.  It can be due to circulatory problems caused by the blood pressure.  Maybe, if he realizes the real seriousness of his potential situation, he'll agree to, at least, let the doctor look him over and prescribe for the blood pressure.  High blood pressure isn't called the "silent killer" for no reason.

I'm going to discuss it with him tonight. Just last week my sister went for an MRI on her ankle, and her blood pressure was very high at the DR. and they sent her to the ER, made her stay until it was lowered, put her on medication and have had her get it checked every few days. It is really serious business. He's 37 with a history of heart disease in his family so it terrifies me. I think he knows he is going to be told to make lifestyle changes and he just doesn't want to.

If he refuses, I'm going to kick him (since I don't have a baseball bat).

Or refuse to cook again until he goes.

One of those should work.

[Pants]

I have a baseball bat you can borrow!

[cktc]

I abhor unsolvable problems. As soon as I realize people would rather play victim than fix the situation I tune out of the conversation. If a reply is required, “That sounds stressful, let me know if you need help finding a solution.”

Any chance this is more than work stress? Maybe there is something else going on and work is just the easy scapegoat.

[midjd]

Jan 23, 2014 16:56:32 GMT -5 Pants said:

Jan 23, 2014 16:53:32 GMT -5 sarcasticgirl said:

He makes $55K- because that is what he asked for when he started the job as a project manager- They jumped at it because it is a steal for them. He was under the impression that because he had just been laid off then he shouldn't ask for more than he was previously making   I told him he had every right to ask for more... but as per usual he didn't listen. When the new company took over and his position changed to a higher position, they offered no extra compensation and he refuses to ask for more until he proves himself and does really well in this position. His position should pay $70+

I'm pretty sure we're married to the same person. Tall guy? Brown hair? Beard?

I guess that makes me the third sister wife

[Deleted]

DH is generally pretty cheerful, laid back and not prone to pushing himself (was a C student who relied on tests to pass) but he's really taken on some huge challenges lately, amping up in a major way to vault a couple ranks.  He's been working nights, weekends and double shifts this past year, with out of country work on head banging projects mixed in.

Almost everyone in my immediate family sort of vibrates from tension as a natural state, and we don't take pills for it. We lean on each other to cope and not shatter, so it feels like a normal thing for me to fuss over DH when he's stressed.

DH seems to really thrive on the double wham doing big things at work and having me fritter over him though. He's the eldest of 6 kids with parents that remarried multiple times, so he was generally caring for his siblings rather than being cared for. The man likes being fussed over, that's for sure.

There's a limit to what I can do, but the usual assortment for helping DH through rough patches is:


~Sex.  Lots of sex.  The "just kick back and let me take care of you" kind.  Apply as needed at least once a day when under immense pressure if possible.  This seems to cause a pretty immediate, clear and beneficial difference in DH's mental state and abilities to stay mellow and get good sleep.  The good sleep part is important for long hauls.

~Play selfish cards to get him out and walking.  The exercise is for me, but I need him to keep me company.  We do a 1.5 mile really hilly circuit around the local park, and I usually ask about his day so he can talk while a bit distracted. 

~Offer to make sure he gets at least 3 hours at set time every week to relax, guilt free.  That's what I learned in school.  There's always more I should have been doing, but Saturday mornings were mine, to eat cereal and enjoy cartoons with zero guilt and stress for a couple hours before getting back to work.

~Turn on the TV or get him going with a computer game when it's late at night and he should honestly just wind down.

~Offer to make him something.  He seems to respond favorably to the offer even if it isn't taken.

~Sit next to him and watch him work, or ask questions about what project he's up to when he brings stuff home.

~Celebrate challenges like presentations with cake or a treat meal.  If it was hard, he did well challenging himself, and that should be rewarded.

~Remind him I've got his back


That's the gist anyway.  I can't get rid of stress, but I might as well try to take the edge off.  He tries to for me too, but it generally turns into getting me a milkshake.  It's great for the short run, tough in the long run 

[The Captain]

sarcasticgirl - I know we're kinda joking about this, but having been the one you describe believe me - you don't want to be in his shoes.  I can only imagine what it's like to be married to one, but can't really because I'm hyper type A and DH is like totally a type B.

I finally broke down at a physical and told my doctor how I was tired of being stressed all the time and worried about a heart attack.  At the time DH was unemployed, we had several major bills come in, and I was at the doctor's office three times in a month with asthma attacks.  This AND I had to get through year end close.  My doctor gave me a low dose of an anti-anxiety medication and it was like someone had lifted a lead weight off my chest.  I was able to "reset" my stress levels and eventually (under supervision) weaned off the medicine.  Yes I was also seeing a therapist at the time, but in my case the stress was completely from a chemical imbalance that needed to be reset.

I wish you and him well.

[Deleted]

Sarcastic, I still see that friend, but less often these days.

Because of this thread, I just sent her an email telling her how much that comment hurt, and telling her that despite the hurt, it opened me up to the possibility of change, and we both know how well / happy I am today, so when can I take her out to lunch LOL?

I hope your DH sends an email like that too one day, and sooner rather than later. It's unlikely to happen overnight. 

I honestly think that the most important step is showing him that there is the POSSIBILITY of change. And it may or may not be you who shows him that. It doesn't matter who does, it just matters that he sees that is a possibility in his life too.

Does he have a resumé? Cover Letter? That may be the best / most concrete way you can help him, by helping him do that and making him feel is he ready and able to apply for another job. 

Again, best to both of you.

[mamasita99]

In the past I allowed work stress to follow me home. I would think about what I did, what I should have done, yada yada. Finally I did see a doctor for the anxiety. The medication helped me to mellow out a bit, and break the "worry cycle". I feel so much better!

It also helps to tell myself that I am only paid to think about work while I am at work. They don't pay me enough to think about work on my off time. I give 110% while I am there, and then I feel good about calling it quits for the day.

Finally, exercise and laughter. I work up a good sweat, get the feel good chemicals going. For laughter I usually flip on Comedy Central and lose myself in something stupid for a bit. Laughing is such an easy way to feel better.

Good luck, I know that it can be tough to break out of negative thought patterns.

[Deleted]

Personally I got to the point that I just refused to stress about work stuff. As simple as that. I told myself never again. If I got fired I would deal with it but up to that moment I absolutely refuse to worry about it.

My second ex DH would bitch about work every...single...night...for eight years. You caught the part where I said ex right?

[sarcasticgirl]

Thanks everyone. I spoke with DH last night for quite a while and he agreed to go see a DR. I am making him an appointment today.  

He also admitted that he has had a few mild chest pains when he gets himself all stressed and worked up and that he can feel and hear his pulse in his head (which is high blood pressure)  

He has been looking for a new job. I've helped him get his resume together and he's submitted it to a few places but the openings in his field aren't plentiful. 

[Pants]

What's he a Project Manager of? DH's company might be hiring. I don't know if that will help with the stress, though, as DH is also unreasonably stressed about things. Maybe it's a PM thing?

[sarcasticgirl]

Jan 24, 2014 12:56:41 GMT -5 Pants said:

What's he a Project Manager of? DH's company might be hiring. I don't know if that will help with the stress, though, as DH is also unreasonably stressed about things. Maybe it's a PM thing?

Market research- which of course he hates. But it is what he has done for 10 years.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards

[Pants]

Ah. My DH's company does physical installs of things, so probably not the best fit. Market research is applicable to pretty much every big company out there, though. Is he limited to market research PMing or does he have his PMP which migh tmake him more portable?

[sarcasticgirl]

He doesn't have his PMP but it is something he's talked about. He would have to go back to school first because he never finished...

Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards

[Pants]

We are married to the same dude. This is very creepy.

[cronewitch]

I used to stress about work in a CPA firm. Mostly more work than time so I would work longer hours to get more done, handle the big jobs first. My ex said if they don't make you a partner it isn't your problem. He was right, the worst that could happen to me is unemployment, partners could lose houses so it was their problem. If they didn't hire enough people or took too much work, not my problem so I worked about 10 hours then went and worked out and took half a day off Saturday and all day Sunday while partners worked 7 days a week.

My general way to handle stress is accepting worst case isn't that bad. Today the stock market is down over 300 and was down yesterday I was already down YTD and I am retired. I know if the market goes down right after retirement you have a greater chance of failure. Worst case my investments lose money maybe 50% but that leaves me with more money than most retired people and they are fine. I can always sell my house and move to my ISO's house to live really cheap or get a roommate or a job or tighten belt. So why stress over bad investments? It is only money, I can deal with lack of money, I did that before.

[Pants]

Also, I'm pretty sure you don't need to finish college for the PMP. It's an experience + education or extra experience requirement.

[Sam_2.0]

Well, I only half-joke that I didn't drink until I worked here...

I bitch about things to DH, and he bitches about things to me. Then we pour some wine or grab some beers and watch silly TV or look at the interwebs for awhile after DD goes to bed. At work when something gets really stressful I go walk the stairs. 7 up, 37 down, and enjoy a nice quiet elevator ride back up. Takes all of 15 minutes but it completely resets things for a couple of hours at least.

[sarcasticgirl]

Jan 24, 2014 16:11:53 GMT -5 Pants said:

Also, I'm pretty sure you don't need to finish college for the PMP. It's an experience + education or extra experience requirement.

I will look into it and maybe this would be a good way to go.



Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards

[sarcasticgirl]

Jan 24, 2014 16:11:11 GMT -5 Pants said:

We are married to the same dude. This is very creepy.

He is a lucky bastard.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards

[Pants]

Jan 24, 2014 16:52:09 GMT -5 sarcasticgirl said:

Jan 24, 2014 16:11:11 GMT -5 Pants said:

We are married to the same dude. This is very creepy.

He is a lucky bastard.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using proboards

Indeed. He totally doesn't deserve us.

[Deleted]

Jan 23, 2014 15:54:36 GMT -5 sarcasticgirl said:

Recently I just lost it and told him that his job isn't that important... he's not saving lives... he isn't bettering the world. his job is a job and it is absolutely not worth all this stress and misery he is putting himself through. of course nothing I do or say makes a difference. 

Wow, you just doubled his stress.

[Pants]

"To apply for the PMP, you need to have either:

■A secondary degree (high school diploma, associate’s degree, or the global equivalent) with at least five years of project management experience, with 7,500 hours leading and directing projects and 35 hours of project management education.

OR

■A four-year degree (bachelor’s degree or the global equivalent) and at least three years of project management experience, with 4,500 hours leading and directing projects and 35 hours of project management education."

So you have to have a certain amount of experience, take a class and then take the test.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I used to think I dealt with stress pretty well by bottling it up, compartmentalizing, and just generally ignoring it.  Worked pretty good for like 10 years.  Then I quit my job for no real reason, so I guess we'll call that a better short term strategy than a long term one.

Ironically my job is now more stressful.  Kind of.  My individual tasks are simpler, but the consequences for fucking up are much higher, and I'm on my own.  Everything is my responsibility.  Nobody to share the load with.

I'm starting to become a to-do list person, and am much better about using my calendar, and writing things down.  Staying organized is half the battle.

[Sam_2.0]

Jan 24, 2014 16:58:36 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

I used to think I dealt with stress pretty well by bottling it up, compartmentalizing, and just generally ignoring it.  Worked pretty good for like 10 years.  Then I quit my job for no real reason, so I guess we'll call that a better short term strategy than a long term one.

Ironically my job is now more stressful.  Kind of.  My individual tasks are simpler, but the consequences for fucking up are much higher, and I'm on my own.  Everything is my responsibility.  Nobody to share the load with.

I'm starting to become a to-do list person, and am much better about using my calendar, and writing things down.  Staying organized is half the battle.

Nothing like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, huh?