How Old Do You Want to Be?

[Deleted]

I'm curious - how long do you expect/want to live?

I wonder if there is any connection between the desire for longevity and saving for the future?

I have always thought I would be dead by the time I was in my 50s or 60s.  Lots of cancer in my family. And, honestly, I just don't have that "I want to live forever." I think it would kinda suck to outlive most of the people you knew in your life.

Thoughts?

[8 Bit WWBG]

With my Sicilian blood, and based on family members, I believe I have the potential to hit my mid-90s at least.  So unless cell phones and bacon are much worse than reported, I may need to prepare for a second career.

I imagine a lot of factors would go into how long I "want" to live, and none of them are in my control or could be anticipated prior to them happening.  For all I know, we will be fighting WW3 over clean water.  Or maybe the Chitauri will actually invade and we'll all be working in the salt mines.  Maybe I can transfer my consciousness to a robotic body and survive long enough to see undreamt of wonders?

That all being said, I do want a comfortable future.  That is why I'm maxing my TSP, and am hoping for better-than-Phil rates of return the next 3 decades.  DW has her own plan, so between the two of us, we should be OK.  If we don't have children, that money will be available for us as well.

[Gardening Grandma]

if I can maintain my mental cognitive abilities and physical health, I'd like to live to 100.  If I can't then I don't want to live dependent on others..

[Deleted]

I smoke. A lot. I hadn't had a lung Xray in over 30 years. 

I had to get one last week, because I've been really, really ill for over 2 weeks. 

When I finally scheduled it, I realized I wanted to live much, much longer than I ever realized. When I heard that there was nothing wrong with my lungs, it took all my restraint to not jump on the radiologist to hug him and thank him LOL. 

Turned out he was wrong, I have really, really bad double bronchitis. Nearly double pneumonia. The doc nearly sent me to the hospital. I have a nurse coming for shots every day because it's too far gone for pills. I have been in agony for two weeks, I told him I had pleurisy, he told me I had a pinched nerve. We were both wrong, but he's the doc, I'm not, at least I had the right organ.

But, at least it's not lung cancer. By the time that shows up on Xrays, it's very, very late. 

I've quit several times, but I always start again. This time, I think I have to quit for good.

I was SO scared.

On Monday I went to one of my best friends' aunt's funeral. 55, and dead from lung cancer. (I knew her aunt but I mainly went to support my friend, her aunt was like her mom to her.) Her DH was a disaster, he threw himself on her coffin and refused to let go. She left two sobbing DDs, 21 and 23. I thought, J will never see them married, she will never see them pregnant, she will never see her grandchildren. 

So to answer the question, I don't know. And like GG, I don't want to have dementia and be a burden to anyone. 

But between my illness and the funeral, I have realized that I probably want to live A LOT longer than I had thought.

So, 80?!

[Deleted]

My dad died of liver cancer when he was 83. He had a newly qualified, very young nurse. 

The nurse said, you're old. Look around you, look at all the young people who are dying of cancer. You've lived your life, they haven't. 

My dad said. You are right, I am 83, and I have lived a good life. And it is a tragedy that these young people around me have been stricken with cancer. 

But, let me tell you something, some advice from a very old man. If you live to 83, and you are told that you are dying, I can guarantee you one thing: your only goal will be to make it to 84. 

When my dad told me and my sister about that conversation, I wanted to slap that beech from here to eternity. My wonderful dad talked me down, and in the end, I never even bothered to find out her name. 

[milee]

We've had a lot of 100 year olds in our family, even with all the really unhealthy habits. Unfortunately, we've also got our share of Alzheimer's and other mental issues, so some of the 90+ year olds didn't know who they or we were.

I try to take care of myself, so think there's a good chance I'll see 100.  Just hope I know who I am and who my kids are.

I have several active friends in their 80s and it's been wonderful to have such good models for healthy aging in my life.  They inspire me.

[Deleted]

To answer your question, Shasta, no, I do not think that how we live our lives financially has all that much to do with how long we expect to live.

For us, it has much more to do with our kids' goals, whether they are finished with school, financially independent, etc. 

[Deleted]

Why the name change Milee?

[milee]

Jan 12, 2014 0:18:47 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

Why the name change Milee?

I'm being a little sarcastic about some things WWBG said. It's juvenile and I will be over it in a few days, but for now, I'm feeling a bit pissy. Pages 23-26 of the long Welfare, WIC, EITC thread on the YM board have the details if you're interested. It's really not all that big a deal, though.

Edited to add - it's apparently not OK to quote a mod and then agree with him/her.  Even if it's within the COC and is not a complaint, posts like that will be moved to the very active and well-read board "I have a Beef with the Admins". If the mod referenced in the moved quote decides to "respond" on the main board and further attacks you, those posts are OK to remain on the main board, though. It's a good way to make people feel respected and that everybody has to follow the same rules.

[busymom]

Debt! Give up the smoking. Pleeeeease! I lost a good friend to lung cancer, & she was only in her early 40's (granted, she was a non-smoker, but it's a horrible way to go).

People on both my Mom & Dad's family tend to live to be very old. 80's & 90's. The same on DH's side of the family. We're both planning on working as long as we're able to. If we make it into our 90's or later, we don't want to blow through our money, & have to live in government housing.

[Deleted]

I will try to check it out Milee! 

Busy, I KNOW.

[justme]

I'm not sure. I think I'll have to look to my parents a lot. Since my grandparents had polio, heart disease, stroke (though I think a few things contributed it it but I forget), and a lot of complications due to the cluster fuck that was phen fen or however you spell it. So I don't have a lot of life expectancy expectations based on them (haven't had polio or try a weird diet thing and my heart & stuff is ok), but I have a shit ton of autoimmune disorders (so far, at 27 I have 5 so I have plenty of time to add more that will screw me over!) so it's all up in the air.

To be fair, at the moment my parents (er, mom) only has two of the 5 diseases I have. Though if I count her's as a second I have 6 - which is only counting the autoimmune diseases I have (lots of others).

God, there's a reason I don't think about this too much.

[msventoux]

I'd probably like to make it to my 90's or beyond if I was still able to have a good quality of life.  Realistically I'm not expecting to make it out of my 60's with my family history.  I've taken better care of myself and have managed to avoid a lot of the health problems that have plagued my family by doing so, but you never know. 

[cronewitch]

I always think of 97 since a great grandmother and great aunt died at that age, grandma was 98 but mom died at 86. I am not doing a good job taking care of myself and might be losing interest in being alive now. I don't have kids and grand kids and most of my brothers kids aren't really close. One nephew is childless and his sister only has two, those kids don't have any interest in me so I only see them by accident a few times a year. I am a little unsettled right now, three days to retirement without plans for a future, not depressed just at loose ends. I need to build a new life from scratch. I don't know what it will be yet. ISO is spending about 5 nights a week at his house now, he wants me to come live in his house but I don't really feel at home there. I have only spent two nights at his house and a couple of day trips. So I might just keep my house until I decide what to do next, maybe a condo or move to his house and get a condo if I am not happy there. People ask what I am going to do in retirement and I tell them buy a condo with a association, join it then cause trouble for people doing things against the rules like parking on the driveway or maybe just have lots of doctor appointments as a hobby.

[steph08]

I'd like to make it to my 80s, but it really does depend on my health. I want to be like the one 95-year-old lady that comes to our church's bingo twice a month, still plays 24 cards, can get around, knows who she is and who everyone else is. I don't want to be old with Alzheimer's, rotting away in a nursing home.

Old enough to still be active, not sick and feeble and relying on others to take care of me. I think that is all anybody wants out of life.

@debthaven2 - good luck on quitting smoking. You have to want it. My dad tried to quit or cut back multiple times over the years but never did. This May, it will be 4 years since he quit cold turkey and never looked back, after 40+ years of smoking. He had a big jar of pretzel sticks with him all the time to tide him over when he got a cigarette craving. While it might be too much temptation, he even carried an unopened pack of cigarettes around with him just in case he couldn't take it anymore (though he even made it through a 4+ hour car ride home with my brother from the airport without lighting up ). He carried that pack around for over a year - it was so beat up and taped together, it was pathetic. But I think every time he looked at it, he realized he did have willpower and could make it through. It was like his little sobriety chip. You can do it!

[Nazgul Girl]

Jan 11, 2014 23:55:18 GMT -5 @debthaven2 said:

I smoke. A lot. I hadn't had a lung Xray in over 30 years. 

I had to get one last week, because I've been really, really ill for over 2 weeks. 

When I finally scheduled it, I realized I wanted to live much, much longer than I ever realized. When I heard that there was nothing wrong with my lungs, it took all my restraint to not jump on the radiologist to hug him and thank him LOL. 

Turned out he was wrong, I have really, really bad double bronchitis. Nearly double pneumonia. The doc nearly sent me to the hospital. I have a nurse coming for shots every day because it's too far gone for pills. I have been in agony for two weeks, I told him I had pleurisy, he told me I had a pinched nerve. We were both wrong, but he's the doc, I'm not, at least I had the right organ.

But, at least it's not lung cancer. By the time that shows up on Xrays, it's very, very late. 

I've quit several times, but I always start again. This time, I think I have to quit for good.

I was SO scared.

On Monday I went to one of my best friends' aunt's funeral. 55, and dead from lung cancer. (I knew her aunt but I mainly went to support my friend, her aunt was like her mom to her.) Her DH was a disaster, he threw himself on her coffin and refused to let go. She left two sobbing DDs, 21 and 23. I thought, J will never see them married, she will never see them pregnant, she will never see her grandchildren. 

So to answer the question, I don't know. And like GG, I don't want to have dementia and be a burden to anyone. 

But between my illness and the funeral, I have realized that I probably want to live A LOT longer than I had thought.

So, 80?!

Good for you for quitting, debt.   If that wasn't a wake-up call, I don't know what is.    My old manager that I had 20 years ago was a wonderful woman who was addicted to both overeating and smoking.   I remember that she had emphysema, constant bronchitis, pneumonia, and ate constantly.   She was quite witty and charming.   I enjoyed working with and for her.   Unfortunately, she passed away at the age of 45 and was bedridden for the last two years of her life due to emphysema.  


My husband is having skin problems because he is a diabetic and not managing his sugar correctly.   He eats to much junk food.   I had a long talk with him about making better choices when he feels hypoglycemic   My daughter is helping me make better choices in restaurants and urging me to get more exercise, which I am doing.   My nephew is using electronic cigarettes to quit smoking and has been tobacco-free for 5 months.   He says he's saved $ 800.   My DD is a sometime smoker, and uses nicotine gum to avoid starting the habit again.   

I want to change being overweight, and I am making serious moves to get where I want to be.   I want to live to be 85, vigorous and happy, and I'm working on getting there !

[Deleted]

I want to change being overweight, and I am making serious moves to get where I want to be. I want to live to be 85, vigorous and happy, and I'm working on getting there !

Best of luck to you Nazgul! 

[giramomma]

I don't know, actually. My family is not long lived. My grandparents died in their early 60s. Though, one of my grandparents-all their siblings lived to late 80s, early 90s.

My parents aren't too healthy. I'd like to see 80s. We had our last child at 37. If that child chooses to have kids at 37, that doesn't give us much time with grandchildren.

This sounds morbid, but I'm OK going whenever I do. I thus far have lived a very good life. And I had a dream about dying, and it was a beautiful dream.

[midjd]

Based on family history, if I take reasonable care of myself I shouldn't have a problem making it to 80 or beyond.

My grandpa is 87 and jokes that he has 13 years left on his contract. He's in great health and could easily make it to 100. But he goes to a couple of funerals a week and has already buried a grandson. His annual Marine Corps reunion is mostly widows at this point. I think it must be very sad to see so many loved ones die. So I dunno.

I'm saving as if I'll live to 100, though.

[zibazinski]

I want to outlive DF, my ex and his ex. Anything after that is gravy!

[swamp]

Most of my family, their body craps out long before their mind.  Since I have osteoarthritis and am 43, I expect the same.  Most seems to live to mid 80's, max. 

My mom appears to be the only one with dementia issues, but I think that is related to her coronary artery disease. 

[8 Bit WWBG]

@debthaven2 I hope if you do want to quit for good that you can find the strength to do so.  At age 46, after 3 decades of smoking, my Dad kicked the habit.  It took pallets of mints to beat the oral fixation, but he did it.  I've also seen people try the electronic cigarette, though not sure it works.  Some employers have programs that pay for stuff like that.

[quince]

I don't actually have expectations.  I don't think it affects savings for me- I don't know how long my future will be, but it is likely that I HAVE a future, and future me would like money. 

[Deleted]

I wouldn't mind living a long time if it didn't mean living without my honey. Without him I don't think I'd last very long.
We both come from long living relatives, so hopefully we will make it together into our 90's.
This thread is depressing. 

[grits]

Thirty. I am 54. SURPRISE! hehehe

[Deleted]

Jan 12, 2014 9:49:45 GMT -5 @lonewolf said:

I wouldn't mind living a long time if it didn't mean living without my honey. Without him I don't think I'd last very long.

Unfortunately, I can't count on my honey being around when I'm really old- he's 15 years older.  I decided that other factors were more important than getting the right age difference.  We've had 17 good years together, married the last 10.

To answer the original question- people in my family live into their early 90s, other than my uncle the marathon runner who dropped dead at 42.  (He'd been ignoring some signs that he was having heart problems.)  My parents are in their early 80s, still independent and still have all their marbles although their bodies are slowing down.  My last letter from my paternal grandfather ended with "P.S. There is such a thing as getting too old."  He was 95 and didn't live much longer.  His mother died at 93, having never had a Pap smear, statins, or a mammogram.  She died less than a week after they put her in a nursing home.  That's how I wanna go.

So, I'm likely to live another 30 years and am doing everything I can to make sure they're good ones.  That includes keeping myself in good physical condition and saving for a long old age.  Our first granddaughter is due in April and DS and DDIL want more babies, so I hope to be around to enjoy them!

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

I'm the odd one out.

I want to stay on this planet as long as I possibly can.  I figure we only get one shot (although re-incarnation is not totally impossible to me), so why not eek out every nanosecond?  What if I miss something really exciting/funny/wonderous/heartwarming by a second?  I'd hate myself forever for giving up too soon.  

As for dementia, I am not certain we really know how "lost" the person is.  DMIL retired when she turned 62.  She and DFIL had some money and were going to travel and finally enjoy themselves.  Three months after retiring she was diagnosed with Alzheimers.  She lived 14 more years.  At one point, about a year or so before she died, when we all "thought" she was gone to us and had stopped even acknowledging others, never mind recognizing anyone or anything, she was in her room at the nursing home when DFIL walked in for one of his twice-a-day visits.  Instantly, her faced brightened into a huge smile and she exclaimed "DFIL's name!!!!".  He was happily stunned.  She spent the rest of that visit smiling, but never said another word and soon returned to her own little world.  

That story has always made me wonder whether Alzheimer's also has a "locked in" piece to it -- the patient may have both some presence of mind and some memory but is no longer able to express it.  

And, all of this is just a piece of my broader belief that we really don't know much about the human brain and so just because I appear to have lost my mind might not mean I really did.  

So, DO NOT pull that plug!!!!!   

[milee]

.....::::  "His mother died at 93, having never had a Pap smear, statins, or a mammogram. She died less than a week after they put her in a nursing home. That's how I wanna go." ::::.....

Me, too - except I'd like to skip the week in the nursing home.

.....:::: "As for dementia, I am not certain we really know how "lost" the person is. DMIL retired when she turned 62. She and DFIL had some money and were going to travel and finally enjoy themselves. Three months after retiring she was diagnosed with Alzheimers. She lived 14 more years. At one point, about a year or so before she died, when we all "thought" she was gone to us and had stopped even acknowledging others, never mind recognizing anyone or anything, she was in her room at the nursing home when DFIL walked in for one of his twice-a-day visits. Instantly, her faced brightened into a huge smile and she exclaimed "DFIL's name!!!!". He was happily stunned. She spent the rest of that visit smiling, but never said another word and soon returned to her own little world.

That story has always made me wonder whether Alzheimer's also has a "locked in" piece to it -- the patient may have both some presence of mind and some memory but is no longer able to express it. " ::::.....

AAAAAGGGH!!!! But that's exactly my nightmare!  How is it somehow appealing to live a life being fully aware and conscious but locked in a body that will not cooperate?  Sounds like my idea of torture.  Pull the plug on me if I get to that point, please. 

(But I'll respect your wishes and not pull the plug on you since I know everybody has different things that make them happy.  For me, though, trapped in a body is not happy making.) 

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Deal!  

[Gardening Grandma]

my mother will turn 90 in April, if she makes it... In spite of her Alz, I'd like to see her make it to 90.  As far as I know my father is still kicking at 94.....