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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 18:44:14 GMT -5
DH is not particularly child-friendly and went ballistic on the kid across the street when kid's dog jumped our leashed dog on our front porch. DH used inappropriate language and threatened to "kill" the dog (as in "I will kill that s-o-b" without abbreviating) if he did it again and report them all the Animal Control for not being on a leash. DH uses a cane because he has serious osteoporosis and cannot "afford" to fall or it will most like cost him a hip. He shook the cane at the kid. I think it was the sixteen-year-old, but it may have been the twelve-year-old.
When DH told me, I told him we were going to have to apologize to the neighbors, explain his concern, etc. He was cool. The kids live with their grandparents; they have for as long as I know them, which has been about eight years. We've always been friendly enough with the grandparents without really being friends.
I went out to check the mail, and this total stranger came out of their house and went ballistic on me. I tried to say that I knew what DH had said was inappropriate, etc., but I couldn't get a word out to apologize. DH was not to threaten his son with a gun (it was a cane that he shook at him), and if we or our dog put one foot on their property, he would call the sheriff. I have lived there for almost ten years, and I've never seen this guy before in my life. I had one foot on the edge of the grass (and the other foot in the road) because I went across the road to hear what he had to say. He threatened to call them "right then" if I did not get my foot off their property now.
I called the owner of the property, my realtor. I told her the whole story, including the fact, that DH was wrong. I just wanted her to tell her son and daughter-in-law and the grandson that DH was sorry. We weren't going over there to apologize given what we had just heard, but DH was truly sorry. I explained to her that he was old, unused to kids, and really terrified that he would fall and break a hip trying to save our cocker spaniel. Yes, someone was always with their two big dogs, but they weren't leashed, and these were just kids. Remember this incident all happened on our front porch, not in their yard.
After I talked with her (she was fine, said it would blow over, but she would make sure they knew). Then I promptly had what I guess was a panic attack. DH came home, and I actually had him drive me to the ER. We were almost there when I told him to turn around; it wasn't a heart attack. But that's what it felt like to me. Understand that I've never had either a panic attack or a heart attack. I seem to be fine now, but it was scary.
You can comment on the situation, but I already know DH was wrong. I think he now understands that you talk about situations like this with adults, not kids. He also understands (I hope) that this guy is crazy. There is a reason his kids live with their grandparents and not him. He must stay away from their property and them. Eventually, one of the grandparents will be outside at the same time that I am, and I will talk with them. The realtor, their mother/MIL, will have also talked with them. It will be ok.
Has anyone else ever had a panic attack that almost made them think they were having a heart attack? It was really scary, and DH still keeps asking me every thirty minutes if I am still ok.
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Timberwolf
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Post by Timberwolf on Dec 31, 2013 18:56:21 GMT -5
southern susana, So sorry you had to go through that. I can't say I've ever had a panic attack but I'm glad you figured it out before you had a costly trip to the ER.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Dec 31, 2013 18:57:24 GMT -5
I m sorry you've had a bad day. Yes, a, ive had panic attacks. It feels like someone is standing on my chest. Sometimes, one incident will set me off; sometimes it's a culmination of lots of little things.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 31, 2013 18:59:26 GMT -5
I used to suffer from panic attacks when I was younger, seemingly from random events. I went to a doctor and they wanted to put me on meds (anti depressants?). I preferred other methods and employed yoga, relaxation, and reading some books about panic attacks instead and utilizing those skills. I really think, long story short, it was determination to not have them anymore. I haven't had one in over ten years. They are very scary and debilitating. If it is one time event I wouldn't worry about it, but if it becomes a problem PM me and I'll send you the book link that I liked and think helped me.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 31, 2013 19:04:00 GMT -5
After my mom died, my dad used to have regular panic attacks. He swore he was having a heart attack and took himself to the ER. Up until then, he never had anything like that happen to him, but it really hit him hard.
He finally got on some meds that helped, and after he got his feet back underneath him, took himself off the meds. AFAIK, he's not had another panic attack since then.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 19:08:15 GMT -5
Thanks, Chloe. That's exactly what it felt like. It got worse and worse as I was trying to talk to the realtor/great-grandmother/owner of the property.
I'll know what it is next time. It just seemed to take so long to get over it. I think it was knowing how wrong DH was in all of this while still trying to express our concerns. This guy was crazy. I have nicknamed him "Big Bad Dad." The grandparents would have been concerned, as I would have if someone yelled at my kids like that. But I don't think they would have gone ballistic. We've lived in harmony for a long time now. They've given us tomatoes. Their kids have come over here to wait when they've been locked out. That sort of stuff.
It is nice to have someone to vent to. My 101-year-old aunt also died. She actually died the day after Christmas, but her daughter just told me today. She raised my sister and me.
So yes, maybe it was a culmination.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 19:11:40 GMT -5
Thanks, HoneyBBQ. If I have another one, I will definitely IM you.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 19:13:11 GMT -5
I've never had a panic attack. I'm glad you're ok.
I had a similar incident before. My daughter was about 14yo, in the front yard with our 110lb bulllmastiff. A woman came walking down the street with some plastic grocery bags, the dog ran up to the lady and sniffed her bags. Which scared the crap out of the lady (understandably, because it was a BIG dog and she didn't know what the intent was). My daughter got the dog, but she thought it was funny. I was SO angry with my daughter. The dog was a big baby and never tried to bite the lady or anyone else, but that wasn't the point.
I wasn't home when it happened, I got off work late at night. The next morning I learned that the lady lived down the street and that her 20something year old son was saying he was going to shoot my dog and some other stuff. I understood him being angry that the dog had frightened his Mom so badly, but I didn't want any trouble with him. I walked down there to talk to them and apologize. I owed her an apology even if her son hadn't been making threats, but I didn't make my daughter go because I didn't know if the son was there and what he'd do. Mom was home alone, and I told her I'd dealt with my daughter, I was sincerely apologetic and promised it wouldn't happen again. It didn't.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 19:15:39 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear about your aunt Susana.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 19:17:41 GMT -5
Maybe your DH went overboard with the threat but he wasn't totally in the wrong. They probably owe you an apology for disturbing your DH while he was on his own porch as well as the apology you delivered. I hope you feel better.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Dec 31, 2013 19:20:42 GMT -5
Back in the 80s I used to have them. On the interstate no less, going to work. I used to drive in the slow lane in case I needed to pull over quickly before I might pass out. Never passed out.
Like being overwhelmed by a giant wave and you have no control.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 31, 2013 19:32:50 GMT -5
I had a panic attack and it didn't feel like a heart attack it felt like a stroke. I slowly couldn't feel my hands, then my arms, etc. I was at work, I was soooooo embarrassed. Thankfully, a nice lady (who I am sooo grateful to to this day) knew exactly what was happening and just kept telling me to breath until ambulance showed up.
It WAS crazy scary. I was young, bullet proof, early 20's chick who was having panic attacks??
anyway, I just learned to breath and recognize when I am stressed out.
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wmpeon
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Post by wmpeon on Dec 31, 2013 19:34:14 GMT -5
With all due respect, you need to stop apologizing for DH. He didn't handle himself well that's true, but it was a sudden outburst in reaction to your dog being attacked. Perhaps the details didn't come through well in the OP, it just feels like you're apologizing for DH getting upset about your pet being attacked, when he SHOULD be upset.
Is your dog okay? It's up to you how to handle, but I personally think you should call animal control about the neighbor's dog. At least get it on record that neighbor's dog is off leash and that it attacked your dog. Just in case this a-hole of a neighbor decides to escalate things any more.
And from now on, DO NOT ENGAGE if you see this yahoo again. He sounds like someone itching for a fight or a reason to get you in trouble.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 31, 2013 19:54:25 GMT -5
I'm so sorry about your aunt SS. I'm glad you're feeling better, and I hope everything settles down with the neighbors. Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 19:55:31 GMT -5
I used to have panic attacks a lot especially in my teens and twenties. Thankfully, they've become fairly rare. What happens to me is I actually black out. Yeah, sucked being in high school fainting all the time and it contributed majorly to me dropping out my junior year. The more I'd get them, the more I'd worry about getting them and the more they would happen. Back then anxiety issues weren't very well understood and there wasn't all the medications there are now. I sometimes wonder how differently my life would be today if someone had prescribed me clonopin or xanax back then...
As for the dog and your husband. I don't think he was in the wrong at all! Maybe some of the things he said were not necessary, but considering the circumstances, it's understandable. I would have been swearing at the kids too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 20:26:02 GMT -5
Thanks, guys, but DH should never had talked to a kid that way. I am not apologizing really for him but rather acknowledging it. The dog attacking our leashed dog on our porch was totally wrong, but DH should have addressed it with the parents and not the kid.
That's basically what I said to our realtor, who is the great-grandmother in this situation. She knows us. She not only sold me the house, but she's met DH several times. In fact, she congratulated me at finding love at our age and admitted she also had found someone. The grandparents know us, too. They've given us tomatoes out of their garden. They signed our health power of attorney. Honestly, they and we are probably fine and if we aren't, we will be when the realtor talks with them.
It's "Big Bad Dad" that is scary. Hopefully, he is only visiting over the holidays. I mentioned that the younger kid's dad had spoken to me and the realtor didn't say anything and then I mentioned that maybe it was the older kid's dad and she went, "Oh." I'm not sure they are even brothers. I just know that the adults are their grandparents and there are TONS of kids over there. There are at least two little girls (7 and 3, I would guess) and a teenaged granddaughter that works at the grocery store. Plus the boys. And apparently at least one of the boy's father. There is also at least one woman who might be the mom of one of the little girls.
DH was in the wrong simply because he talked to the kids instead of the adults. He knows that. He won't do it again. You don't threaten kids with shooting their dog, calling animal control, etc. They don't understand adults' exaggeration.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Dec 31, 2013 20:26:59 GMT -5
I'm so sorry about your aunt SS.
I had a panic attack for the first time a couple of months ago. I felt like I was having a heart attack and did end up going to the hospital. It was really scary!
I hope your dog is OK too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 20:30:22 GMT -5
The dog is fine. So am I. Let's hope WWIII doesn't break out in the neighborhood.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 20:43:02 GMT -5
I'm so sorry that you're going through this SS. And I'm so sorry about your Aunt.
I have had panic attacks too. I have always managed to control them, through breathing, or leaving, or whatever. They aren't always the same.
Your DH's fear was justified, but he didn't react well (as you know). Given his reaction, Crazy Dad may well think your DH is the crazy one.
It is possible that the "SOB" was interpreted as being the kid rather than the dog, so they may have interpreted your DH's words as threatening the child.
I hope that things calm down, quickly, and that they do what they need to do to control their dogs.
Could you put up a fence, to protect your dog and your DH, and prevent this situation from happening again?
ETA: I DO realize it's for THEM to control their dogs, but still, it might make everybody breathe easier if you / your DH / your doggie were never put in this situation again.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 20:49:45 GMT -5
I've apologized before for using "colorful" language to make my point when I'm upset. I meant what I said, but my delivery was wrong.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 20:53:17 GMT -5
Good point Pink, I think we all probably have lol.
SS, you might want to try to talk to your neighbors again, after the holidays (ie when you know Crazy Dad is gone). Or write them a note, if you prefer.
But I still think you need to try to ensure this situation won't happen again.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Dec 31, 2013 21:03:55 GMT -5
SS - I had panics attacks at 2 different times in my life - the first was an insanely stressful time, the second was hormonal as I quit breastfeeding and returned to my normal self. Both times, I went to a psychiatrist and got a scrip for xanax. One thing the shrink told me was that often just having them on you is enough to keep you grounded and away from a panic attack - one of the biggest parts for me was the fear of becoming out of control and fear of the attack happening adding to the panic. For me, knowing that I had a way to control them if they happened was key to being able to get ahold of myself and calm myself down using normal measures. He was right, during both periods. I only ever took a few of the pills. When you have episodes like this, often a "quick fix" drug is all you need to get you past one or two of them and then your normal coping mechanisms kick in. That said, I know you are a bit older than I am, and I would not rule out a heart attack. Heart attacks in women present differently than in men, and you should really have yourself checked by a GP or cardiologist in case it WAS a minor heart problem. Hugs to you, and I'm sorry for the loss of your aunt and for the episode and the situation that triggered it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 21:13:26 GMT -5
Sorry, Susan you are going through that. I didn't know I was having a panic attack until I ended up in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Dec 31, 2013 23:39:54 GMT -5
That said, I know you are a bit older than I am, and I would not rule out a heart attack. Heart attacks in women present differently than in men, and you should really have yourself checked by a GP or cardiologist in case it WAS a minor heart problem. Hugs to you, and I'm sorry for the loss of your aunt and for the episode and the situation that triggered it. Heart disease is the most common cause of death for women post menopause, so getting checked out is not a bad idea. Take care of yourself
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jan 1, 2014 10:47:59 GMT -5
Please, everyone, get yourself a bottle of Bach Rescue spray and keep it in your pocketbook. Trust me, Bach is around for 80+ years not for nothing. It is great stuf to research on and read up about. It makes wonders. Naturally (literally, because it is all natural).
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motherto2
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Post by motherto2 on Jan 1, 2014 13:11:45 GMT -5
So sorry to hear to hear about your situation, as well as your aunt. I agree that while you DH didn't handle it well, he was totally right to be upset. I second the idea of a fence, especially since it would be hard for your DH to get rid of a dog (either your neighbor's or maybe someone else's) away from your dog, and if your dog is leashed, it's a sitting duck and would not be able to defend itself very well.
I'm not sure if I've had panic attacks or anxiety attacks (I don't know how they differ) but I'm claustrophobic and like my personal space. I go through issues when I have to attend a function of some sort. I cope by mentally telling myself these people aren't going to bite me, deep breathing, etc. I'm also gluten sensitive, and one thing I have found through research is that one of the symptoms of being "glutened" is panic attacks. Thinking back, I've realized that my "attacks" have significantly slowed down since I stopped eating gluten. And when I do have one, it's very very mild. Funny thing is I realize after the function is over, that I actually enjoyed myself, and was very surprised that I didn't have an attack!
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jan 1, 2014 15:59:03 GMT -5
Panic attacks are the worst. I have had a few in my lifetime- two in 2013. strangely, I'm never in a particularly stressful situation when they happen. But i get a really weird feeling and my vision starts to tunnel then my heart races so quickly you can see beating in my chest and it feels like it is in my throat. I get so red and hot and sweaty. and - totally TMI- but i have this major urge to go poo LOL usually 15-20 minutes later, everything returns to normal, but I am totally wiped out and need a nap.
It wouldn't be a bad idea to get checked out anyway by your regular doctor.
And i hope everything gets worked out with the neighbors. your DH didn't deliver his message in the most appropriate way but the neighbor certainly didn't either!
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Jan 1, 2014 16:12:33 GMT -5
Please, everyone, get yourself a bottle of Bach Rescue spray and keep it in your pocketbook. Trust me, Bach is around for 80+ years not for nothing. It is great stuf to research on and read up about. It makes wonders. Naturally (literally, because it is all natural).
This Bach remedy is sold at the place I get my supplements.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2014 20:37:53 GMT -5
My DD's former therapist is a huge advocate of the Bach remedies, not just Rescue. I have bought Rescue for DD in the past, usually for during her exams.
I think I will buy another one, it can't hurt to have it in the house. Thanks Loony.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jan 1, 2014 20:42:51 GMT -5
I wish more people could let heated words go. I'm really trying my best to keep my temper in check. A few years ago I was involved in an incident that was one frustration after another, and I made a similar statement. I called the person back to apologize later, and I'm fortunate nothing came of it. I get that these days, people don't want to take the risk of whether a threat is empty or not.
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