GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Jan 1, 2014 20:57:05 GMT -5
Awww, Susana. What a crappy, crappy day you had.
Is it possible that the panic/anxiety attack was the result of so much of your DH's experience going so very badly in such a short time, without warning, and all beyond your control?
In other words, you obviously have had a cordial relationship with the neighbors, and, especially, the neighbor boys. He/They may have panicked when their dog attacked yours, heightening an already stressful situation. And, then when your otherwise-cordial-neighbor-DH panicked and reacted so emotionally, the boys got rattled and confused. As adults, we understand the possible danger to your DH if he falls. The boys don't know anything about that. Perhaps they went home freaked out and worked up by your DH's unusual-to-them behavior which then fueled the unknown and unwitting relative.
Upon hearing the tale, you may have subconsciously processed all that could have gone wrong (but didn't) and your nervous system and adrenaline went into overdrive.
Regardless, take comfort in the fact that no one was hurt, none of the animals were hurt, and nothing but a few harsh words were used. Sure, there are some hurt feelings and anxiety, but all of that can be readily eased by a few heartfelt conversations between all involved.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jan 1, 2014 21:18:16 GMT -5
I think a letter apologizing for his reaction from your dh to the boy would be nice. Yes the dog shouldn't have been unleashed but that is something the adults need to teach the kids. Kids should not be expected to be able to control dogs in most situations anyways.
I'm thinking if I had been yelled at by a neighbor and had them threaten to kill my dog I'd be pretty traumatized. An apology from said adult would probably help me process what happened.
Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jan 1, 2014 21:21:47 GMT -5
SS - I'm sorry that you had a panic attack. I'm also sorry to read that your aunt passed away.
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Jaguar
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Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
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Post by Jaguar on Jan 1, 2014 21:55:57 GMT -5
Sorry about your aunt.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 2, 2014 1:01:34 GMT -5
My son used to get panic attacks, feeling like he was going to pass out and sometimes having to throw up. The doc wanted to put him on antidepressants. No freaking way. While I'm a big advocate of antidepressants, I feel they're overprescribed and should only be used with bona fide clinical depression. I taught him deep breathing exercises to do when he felt one coming on, and to count backwards from 100 by 7. Panic attacks are like a mental overload and it helps you "switch gears." By the time you're done, the panic attack is gone. Worked like a charm.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 2, 2014 7:01:55 GMT -5
What does Bach remedy do?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2014 8:03:26 GMT -5
Zib there are 38 Bach remedies for different issues, but the point of them is they are all natural / made from flowers. Bach was an English homeopath. "Rescue" is a combination of several of them and used in cases of anxiety / stress.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2014 9:14:39 GMT -5
SS - I'm sorry that you had a panic attack. I'm also sorry to read that your aunt passed away.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jan 2, 2014 11:28:56 GMT -5
Sounds like the kid wasn't exactly truthful about what happened. Probably left out the fact that his dog was on your porch, and unleashed, and he reported a cane as a gun.
It's good that you know the property owner, hopefully she can explain to the neighbors what actually happened, and why your DH reacted the way he did.
We had a similar situation in our neighborhood, one dad overreacted when his son mis-represented what another neighbor did/said. A third neighbor who witnessed what happened explained to the angry neighbor what actually happened, and the angry neighbor ended up apologizing for his outburst and inviting the other neighbor over for hamburgers. (And hopefully he had a nice discussion with his son about being truthful). Hopefully your neighbor will be similarly apologetic when his landlady explains what really happened.
Sorry about your panic attack. Haven't had one, but I understand they are scary as hell.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Jan 2, 2014 17:22:34 GMT -5
Your husband's response really was the cliche "grumpy old man telling the kids to get off the lawn" response, complete with shaking cane. Though I can see how it was justified considering their dog attacked yours on your property.
Anyway, no, I've never had a panic attack. I'm not even sure what one would feel like. Though it is odd that you would have one after you talked to their MIL and she assured you everything would be ok.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2014 19:53:55 GMT -5
DH now has me documenting on the calendar when their dog comes into our yard to molest our cocker spaniel. I am not sure of the purpose except maybe to counteract any claim that the cocker spaniel stepped on their grass. It is fairly silly to me. Everyone is off right now since school hasn't started back. Once the kids go back, DH will only be walking when they aren't there. It is a given that if our dog is out at the same time their dog is, their dog will come over to our yard to engage with our cocker spaniel. It is too funny that we aren't allowed to step foot on their property (never the issue), but they can't control their dog coming on ours. DH is exactly the grumpy old man. He is TERRIBLE with kids. But the kids don't exactly work with us. He used to nap in the sunporch, and they came over a couple of times to "visit" with him. I had to also call the realtor about that since he really didn't want to "play" with them. He has no kids so he doesn't understand a lot of stuff. However, I do think the dad was a coward to confront and yell at me. He wasn't calm or reasonable; he was rather abusive. I'm glad he didn't engage DH because two men yelling at each other turns ugly sometimes, but who chooses to yell at a wife of someone you are angry with? He didn't try to talk with me; he threatened me and my family. That is what caused the panic attack. Hopefully, he will be gone next week. DH knows what his car looks like; I don't. If I see the kids out, I will apologize. If I see the grandparents out, I will apologize. But if I see doofus out, he can . . . well, I don't say stuff like that aloud.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jan 2, 2014 21:09:05 GMT -5
SS you will "bless his heart"
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Jan 3, 2014 11:48:03 GMT -5
My DD's former therapist is a huge advocate of the Bach remedies, not just Rescue. I have bought Rescue for DD in the past, usually for during her exams. I think I will buy another one, it can't hurt to have it in the house. Thanks Loony. Believe it or not but Bach Agrimony and mimulus mixed together and taken daily lowering blood pressure. All it based on calming effect of both herbs.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jan 3, 2014 12:16:42 GMT -5
I had my first and hopefully only panic attack almost 2 years ago. I knew I wasn't having a heart attack after checking my heart rate but that still didn't really help me calm down any. It happened around bed time and I couldn't get to sleep until around 4 am. By the time I was able to fall asleep I felt like I ran a marathon. Horrible experience I wouldn't wish on anyone and I'm sorry it happened to you.
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Jan 3, 2014 12:25:57 GMT -5
I had my first and hopefully only panic attack almost 2 years ago. I knew I wasn't having a heart attack after checking my heart rate but that still didn't really help me calm down any. It happened around bed time and I couldn't get to sleep until around 4 am. By the time I was able to fall asleep I felt like I ran a marathon. Horrible experience I wouldn't wish on anyone and I'm sorry it happened to you. Hi! How do you check heart rate to know its not a heart attack?
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Jan 3, 2014 14:30:39 GMT -5
DH now has me documenting on the calendar when their dog comes into our yard to molest our cocker spaniel. I am not sure of the purpose except maybe to counteract any claim that the cocker spaniel stepped on their grass. It is fairly silly to me. Everyone is off right now since school hasn't started back. Once the kids go back, DH will only be walking when they aren't there. It is a given that if our dog is out at the same time their dog is, their dog will come over to our yard to engage with our cocker spaniel. It is too funny that we aren't allowed to step foot on their property (never the issue), but they can't control their dog coming on ours. DH is exactly the grumpy old man. He is TERRIBLE with kids. But the kids don't exactly work with us. He used to nap in the sunporch, and they came over a couple of times to "visit" with him. I had to also call the realtor about that since he really didn't want to "play" with them. He has no kids so he doesn't understand a lot of stuff. However, I do think the dad was a coward to confront and yell at me. He wasn't calm or reasonable; he was rather abusive. I'm glad he didn't engage DH because two men yelling at each other turns ugly sometimes, but who chooses to yell at a wife of someone you are angry with? He didn't try to talk with me; he threatened me and my family. That is what caused the panic attack. Hopefully, he will be gone next week. DH knows what his car looks like; I don't. If I see the kids out, I will apologize. If I see the grandparents out, I will apologize. But if I see doofus out, he can . . . well, I don't say stuff like that aloud. First- check with your county- they may have leash laws that do not allow for dogs roaming around. Just because they do it, does not mean it's legal. Especially if they are bothering your family or your dog, on your property. Second- Does the "angry" dad live there? If not, it's not really his property to forbid you to set foot on is it? Third- Did your DH overreact- maybe, maybe not. He was obviously disturbed enough by the situation to have a panic attack, which means he felt threatened by the dogs and the situation. Could he have used better words, maybe. I say you and DH approach the neighbors and tell them what you have said here. Dh felt threatened by their dogs and they need to control their dogs period. Apologize for taking it out on the kid, but say that the "angry dad" was way out of line and they can prevent escalation by making sure there dogs are under control.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2014 16:35:10 GMT -5
AgileMom, the panic attack was all mine. There is a leash law, which was part of DH's "threat." However, we don't really want to go there. We will just have to see how this plays out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2014 17:49:34 GMT -5
Believe it or not but Bach Agrimony and mimulus mixed together and taken daily lowering blood pressure. All it based on calming effect of both herbs.
Loony, my DH has systemic high blood pressure and he is eager to try this. I'm just curious, where did you get this info from? Do you know the proportions of both? Can you post a link for more info?
Thanks!
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Jan 6, 2014 11:04:58 GMT -5
I think it was knowing how wrong DH was in all of this while still trying to express our concerns. This guy was crazy. I suspect that they perceive your DH as being "crazy" as well based on his actions. It'll blow over
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wodehouse
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Post by wodehouse on Jan 6, 2014 11:42:56 GMT -5
Sorry for your pain, southernsusanah.
I about had a panic attack just reading the original post! (I am just now catching up after the holidays)
increased heart rate, increased respiration.
Those kinds of situations set me off.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jan 6, 2014 12:12:29 GMT -5
I had my first and hopefully only panic attack almost 2 years ago. I knew I wasn't having a heart attack after checking my heart rate but that still didn't really help me calm down any. It happened around bed time and I couldn't get to sleep until around 4 am. By the time I was able to fall asleep I felt like I ran a marathon. Horrible experience I wouldn't wish on anyone and I'm sorry it happened to you. Hi! How do you check heart rate to know its not a heart attack? You can check your pulse on either wrist or on your neck. My heart rate was pretty normal during the attack but the episode was made worse because I had been having back pains that were pulling through my chest and down my left arm. It wasn't the first time I had experienced that type of back pain and I knew what it was most likely related to but during a panic attack that still does little to calm you or at least it did for me.
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