zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 31, 2013 9:13:23 GMT -5
I know you have to be at rehearsal dinner but those things don't last forever. At least mine didn't. A few hours max.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 9:19:07 GMT -5
Or you can be grateful that he has gone along with what you prefer when you had the party and he didn't make a fuss or make cracks about you being a show off or something. When you have the party you get it the way you like and since he has been nice enough to go along with you, it would be really nice if you could do the same for him. Actually, he didn't make it to DS' wedding. Too busy, he said. And frankly, that bothered me so yes, there's some emotional baggage here.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Dec 31, 2013 9:19:25 GMT -5
Maybe it's not about the money, but the size of the venue or what the bride and groom want for their rehearsal dinner. I know it's tradition for the groom's parents to "host" the rehearsal dinner, but do the groom and bride have no say? I would be confused if they cut me out of the planning and turned it into a family reunion especially given that the whole point is to thank the wedding party for their participation.
39 people is already a lot for a rehearsal dinner and maybe that's created some stress and a more overwhelming experience than the bride and groom wanted. Adding 10 for your side so their aunts and uncles can attend might mean adding 10 for the bride's side so her aunts and uncle's can attend. So now we're up to almost 60. What if their children are also coming, so cousins need to be invited too? You have to draw the line somewhere. It personally wouldn't have crossed my mind that all our aunts and uncles needed to be invited to my rehearsal dinner, but then the groom's parents didn't take over the guest list.
It's your nephew and his soon to be bride's day, not your brother's. Cut your poor brother some slack and enjoy the wedding!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 31, 2013 9:21:17 GMT -5
JHC that sounds like my EX SIL - get over it. Life is to friggin short to carry around baggage unless you want to go to an early grave.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 9:23:42 GMT -5
Or you can be grateful that he has gone along with what you prefer when you had the party and he didn't make a fuss or make cracks about you being a show off or something. When you have the party you get it the way you like and since he has been nice enough to go along with you, it would be really nice if you could do the same for him. Actually, he didn't make it to DS' wedding. Too busy, he said. And frankly, that bothered me so yes, there's some emotional baggage here. Ahhhh, we are tapping into a pattern of not spending a lot of time with you. *hugs*
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 9:24:48 GMT -5
JHC that sounds like my EX SIL - get over it. Life is to friggin short to carry around baggage unless you want to go to an early grave. What does the H stand for?
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Dec 31, 2013 9:25:38 GMT -5
Thirty-nine people, most of whom you don't know, makes for a long ass dinner "party." Your brother and sister-in-law will be involved with the other guests, not you and your DH. You'd potentially wind up sitting on the sidelines, watching other people whom you don't know talk to each other. It's a young peoples' event, not for seniors, unless they're the parents or grandparents. I was never invited to any of my nephews' rehearsal dinners, and I would have declined the invitation had the offer been extended. Blech.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 9:28:32 GMT -5
Or you can be grateful that he has gone along with what you prefer when you had the party and he didn't make a fuss or make cracks about you being a show off or something. When you have the party you get it the way you like and since he has been nice enough to go along with you, it would be really nice if you could do the same for him. Actually, he didn't make it to DS' wedding. Too busy, he said. And frankly, that bothered me so yes, there's some emotional baggage here. It appears that he doesn't view weddings as a big deal. I don't believe that he is snubbing you on purpose; my guess is that he has had minimal input regarding any of it since it appears to be unimportant to him.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 31, 2013 9:29:26 GMT -5
JHC that sounds like my EX SIL - get over it. Life is to friggin short to carry around baggage unless you want to go to an early grave. What does the H stand for? Jesus H. Christ is a common phrase used to refer to the religious figure Jesus Christ.[1] The phrase occurs in vernacular speech, where it is used as an expletive (uttered, for example, in anger or frustration)!!!! I did use other initials but decided against them
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 31, 2013 9:34:12 GMT -5
When my sister got married all my aunts, uncles and cousins got pizza and beer while I had to go to a stuffy restaurant and eat chicken that was cooked in bulk, like they often do for big parties. 30 years later - I can't remember much from that night, except being totally jealous of my cousins.
Make your own fun and your brother can just be whatever he is - rude, cheap, unattached, selfish, not in control (of his own party), playing politics, trying to impress someone, trying to keep someone other than you happy, out of touch - whatever. As someone who has spent a lifetime on a different planet than my family, just take a deep breath and move on.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 9:38:52 GMT -5
Make your own fun and your brother can just be whatever he is - rude, cheap, unattached, selfish, not in control (of his own party), playing politics, trying to impress someone, trying to keep someone other than you happy, out of touch - whatever. As someone who has spent a lifetime on a different planet than my family, just take a deep breath and move on. Thanks- I like the way you put it! I can certainly identify with the "different planet" feeling. And I know that DH and I will be fine on our own or with other family members who are in the area for the wedding.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Dec 31, 2013 9:43:22 GMT -5
Cool. It's can be difficult for me to gain perspective on my feelings when they've been hurt, even unintentionally. You'll have a blast.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Dec 31, 2013 9:52:16 GMT -5
Speaking of another planet, I'm not sure this would fly at the venue your nephew will be at, but at my rehearsal dinner, the out of town guests just joined us for drinks at the restaurant/bar after dinner.
My dad paid the bar bill. Ouch.
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