chen35
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Post by chen35 on Dec 16, 2013 14:38:54 GMT -5
Our company Christmas party is kind of a big deal. This year we had a Casino Night. Everyone who came had a lot of fun (DH overheard some people talking about how it was the best company party they had been to, so it's not just people sucking up to me). I have one employee who just did not show up, and I find myself being (maybe irrationally) irritated by it. We allowed people to go home at 4:00 to get their +1. He left at 4:00 with everyone else, and then didn't come to the party. I get that spending an evening with your co-workers may not be the greatest thing ever, but building relationships with people you work with is important. Not building relationships will come back to hurt you (and I see it hurt him currently). I try to make this point to my employees often, that people's perceptions of you are as important as the reality of what you do.
Anyway, I'm not going to let me being annoyed affect my interactions with him, I just have the unrealistic expectation that my employees take my advice seriously!
What are you thoughts?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 16, 2013 14:43:58 GMT -5
My thoughts are I spend plenty of time fostering relationships with the people I work with at work. I won't end up a pariah because I don't attend the COP Christmas party. We're rather big though, lots of people don't attend it and I don't see them ruined because of it. The pool is too diluted to make an absence a big deal I guess? I go because DH likes the food and it forces me out of my comfort zone. It's not a bad thing for me to meet and mingle with other people who work in the college. My career wouldn't be in shambles if I didn't attend though, I see most of these people every day.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 16, 2013 14:47:16 GMT -5
Well first off - you know you can't force the employee to attend, right? The only way to require him to be there is to pay his hourly rate/wages and possibly overtime (since apparently everyone worked that day too). But having said that - maybe he had a good reason for skipping out? A social conflict, a family situation he doesn't choose to share, lack of a babysitter - something? Anything? And maybe he didn't want to share the reason with you because he felt bad or pressured to take your advice when it was not possible for him to do so?
Folks have lots of reasons for not attending parties - even work ones where networking "matters." If it really bugs you, ask him why he didn't show - but he'll probably dodge your question because you are annoyed that he didn't "take your advice seriously."
JMHO - YMMV
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Dec 16, 2013 14:47:16 GMT -5
I used to see my coworkers 40 hours a week and have a lot of family get togethers around the holidays already. The last thing I want to do near Christmas is a company party. I used to go anyway for the networking, but it wasn't high on my list of fun holiday traditions.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2013 14:50:10 GMT -5
Why call it "advice" if it is an indirect order? Why call it a "party," which a guest always has the option to not attend, when it is a required business function?
I think your "unrealistic expectation" is that you expect to control your employees free time. I get that it can hurt the employee's career not to attend, but it is still the employee's choice of how to spend his or her free time.
Next year I think you should make it clearer that attendance is mandatory overtime. Problem solved.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Dec 16, 2013 14:57:57 GMT -5
I think you have the employees best interest in mind: him missing out on networking by not being there. Is he an introvert? Does he normally socialize with co-workers? Even if he is an introvert it IS important to network in order to advance (or maintain) your career level, but if you've already implied that to him and he still didn't attend then I'd just let it go.
(OR did you require RSVPs? Did he say "yes" then not attend? sorry, just thinking of the other thread)
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 16, 2013 14:58:36 GMT -5
Maybe his +1 felt ill. Maybe he's Jewish. Don't judge. And I find your statement about taking your advice seriously... odd.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Dec 16, 2013 14:59:05 GMT -5
I think that you are being unrealistic. Whether or not an employee chooses to spend his off time with his coworkers is HIS choice. You have no idea what's going on in his life, it may have been something so simple as being unable to get child care.....or not being about to afford child care. Or maybe it was the same date as his wife's/SO's party. There are a dozen and one reasons why he did not attend.
Some may think Casino night is fun, but for me this would be the worst kind of hell. I'd probably skip out too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2013 14:59:54 GMT -5
In life you have to understand the environment you work and play in.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Dec 16, 2013 15:00:50 GMT -5
We had our company party this past weekend. We have 50 employees and they were all welcome to bring a guest. Total of 100 people could have attended. We had RSVPs for 38 and 27 showed up. That 38 included guests and we had 6 people come solo, so a total of 22 employees and 4 of those 22 are family members (mom, dad, me and my brother). So 100 employees and 22 showed up. One even texted me at 2 hours before the party to make sure he had RSVP'd and still no showed.
It's not mandatory, we get that. People were out of town, some had plans already, we understand. What pisses the boss' wife off is the people that RSVP and no show. It would be one thing if like on the wedding thread they had just had a baby or came down with the flu. But these people never called or cancelled, never gave even a half assed excuse as to why they didn't show up.
It's petty and every year I tell her to just skip the party but she refuses because those that attend have a good time and enjoy it. She remembers who came to the party and who didn't and she remembers who RSVP'd and no showed. They may think it doesn't have an impact on their job but lets be honest it does. Any time my family gets together they talk about work and the employees. Mom will bring up half a dozen times over the course of the year that X no showed the party. Eventually hearing complaints about X will sour the Bossman's opinion of him or her. It's just the reality of a small, family owned business.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2013 15:00:51 GMT -5
we have 145+ employees now
we had our function last night
including kids, spouses, and guests (vendors & such) we had 350+ at the event
i can guarantee the owner knows who attended and who didnt
is it compulsory? no......
is attending a good idea? you bet
it is a family event.....lots of things for the kids
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 16, 2013 15:09:20 GMT -5
Some people don't like parties. I personally don't like Casino nights. I might show up but leave early. Not everyone is a people person or wants to dress up for a Christmas party.
Try not to be upset about it. If it really is for bonding employees, IMO hold it during the work day. One of the better company Christmas parties IMO was exactly that, a potluck Xmas party for the last half of the day. No special dressing up required, no additional driving, the only hard part for me was the food.
Once you invite +1s or more to the event it becomes a hybrid work/social event and not everyone likes navigating those. Especially if everyone is bringing +1s and you are not.
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sheilaincali
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Post by sheilaincali on Dec 16, 2013 15:12:04 GMT -5
There are only a handful of "office" people. At the one company I am the only one in the office. I may talk to the guys a few times a week but some of them I literally see twice a year- once at the spring safety meeting and once at the Christmas party.
The two companies don't have a ton of crossover either. So the people at the one company only see the ones at the other company (common owner so one combined party) once or twice a year too.
So it's not a case of "I see these people all day every day why would I want to see them on my day off".
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Dec 16, 2013 15:15:03 GMT -5
Well first off - you know you can't force the employee to attend, right? The only way to require him to be there is to pay his hourly rate/wages and possibly overtime (since apparently everyone worked that day too). But having said that - maybe he had a good reason for skipping out? A social conflict, a family situation he doesn't choose to share, lack of a babysitter - something? Anything? And maybe he didn't want to share the reason with you because he felt bad or pressured to take your advice when it was not possible for him to do so? Folks have lots of reasons for not attending parties - even work ones where networking "matters." If it really bugs you, ask him why he didn't show - but he'll probably dodge your question because you are annoyed that he didn't "take your advice seriously." JMHO - YMMV Yes, I know I can't force him. There have been other events during the day (when he was getting paid) that he moaned and groaned about attending. So that is why I think (obviously I don't know), that he just didn't want to go. And you're right, I am annoyed, and that will probably show if I ask him! So I'm not going to ask. Because like you said, he wasn't obligated to be there anyway.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Dec 16, 2013 15:17:36 GMT -5
Our company Christmas party is kind of a big deal. This year we had a Casino Night. Everyone who came had a lot of fun (DH overheard some people talking about how it was the best company party they had been to, so it's not just people sucking up to me). I have one employee who just did not show up, and I find myself being (maybe irrationally) irritated by it. We allowed people to go home at 4:00 to get their +1. He left at 4:00 with everyone else, and then didn't come to the party. I get that spending an evening with your co-workers may not be the greatest thing ever, but building relationships with people you work with is important. Not building relationships will come back to hurt you ( and I see it hurt him currently). I try to make this point to my employees often, that people's perceptions of you are as important as the reality of what you do. Anyway, I'm not going to let me being annoyed affect my interactions with him, I just have the unrealistic expectation that my employees take my advice seriously! What are you thoughts? Did it hurt him in some other way than that you are annoyed with him? Also, you seem to be taking this very personally - what is your role in the company?
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Dec 16, 2013 15:17:43 GMT -5
Why call it "advice" if it is an indirect order? Why call it a "party," which a guest always has the option to not attend, when it is a required business function?
I think your "unrealistic expectation" is that you expect to control your employees free time. I get that it can hurt the employee's career not to attend, but it is still the employee's choice of how to spend his or her free time.
Next year I think you should make it clearer that attendance is mandatory overtime. Problem solved. It's not mandatory. I would never require people to attend. It's not an 'indirect order'. I had other employees who said they had prior obligations, no problem. I guess I was just bugged that he just didn't show after acting like he was going to. It bothers me when my employees ask me what they could be doing to further their career (he's been asking for a promotion), and I give them something very simple that would go a long way, and they just ignore it without saying anything. I know it's petty, which is why I am talking about here rather than in real life.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 16, 2013 15:17:49 GMT -5
Our company Christmas party is kind of a big deal. This year we had a Casino Night. Everyone who came had a lot of fun (DH overheard some people talking about how it was the best company party they had been to, so it's not just people sucking up to me). I have one employee who just did not show up, and I find myself being (maybe irrationally) irritated by it. We allowed people to go home at 4:00 to get their +1. He left at 4:00 with everyone else, and then didn't come to the party. I get that spending an evening with your co-workers may not be the greatest thing ever, but building relationships with people you work with is important. Not building relationships will come back to hurt you (and I see it hurt him currently). I try to make this point to my employees often, that people's perceptions of you are as important as the reality of what you do. Anyway, I'm not going to let me being annoyed affect my interactions with him, I just have the unrealistic expectation that my employees take my advice seriously! What are you thoughts? He probably didn't want to socialize with the people he is forced to spend 40 hours a week with.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2013 15:18:31 GMT -5
Our company Christmas party is kind of a big deal. This year we had a Casino Night. Everyone who came had a lot of fun (DH overheard some people talking about how it was the best company party they had been to, so it's not just people sucking up to me). I have one employee who just did not show up, and I find myself being (maybe irrationally) irritated by it. We allowed people to go home at 4:00 to get their +1. He left at 4:00 with everyone else, and then didn't come to the party. I get that spending an evening with your co-workers may not be the greatest thing ever, but building relationships with people you work with is important. Not building relationships will come back to hurt you ( and I see it hurt him currently). I try to make this point to my employees often, that people's perceptions of you are as important as the reality of what you do. Anyway, I'm not going to let me being annoyed affect my interactions with him, I just have the unrealistic expectation that my employees take my advice seriously! What are you thoughts? Also, you seem to be taking this very personally - what is your role in the company? I'm assuming, owner.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Dec 16, 2013 15:18:57 GMT -5
Shelia, you might want to try what our company does. They require a $10 deposit that will be refunded when you show up. They don't actually require it of everyone, but they do it to discourage no shows. Since its a medical facility that's open 24x7, many of the nursing staff might have worked tough hours or surprise double shifts so nursing typically is under-represented.
I showed up late and left early because I worked the following morning. Hopefully showing up and dancing a bit kept me in good stead with the powers that be.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Dec 16, 2013 15:19:17 GMT -5
Some people don't like parties. I personally don't like Casino nights. I might show up but leave early. Not everyone is a people person or wants to dress up for a Christmas party. Try not to be upset about it. If it really is for bonding employees, IMO hold it during the work day. One of the better company Christmas parties IMO was exactly that, a potluck Xmas party for the last half of the day. No special dressing up required, no additional driving, the only hard part for me was the food. Once you invite +1s or more to the event it becomes a hybrid work/social event and not everyone likes navigating those. Especially if everyone is bringing +1s and you are not. Yeah, we should just doing it during the day. Takes the complication out of things.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 16, 2013 15:19:47 GMT -5
I usually went to my firm's Christmas party. The firm was huge on networking and socializing to foster relationships. I did blow off one Christmas party after RSVP'in but like Mid, I think I had a good excuse. I was 8 months pregnant and my baby shower was teh same day. I had every intention on going when I RSVP'd but by the end of my shower I was swollen, in pain and not up to going. I'm pretty sure they cut me some slack since everyone was well aware that I had a high risk pregnancy. If they weren't, well, they could go fuck themselves
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Dec 16, 2013 15:19:51 GMT -5
Also, you seem to be taking this very personally - what is your role in the company? I'm assuming, owner. Well, that's the way it reads, but I thought I remembered her talking about her boss in a previous thread (I may be remembering someone else).
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Dec 16, 2013 15:21:03 GMT -5
I am not the owner, just one of the main managers. I see it hurt him because people don't like to work with him due to his anti-social tendencies. So while he is good at what he does, a lot of people don't see it. I take it personally because I would like to see him succeed.
But you all are right that if he's an introvert, just showing up to the party isn't going to make him bond with everyone, so I need to just get over it.
I just suck at managing, is the main issue.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2013 15:22:41 GMT -5
I am not the owner, just one of the main managers. I see it hurt him because people don't like to work with him due to his anti-social tendencies. So while he is good at what he does, a lot of people don't see it. I take it personally because I would like to see him succeed. But you all are right that if he's an introvert, just showing up to the party isn't going to make him bond with everyone, so I need to just get over it. I just suck at managing, is the main issue. Weird. You are taking it a little personally for not being the owner.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2013 15:23:20 GMT -5
I am not the owner, just one of the main managers. I see it hurt him because people don't like to work with him due to his anti-social tendencies. So while he is good at what he does, a lot of people don't see it. I take it personally because I would like to see him succeed. But you all are right that if he's an introvert, just showing up to the party isn't going to make him bond with everyone, so I need to just get over it. I just suck at managing, is the main issue. You should tell him this. That he needs to play the game if he wants to succeed.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Dec 16, 2013 15:23:27 GMT -5
Maybe the employee has a gambling problem, or a drinking problem or social anxiety... or he's just not that into you.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 16, 2013 15:23:38 GMT -5
I am not the owner, just one of the main managers. I see it hurt him because people don't like to work with him due to his anti-social tendencies. So while he is good at what he does, a lot of people don't see it. I take it personally because I would like to see him succeed. But you all are right that if he's an introvert, just showing up to the party isn't going to make him bond with everyone, so I need to just get over it. I just suck at managing, is the main issue. It is probably worse if he is forced to spend time outside of work with employees. I am very outgoing and I actually enjoy going to functions but to introverts, it is worse than a root canal. And if he doesn't know how to socialize he would have wound-up standing by himself, counting the minutes until it was over.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 16, 2013 15:24:03 GMT -5
Maybe the employee has a gambling problem, or a drinking problem or social anxiety... or he's just not that into you. I'm not following...
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Dec 16, 2013 15:27:32 GMT -5
I am not the owner, just one of the main managers. I see it hurt him because people don't like to work with him due to his anti-social tendencies. So while he is good at what he does, a lot of people don't see it. I take it personally because I would like to see him succeed. But you all are right that if he's an introvert, just showing up to the party isn't going to make him bond with everyone, so I need to just get over it. I just suck at managing, is the main issue. This jumps out at me - if he really DOES have anti-social tendencies, then one party once a year is NOT going to help or change that, as you commented. Yes you can try to help him and mentor him, but you can't make him succeed. That's on him. His personal (or personality) shortcomings do not make you a bad manager.
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chen35
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Post by chen35 on Dec 16, 2013 15:28:10 GMT -5
I am not the owner, just one of the main managers. I see it hurt him because people don't like to work with him due to his anti-social tendencies. So while he is good at what he does, a lot of people don't see it. I take it personally because I would like to see him succeed. But you all are right that if he's an introvert, just showing up to the party isn't going to make him bond with everyone, so I need to just get over it. I just suck at managing, is the main issue. You should tell him this. That he needs to play the game if he wants to succeed. I have told him this, but I guess it's just not that easy to implement if it's not your personality.
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