whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 3, 2013 10:41:27 GMT -5
I think the issue is that the ones that should have stepped in (the parents) didn't. I wouldn't be happy if I am hosting a dinner and my guests expected me to keep their kids in line, too. I wouldn't have been happy if I was hosting a dinner and my children expected me to keep their kids in line too. That to me is a huge show of disrespect and I'd have a really hard time not giving my children an earful about it. I was always lenient but they know my limits and don't push them because it was respecting those limits that got them the freedoms they had growing up. But then again, I've been told I'm to hard on my kids.............not surprisingly by someone whose kids could use some lessons in respecting their elders. See, it's all a matter of perspective. And I don't know if that's a cultural thing or not. Neither my parents nor my IL's would EVER feel that way. Once we set foot in either houses, they are more than happy to do everything. Like I said, I would feel terrible and would not allow my mom to feel overwhelmed or frustrated, but she is usually the one telling me and my husband to go relax or go out or do whatever and takes over the kids and meals, etc. And bc of our current situation, we've stayed there for 3 wks + sometimes
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 3, 2013 10:49:23 GMT -5
How bad is it that I let DS1 run hog wild with his cousins after TG dinner? He had an absolute blast. I couldn't wait for them to leave--good thing they were over an hour late so they couldn't stay too long. Also, is it bad that I let DS run in the house? Our house is pretty long ranch, and our weather sucks, so he doesn't get to go outside too much. My MIL scolds him for running (in OUR house), but I don't care, as long as he doesn't jump all over the furniture. Am I raising a feral child? Well, I am probably the wrong person to ask but my kids run around the house all.the.time. One of the reasons we bought the kind of house that we have is for them to have room to do that. They also have some ride-on cars and my parents just bought my DS2 a trampoline. We live in New England and during winter months I still need to find a way for them to be active. I do take them to lots of indoor playgrounds as well, of course. That being said, the two oldest learned very early one where they can and can not run. I am still working on DS3. Oh and I don't know what "feral" child means, but according to this board, I am doing things 99% wrong, so again, I am probably not the person to ask
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 3, 2013 10:59:01 GMT -5
How bad is it that I let DS1 run hog wild with his cousins after TG dinner? He had an absolute blast. I couldn't wait for them to leave--good thing they were over an hour late so they couldn't stay too long. Also, is it bad that I let DS run in the house? Our house is pretty long ranch, and our weather sucks, so he doesn't get to go outside too much. My MIL scolds him for running (in OUR house), but I don't care, as long as he doesn't jump all over the furniture. Am I raising a feral child? I let my kids run in the house and jump on the furniture.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2013 11:00:47 GMT -5
It's only bad if they're doing it against your wishes. At least in my book.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 3, 2013 11:12:03 GMT -5
How bad is it that I let DS1 run hog wild with his cousins after TG dinner? He had an absolute blast. I couldn't wait for them to leave--good thing they were over an hour late so they couldn't stay too long. Also, is it bad that I let DS run in the house? Our house is pretty long ranch, and our weather sucks, so he doesn't get to go outside too much. My MIL scolds him for running (in OUR house), but I don't care, as long as he doesn't jump all over the furniture. Am I raising a feral child? The difference is that you let him do that in YOUR house. That is absolutely fine...your house, your rules. When my kids were younger we had a huge house with a huge basement. All running, jumping, riding bikes, playing balls, etc., were all done in the basement. My kids were not allowed to do that upstairs. Those were my rules. If you let your son run around, jump on my furniture, play ball, etc upstairs in my house, that would be rude and disrespectful because I do not allow that upstairs. I realize that everyone is different but I do expect people to respect my house and my rules when they are at MY house. What you do in your own house is up to you.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 3, 2013 11:16:51 GMT -5
That makes me feel better. I would get a little annoyed with my MIL scolding him, since it was my house. I never let him run in other people's homes, but how can I expect him to be sedentary all the time? He's only 3, and I think he needs an outlet.
As far as jumping on the furniture, it's more of a safety issue. He likes to stand on the couch and plop down on his butt, vault over the arm and tries to lay on the very top of the couch.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 3, 2013 11:31:12 GMT -5
That makes me feel better. I would get a little annoyed with my MIL scolding him, since it was my house. I never let him run in other people's homes, but how can I expect him to be sedentary all the time? He's only 3, and I think he needs an outlet. As far as jumping on the furniture, it's more of a safety issue. He likes to stand on the couch and plop down on his butt, vault over the arm and tries to lay on the very top of the couch. I would also get annoyed at your MIL for trying to enforce her rules in YOUR house. If it was a safety issue I could see it. But if your son is doing what you allow and she disciplines him for it, that is wrong.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 3, 2013 11:44:24 GMT -5
That makes me feel better. I would get a little annoyed with my MIL scolding him, since it was my house. I never let him run in other people's homes, but how can I expect him to be sedentary all the time? He's only 3, and I think he needs an outlet. As far as jumping on the furniture, it's more of a safety issue. He likes to stand on the couch and plop down on his butt, vault over the arm and tries to lay on the very top of the couch. I would also get annoyed at your MIL for trying to enforce her rules in YOUR house. If it was a safety issue I could see it. But if your son is doing what you allow and she disciplines him for it, that is wrong. There's been other crap in the past from her that makes me much more easily annoyed with her than I otherwise would be. So it's hard for me to tell if its the past creeping back or if she really is annoying in a new way. My SIL finds her even more annoying than I do, but I try to be fair for DH's sake.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 3, 2013 12:32:26 GMT -5
I let DS run around my house. One of his favorite games is to take the bean bag, run and jump on it and try to slide it all the way across the wood floor until it hits the couch. He used to have ride on toys indoors. That sounds fun!
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Dec 3, 2013 12:43:05 GMT -5
No more Thanksgivings at Granny Sue's I see.
Seriously though, sounds good to me.
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CarolinaKat
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Post by CarolinaKat on Dec 3, 2013 12:53:05 GMT -5
DH's family are all like that. There are 8 siblings and 8 grandchildren currently (with 4 step grandchildren which we hardly ever see). More grandchildren in the future. Oldest Grandchild is 12, Youngest 7 months. I was shocked to say the least when a precocious 7 year old informed me that 'you are responsible for anyone younger than you at all times' on my first visit. Turns out it's how his family keeps a semblance of order in the chaos. A 7yo knows the baby should not be on the stairs and can call an adult for help if she can't pick her up. A 12 year old can make sure the two 5 year olds are not ripping each other's hair out. As Muttley said, it helps that adults enforce consistent rules. If Auntie Carolinakat put Children A and B in time-out for biting each other, Auntie Rainbow isn't going to tell them they can leave early even if she didn't make the rule. If grandma says no cookies before Dinner, if someone asks for a cookie 'Ask Grandma' is the answer... and so on...
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Dec 3, 2013 14:10:35 GMT -5
I wouldn't have been happy if I was hosting a dinner and my children expected me to keep their kids in line too. That to me is a huge show of disrespect and I'd have a really hard time not giving my children an earful about it. I was always lenient but they know my limits and don't push them because it was respecting those limits that got them the freedoms they had growing up. But then again, I've been told I'm to hard on my kids.............not surprisingly by someone whose kids could use some lessons in respecting their elders. See, it's all a matter of perspective. And I don't know if that's a cultural thing or not. Neither my parents nor my IL's would EVER feel that way. Once we set foot in either houses, they are more than happy to do everything. Like I said, I would feel terrible and would not allow my mom to feel overwhelmed or frustrated, but she is usually the one telling me and my husband to go relax or go out or do whatever and takes over the kids and meals, etc. And bc of our current situation, we've stayed there for 3 wks + sometimes In all honesty I don't do well around small children because they are naturally rambunctious and I have bad nerves. My children know that and can tell when things start getting to me so they help me stay relaxed when loud children are around. At my sister's last week, my two nieces could see I was tired and getting tense with having to chase DGD (DD2 had to work) so they offered to watch her. They were enjoying her antics and happily kept her occupied. My biggest concern was she would damage something or get hurt because DS's house is not child proofed and she has a Golden that while good natured and friendly gets a little nervous when DGD is around. Of course, there is currently only one grandchild for me and I do let her get a little "wild" inside because she is naturally a very active child. Last night I caught her about to jump from the chair into her little plastic chair (she's 2) then she wanted to jump from the chair to the coffee table. Later on, she was doing flips from my coffee table to the floor. But this was in my house and she lives with me. As long as she's not being destructive and I'm not overly tired I can deal with it because I enjoy hearing her laugh and seeing her smile.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Dec 3, 2013 14:54:50 GMT -5
See, it's all a matter of perspective. And I don't know if that's a cultural thing or not. Neither my parents nor my IL's would EVER feel that way. Once we set foot in either houses, they are more than happy to do everything. Like I said, I would feel terrible and would not allow my mom to feel overwhelmed or frustrated, but she is usually the one telling me and my husband to go relax or go out or do whatever and takes over the kids and meals, etc. And bc of our current situation, we've stayed there for 3 wks + sometimes In all honesty I don't do well around small children because they are naturally rambunctious and I have bad nerves. My children know that and can tell when things start getting to me so they help me stay relaxed when loud children are around. At my sister's last week, my two nieces could see I was tired and getting tense with having to chase DGD (DD2 had to work) so they offered to watch her. They were enjoying her antics and happily kept her occupied. My biggest concern was she would damage something or get hurt because DS's house is not child proofed and she has a Golden that while good natured and friendly gets a little nervous when DGD is around. Of course, there is currently only one grandchild for me and I do let her get a little "wild" inside because she is naturally a very active child. Last night I caught her about to jump from the chair into her little plastic chair (she's 2) then she wanted to jump from the chair to the coffee table. Later on, she was doing flips from my coffee table to the floor. But this was in my house and she lives with me. As long as she's not being destructive and I'm not overly tired I can deal with it because I enjoy hearing her laugh and seeing her smile. I think that's the most important thing - to know people's limitations and respect that and be sensitive to that
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 3, 2013 15:13:44 GMT -5
We figured out the feral grandchildren actually behave when not around their mother, sad to say but understandable given her past. So now we see them without her whenever possible. She actually has said she knows they behave better when not around her. That comment breaks my heart. She doesn't feel heard or worthy of being heard. She just wants their love, they know it and use it against her. Away from my brother his kids behave just fine. I've babysat the nephew that smashed the tv on a handful of occasions and he is quite content to color or do craft projects with me, sweep my floor, pet the dog, etc. My brother tends to stress the kids out so they misbehave (or at least that's my dad's philosophy) I haven't read all of this, but I actually want my kids to be better behaved for others than they are for me. Save the worst for me and dh at home. I joke about it with my parents too. They babysit for me 1 weekend day a month when I'm on call so I stay at their house with the kids, and run to the office if the phone rings. DS can be a real pill when I'm there all day, but DD is so much more agreeable to have me stay. So I guess its a wash. But we've established many times that by Zib's standards my kids are feral so I guess none of this will come as a surprise.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 3, 2013 15:51:47 GMT -5
Yup, terrorizing animals and breaking things on purpose with mumsy just sitting there like a zombie equates feral to me. If she doesn't care that her house is destroyed, so be it. I care if mine is.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 3, 2013 16:48:42 GMT -5
My son ran around the house and I ran around the house trying to catch him. But he didn't get to do it in others homes unless their kids were doing it and wasn't a problem with the host.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2013 17:11:41 GMT -5
Ok, my grandchildren aren't feral. The younger they were, the better they were. The problem were the three oldest boys aged 7-10. It honestly comes down to the fact that my oldest grandson has behavioral, impulsivity, and anger issues, and the younger boys follow his lead. The oldest actually brought a book to read, and there were tons of other activities/toys to play with. But it just didn't work that way. We are going out with his parents on Saturday and ask them what video game system they thought we should buy that the kids could bring games for other than whatever is basic and comes with it. We had a television with a children's shows set up, but I think the ten-year-old has outgrown stuff like that. A video game system would be more age-appropriate for him, and the other kids will grow into it. The younger kids will stay with us in the other room. Both rooms are open to each other, the dining room, and the kitchen. Still, it will be better to leave Christmas plans for this year alone. I'll probably let "Santa" bring us the video game system when his parents come over, and they can have the fun of setting it up, trying it out, etc. Ironically, all my oldest grandson, the one with ODD, wanted for Christmas were books. He is definitely not feral. Thanks for all your comments, though! They were interesting. My kids are definitely in Archie's camp. They come to my house for a break from watching their kids. I just got in over my head this year.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2013 18:03:09 GMT -5
I'll probably let "Santa" bring us the video game system when his parents come over, and they can have the fun of setting it up, trying it out, etc.
Susana, Santa still brings my Aunt some kind of toy for Christmas. She's in her 60's and she got a Wii for Christmas before any of the kids got one. My Grandson likes her old dancing Elmo. When my children were growing up, she also had a back room where the older kids could go play video games and we kept the younger children up front where we could keep an eye on them.
However you plan Christmas Day, I hope you get to enjoy the time with your family.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 3, 2013 21:00:10 GMT -5
SS, you're in a warmer climate, aren't you? Can't the kids run crazy OUTSIDE?
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