Separating couples at weddings

[8 Bit WWBG]

Ever been in a situation where you attend wedding events of someone you don't really know but your spouse does, and you end up having to go out with people you don't know, because its a "just the guys/girls" event?  Ever DO that to someone?

Personally, its been done to me, and I respected that it wasn't my wedding and I sucked it up.  DW was part of the bridal party and got to go on the girls spa day.  I spent the day lumped with the grooms various friends.  I made do.

But during my wedding, one of my friends wanted his gf to be considered "one of the guys".  As I'd already told everyone else we were just having a guys night, I had to be fair and not let him bring her.  So he chose not to attend the event.  I'm not bitter or anything -- I get it, its not easy.

You ever do it to someone, or have it done to you?

[Deleted]

DH's cousin separated everyone from their date at their wedding reception. They thought it would be "fun" to force strangers to talk to each other have all the guests get to know each other without having their spouse/date there to use as a crutch. 

I found the entire thing excruciating, but like WWBG, it was their wedding so I made do.

[NancysSummerSip]

Not happened to me, but a friend of mine did. He went on a guys' skiing weekend, and one of his brothers was compelled to bring his wife, because she got all teary and huffy about not being included. Put quite the damper on their plan for days of skiing, followed by just sitting around in their boxers, drinking Jack Daniels, eating steaks with their bare hands, playing poker all night and wallowing in the hot tub.

[Deleted]

PFFFT! I do that even when DH is around.

[NancysSummerSip]

Oct 8, 2013 14:57:03 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

PFFFT! I do that even when DH is around.

Which part, get all teary and huffy, or sit around in your boxers and jaw a hunk of rare cow without civilized utensils?

[resolution]

When my husband's brother got married DH was one of the groomsmen, so I wasn't able to sit with him at either the ceremony nor at the reception. I was extremely unhappy when they told me that I would be basically on my own with a bunch of strangers, but my MIL got the seating arrangements dumped on her at the last minute and I told her I would sit wherever it would help her to stick me.

I got placed at a table across the room with some of my husband's relatives that I never met, but they ended up being very good company and we now have an open invitation to stay at their place in Boston and get a city tour. It ended up being a nice chance to meet some family.

[Deleted]

I don't let my wife know people that I don't really know.

[zibazinski]

Nancy, I don't predict a happy ending to that marriage.

[imawino]

Oct 8, 2013 14:38:10 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

But during my wedding, one of my friends wanted his gf to be considered "one of the guys".  As I'd already told everyone else we were just having a guys night, I had to be fair and not let him bring her.  So he chose not to attend the event.  I'm not bitter or anything -- I get it, its not easy.

You ever do it to someone, or have it done to you?

WWBG - That friend is a pu$$y.  What the hell?   He really doesn't know better than to try to bring his girlfriend to a guys night? 

[Deleted]

Isn't it a given that most of the prewedding festivities are done separately? That whole "last hurrah" of singlehood bit.

[imawino]

Oct 8, 2013 14:51:23 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

DH's cousin separated everyone from their date at their wedding reception. They thought it would be "fun" to force strangers to talk to each other have all the guests get to know each other without having their spouse/date there to use as a crutch. 

I found the entire thing excruciating, but like WWBG, it was their wedding so I made do.

They should have just not invited +1's!!!  LMAO.  I can picture myself texting the sweetie "help me" and trying to catch his eye across the room.

Meanwhile, over in his part of the world, he's be laughing and running his piehole and not even glancing over at my table of hobbits.

[Deleted]

Oct 8, 2013 14:55:56 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Not happened to me, but a friend of mine did. He went on a guys' skiing weekend, and one of his brothers was compelled to bring his wife, because she got all teary and huffy about not being included. Put quite the damper on their plan for days of skiing, followed by just sitting around in their boxers, drinking Jack Daniels, eating steaks with their bare hands, playing poker all night and wallowing in the hot tub.

THIS guy is the wuss. Take your wife on your own weekend and don't ruin it for the other guys.

[movingforward]

Oct 8, 2013 15:18:25 GMT -5 imawino said:

Oct 8, 2013 14:38:10 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

But during my wedding, one of my friends wanted his gf to be considered "one of the guys".  As I'd already told everyone else we were just having a guys night, I had to be fair and not let him bring her.  So he chose not to attend the event.  I'm not bitter or anything -- I get it, its not easy.

You ever do it to someone, or have it done to you?

WWBG - That friend is a pu$$y.  What the hell?   He really doesn't know better than to try to bring his girlfriend to a guys night? 

What is with these couples that can't spend one freaking night away from one another?  Just seems downright weird to me...

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

But during my wedding, one of my friends wanted his gf to be considered "one of the guys". As I'd already told everyone else we were just having a guys night, I had to be fair and not let him bring her. So he chose not to attend the event

I'm guessing he had no backbone (spineless) - since he couldn't stand up to his G/F.

Seems a lot of couples getting married lately are having co-ed showers and/or bachelor/ette parties.

[imawino]

Oct 8, 2013 15:24:34 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Oct 8, 2013 15:18:25 GMT -5 imawino said:

WWBG - That friend is a pu$$y.  What the hell?   He really doesn't know better than to try to bring his girlfriend to a guys night? 

What is with these couples that can't spend one freaking night away from one another?  Just seems downright weird to me...

Seriously!  I'm always telling the sweetie I can't miss him if he won't go away.  (which is usually followed by: SO GO AWAY!  gah!!!)

And really, I like hanging at the bar with the guys and all but what chick is so oblivious that she'd think "so no one would mind if I came to the bachelor party, right?"

[Cookies Galore]

We didn't plan on having any pre-wedding festivities, but it still ended up that DH went on a snowboarding trip and I had a drunken girls' weekend. A couple of weeks before the wedding a friend organized a brunch for us and some friends. Two hour open bar! I drank mimosas like it was my job. Now that's how it should be done- skip the crazy Saturday night festivities and do some Sunday day drinking.

[imawino]

Oct 8, 2013 15:30:27 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

But during my wedding, one of my friends wanted his gf to be considered "one of the guys". As I'd already told everyone else we were just having a guys night, I had to be fair and not let him bring her. So he chose not to attend the event

I'm guessing he had no backbone (spineless) - since he couldn't stand up to his G/F.

Seems a lot of couples getting married lately are having co-ed showers and/or bachelor/ette parties.

I don't see anything wrong with a co-ed shower.  Then it's just a party.  But you don't invite your girlfriend to a bachelor party - or your boyfriend to a bachelorette.  The only dude at a bachelorette should be the one with the assless chaps, shaking it to "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy".

 

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"Take your wife on your own weekend and don't ruin it for the other guys.":::...

Yeah, exactly.  I had no objection TO the girlfriend.  She is lovely.  Its that I explicitly said "GUYS ONLY".  He had the good sense to still ask up front -- at least he didn't just show up with her.  And since I stood firm, he exercised the right not to join us.  I missed his company, but people show you through their actions what their priorities are.

And all we were doing was going to one dinner.  Its not like it was a 4 day trip across the country.  Can she REALLY not try to deal with some new people for a few hours?

...:::"Put quite the damper on their plan for days of skiing, followed by just sitting around in their boxers, drinking Jack Daniels, eating steaks with their bare hands, playing poker all night and wallowing in the hot tub.":::...

Did the wife end up having a good time?  I bet he frequently "chose" to skip out on group activities in favor of babysitting her too.  I'm sure he won't be invited next time.

[Opti]

No experience with it. For my wedding it wasn't local to either of us so we just had
the traditional wedding party dinner the night before and the wedding the day after.

I think the issue would really be if a couple drove/flew in early before the wedding and one
part of the couple was included in an activity and the other was supposed to twiddle
their thumbs in the hotel room because they really didn't know anyone. If you are local its probably just inconvenient but no big deal.




Only Beer's example separated couples at a wedding. This is pre-wedding event issues.

[Deleted]

Oct 8, 2013 15:20:57 GMT -5 imawino said:

Oct 8, 2013 14:51:23 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

DH's cousin separated everyone from their date at their wedding reception. They thought it would be "fun" to force strangers to talk to each other have all the guests get to know each other without having their spouse/date there to use as a crutch. 

I found the entire thing excruciating, but like WWBG, it was their wedding so I made do.

They should have just not invited +1's!!!  LMAO.  I can picture myself texting the sweetie "help me" and trying to catch his eye across the room.

Meanwhile, over in his part of the world, he's be laughing and running his piehole and not even glancing over at my table of hobbits.

 It's like you were there! FREAKY!

[Cookies Galore]

Oct 8, 2013 15:33:44 GMT -5 imawino said:

Oct 8, 2013 15:30:27 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

I'm guessing he had no backbone (spineless) - since he couldn't stand up to his G/F.

Seems a lot of couples getting married lately are having co-ed showers and/or bachelor/ette parties.

I don't see anything wrong with a co-ed shower.  Then it's just a party.  But you don't invite your girlfriend to a bachelor party - or your boyfriend to a bachelorette.  The only dude at a bachelorette should be the one with the assless chaps, shaking it to "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy".

 

I'm so glad I never had a bachelorette party. :-P

[justme]

Can she REALLY not try to deal with some new people for a few hours?

If it's an out of town wedding and you really don't want to make friends with randoms, just order take out, grab a bottle of wine, and hang out in the room. Maybe guilt the person off having fun into paying for it too.

[imawino]

Oct 8, 2013 15:37:33 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

Oct 8, 2013 15:20:57 GMT -5 imawino said:

They should have just not invited +1's!!!  LMAO.  I can picture myself texting the sweetie "help me" and trying to catch his eye across the room.

Meanwhile, over in his part of the world, he's be laughing and running his piehole and not even glancing over at my table of hobbits.

 It's like you were there! FREAKY!

I gots my eye on you, Beer! 

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"I'm guessing he had no backbone (spineless) - since he couldn't stand up to his G/F.":::...

In my case, I don't think this was it.  He is far from spineless, and she isn't the emotionally manipulative type.  I'm not sure what the reason was.

[Deleted]

Oct 8, 2013 15:40:28 GMT -5 imawino said:

Oct 8, 2013 15:37:33 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

 It's like you were there! FREAKY!

I gots my eye on you, Beer! 

<< opens the shades >>

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"I think the issue would really be if a couple drove/flew in early before the wedding and one
part of the couple was included in an activity and the other was supposed to twiddle
their thumbs in the hotel room because they really didn't know anyone. If you are local its probably just inconvenient but no big deal.":::...

Raises hand!

We flew to Canada.  DW went to the spa.  When I wasn't hanging out with my fellow D-listers, I posted on YM and watched some game show involving a taxi.  At least that was a particularly active posting day.

[Chocolate Lover]

Some game show? How hard to remember is "Cash Cab"?  

[NancysSummerSip]

...:::"Put quite the damper on their plan for days of skiing, followed by just sitting around in their boxers, drinking Jack Daniels, eating steaks with their bare hands, playing poker all night and wallowing in the hot tub.":::...

Did the wife end up having a good time?  I bet he frequently "chose" to skip out on group activities in favor of babysitting her too.  I'm sure he won't be invited next time.

I think she got even huffier and more teary and wound up going off and doing mostly her own thing most of the time. And not inviting him next year (this is an annual event) isn't really an option, my friend tells me. But I think Mr. Spineless and Ms. Huffy learned a lesson this time. Trust one another, and you won't have to worry about living in another person's pocket.

[Opti]

WWBG, I think it also depends a bit on life stage and preferences. Unlike the others I
don't think the issue with your male friend necessarily had to do with a spine. If they
weren't local, the guy activity might have sounded better to her and she wanted to go.
You said no, and he's married to her not you so he preferred to hang with her. Or, for all you
know he really didn't want to go to the event, not his thing, but would go if she was allowed to come. Did he know and like the other guys that were going to be there?

My thought is there isn't usually any big bonding in these events. Just tradition or fun. The guest of honor may or may not pay much attention to who is with them at these events.
Sometimes men blame their female partners for something they don't want to do and vice versa. Just a thought.

[sesfw]

Hmmmm, when I married forever ago pre-wedding parties were unheard of.  But if I were in the wedding age now, there is no way I would invite myself to a guy thing.  Nor would DH invite himself to a girl thing.

Even flying cross country and knowing absolutely no one ... I would find something to do.  I wouldn't be completely unhappy sitting without DH if he had wedding responsibilities to do.  It's just a couple of days out of my life.

Life is too short for this.  Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of joy.  What am I missing?