Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2013 10:05:57 GMT -5
On Saturday DH and I had a dinner party with our house guest and invited good friends (for 23 years) over. They arranged for their 21 old daughter to pick them up afterwards (they live a mile away but wanted to enjoy their cocktails). When their DD came over at about 11:30 with her boyfriend. We've met him before but never had much to discuss. He came over with a chip on his shoulder and while enjoying DH's single malt whiskey proceeded to tell us how our generation "ruined everything" for his generation and how they can't find jobs and are saddled with debt, blah blah. I gave him the 'Are you kidding me look" and asked him if he ever had to clean houses like I did when I first started college. The punk actually tried to lie to me and pass off living with roommates as the same as cleaning other peoples houses and toilets. I attempted to tell my story and explain that he had no idea what we've gone through to get where we are. Anyway, it got loud and ugly fast and I told him to get out of my house. I know I should have handled the situation better but I honestly can't imagine going to the friends' of my girlfriends' parents house and insulting them without some kind of consequences. What about you? Ever gone "All YM" on someone?
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Sept 24, 2013 10:12:52 GMT -5
I've gone "All YM" on my grandson quite a bit lately. He's 18 and just started his first job. Not college material, but has been in welding training for the last 8 months and was just hired at an automotive shop. I showed him what a W4 looks like and we went over how to fill it out. Then I went into the "at your age, if you start saving now; you'll be a bazillionaire by the time you are 50" spiel. I hope some of it gets through. Maybe I need to introduce him to the "Phil" script...
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Otto the Orange
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Go Orange!
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Post by Otto the Orange on Sept 24, 2013 10:16:38 GMT -5
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Sept 24, 2013 10:21:48 GMT -5
I've been trying to avoid going all YM on a couple of 20-ish friends with overspending habits. But they make it hard sometimes! And I nearly went 'all YM' on my mother a while ago, after she freaked out that I have my retirement account in 'the market'. She was so adamant that I needed to take it all and put it safely in the bank so I didn't risk losing it. She's obviously had a very, very limited financial education.
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Sept 24, 2013 10:45:03 GMT -5
They moved here for a LCOL after they lost their house in CA to foreclosure. Then they got into a rent to own here where they couldn't afford to maintain the house, got in a dispute with the owner, and then moved back to CA to house her DH's dad owned. While they were there they paid no rent or utilities, got help with food, and still couldn't pay the bills even though she was employed. He also had an expensive health scare that will now require monitoring. ~~~snipped~~~ My friend got really upset with me - she said that I was telling her she was never going to own a home. Apparently she wants to buy, just not that particular house. She also told me that getting into this lease to own situation would force them to save because they have to come up with a 20k downpayment in two years. I said that you save or you don't but that being in a rent to own doesn't guarantee you will save. Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.... My favorite part is where she thinks that they can/will save $20k in two years just because they want to!
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 24, 2013 10:46:53 GMT -5
I want to go all YM on my brother's ass. I don't because I'm trying to preserve the peace. But if he asks our retired parents, who he makes the same as if not more (especially with his roommate covering half the housing expenses) than, for money one more time I'm probably going to go off on him. If he's short on cash for anything he can easily make $1k by selling some of his expensive kitchen items and save a buttload by not shopping and Whole Foods anymore. Oh and making his gf actually pay for shit. And, you know, actually keep that $5k bonus he got in January in savings instead of spending it on more expensive kitchen crap.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 24, 2013 10:52:16 GMT -5
I went all YM on my brother on several occassions. He was bitching about not having enough money to put gas in the car after X, Y and Z purchases. I told him set aside the money for gas BEFORE he buys anything else. I just didn't understand the position he was in and how hard it is to make ends meet on his paycheck. Did not get into the fact that he lost/quit at least three full time jobs not to mention all jobs he didn't get because he failed the drug test. He seems to be getting better, he's in week 2 of CDL school so we'll see.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2013 10:52:59 GMT -5
I want to go all YM on my brother's ass. I don't because I'm trying to preserve the peace. But if he asks our retired parents, who he makes the same as if not more (especially with his roommate covering half the housing expenses) than, for money one more time I'm probably going to go off on him. If he's short on cash for anything he can easily make $1k by selling some of his expensive kitchen items and save a buttload by not shopping and Whole Foods anymore. Oh and making his gf actually pay for shit. And, you know, actually keep that $5k bonus he got in January in savings instead of spending it on more expensive kitchen crap. You know guys and how they love their expense kitchen toys.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Sept 24, 2013 10:57:06 GMT -5
I am slowly "going YM" on DD. The previous family she lived with had a larger house and lived in a more affluent neighborhood. C and I talk about the cost of things in front of her, so that she can see us making decisions about how to spend our money. These two things, to her, have translated to meaning we are "poor".
We keep trying to explain to her that we aren't poor, but we aren't rich, either. Still, we have enough money to afford most things we might want, but we are prioritizing, and we aren't willing to throw money away. We could afford the $1700 bunk bed, but considering there is a $600 one that still meets all of our needs (and that she honestly likes better), why would we spend $1700?
For now, though, it still seems to her like we're poor. It will probably seem less that way when we take a spring break trip to Disneyland and likely buy a bigger house next summer. But until then, it is very hard to get her to understand that making decisions about how and where you spend your money does not mean you are poor, it means you are working toward being rich.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 24, 2013 10:59:25 GMT -5
Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.... My favorite part is where she thinks that they can/will save $20k in two years just because they want to! Sounds like this friend is going all YM, too, she's just emulating the perennial YM favorites Doxie and Looney.
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 24, 2013 11:01:50 GMT -5
I want to go all YM on my brother's ass. I don't because I'm trying to preserve the peace. But if he asks our retired parents, who he makes the same as if not more (especially with his roommate covering half the housing expenses) than, for money one more time I'm probably going to go off on him. If he's short on cash for anything he can easily make $1k by selling some of his expensive kitchen items and save a buttload by not shopping and Whole Foods anymore. Oh and making his gf actually pay for shit. And, you know, actually keep that $5k bonus he got in January in savings instead of spending it on more expensive kitchen crap. You know guys and how they love their expense kitchen toys. He loves expensive everything - he has plenty of expensive gadgets and an expensive car, it's just fresh in my mind that after getting his bonus and having to pay back our parents for fronting him money to make his care drivable he turns around a buys a $300 vitamix and God knows what else.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Sept 24, 2013 11:03:54 GMT -5
Brother seems to be a common theme here.
My brother needs to get divorced. This has been going on for 15 years or so. Last year he told me that he did not get a tax credit for his son in college because they make too much money (~$160k for a couple I think, or because they filed separately). There is no house involved, they own nothing and make about the same amount of money. His "wife" has lived with her boyfriend for several years. Youngest turned 18 in August, so no child support involved. His latest excuse, "Well I have to come up with $400 to file divorce". WTF! Get rid of her and move on with your life, both financially and personally.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2013 11:04:33 GMT -5
You know guys and how they love their expense kitchen toys. He loves expensive everything - he has plenty of expensive gadgets and an expensive car, it's just fresh in my mind that after getting his bonus and having to pay back our parents for fronting him money to make his care drivable he turns around a buys a $300 vitamix and God knows what else. If he got a $300 vitiamix he got a great deal.
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 24, 2013 11:06:27 GMT -5
He loves expensive everything - he has plenty of expensive gadgets and an expensive car, it's just fresh in my mind that after getting his bonus and having to pay back our parents for fronting him money to make his care drivable he turns around a buys a $300 vitamix and God knows what else. If he got a $300 vitiamix he got a great deal. Oh he didn't say $300, I figured it was at least that much. Those sucks cost more? Damn.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Sept 24, 2013 11:12:18 GMT -5
Add my brother to the list too. He's got 3 kids and those kids get whatever electronics are newest and best. My brother is a bartender/waiter and he makes around $60k in a LCOL area. He does have health insurance, but his paycheck is zeroed out and what he takes home is mostly tips.
Despite him being 48, I don't think he has contributed a dollar to any retirement plan.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Sept 24, 2013 11:12:40 GMT -5
Yeah, the newer ones are supposed to be quieter and they're more expensive too. I think DH paid $300 for ours, a few years ago. Plus $100+ for the dry mixing part.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 24, 2013 11:16:56 GMT -5
Oh, Anne. It must have been something in the air on Saturday night because I went all "YM" as well. While we were out having a fun girls night, one of my good friends was talking about how another young friend (who we all know but was not there that night) had a rough week. Here's the gist of what happened next: Friend: K is devastated. This week her boyfriend broke up with her, she found out her car needs $3k in repairs, she just discovered her first student loan payment is due, she found out that she can't rent the place she planned on moving in because they require a security deposit and she's leaving for a business trip and the company won't give her an advance to buy food on the trip. It's all so unfair what young people have to deal with. She has no idea what she's going to do; I'm going to loan her money and we're seeing who else can help. Me: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that happened. [Scoots a little further away hoping I won't be asked to loan any $$$.] Friend: .... long diatribe about how tough it is to make it, etc.... Me: Well, she's been working at her job for a year now with free housing and a $30k salary. Wasn't she able to save anything? Friend: No, plus there's no way she could have known any of this would happen. Me: Yeah, no way to know the boyfriend would break up with her and maybe the car needs more repairs than normal, but the rest of the stuff (student loan, security deposit, buying food) is fairly predictable and normal stuff. You'd think that by 23 years old and after graduating from college, some of this wouldn't be a total shock. Were her parents clueless about money? Friend: You're being really ridiculous! It's normal for a 23 year old to not know any of this. I spent all summer around raft guides and can tell you that K is just a normal 20 something year old. Me: But it's not exactly like the raft guides are the peer group you want to compare with, is it? It's not exactly the Brain Trust out there. I hope when my kid is 23, they know some basics about money. Friend: You're being very judgmental and hard on people! You don't know what it's like out there! K is one of the sweetest people I know and she and the raft guides are perfectly normal 23 year olds! You need to stop being so hard on people. At that point, I stopped because my friend was so upset. Made a joke about how when you get old you forget what it was like to have fun and then I changed the topic of conversation.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2013 11:17:17 GMT -5
No, getting upset over what other people think about me or my generation is a waste of time and energy. That's kinda why I don't talk about politics at all. When someone wants to talk about politics, I usually will resort to "they're all crooks right?". Something everyone will agree on and then just move on.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Sept 24, 2013 11:26:35 GMT -5
I probably will later today but hope it doesn't turn into yelling. One of my friends I've known for 20 years contacted me to see about renting a room and we're meeting up to grab a bite to eat. It's a definite no for a variety of reasons (will try to keep the reasons to the 'nicest' ones) but his situation is all of his own doing and he's his own worst enemy. He has no desire or drive in his life to go the extra mile to get promoted or get into the field he supposedly wanted to get into, he's a narcissist and now there's a kid in his life. He constantly makes bad decisions and I don't need to support those by letting him rent a room when I've got to move forward with my life.
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Sept 24, 2013 11:28:51 GMT -5
I went YM on my mother once. She was going to cosign on a house for my brother- who is not known for the best financial decisions. She felt bad for him and just "knew" he would always make the payment. I was polite about it, but definitely went YM. Thankfully, my sister backed me up and said the same thing. Then DB had a heart attack and mom realized that if he died she'd be on the hook to SIL and very wisely decided not to do it.
It took several more conversations before she stopped "loaning" him money.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2013 11:31:52 GMT -5
I love my Vitamix. And I got myself an Excalibur dehydrator too... Sigh. Does it help that I paid part of each with bonus points?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2013 11:38:53 GMT -5
I haven't talked to my girlfriend since Saturday. The daughter and BF have been dating for a while. DH said my friends were letting him spend the night at their house that night. He was a little surprised. I'm going to give my friend a call after DH and house guest leave. I'm going to apologize for going over the top but not for my feelings. We'll see if my friend offers any insight. I'm not expecting much. My friend has turned into a kind of helicopter parent. Their latest is son (age 18) just started college and got busted last week for driving 90 miles an hour in a 45 hour zone. Buddy wasn't wearing a seatbelt and kid got cited for that too. License suspended for 30 days, fines and God knows what's going to happen to his insurance. Funny thing is my friend tried to fight the ticket and the judge withdrew the officer's recommendation for the kid to go to traffic school and hit him with the $1600 fine. LOL, I didn't know there were any of those judges left in the SF Bay Area. Go judge! I just hope my girlfriend lets her son figure out how to get to college on the bus and doesn't cave and start driving him to school.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 24, 2013 11:39:15 GMT -5
My mother was talking about my brother's friend who has a record (for pot) hurt his hand while working for a moving company, his wife quit her job at the Kwik shop to be a SAHM to their 4 kids and how now they can't pay their bills blah blah. Or it's they have three kids and she's pregnant with #4, I can't remember. Before I could stop myself I asked why on earth did she have 4 kids? Planned Parenthood offers reduced cost birth controls and you can buy practically a garbage bag's worth of condoms from them for like $5. Wrong thing to say. My mom went off on me about being snobby and not understanding how hard it is for young people out there nowadays. I feel bad for them and their situation but it's hard for me to blame "society" for it.
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justme
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Post by justme on Sept 24, 2013 11:39:28 GMT -5
I love my Vitamix. And I got myself an Excalibur dehydrator too... Sigh. Does it help that I paid part of each with bonus points? As long as you're not asking your mommy and daddy to pay to fix your car while you blend away with your new purchase you're OK in my book.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2013 11:46:53 GMT -5
No, getting upset over what other people think about me or my generation is a waste of time and energy. That's kinda why I don't talk about politics at all. When someone wants to talk about politics, I usually will resort to "they're all crooks right?". Something everyone will agree on and then just move on. In a common setting my attitude would be more along the lines of "You can't teach a pig to sing. You're wasting your time and it annoys the pig." But I feel differently when someone we didn't even invite, shows up with a chip on his shoulder, drinks DH's booze and starts insulting us. Then my attitude is; you don't like us; then stay out of my house.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2013 11:49:44 GMT -5
No, getting upset over what other people think about me or my generation is a waste of time and energy. That's kinda why I don't talk about politics at all. When someone wants to talk about politics, I usually will resort to "they're all crooks right?". Something everyone will agree on and then just move on. In a common setting my attitude would be more along the lines of "You can't teach a pig to sing. You're wasting your time and it annoys the pig." But I feel differently when someone we didn't even invite, shows up with a chip on his shoulder, drinks DH's booze and starts insulting us. Then my attitude is; you don't like us; then stay out of my house. How did he get in if he wasn't invited?
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Sept 24, 2013 11:54:52 GMT -5
The same way Taylor Swift crashed that Kennedy wedding. He showed up on the arm of someone invited.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2013 12:07:12 GMT -5
The same way Taylor Swift crashed that Kennedy wedding. He showed up on the arm of someone invited. And Bonny didn't indicate a +1 on the invite....
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Rocky Mtn Saver
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Post by Rocky Mtn Saver on Sept 24, 2013 12:11:11 GMT -5
LOL, I don't think the daughter who was asked by the buzzed guests to come pick them up after drinking received a nice lacy invitation! :-)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2013 12:11:53 GMT -5
The same way Taylor Swift crashed that Kennedy wedding. He showed up on the arm of someone invited. Exactly. He came in when his girlfriend came to pick up her parents. He sat down at the head of the table (and I think DH offered him some whiskey) and started in on how difficult things were and how it was all our generation's fault. DH says the kid said he had never been to our house before. And went so far to say that he hadn't met DH before. We've met him several times at our friend's house.
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