How do you define "cordial relationship"?

[whoisjohngalt]

Would you keep it simply at "hello, goodbye"?  Would you still do nice things for the person?  Would you be calling them just to see how they are and/or chat?

What would you be doing and not doing?

[Bob Ross]

I wouldn't be taking a on their lawn, if that's what you're asking.

That is, unless they cordially invited me to do so.

[Abby Normal]

To me- cordial means that you are polite when you see them, engage in conversation if the chance arises-  but don't seek the person out.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Depends on the person/situation.  Professionally speaking it's I don't tell that person exactly what I think of them, I keep my head down.  I don't go out of my way to say anything at all to them unless it's directly related to work.

If it's someone in my/DH's family it depends on if some sort of relationship needs to be maintained for the sake of others.  Like I'd still interact at holidays, send a mother's day card/birthday card, etc but I'm not going to chit chit for hours with that person on the phone or in person. 

When my brother and I weren't speaking I kept up with"hello/goodbye", was quiet on holidays and gave a gift for the sake of my mom otherwise I wouldn't have acknowledged him at all.

Former friends/aquatineces I might nod or say hi if I run into at the supermarket but I'm not going to strike up a conversation with you.

[whoisjohngalt]

Sept 11, 2013 14:58:14 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

To me- cordial means that you are polite when you see them, engage in conversation if the chance arises-  but don't seek the person out.

I don't need to read any further, that's what I wanted to hear!!

[cronewitch]

Sept 11, 2013 14:59:56 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

Sept 11, 2013 14:58:14 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

To me- cordial means that you are polite when you see them, engage in conversation if the chance arises-  but don't seek the person out.

I don't need to read any further, that's what I wanted to hear!!

I agree, not mad but don't have much reason to talk. SIL's siblings I see at holidays, weddings, funerals the last 45 years watched them go from children to grandparents, first jobs to retired but we don't talk outside just to be polite, chit chat. They don't invite me to kids graduations, wedding or anything, I don't send gifts even when I know my brother and nieces and nephews are going.

[NoNamePerson]

I'm pretty much "cordial" to anyone I meet. I was cordial to my EX inlaws but that was to keep me from slapping the sh## out of them for the way they treated my son. I find just being yourself is easy and works best - well, maybe not in my case since I tend to be a first class bitch

[Bob Ross]

Always remember, it's not cordial unless you're seething with hatred within.

At least, that seems to be the way the word is commonly used.

[Shooby]

  Cordial just means you are polite when you see them.  That is the extent of the relationship and you don't want any deeper relationship like a friendship.  You use common courtesy and if you find yourselves together someplace then you make polite conversation.  That's it.

[swamp]

You don't punch them when they walk by.

[Bob Ross]

But I'll bet you could challenge them to a duel.  That sounds cordial.

[giramomma]

Sept 11, 2013 14:58:14 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

To me- cordial means that you are polite when you see them, engage in conversation if the chance arises-  but don't seek the person out.

And, to me, that conversation is all "safe" topics where you don't indulge much information about yourself.  So, for ME "safe" topics for a cordial relationship are generally things like the weather, the local sports team, maybe a good book I've read or movie I've seen.

Actually, when I need to be cordial, I just keep asking the questions and keep the other party talking. They feel good that we are engaging at some level and I stay clear from harms way. Sometimes, the other party won't think to ask any questions about me or my family...

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

I second the other replies (except maybe for Bob Ross'), and I'll add that the relationship is -- for as long as it is merely cordial -- somewhat superficial.  

Sometimes, that is the best one or both parties to the relationship can expect.  It's a way to get around unresolved -- and maybe even unresolvable -- issues with people you are obligated by birth, marriage, or employment to encounter.  

[Deleted]

Did I forget to call? 

[NoNamePerson]

I forgot to say that cordial can also be smiling while gritting your teeth and chewing your tongue off in little bitty pieces

[whoisjohngalt]

Sept 11, 2013 16:03:38 GMT -5 oped said:

Did I forget to call? 

No comment

[whoisjohngalt]

OK, so, in case anyone cares, of course I am talking about my IL - my MIL, in particular.

To make a veeerrrrryyyyyy long story short - we agreed to have a cordial relationship.  I wanted to get some idea from you all, English-as-a-first-language speaking people, what exactly "cordial" means in case my DH tells me that "cordial" still involved me calling her weekly and doing all kinds of nice things for her, etc.

I feel sooo much better now, bc I am the queen of cordial - I can do polite with no feeling what-so-ever.  Nothing more, nothing less.

I am a happy happy girl.  Yay me!!!!

[Otto the Orange]

you don't speak to them before, during or after sex with them

[zibazinski]

Cordial means a relationship forced on you that in no way you would be around them otherwise. As far as weekly phone calls? That's the job for BLOOD relatives not those unlucky enough to inherit via marriage.

[Chocolate Lover]

Crap, according to agilemom, I'm not even up to "cordial" to my SIL. This one is no blood relation to my DH, she's his brother's unfortunate choice of spouse, so he doesn't really care.

[kittensaver]

Pleasant and polite when she is around - far away from your thoughts and your energies when she is not around.

[imawino]

If it has been over 24 hours since I last fantasized about punching someone in their annoying face, I guess we are cordial enough. 

[Chocolate Lover]

Sept 12, 2013 13:51:26 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

Pleasant and polite when she is around - far away from your thoughts and your energies when she is not around.

Last 2 times I've been in her neighborhood (once at my FIL's birthday gathering and once at my house when her DH was helping fix our car - and getting paid for it) I think I said 3 words to her. Maybe. And it's better that way, because if I'd had to speak more than that, I'd have said what I really thought.  And probably to her husband too and THAT my DH probably would care about.

[Abby Normal]

Sept 12, 2013 13:43:08 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Crap, according to agilemom, I'm not even up to "cordial" to my SIL. This one is no blood relation to my DH, she's his brother's unfortunate choice of spouse, so he doesn't really care.

I would not define my relationship with my SIL as cordial.  Cordial means there is at least some degree of warmth towards the person when you engage with them.  Ours is more like cold, restrained animosity.  

[resolution]

My current relation with my SIL is best defined as "hiding." Someday I may progress to cordial but I think that is a long way away.

[Chocolate Lover]

Sept 12, 2013 15:48:04 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

Sept 12, 2013 13:43:08 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Crap, according to agilemom, I'm not even up to "cordial" to my SIL. This one is no blood relation to my DH, she's his brother's unfortunate choice of spouse, so he doesn't really care.

I would not define my relationship with my SIL as cordial.  Cordial means there is at least some degree of warmth towards the person when you engage with them.  Ours is more like cold, restrained animosity.  

Yay! I'm not alone!  she's such a trainwreck. She is the prototype of the people you stay FB friends with for the amusement of it.

[Abby Normal]

You are definitely not alone.  Mine is a neurotic mess. She screamed (yes literally screamed) at me in the parking lot of a restaurant in front of her entire family  because she thought I said something bad about her.  In reality, I had had done no such thing.  Afterwords, well yeah,  I said something  bad about her.    DH wanted to know how the hell I kept my cool while I was dealing with her.

[Chocolate Lover]

Me too! If mine starts screaming at me, she will be lucky if I just called the cops on her.

[Abby Normal]

Now I'm more apt to drink cordials around her, then be cordial.

[whoisjohngalt]

Sept 12, 2013 15:48:04 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

Sept 12, 2013 13:43:08 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

Crap, according to agilemom, I'm not even up to "cordial" to my SIL. This one is no blood relation to my DH, she's his brother's unfortunate choice of spouse, so he doesn't really care.

I would not define my relationship with my SIL as cordial.  Cordial means there is at least some degree of warmth towards the person when you engage with them.  Ours is more like cold, restrained animosity.  

I am officially changing my mind about listening to you

No way in hell I have any warmth towards that woman