Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
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Post by Abby Normal on Sept 13, 2013 10:27:32 GMT -5
I would not define my relationship with my SIL as cordial. Cordial means there is at least some degree of warmth towards the person when you engage with them. Ours is more like cold, restrained animosity. I am officially changing my mind about listening to you No way in hell I have any warmth towards that woman Then your are not being cordial- you are just being polite and using good manners. Nothing wrong with that. Cordial means you are pleased to some minimal degree (or at least not annoyed) at having to see and speak with them, but you don't seek them out for friendship.
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wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,882
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Post by wvugurl26 on Sept 13, 2013 10:32:43 GMT -5
I would not be calling the MIL weekly. If it matters to your DH, he can call her. I'd be polite when in the same room as her and I'd probably still send cards on the appropriate days and maybe pictures of the kids.
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Abby Normal
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 12:31:49 GMT -5
Posts: 3,501
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Post by Abby Normal on Sept 13, 2013 10:33:20 GMT -5
OK, so, in case anyone cares, of course I am talking about my IL - my MIL, in particular. To make a veeerrrrryyyyyy long story short - we agreed to have a cordial relationship. I wanted to get some idea from you all, English-as-a-first-language speaking people, what exactly "cordial" means in case my DH tells me that "cordial" still involved me calling her weekly and doing all kinds of nice things for her, etc. I feel sooo much better now, bc I am the queen of cordial - I can do polite with no feeling what-so-ever. Nothing more, nothing less. I am a happy happy girl. Yay me!!!! If you can greet her and not think "gee I'm happy to see you but now go away" I think that counts as cordial. If you greet her and say with a smile " Hi " and refrain from adding the word bitch- that is polite. If you greet her, quickly move on to someone else before your desire to kill her kicks in - that is cold restrained animosity. But if English isn't your first language- don't fret over technicalities. Sounds like she should be happy if she doesn't fall into the third category. Cordial does NOT mean calling her every week, or doing anything nice for her. Let DH do that.
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,910
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 13, 2013 16:44:14 GMT -5
Absolutely. I'm sure the reason we have received no thank you notes is because the bride told her groom to do the ones from his side of the family as he should have done. He isn't doing them. People think she's the one with bad manners when it's really him. Let your DH handle his family or not as he sees fit. Not your job.
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Ombud
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 14, 2013 23:21:04 GMT -5
Posts: 7,600
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Post by Ombud on Sept 13, 2013 19:26:29 GMT -5
DH tells me that "cordial" still involved me calling her weekly and doing all kinds of nice things for her THAT'S NOT CORDIAL, that's friendly. He might want that but all you need to be cordial is to not argue with her. Respond 'hello' if she initiates contact. Don't go out of your way for her.
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