zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 30, 2013 15:57:13 GMT -5
Age doesn't always mean illness or poor health. My dad was healthy until the day he had a heart attack and died at 72. Fast and furious but he went the way he would have wanted to go. Not some drooling vegetable that can't remember where the toilet is or their own name.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2013 16:04:57 GMT -5
something is seriously wrong here....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2013 16:49:20 GMT -5
I think the biggest age difference I had in a relationship was a boyfriend in high school. I was 17 and he was 24. Looking back, I find that a little creepy (on his part), but its funny because my parents really liked him. He was very, very polite and nice. I heard from my dad that he came up and spoke to them at a baseball game a good 5 years after we broke up.
I think the problems with that relationship had more to do with the actual age than with the difference in ages. I don't think I would have a problem dating someone 7 years older than me now. Dh is about 7 months older than me. So not that big of a deal. XDH was 2 months younger than me.
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Aug 30, 2013 17:53:10 GMT -5
I married a man 17 years older and it was a mistake. I was 18 when he was 35 when we met so both young adults. He didn't have money or anything and was attractive to me. It was fine for the most part but when I was about 33 he was 50 still not to bad but it started to matter a little. He didn't want me to save for retirement because I was too young. His plan was to retire on SS and have a younger working wife. So if we lasted to say when he was 70 and I was 53 I would be working while he was home, I couldn't have saved much for retirement since I would be paying most of our cost of living, we couldn't travel because I was still working. When I was 63 he would be 80, and I might be taking care of him while still working full time with no plans to retire since I couldn't afford it.
I divorced him when I was 34 and he only lived 10 more years so I could have been a broke 44 year old widow.
I dated a 30 year old when I was 35 but he was childish so I dumped him. He quit a job, gave up his apartment and moved to his parents basement. Even as a boy toy he wasn't much fun.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Aug 30, 2013 18:29:16 GMT -5
This is always an interesting topic to me. When I was 16 I dated a 23 yo. (My parents didn't know.)
XH is 2.5 years older than me, but he remains at a 15 yo's mentality.
DH is 16 years older than me. I dated two others who were about the same age gap.
Hugh Hefner & his new wife, now that age gap is odd to me. Probbly 20 years is about where I think it's starting to become odd.
So, where on the number line do you think the age gap is too much?
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Aug 30, 2013 19:14:47 GMT -5
I think it depends on the age at 16 two years tops. Between 16-23 add a year each year so at 23 you could have a 9 year difference. To me that is the most I consider reasonable even then it can be a problem.
My parents were 12 years apart she was widowed at 65 and spent her first few years of retirement taking care of him. Her income caused his SS to be taxed.
My grandparents were 7 years apart so when grandpa retired at 65 and moved to the farm she had to retire at 58. She was a widow over 25 years.
The younger years it didn't matter much that a husband was older but it caused a retirement issue and long decades of widowhood living on lower income than when they had a husband.
I think if the women were older it would be easier when they were old since men die younger and men in construction trades tend to retire before 60. Child bearing with the wife much older might need pushed forward before the husband was ready.
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Happy prose
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Post by Happy prose on Aug 30, 2013 20:53:07 GMT -5
My friend is married to a guy in his late 70s, and she's early 50s. I wonder how she can even kiss him, never mind sleep with him. I couldn't do it for all the money in the world. Plus he has an @sshole personality.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 30, 2013 21:11:10 GMT -5
Like kissing a corpse
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Aug 30, 2013 21:34:51 GMT -5
My BFF is married to a man 17 yrs older. When we were younger, it didn't much matter. Now, he is aging rapidly and has a lot of health issues and he has suddenly become an 'old man" while she is in the prime of her life. It is what it is but i think it is something to consider. As for younger man, older women, i have never personally seen that work out with anyone. I think men have much greater interest in the physical and a younger man over time is going to see the effects of age on a woman. It is what it is. It can work but more often i don't think that does. Some things in life are a double standard in reality. That's close to the age difference between my spouse and I. What can you do? You love who you love. He is healthy and attractive and looks at least 10 years younger. Someone thought he was in his late 30's the other week (my age!). It's not ideal - in fact older woman younger man actually makes a lot more sense in terms of longevity but it is what it is. I didn't say it was right or wrong. I am just saying that there are certain physical realities of aging if you have a big gap.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2013 6:34:27 GMT -5
There are plenty of people in this world who aren't movie-star gorgeous but still have someone who loves them and is sexually attracted to them. Dh still thinks I look good naked (well, I'm in better physical condition than I've ever been in my life) and he still ..umm.. rings my chimes. I hope you're equally fortunate at this age.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 31, 2013 6:43:40 GMT -5
I'm 58 and DF is 59. He thinks I'm hot but I think his vision is gone. May it never return!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 31, 2013 6:44:25 GMT -5
But if I were 26 years younger, eeww
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Aug 31, 2013 20:53:58 GMT -5
Hook me up with a 95 year old billionaire, and I'm good, as long as he makes his will/trust out correctly . DH would wait on the sidelines for a few years and be my man-toy. I'm a hussy. Well, not exactly, but I can be practical if necessary.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2013 21:48:34 GMT -5
Apparently I like the younger ones (DH is a year younger than me), but if I were to date again, I couldn't see myself with anyone more than 10 years older than me. And even that sounds like too much.
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kilroy
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Post by kilroy on Sept 1, 2013 6:28:54 GMT -5
Gee Zib, tell us how you really feel. All I can say is my husband is 71, in perfect physical shape & the sight of him with his shirt off makes me weak in the knees (in the best possible way). He's playing 2 hours of tennis right now, which he does 4 or 5 times a week and when he doesn't go to the courts he goes to the gym. He is amazingly hot. He's also mature, well-read, well-traveled and a joy to be around. Is he who I thought I'd marry? No. But boy am I glad I didn't let silly assumptions get in our way.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 1, 2013 6:33:35 GMT -5
I always dated and married younger men. This is the first guy who is actually older than me since I dated him in college. If I outlive him, he will be the last guy my age I'm with. I'm willing to be HIS nurse, no one else's. it kills old women to care for old men. Old men either kill them or put them in nursing homes.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 1, 2013 6:34:11 GMT -5
Kilroy, you didn't say. Are you 26 years younger than your DH?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 1, 2013 6:36:08 GMT -5
Btw, DF said he wouldn't be interested in me if I were 26 years younger because I'd want kids as well as being saddled with an old unhealthy man when I was still a young woman. I wonder if my dad thought about that at all? He said my mom pursued him with a vengeance. Considering how he escaped matrimony until age 45, she was one determined woman!
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kilroy
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Post by kilroy on Sept 1, 2013 6:50:33 GMT -5
Actually, I did say in post #12, which is where I figured you got the 26 year figure; apologies if I was jumping to conclusions. I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion on this subject, but if we could try to refrain from bad mouthing other people's choices that would be great.
DH & I are a perfect match, actually, because I never wanted kids and he already has his (and I adore them, even if we're more like sisters). I feel really lucky that they've accepted me as part of their family. When older SD got married, the first dance was her, her husband, her sister & her husband, me & DH, and DH's ex and her new husband. We all get along surprisingly well.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2013 9:41:56 GMT -5
I'm willing to be HIS nurse, no one else's. it kills old women to care for old men. Old men either kill them or put them in nursing homes. Yeah, I know that's probably in the cards for me, but we've had 15 wonderful years together so far. I don't know what they would have been like without DH- maybe I would have found a good guy my own age, maybe not. I do see a lot of scary scenarios where the woman cares for the man for years, all the financial resources are used up, the man dies, and the widow has no money and no one to care for her. DH believes in assisted suicide under certain circumstances and I'd support him in that. We've also got enough saved that I won't be a penniless widow, and DS says he'll take me in no matter what. My plan is to find a good retirement community near DS, who lives 3 hours away right now, when I can't fend for myself.
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kilroy
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Post by kilroy on Sept 1, 2013 11:19:38 GMT -5
I'm convinced that caring for my dad when he was dying of cancer is what killed my mom; it just took 13 years to do it. She got pneumonia right after he died because she hadn't been taking care of herself, and she never really recovered.
Oh, and there was only 3 years age difference between them.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Sept 1, 2013 11:23:44 GMT -5
Well, i mean we all just play the cards we are dealt. If you fall in love with someone quite a bit older, it is what it is. There are always issues in any relationship to deal with. There is no "ideal". You just make the best of your life and nobody knows what the future holds.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Sept 2, 2013 10:27:44 GMT -5
I'm willing to be HIS nurse, no one else's. it kills old women to care for old men. Old men either kill them or put them in nursing homes. Yeah, I know that's probably in the cards for me, but we've had 15 wonderful years together so far. I don't know what they would have been like without DH- maybe I would have found a good guy my own age, maybe not. I do see a lot of scary scenarios where the woman cares for the man for years, all the financial resources are used up, the man dies, and the widow has no money and no one to care for her. DH believes in assisted suicide under certain circumstances and I'd support him in that. We've also got enough saved that I won't be a penniless widow, and DS says he'll take me in no matter what. My plan is to find a good retirement community near DS, who lives 3 hours away right now, when I can't fend for myself. Honestly, DH being older in some ways makes retirement planning easier. I will more than likely still be working when he dies. There I said it and I'm morbid. So sue me. Honestly, I had already fallen for him when I found out he was 17 years older than me. I could not have asked for a better partner and a better father for my children. He wasn't ready to get married until he met me when he was 39.
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kilroy
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Post by kilroy on Sept 2, 2013 10:36:18 GMT -5
Muttley, I wish I could like your post 50 times.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Sept 2, 2013 10:37:54 GMT -5
I'm 58 and DF is 59. He thinks I'm hot but I think his vision is gone. May it never return! He's only 59?! The way you talk about him, I thought he was about 85.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2013 10:56:59 GMT -5
Honestly, DH being older in some ways makes retirement planning easier. I will more than likely still be working when he dies. There I said it and I'm morbid. So sue me. Yeah, that's occurred to me, too. I don't worry about the cost of keeping 2 of us in nursing homes for decades. Because of his health issues, DH won't linger that long.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 2, 2013 11:14:49 GMT -5
His illnesses have made him a very old 59, sadly enough.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2013 14:39:43 GMT -5
I'm 58 and DF is 59. He thinks I'm hot but I think his vision is gone. May it never return! He's only 59?! The way you talk about him, I thought he was about 85. oh my god, you beat me to it.....
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Sept 2, 2013 16:18:52 GMT -5
I have no issues with age disparity in other relationships because it's none of my business but for me personally I'd prefer younger. When I was young I liked older guys (in their 20's and 30's) and now that I'm not young I still like that age. My DH is a little over 4 years younger than me but I'm more fun (immature). ETA: Zib - Stop wearing the poor guy out! You could run circles around an 18 year old.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 2, 2013 17:20:18 GMT -5
Not the way I feel today.
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