Sending your kid to private school makes you a bad person.

[movingforward]

Okay, I don't have kids so I have to ask about this "parental involvement" thing.  Maybe my parents were just slackers or something because I don't remember them being all that involved or any of my friend's parents being all that involved in our school stuff.  If the kid played sports the parents were there to watch, if the kid did theatre then the kids parents went to the fall and spring productions, etc. but I don't remember more than one parent-teacher meeting each semester.  I was in honors classes.  My parents weren't really involved in the PTA stuff I guess.  I remember they went to a meeting or two and came home frustrated because they said parents were bringing up all sorts of things that really had nothing to do with education and they didn't go anymore.  I do think parents should be involved in their kids education but I guess I am just trying to understand if things have changed that much, I just had a different experience, or what?

[Deleted]

Going into the 'Way Back Machine, I think my parents assumed that the schools and teachers knew what they were doing and didn't get into the micro-managing that some of today's helicopter parents do.

It was only when I started to complain about my teacher smelling like beer, vomiting over the balcony, and me getting a straight "c" report card (was normally As with a couple of Bs") that they knew there was a problem.

They were unable to save me from being punished and picked on by my teacher but my mother told the principal that if he put her son into her class she would keep him out of school. Of course my brother was assigned to the same school and my mother kept him home. I can't remember if it was as long as two weeks but the principal finally assigned my brother to another classroom. My mother had learned the game. No show, no dough and the school district was going to get involved...again.

[Deleted]

We are getting nightly reports on why the Buffalo City Schools are so bad. All the bigwigs claim there is limited parental involvement. They define it as making sure your kids go to school, making sure they do their homework and showing up for parent/teacher conferences.  And that about sums up my Mom's parental involvement in our schooling. 

[movingforward]

Aug 30, 2013 9:48:47 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

We are getting nightly reports on why the Buffalo City Schools are so bad. All the bigwigs claim there is limited parental involvement. They define it as making sure your kids go to school, making sure they do their homework and showing up for parent/teacher conferences.  And that about sums up my Mom's parental involvement in our schooling. 

Oh, so basically just being a parent

[Deleted]

I wonder if the author really thinks this way or if she is just trying to get people interested in her writing?  For some reason, I've been really thinking about this article since I saw this post, but probably not for the reasons that the author would've intended.

I get the whole "greater good" argument in general, but it sounds very twisted when you're talking about sacrificing your own kids best interest "for the greater good".  

It sounds kinda innocent when you're talking about giving up some tax dollars to build a library or pave the roads, but in this case it sounds so weird.  GEEZ. 

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2013 9:48:47 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

We are getting nightly reports on why the Buffalo City Schools are so bad. All the bigwigs claim there is limited parental involvement. They define it as making sure your kids go to school, making sure they do their homework and showing up for parent/teacher conferences.  And that about sums up my Mom's parental involvement in our schooling. 

So that's how they define "limited"?  Or it's how they define "parental involvement", period?  I agree that that's about what my Mom did, plus a little volunteering after all of us but my baby brother were in school.  No micro-managing, but then their aspirations for us were to get into good state universities (which they could pay for), not Harvard.  I imagine if you want your kid to get into Harvard or MIT, you try harder.

If the bigwigs are saying that they're not even getting parents to get their kids to school, make sure they do their homework, etc.  well, for once I agree with the bigwigs.  Studies have shown that... surprise... the biggest variable affecting the quality of a public school system is the degree of parental involvement. 

[movingforward]

Aug 30, 2013 9:57:46 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Aug 30, 2013 9:48:47 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

We are getting nightly reports on why the Buffalo City Schools are so bad. All the bigwigs claim there is limited parental involvement. They define it as making sure your kids go to school, making sure they do their homework and showing up for parent/teacher conferences.  And that about sums up my Mom's parental involvement in our schooling. 

So that's how they define "limited"?  Or it's how they define "parental involvement", period?  I agree that that's about what my Mom did, plus a little volunteering after all of us but my baby brother were in school.  No micro-managing, but then their aspirations for us were to get into good state universities (which they could pay for), not Harvard.  I imagine if you want your kid to get into Harvard or MIT, you try harder.

If the bigwigs are saying that they're not even getting parents to get their kids to school, make sure they do their homework, etc.  well, for once I agree with the bigwigs.  Studies have shown that... surprise... the biggest variable affecting the quality of a public school system is the degree of parental involvement. 

Yes, I guess if that's what they call parental involvement then my parents were more involved than I thought they were.  They definitely made certain we went to school, did our homework and they showed up for parent-teacher meetings.  They went to most all of my games, award presentations, etc but that was about it.  To me this is just being good parents, which luckily I had.  Like you, my parent's aspiration was for me to get into a good state university. 

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2013 9:57:46 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Aug 30, 2013 9:48:47 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

We are getting nightly reports on why the Buffalo City Schools are so bad. All the bigwigs claim there is limited parental involvement. They define it as making sure your kids go to school, making sure they do their homework and showing up for parent/teacher conferences.  And that about sums up my Mom's parental involvement in our schooling. 

So that's how they define "limited"?  Or it's how they define "parental involvement", period?  I agree that that's about what my Mom did, plus a little volunteering after all of us but my baby brother were in school.  No micro-managing, but then their aspirations for us were to get into good state universities (which they could pay for), not Harvard.  I imagine if you want your kid to get into Harvard or MIT, you try harder.

If the bigwigs are saying that they're not even getting parents to get their kids to school, make sure they do their homework, etc.  well, for once I agree with the bigwigs.  Studies have shown that... surprise... the biggest variable affecting the quality of a public school system is the degree of parental involvement. 

That is how they define parental involvement period.



The superintendent was on the news telling stories about some schools having kids missing over 30 days. And grade schoolers coming back in and their backpacks are untouched from when the left the day before. He then called out the parents to say that they can't educate their children without parents involvement.

They also came up with giving City School kids the option of going to a suburban school and they had over 950 kids signing up! But what does that tell you? That only 2% out of 45,000 kids have parents that are concerned enough to want to give the kids something better.

BTW, they ended up only allowing about 90 children the choice to go to a different school district.

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2013 9:56:54 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Aug 30, 2013 9:48:47 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

We are getting nightly reports on why the Buffalo City Schools are so bad. All the bigwigs claim there is limited parental involvement. They define it as making sure your kids go to school, making sure they do their homework and showing up for parent/teacher conferences.  And that about sums up my Mom's parental involvement in our schooling. 

Oh, so basically just being a good parent

Fixed.

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2013 10:06:15 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Yes, I guess if that's what they call parental involvement then my parents were more involved than I thought they were.  They definitely made certain we went to school, did our homework and they showed up for parent-teacher meetings.  They went to most all of my games, award presentations, etc but that was about it.  To me this is just being good parents, which luckily I had.  Like you, my parent's aspiration was for me to get into a good state university. 

I really think this is all that is needed.  I went to some pretty bad inner city schools and this level of involvement wasn't present in many homes.  This led to students who didn't care, were disruptive, and reduced the amount of learning of others.  There was a culture of peer pressure to do poorly.  Now DD goes to an upper middle class public school and you can see there is accountability at home for these students.  There is a culture difference.

Now I am not saying all inner city parents are indifferent or even that all inner city schools are bad.  In my case, there were some great involved parents (not mine).  They just didn't have the numbers to change the culture of the whole school. 

[formerroomate99]

I think the whole premise of the article is bunk.  In the main city in my area, there are a whole slew of middle and upper class people living there, keeping property values up, paying property taxes, and these people are only there because the Catholic church has provided an affordable alternative to public schools that went down the tubes 40 years ago.  If the private schools weren't there, the people with money would have left decades ago and would never come back.  Instead, you have areas that never went bad and whole neighborhoods that are being gentrified.   

In many ways, the dependence on public schools drives urban sprawl and white flight.  If the schools get a bad reputation, you loose your tax base, which further kills the schools, and it becomes a self perpetuating cycle.   Many people who are happy to live in the city when they are childless move once their kids are schoolaged because they don't want their kids going to bad schools.  And many more who would live there don't even consider it because they have no intention of paying property taxes and private school tuition. 

Whether someone moves to an economically segregated, upper class suburb or shells out for private school education, the reasons are often the same--sending your kids to school with kids whose parents value education.  So to pretend that someone who sends their kids to public schools cares any more about disadvantaged kids than anyone else is a load of crap, unless that person is sending their kids to an economically diverse school.  And let's face it, most of the public schools aren't that economically diverse. 

[formerroomate99]

We aren't going to private school, but we are moving back to a much better school district. The district we're in now is so poor that Dh and I are in the top 3% of earners for where ds would go to elementary school. And we don't make that much money...

Exactly, you took your child and your money out of the poorly performing school district.  And if enough parents do this, propery values plumet, the tax base evaporates, and the schools are SOL. 

If you had stayed in the district and sent your kids to private school, you'd be propping up property values and increasing their tax base. 

[Phoenix84]

Thyme4change is right, there are many public school systems that are very good.  I went to one of them.  I think parent's should be able to choose what's best for their child.  That doesn't mean I think all public schools are bad, but some seem to think that's the case.  Though generally, getting good public schools does mean moving to a more expensive area and paying more in property taxes. 

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2013 10:12:00 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

They also came up with giving City School kids the option of going to a suburban school and they had over 950 kids signing up! But what does that tell you? That only 2% out of 45,000 kids have parents that are concerned enough to want to give the kids something better.

BTW, they ended up only allowing about 90 children the choice to go to a different school district.

My son's HS included a healthy contingent of kids from Brooklyn and the Bronx whose parents wanted them to get out of the 'hood. I know that by paying the sticker price I was helping to provide scholarships for kids whose parents cared enough to see that they got a better chance at a good education but who couldn't afford the full cost. I was happy to do it. More good kids with concerned parents removed from the public school system.

[HoneyBBQ]

During our last move, we purposely bought a house in a nice school district because I also believe in the public school system here even though doing private schools is HUGE here. (The elementary is rated 10/10 at goodschools.org which is good enough for me)


However, when I lived in downtown St Louis, we were going to go private. Luckily we're rich so we can be the evil people all we want. 

[alabamagal]

Aug 30, 2013 9:28:07 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Aug 29, 2013 20:41:39 GMT -5 @bonnap said:

Nowhere did I read that the author has children.

Let's check back in a few years and see if her opinion changes.

Apparently she does.  In another article she wrote, she mentioned she was finally getting rid of her daycare bill since all her kids were now in school.

host.madison.com/news/opinion/column/allison-benedikt-we-waited-years-to-have-kids-big-mistake/article_ddc9af52-4640-11e2-9b1d-001a4bcf887a.html

Well it is easy to be optomistic about sending your kids to public school when they are in Kindergarten! Mine went to public school for 3 years, 2 years and 0 years.

Oldest was in gifted program (2 - 1/2 days per week).  She hated her regular classes

DS1 had a terrible teacher in 2nd grade.  Suggested we put him on ADD medition so that he would pay attention to her (he was not disruptive), we didn't.  Never got tested for gifted program because of ADD (based on his high school/college he should have been in gifted I believe.

DS2 started in private school due to his birthday missing cutoff.

The elementary school we go to is considered the best in the area.  The schools go real downhill in middle school and high school.

[raeoflyte]

Aug 30, 2013 10:35:33 GMT -5 formerroomate99 said:

We aren't going to private school, but we are moving back to a much better school district. The district we're in now is so poor that Dh and I are in the top 3% of earners for where ds would go to elementary school. And we don't make that much money...

Exactly, you took your child and your money out of the poorly performing school district.  And if enough parents do this, propery values plumet, the tax base evaporates, and the schools are SOL. 

If you had stayed in the district and sent your kids to private school, you'd be propping up property values and increasing their tax base. 

Well we're not letting the house go, so I think the city will continue to get their taxes... We will rent it out until or unless we decide to sell.

How is that different than if we continued to live their and went to private?

[thyme4change]

Aug 30, 2013 9:33:33 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Okay, I don't have kids so I have to ask about this "parental involvement" thing.  Maybe my parents were just slackers or something because I don't remember them being all that involved or any of my friend's parents being all that involved in our school stuff.  If the kid played sports the parents were there to watch, if the kid did theatre then the kids parents went to the fall and spring productions, etc. but I don't remember more than one parent-teacher meeting each semester.  I was in honors classes.  My parents weren't really involved in the PTA stuff I guess.  I remember they went to a meeting or two and came home frustrated because they said parents were bringing up all sorts of things that really had nothing to do with education and they didn't go anymore.  I do think parents should be involved in their kids education but I guess I am just trying to understand if things have changed that much, I just had a different experience, or what?

You probably remember 7th-12th grade and think of that as "your childhood."  The times when parents help in the classroom is usually K-3rd, maybe 5th grade.  Parent involvement in high school doesn't mean you are on campus - it means you encourage homework, and getting enough sleep, and making school a priority.  It could mean that at the younger ages, too - as I very rarely go to the kids' school because children in large groups give me anxiety attacks.  But, you can usually gauge the amount of energy the collective student body are getting in their education by the number and intensity of parents who help in the classroom at the younger ages.  It is harder to see it in the older grades.  

[Angel!]

I agree with those that said there are good public schools. I went to fantastic schools and DS is going to a great school as well.

This thread does make me grateful for where I live though. Here there are choices beyond your local public school and private. We have charter schools and we have choice enrollment where you can apply to any public school you like, admission just depends on space.

My local school sucks, so I enrolled DS into one of the best public schools in the city. I have no interest in giving him a good enough education in the interest of the greater good.

[zibazinski]

No kidding. Why doesn't the OP walk those halls and visit those bathrooms but its easy to say OTHER people should do it. Frankly, I think she sucks as a parent. I do what's best for my kids and don't give a rats ass about others. If their parents don't care about them, I'm sorry for them but that's life.  You can't pick your parents. I would have loved to have been raised by people who loved and cared for me and cared about my happiness and education but I wasn't so it is what it is. The other parents who cared about their kids didn't lose any sleep over my life nor should they have.