imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 24, 2013 15:12:17 GMT -5
This is me. It is very hard to acknowledge your partner's efforts when they don't have the exact same standards as you. When I find myself getting annoyed because the dishwasher is loaded, but not loaded "right" or because he scrubbed the shower but forgot to vacuum the bathroom floor I know I need to calm the f down and drink a glass of wine. ETA: Frankly, I need to calm the f down and drink a glass of wine pretty much all the time. That's it exactly, different standards. Maybe I would have been happier if I'd drank more! It's not too late to start!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2013 15:14:03 GMT -5
This is the one that I'm the worst with. I got pretty good about letting him do things however he wanted, and if something isn't totally clean, it is fine - I'm not that much of a neat-nik, but the dishwasher makes me crazy. Usually because he puts 4 things in - in the total wrong space - and then there is no room in the dishwasher for the next meal, which is my turn. The big problem is that if the bowls don't get in there just right, you can't fit our plates in. And this morning, he did it again. I asked him why he is resisting my advice, and he confessed that he believes if he keeps trying he will find a better way. I laughed at him - but in reality I wanted to say "Okay, fucker - but don't just try once a week - do it every god damn day so I don't have to fix it because you just say you are frustrated and wander away. Stack the thing however you want - own it, do it completely. And for shits and giggles, why not empty it, too and see that if you put a giant bowl over the top of the dishes, none of the dishes get clean, but all the soap sticks to the food that is one there and they have to be washed by hand." But no, I'm not allowed to say that, because then his wife is mean. boo hoo.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 24, 2013 15:14:10 GMT -5
My therapist suggested that I wear a rubber band around my wrist and every time I find myself getting too negative to snap it. The snap jolts me out of the thought and I can refocus. I skipped the actual rubber band, pretty much anything you do to interrupt yourself will help. I stop and count to 10. Once I count to 10 I force myself to think about the things that go right in my life or give credit where it's due. I'll never be an optimist but it helps me put things into perspective. Career wise, money wise, marriage wise etc. I'd snap my freaking arm off if I did that. I prefer the wine method.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 24, 2013 15:16:01 GMT -5
I'd snap my freaking arm off if I did that.
That's what I was thinking. I need a safer way to stop negative thoughts.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2013 15:16:42 GMT -5
can i say - i feel a little bit better now.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jul 24, 2013 15:17:21 GMT -5
That's it exactly, different standards. Maybe I would have been happier if I'd drank more! It's not too late to start! I could take up drinking more. There are multiple bottles of wine at my house saying drink me. I long ago ditched the guy though. And made a rule about not living with a guy who grew up with a housekeeper who came 3 days/week unless he was paying for one!
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Jul 24, 2013 15:17:39 GMT -5
This is the one that I'm the worst with. I got pretty good about letting him do things however he wanted, and if something isn't totally clean, it is fine - I'm not that much of a neat-nik, but the dishwasher makes me crazy. Usually because he puts 4 things in - in the total wrong space - and then there is no room in the dishwasher for the next meal, which is my turn. The big problem is that if the bowls don't get in there just right, you can't fit our plates in. And this morning, he did it again. I asked him why he is resisting my advice, and he confessed that he believes if he keeps trying he will find a better way. I laughed at him - but in reality I wanted to say "Okay, fucker - but don't just try once a week - do it every god damn day so I don't have to fix it because you just say you are frustrated and wander away. Stack the thing however you want - own it, do it completely. And for shits and giggles, why not empty it, too and see that if you put a giant bowl over the top of the dishes, none of the dishes get clean, but all the soap sticks to the food that is one there and they have to be washed by hand." But no, I'm not allowed to say that, because then his wife is mean. boo hoo. Pfft. Rule #1 of the dishwasher is that the dishwasher always gets things clean. And if there is still food stuck to the dishes after the dishwasher is run, then that is how God wants it. Resistance is futile.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 24, 2013 15:18:39 GMT -5
This is the one that I'm the worst with. I got pretty good about letting him do things however he wanted, and if something isn't totally clean, it is fine - I'm not that much of a neat-nik, but the dishwasher makes me crazy. Usually because he puts 4 things in - in the total wrong space - and then there is no room in the dishwasher for the next meal, which is my turn. The big problem is that if the bowls don't get in there just right, you can't fit our plates in. And this morning, he did it again. I asked him why he is resisting my advice, and he confessed that he believes if he keeps trying he will find a better way. I laughed at him - but in reality I wanted to say "Okay, fucker - but don't just try once a week - do it every god damn day so I don't have to fix it because you just say you are frustrated and wander away. Stack the thing however you want - own it, do it completely. And for shits and giggles, why not empty it, too and see that if you put a giant bowl over the top of the dishes, none of the dishes get clean, but all the soap sticks to the food that is one there and they have to be washed by hand." But no, I'm not allowed to say that, because then his wife is mean. boo hoo. Get out of my head and you too could be nicer! Wait - you don't actually say that?! ETA: Only when he is on vacation and not doing anything or I'm sick. I don't say a word when it's my job since I don't work.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2013 15:24:56 GMT -5
No, but after typing all that (and laughing) I think I will have a little talk with him and ask him to just do it my way, or take over the dishwasher 100%, because when I stack the dishwasher, I basically have to take everything out and start over. I bet if I ask him all reasonably and nice and sweet, he will make a real effort to do it for me. He is such a keeper.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2013 15:25:59 GMT -5
this is making me laugh because these are my exact thoughts when it comes to chores!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2013 15:26:01 GMT -5
No, but after typing all that (and laughing) I think I will have a little talk with him and ask him to just do it my way, or take over the dishwasher 100%, because when I stack the dishwasher, I basically have to take everything out and start over. I bet if I ask him all reasonably and nice and sweet, he will make a real effort to do it for me. He is such a keeper. You and your voodoo jedi mind tricks.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2013 15:26:08 GMT -5
Either that or.....I could buy new bowls. Actually, I think I will buy new bowls. That is probably the best solution. I'll buy bowls that fit into our dishwasher. Thanks YM! Problem solved.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jul 24, 2013 15:26:49 GMT -5
You make your own Cheez-its, FFS - how could anyone not love that?! Oh damn! i forgot about those cheez-its. I made them once and they were awesome. MUST MAKE MORE
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2013 15:28:09 GMT -5
This is the one that I'm the worst with. I got pretty good about letting him do things however he wanted, and if something isn't totally clean, it is fine - I'm not that much of a neat-nik, but the dishwasher makes me crazy. Usually because he puts 4 things in - in the total wrong space - and then there is no room in the dishwasher for the next meal, which is my turn. The big problem is that if the bowls don't get in there just right, you can't fit our plates in. And this morning, he did it again. I asked him why he is resisting my advice, and he confessed that he believes if he keeps trying he will find a better way. I laughed at him - but in reality I wanted to say "Okay, fucker - but don't just try once a week - do it every god damn day so I don't have to fix it because you just say you are frustrated and wander away. Stack the thing however you want - own it, do it completely. And for shits and giggles, why not empty it, too and see that if you put a giant bowl over the top of the dishes, none of the dishes get clean, but all the soap sticks to the food that is one there and they have to be washed by hand." But no, I'm not allowed to say that, because then his wife is mean. boo hoo. LMAO because aside from the profanity, that's something that I have probably said in some fashion to DH!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2013 15:28:19 GMT -5
this is making me laugh because these are my exact thoughts when it comes to chores! Does it make you feel any better that perfectly happily married couples feel the same way about the frickin' toothpaste tube (or whatever) that you do. So, you can take that out of your "reasons to leave" pile. You can leave it in the whole grouping of reasons to be annoyed, but none of this is worth breaking up a marriage. Besides, if you kick him out he will absolutely not mow the lawn - so you won't gain anything there. You will still have a lawn that you can't use. So, find a solution to the problem, because divorce ain't it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2013 15:29:06 GMT -5
Either that or.....I could buy new bowls. Actually, I think I will buy new bowls. That is probably the best solution. I'll buy bowls that fit into our dishwasher. Thanks YM! Problem solved. no no no.... buy a second dishwasher. Problem super solved!!!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2013 15:31:27 GMT -5
LOL - aye, aye aye - we would probably just fight about the dishes twice as much with two dishwashers.
I think it is time the kids take over stacking the dishwasher - 100%. And they have to do it MY WAY, or no allowance. Boo yah - another solution. That will postpone kicking my hubby's ass until the kids graduate high school and move out. 9 more years of bliss.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jul 24, 2013 15:35:32 GMT -5
This is the one that I'm the worst with. I got pretty good about letting him do things however he wanted, and if something isn't totally clean, it is fine - I'm not that much of a neat-nik, but the dishwasher makes me crazy. Usually because he puts 4 things in - in the total wrong space - and then there is no room in the dishwasher for the next meal, which is my turn. The big problem is that if the bowls don't get in there just right, you can't fit our plates in. And this morning, he did it again. I asked him why he is resisting my advice, and he confessed that he believes if he keeps trying he will find a better way. I laughed at him - but in reality I wanted to say "Okay, fucker - but don't just try once a week - do it every god damn day so I don't have to fix it because you just say you are frustrated and wander away. Stack the thing however you want - own it, do it completely. And for shits and giggles, why not empty it, too and see that if you put a giant bowl over the top of the dishes, none of the dishes get clean, but all the soap sticks to the food that is one there and they have to be washed by hand." But no, I'm not allowed to say that, because then his wife is mean. boo hoo. Pfft. Rule #1 of the dishwasher is that the dishwasher always gets things clean. And if there is still food stuck to the dishes after the dishwasher is run, then that is how God wants it. Resistance is futile. DH is that you?!?!?!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 24, 2013 15:47:19 GMT -5
Either that or.....I could buy new bowls. Actually, I think I will buy new bowls. That is probably the best solution. I'll buy bowls that fit into our dishwasher. Thanks YM! Problem solved. I should do that. I bought these bowls that I love but they just don't go in the dishwasher right. I could go all nutso and take out my frustrations by hurling them into walls and stuff, and then just buy disposable ones.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2013 15:48:22 GMT -5
The bowls I have are the big, heavy earthware ones. They are thicker than the spikes - so it is a real PIA.
Let's go bowl shopping.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 24, 2013 15:48:40 GMT -5
This is the one that I'm the worst with. I got pretty good about letting him do things however he wanted, and if something isn't totally clean, it is fine - I'm not that much of a neat-nik, but the dishwasher makes me crazy. Usually because he puts 4 things in - in the total wrong space - and then there is no room in the dishwasher for the next meal, which is my turn. The big problem is that if the bowls don't get in there just right, you can't fit our plates in. And this morning, he did it again. I asked him why he is resisting my advice, and he confessed that he believes if he keeps trying he will find a better way. I laughed at him - but in reality I wanted to say "Okay, fucker - but don't just try once a week - do it every god damn day so I don't have to fix it because you just say you are frustrated and wander away. Stack the thing however you want - own it, do it completely. And for shits and giggles, why not empty it, too and see that if you put a giant bowl over the top of the dishes, none of the dishes get clean, but all the soap sticks to the food that is one there and they have to be washed by hand." But no, I'm not allowed to say that, because then his wife is mean. boo hoo. LMAO because aside from the profanity, that's something that I have probably said in some fashion to DH! Why would you leave the profanity out? That's the best part!
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jul 24, 2013 15:50:28 GMT -5
New bowls are cheaper than counseling!
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 24, 2013 15:55:41 GMT -5
So is a housekeeper, and it solves all bathroom disputes and whatnot in addition to the dishwasher thing. Get some value for your money woman.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 24, 2013 15:57:49 GMT -5
The bowls I have are the big, heavy earthware ones. They are thicker than the spikes - so it is a real PIA. Let's go bowl shopping. Okay! It's either that, or we give up on any food that requires use of a bowl.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2013 16:00:54 GMT -5
So is a housekeeper, and it solves all bathroom disputes and whatnot in addition to the dishwasher thing. Get some value for your money woman. A full time housekeeper would be pretty expensive, and would be bored. I don't know how much I would have to pay to have someone come over every day and do all the dishes, but it sounds unlikely - and probably more than counseling. I already have someone come once a week, but if I left all the dishes for her, my kitchen would be pretty gross and I would run out of space quickly. Then I would come up with a way we could efficiently stack a week's worth of dirty dishes, but my husband would do it a different way, and we would be where we are now.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2013 16:01:33 GMT -5
The bowls I have are the big, heavy earthware ones. They are thicker than the spikes - so it is a real PIA. Let's go bowl shopping. Okay! It's either that, or we give up on any food that requires use of a bowl. Cereal and ice cream. Now that is just crazy talk!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 24, 2013 16:02:36 GMT -5
LOL - aye, aye aye - we would probably just fight about the dishes twice as much with two dishwashers. I think it is time the kids take over stacking the dishwasher - 100%. And they have to do it MY WAY, or no allowance. Boo yah - another solution. That will postpone kicking my hubby's ass until the kids graduate high school and move out. 9 more years of bliss. Good luck with that. The kids put all of the utensils into the little cubby that's closest to them - so the first one is jam packed and the others are empty. I have tried explaining why this is not the correct way many times and they nod (while looking at me like I must be crazy) and then just continue to put them in the same cubby. Or they get confused and just leave everything on the table.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 24, 2013 16:05:37 GMT -5
I know the kids won't do it right either - but I can yell at them.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 24, 2013 16:06:58 GMT -5
I think it is time the kids take over stacking the dishwasher - 100%. And they have to do it MY WAY, or no allowance. Boo yah - another solution. That will postpone kicking my hubby's ass until the kids graduate high school and move out. 9 more years of bliss. Here's the best part about the 9 year delay scheme - by then he hopefully will have forgotten which was "his system." If you strike first (mark this on your calendar for the first day after kid #2 leaves for college), you just say this, "Honey, I've been thinking and you're right. This absolutely is the best way to do this and I'll do it your way from now on." Then do it your [the right] way and he'll not only think it's his idea, he'll adopt it as his.
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Sum Dum Gai
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Post by Sum Dum Gai on Jul 24, 2013 16:11:11 GMT -5
$10-15 an hour, have her stop by one hour a day. Counseling is like $150-200 an hour and when you're as screwed up as I am they want to talk once a week.
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