NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 21, 2013 6:30:01 GMT -5
Damned if I know but I will do some research on this and get back to you pronto!! Please do! I'm probably more than a little beyond "slutting age", but these are things inquiring minds want to know! Not trying to hijack but wanted to report back. At my age slutting isn't the way to go. Had to give change back from a quarter. Now back to KaraBoo's problems.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 21, 2013 8:35:39 GMT -5
I'm going to think about your post more and bring it up with my counselor next week at my appointment
Definetly do so. Co-dependency is a two way street. I didn't want to think I was but I was. DH was able to emotionally blackmail me into giving in. He'd act worse than our toddler sometimes when he wanted stuff. It's WAAAAAAAAAY easier to "make it work" than stand my ground. That's classic co-dependence. Read Co-Dependent No More. It was an uncomfortable read because I kept expecting to see my picture pop up somewhere. Basically what I told DH was this shit ends NOW! We're going down to one account, in our case, and I'm in charge. YOu've proven multiple times you aren't capable of being responsible with a his/her/ours system. It's either we change or we end up divorced. I laid out everythng in front of him so there was no denying our situation. One thing DH liked do was use the ATM as a "Magical money fairy". He didn't get that just because it spit out money it doesn't mean that money is in your account. So for awhile DH didn't even have a debit/check card (his choice) till he could break the habit of constantly going to the ATM. He still doesn't have a PIN, his own choice. He could go into the bank naturally but that's too much work. He's on an allowance. He gets $X that he can spend no questions asked from me. No more, no less. He used to take and take and tehn raid savings to cover his overdrafts. No more. We do communicate this isn't a dictatorship. If he doesn't like it I'm willing to chnage it but despite his occasional bitching he never volunteers to take over the budget so I assume the system is working for him. He's improved over time because he's had to. Nobody is letting him get away with everything anymore. It SUCKS that I had to instill that in him in his 30's rather than his parents doing it or him bothering to learn, but it is what it is. The important thing is I stopped "making it work". Your DH (and the kids too) need to feel the pinch/pain. There have to be consequences. Selling the boat is a consequence but doesn't have near the punch of an immeadiate "we can't afford it". Same goes for the kids. They're all old enough to get money is tight and things have to change. If they want stuff bad enough they'll find a way to earn the money. If they don't then clearly the activity wasn't as important as you thought. You've bent over far enough and now you've snapped. It can't continue. You need to stand up and make THEM start bending with you. Because even if you clean up the current mess you'll be right back here again soon. You'll still be the man behind the curtain who made everything work out in the end.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Aug 21, 2013 9:40:57 GMT -5
I was going to pull your #'s but Mich was kind enough to do it already. I also think you need to look into bk. Even if you did a 13 it would give you breathing room to get on track. Despite the ym critics there are consequences to bk. Higher insurance rates and job searches pulling your credit are a couple to really look at. But you're already missing payments and could have the boat repossessed. Those items are issues whether you file or not. In all I just think that failing fast is the way to go. Focus in your mental health, and set up a new budgeting system with checks and balances so in 5 years you are making progress. I agree. The faster you fail (aka BK) the faster you start to recover. Since you are not paying bills now, your credit is already taking a huge hit. You can drag this out for 2 years and very likely still be in the same position vs 2 years into a repayment plan. Of that $1200 you have left over for bills, it means that every penny of it must go for bills over the next 8+ years......if not more since you have already missed payments, your cards are going to jack up your rates to 29%. You are going to need tires, clothes, car repairs so this isn't realistic. BTW......$1200 won't even cover the interest if it is 29%. What I would do is to voluntarily turn the boat into the dealer. Give your DH until the end of the month and if it doesn't sell, turn it in.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Aug 21, 2013 10:01:40 GMT -5
I also agree you should consider bankruptcy.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Aug 21, 2013 13:07:26 GMT -5
Karaboo, I continue to applaud your honesty and your effort to answer all questions without anger or being defensive! Kudos, because that is NOT easy to do!
It's easy to dispense black-and-white advice, but applying it to our individual lives is a different story. You can only expect so much from the kids. Between the blended family and the issues your DHs kids have with their mom, not burdening them with the full weight of the money issues is understandable. I'd do the same thing. Yes, they need to know money is tight and that they can and need to help out, but I've said it a million times before: the teenage brain cannot grasp the full scope of adult problems. I could gripe at my kids non-stop about being wasteful with food, wanting to use certain high-label hair products, "losing" expensive clothing at friends' houses, etc. but until they were living on their own they had NO idea what it really take to run a household.
Anyway, I think you are doing a fantastic job of dealing with this and you WILL get through it! I also don't fault you for loving and wanting to make your husband happy. That's the way it should be for both spouses, right? So maybe the boat was a mistake? We all make mistakes. It's now up for sale and your DH understands why. I think saying that he goes fishing to avoid his responsibilities is not fair. He works and has a hobby that is unfortunately expensive. Same as if he played golf. That too is expensive plus it takes several hours to play a round. Guess all men who golf do it to escape their family Doesn't seem fair to me...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 21, 2013 13:16:13 GMT -5
I also don't fault you for loving and wanting to make your husband happy
The problem is it's come at the expense of Karaboo and the household. I can want to make DH happy (and vice versa) till the cows come home but if the money isn't there the money isn't there. I can't worry about disappointing DH or how I'll appear to him if I say no. Because not saying no is going to be a lot worse in the long run.
Don't beat yourself up over it but take it as a lesson. Waiting for DH to say "no" is not going to happen. Karaboo is going to have to do it and let him be disappointed.
Same with the kids. If the money isn't there the money isn't there. It's not doing anyone any good if the ship keeps sinking for the sake of avoiding short term disappointment.
There is room for compromise but trying to force round pegs into square holes for the sake of making everyone happy and not being the bad guy has to stop.
BTDT got the t-shirt. I'm hardly making DH miserable or forcing us to live on ramen noodles while wearing rags. We are meeting all our obligations, save money and can afford some of our wants. It beats the hell out of short term happiness while facing an overdraft charge and upcoming bills.
We're both a lot happier and a lot less stressed nowadays.
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Icelandic Woman
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Post by Icelandic Woman on Aug 21, 2013 13:37:00 GMT -5
Keep at it Karaboo!!! It will start getting better soon!!! I also think that the kids could do more to help.
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constanz22
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Post by constanz22 on Aug 21, 2013 15:08:06 GMT -5
I still think you (and DH) would benefit from reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. I know you said DH doesn't have the attention span to read it (it actually is a very easy read) but what about getting him to listen to a few podcasts? Even if he won't read it, I think you should. It would be really helpful for YOU to understand your money style vs. your DH, and it also outlines some pretty basic, concrete steps to start paying down debt, has a lot of good budgeting worksheets, and even templates of letters to send to creditors when you realize you can no longer pay your bills, as well as info on how to negotiate with creditors. I disagree with the others that you are bankrupt, but maybe that's just cuz of my own experience. I was about 50k in debt, not including house or car, on about a 40k income. Those were some horrible and unpleasant years digging out of that (and I am still working on it but have made lots of progress). I just have a feeling that if you and DH don't do the work to get out of it, as well as learn how you got there and change behavior, you will just wing right back up there in a few years. JMO...
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 21, 2013 15:54:47 GMT -5
I don't think Kara should declare BK either, at least not at this time. It'd be more wand waving and DH would assume you can "always delcare BK" to solve your problems.
IMO, a budget where every spare dime goes to debt repayment would be more beneficial and let it sink in for DH that there is no money to be had thanks to poor decisions. Kids stuff should be on the table too because there is no money to keep making things work for everyone.
BK can always be an option later. Karaboo could give herself a cut off date, but don't tell DH about it so he won't be counting the days till Karaboo makes everything better.
A visit with a finanical/credit counseler would be benefical for this. A third party telling you you have no money and are on a crash course to ruin would be beneficial for your husband.
And for Kara too I think, you're getting it but you're still trying too hard to "make it work".
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constanz22
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Post by constanz22 on Aug 21, 2013 18:17:18 GMT -5
Hugs Karaboo. I've got nothing for you on the budget (you'll get much more qualified people answering that than me) But as for the depression, yeah, it's gonna take a bit for your energy levels to come up - up to a couple of months. It WILL get better, I swear. In addition to the pills, are you seeing someone to talk to as well? A safe place to /vent is a Godsend. Are you talking to the kids about the money problems? I don't remember. I know you've got teens and they're old enough to grasp what's going on. Thank you Beth! Yes - I'm talking with a counselor every other week since January because of all of the stress I've been under. The two youngest are also going EOW because of behavior and attitude issues - some issues still stemming from the custody change over 6 years ago. That is an additional $150 every other week for those appointments, plus missing work for the appointments. That money is currently coming from our Medical Spending account (that we max out every year - and we always have more receipts than money with 4 kids!). The Medical Spending accounts are almost empty at this point - I'll have to look to be sure, but I'm pretty sure there is less than $1k left in both accounts total. With 4 months to go and 4 of us on various medications and 3 in counseling - that remaining money isn't going to last long. The kids are aware of the money problems, but I don't think they know how serious it really is. They're used to their mom having the water and electric turned off. A few years ago, she was at the very edge of having to move into a homeless shelter (I cried when the youngest begged her mom to move into the shelter instead of moving out of state again - which was their mom's other choice to move in with her mom). We've never been at the point of "broke" like she has been. To them, us saying we're broke because we can't afford the boat or going out to eat is nothing to them. In their eyes - we're still "rich". Kara- was $300 a month in co-pays for counseling in your budget? I don't remember seeing it, but holy cow. Those are some expensive sessions. I work in the mental health field, and I'm not trying to give you a hard time, but honestly, if the kids have not gotten through divorce issues that happened SIX YEARS ago, you need new therapists. Or, there is something more significant going on. What mental health diagnosis do the kids have? What other options do you have for counseling? Do you belong to a church? How about EAP through either one of your jobs? You can not pay $300 a month for counseling for six years if it is for behavior and attitude. They are teenagers, of course they have attitudes! I know you previously said getting rid of the cell phones was off the table. I'm sorry, but the position you guys are in, nothing should be off the table. Everyone harped on Doxie for having her sacred cows. You can't afford $300 a month for cell phones when you don't have the minimum to pay your monthly obligations. Call AT&T and tell them you are planning on terminating your contract because you are having trouble paying your bills. They very well may work with you. They did with me. They reduced my $65+ a month bill to $15 for three months. Also, the termination fee goes down every month you get closer to the end of your contract, and at $300/mo it doesn't take very long to recoup that fee. Buy some cheap pre paid phones if you and the kids "can't" go without a cell phone. These decisions are HARD. I have made them. You need more income or less outgo. It's that simple. What do you have that you can sell? Kids clothing, toys, sports equipment they no longer use? Other tchotchkes laying around the house?
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Aug 21, 2013 19:48:19 GMT -5
Sorry to disagree with you Constanz but I think in this situation counseling is imperative . From what Karaboo has said regarding their behavior and what they have been through in the past, this needs to be a #1 priority. Also, it is being paid for with pre-tax dollars from their health savings account which was explained earlier in this thread. My understanding is that it is only recently they have been attending, not 6 years.
I agree that reviewing your plans with AT&T is a good idea to make sure what you have and are paying for is what you use. This takes time and energy, both of which are in short supply at times like this.
Everyone starts out with their "sacred cows" and it is only through time and examination of expenses that they change.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Aug 21, 2013 20:20:54 GMT -5
I don't think Kara should declare BK either, at least not at this time. It'd be more wand waving and DH would assume you can "always delcare BK" to solve your problems. IMO, a budget where every spare dime goes to debt repayment would be more beneficial and let it sink in for DH that there is no money to be had thanks to poor decisions. Kids stuff should be on the table too because there is no money to keep making things work for everyone. BK can always be an option later. Karaboo could give herself a cut off date, but don't tell DH about it so he won't be counting the days till Karaboo makes everything better. A visit with a finanical/credit counseler would be benefical for this. A third party telling you you have no money and are on a crash course to ruin would be beneficial for your husband. And for Kara too I think, you're getting it but you're still trying too hard to "make it work". How does budget work on paper? They can give up a lot but with a family of 6 there is only so much you can cut. I don't know about karaboo's Dh, but filing bk really clued mine in that I couldn't make things work anymore.Figuring out how to pay the bills is what I always did, but me saying our only option was to move in with our parents or file was the biggest wake up call he's ever gotten. I don't think he will ever touch a charge card again.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2013 6:36:21 GMT -5
I am sorry I did not read all 9 pages so it may have been suggested before.
But OP; have you tried YNAB???
I downloaded it in July and so far I am loving it (and combine it with Quicken).
YNAB (you need a budget) is more of a cash flow approach to your bills; you cannot budget money you don't have and it gives every dollar a job.
Good luck!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Aug 22, 2013 7:22:52 GMT -5
Sorry to disagree with you Constanz but I think in this situation counseling is imperative . From what Karaboo has said regarding their behavior and what they have been through in the past, this needs to be a #1 priority. Also, it is being paid for with pre-tax dollars from their health savings account which was explained earlier in this thread. My understanding is that it is only recently they have been attending, not 6 years. I agree that reviewing your plans with AT&T is a good idea to make sure what you have and are paying for is what you use. This takes time and energy, both of which are in short supply at times like this. Everyone starts out with their "sacred cows" and it is only through time and examination of expenses that they change. Yeah, I think the counseling needs to stay too. I don't know how's Karaboo's health insurance works but mine covers counseling. So once we hit the place where copays kick in (I can't remember the terminology, it's too early today) my copay is 10% of the cost. My sessions are $140 in Jan. and by Dec. usually down to about $10.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 22, 2013 8:10:26 GMT -5
I don't know about karaboo's Dh, but filing bk really clued mine in that I couldn't make things work anymore
I believe he had a BK before he met Karaboo. Yet here they are. That's why I wouldn't do it, at least not yet. I'd explore other options like debt consolidation and stuff beforehand. That way the slate doesn't get magically wiped clean.
I agree with keeping counseling too. However to lower costs Karaboo might want to look into the Employee Assistance Program. I believe she works at a hospital like I do so they should have an EAP somewhere on campus. They do a certain amount of sessions for free. It's worth looking into.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Aug 22, 2013 8:21:46 GMT -5
How does budget work on paper? They can give up a lot but with a family of 6 there is only so much you can cut.
I just don't see the budget numbers working without some sort of debt consolidation. Even after they get rid of the boat, they are still underwater every month and adding to the debt. I think an NFCC certified credit counselor is the best bet at this point.
I definitely wouldn't touch any retirement assets. That is one of the few things that would survive a bankruptcy. A good friend of mine filed bk last year and the court even allowed him to continue contributions up to his employer match.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Aug 22, 2013 10:47:26 GMT -5
I don't know about karaboo's Dh, but filing bk really clued mine in that I couldn't make things work anymore
I believe he had a BK before he met Karaboo. Yet here they are. That's why I wouldn't do it, at least not yet. I'd explore other options like debt consolidation and stuff beforehand. That way the slate doesn't get magically wiped clean. I agree with keeping counseling too. However to lower costs Karaboo might want to look into the Employee Assistance Program. I believe she works at a hospital like I do so they should have an EAP somewhere on campus. They do a certain amount of sessions for free. It's worth looking into. They need to do something NOW. Once the credit cards realize that they have missed a boat payment, they will jack up the rates. At that point, the money that they have left over each month won't even over the interest. If they throw every penny outside of living expenses at it, the debt is going to go up, not down. if they file 13, they will be put on a strict budget and they will have to continue to pay, but it will give them breathing room. It is not going to automatically wipe out everything and let them start over. I also think it forces them to go to financial classes. right now, the numbers are not sustainable. This month it was tires and school clothes. Next it will be something else.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 22, 2013 10:50:39 GMT -5
if they file 13, they will be put on a strict budget and they will have to continue to pay, but it will give them breathing room. It is not going to automatically wipe out everything and let them start over. I also think it forces them to go to financial classes.
That would work. Especially if they're forced to attend classes. For whatever reason I can talk till I'm blue in the face and DH will disagree with me but when an "expert" says the exact same thing he cooperates. It's frustrating but I take what I can get. Even if they aren't forced to take classes finding ones on their own or talking to someone at their finanical institution would be immensely benefical.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Aug 22, 2013 12:19:17 GMT -5
I also don't fault you for loving and wanting to make your husband happy
The problem is it's come at the expense of Karaboo and the household. I can want to make DH happy (and vice versa) till the cows come home but if the money isn't there the money isn't there. I can't worry about disappointing DH or how I'll appear to him if I say no. Because not saying no is going to be a lot worse in the long run.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Aug 22, 2013 22:39:53 GMT -5
I appreciate everyone's comments and help on this thread - I really do!
I've read everything up until this point, but I'm tired and ready for bed. Tonight was the band/color guard's first "performance" for the parents, so we got home late. They did great for their first performance and both DS and ODSD are really excited for the season to start. I can't wait to see how much they progress through the year!
I'll respond more tomorrow (or at least....I plan to if nothing else gets in the way!), but really wanted to thank everyone for chiming in to help so far.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Aug 24, 2013 9:30:31 GMT -5
I'm hoping you can not do a BK because I feel that no one ever learns from one but feels they can just go out and spend away again. I'm glad you own your own home, that's a big plus in case you have to go that route. I would find a REPUTABLE counselor not these fly by night ones that take a huge fee for "helping" you out with your creditors and go from there. Getting "dinged" on your credit is a very good reminder that you can't spend to make anyone happy including your kids and your husband. I've been the with its easier to give them what they want than tell them no and make them feel bad. I get the guilt. But you can't sustain this lifestyle of pleasing everyone. It's killing you.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 24, 2013 10:30:29 GMT -5
I'm hoping you can not do a BK because I feel that no one ever learns from one but feels they can just go out and spend away again. I'm glad you own your own home, that's a big plus in case you have to go that route. I would find a REPUTABLE counselor not these fly by night ones that take a huge fee for "helping" you out with your creditors and go from there. Getting "dinged" on your credit is a very good reminder that you can't spend to make anyone happy including your kids and your husband. I've been the with its easier to give them what they want than tell them no and make them feel bad. I get the guilt. But you can't sustain this lifestyle of pleasing everyone. It's killing you. I have a friend who filed for BK and believe me she learned from her lesson. She is paranoid about debt some 21 yrs later. But she is probably the exception to the rule.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Aug 24, 2013 14:45:37 GMT -5
Okay - I'm back and have time to answer some questions again.
Just an update before I get back to the questions - I'm adjusting to the anti-depressant med, but I still have no energy to do anything beyond what I HAVE to do. I have a follow up appointment with my Internal Medicine physician on Wednesday and I'm going to let her know about all of my side effects and how I still feel internally.
I have a counseling appointment for myself on Friday and I plan on bringing up the co-dependency issue. I talked with a close friend of mine regarding this issue and she agreed that I am. Her response was "you like to be needed and happiest when you are needed." She also said that she sees me enabling DH and the kids, but that it is mild. We talked some more and I commented that a lot of the time I don't even realize what I'm doing is enabling - I do it because it needs to be done and it sometimes never occurs to me to ask for help - until I'm frustrated with something particular beyond belief (like the bills).
An example of something mild is me always driving the kids to and from their practices (band especially). DH takes them too, but most of the time I do because....well....just because - it never dawned on me to ask him to help more unless I need him to. I'm not frustrated at him for not taking them more, I just do it - a lot of times because I want to because I love listening to the band practice. But that comes back to me taking on more of the responsibility in the household than I need to.
Anyway - it's been a good thought process for me to think through.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Aug 24, 2013 14:49:18 GMT -5
...... Despite the ym critics there are consequences to bk. Higher insurance rates and job searches pulling your credit are a couple to really look at. But you're already missing payments and could have the boat repossessed. Those items are issues whether you file or not. ...... Rae - thankfully, neither DH's or my jobs are dependent on credit scores - DH works with Fire Alarms and I work at a hospital. I hadn't considered higher insurance rates, but we've been with the same company for over 10 years - hopefully the track record will help in that regard.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Aug 24, 2013 15:55:36 GMT -5
ARGH! I just lost my post! I'm going to try to retype most of it:
$300 per month is paid out of our medical spending accounts that DH and I max every year. I have insurance, but the $50 copay doesn't go down, no matter how many sessions we attend. I have an EAP through work, and DH and I used it once about 2 years ago for marriage counseling (6 free sessions). The guy we were sent to we both hated, so we went back to the counselor we used for the kids that can report back to the courts (if needed). Marriage counseling didn't last long simply because of our schedules at the time and work responsibilities.
The divorce actually happened 12 years ago. DH and I have been together for 11 years. We petitioned the court and was granted primary custody of DH's kids 6 years ago. Right after the custody change, we put all of the kids in counseling to help them deal with and understand the custody change. After about 6-8 months, the counselor said they were adjusting well to the change and we stopped counseling. When SS entered into middle school (around 3 years ago), he had some pretty big behavior issues going on, so we put him back in counseling - again lasting around 6 months. Now YSD is in middle school and her first year was hell on her, us and her teachers (she was suspended 3 times). We've had her in counseling since January with no current end in sight. SS just went back into counseling in May due to attitude issues stemming from other issues (stating he hated us, was going to run away if he couldn't go back to living with his mom, he was going to kill himself, etc).
None of the kids have mental issues except SS has ADHD (YSD probably does too, but hasn't been officially diagnosed). Their biggest issue is their mom. She has told them in the past that DH and I are the reason she and they are so miserable. That if I hadn't come into the picture, then nothing would have changed and it's all my fault that DH has custody and not her. She's also told them that DH and I don't love the kids and that we only wanted custody of them so we wouldn't have to pay child support. She told the kids that I was the one that broke up their marriage and if it hadn't been for me, they would still be together. We're constantly dealing with her undermining us to the kids (Oh...you were suspended? You shouldn't be grounded for that - sure your friend can come over for the weekend!), so they view her as God while we're the Devil for holding them accountable.
I'm not sure how much she still tells the kids this, but the kids still bring it up to us about how horrible we are when we are holding them accountable. It doesn't change our stance, but it does get hard to listen to on a constant basis.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Aug 24, 2013 16:00:33 GMT -5
I am sorry I did not read all 9 pages so it may have been suggested before. But OP; have you tried YNAB I downloaded it in July and so far I am loving it (and combine it with Quicken). YNAB (you need a budget) is more of a cash flow approach to your bills; you cannot budget money you don't have and it gives every dollar a job. Good luck! Cawiau - thank you for the suggestion. Someone else brought it up and I did look at it, but wanted to know if I could make my own spreadsheet without spending the extra money. I've now got the concept at least understood and am trying to work through it. The original problem is I had a debt flow sheet, but not a cash flow sheet. I could keep track of the payments, but wasn't keeping track of what life was costing us (food, gas, etc). I've readjusted our budgeting system to more of a YNAB approach. It still needs to be tweaked, but it's better than it was.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Aug 24, 2013 16:23:18 GMT -5
if they file 13, they will be put on a strict budget and they will have to continue to pay, but it will give them breathing room. It is not going to automatically wipe out everything and let them start over. I also think it forces them to go to financial classes.
That would work. Especially if they're forced to attend classes. For whatever reason I can talk till I'm blue in the face and DH will disagree with me but when an "expert" says the exact same thing he cooperates. It's frustrating but I take what I can get. Even if they aren't forced to take classes finding ones on their own or talking to someone at their finanical institution would be immensely benefical. Okay - I haven't been purposefully ignoring the BK suggestions, just leaving that for last to respond to everyone at the same time. Drama, I'm quoting your post simply because it is a good overview of everyone's comments as a whole, and because of one specific comment you made. My DH will also disagree with me, but "listen" when an "expert" says the exact same thing. It is frustrating! I can't remember who suggested reading Dave Ramsey. I did read the book once many years ago, but loaned it out and never got it back. I'll see if I can find another copy to reread and have DH walk through the process with me as well (he occasionally listens to his radio show, but I don't know how much). At this point, we do not plan on filing for BK at this time. I do have a time frame in mind for calling it quits though (money wise, not marriage wise! [img]http://images.proboards.com/new/wink.png[/img]) - if we can't seem to make any traction after DH starts receiving regular paychecks from his new company (making more money), then I want to look at BK after the first of the year (January 2014). So far, DH has received one paycheck and it was $150 more than previous checks (paid weekly). However, that doesn't take into account the Medical Spending as that isn't taken out at this company at this time. I'm not sure what that will do to his current MS account, but I have that in my to-list pile to find out. DH does not have a BK in his past - he was just behind on his bills and had a repo on his credit from when he was with his exwife. Neither of us has ever filed BK at this point. DH and I talked last night. We're still working on our communication with each other - we each want to take the blame on ourselves for this mess, but we do agree that we're going to get through this together.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2013 16:47:11 GMT -5
I think it's good that you are trying to work the situation out instead of filing for BK immediately. I think that if you really, really try to fix it first, you'll probably learn some things that you won't learn in any "class" you'll have to take to file BK. If you do end up filing for bankruptcy protection, it's important to clearly understand how and why you got to that point and what you need to do differently going forward. It's not always as simple as "spend less money".
A couple days ago, I started to write that I think this is one of those situations where the money problems are just a symptom of some other problem(s).
I'm still rooting for you Karaboo!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Aug 25, 2013 9:41:30 GMT -5
think it's good that you are trying to work the situation out instead of filing for BK immediately. I think that if you really, really try to fix it first, you'll probably learn some things that you won't learn in any "class" you'll have to take to file BK
Still wouldn't hurt to meet with someone to go over your finanicals if your DH is like mine and listens better to an "expert". Plus sometimes a fresh set of eyes exposes things we haven't thought of because we're so close to teh situation. I do think you can work it out, but it's probably going to be pretty painful and really frustrating for your DH. DH cooperates with me but there are times when I've had to drag him kicking and screaming because what I'm trying to enforce goes completely against his personality. But if we can do it you can do it. We're not perfect at it, we still have our moments but we're way better off than we used to be.
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KaraBoo
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Post by KaraBoo on Sept 1, 2013 12:23:00 GMT -5
Hey guys - update time!
I have my August numbers, but will post them in a different post. They're not great, but we did make a little progress last month - at least we weren't negative live we have been in the past.
This post, I'm going to focus on my physicial health at this time.
Talked to my doctor on Thursday about my lack of energy and desire to do anything. She is hyper-focused on my weight (has been since I started seeing her). Yes, I know I'm overweight, but I'm not 100% sure that my weight is contributing to my energy and desire issues. I'm tired all of the time - so she's sending me for a sleep study to check for sleep apnea - blaming my weight on this issue. I'm 99% positive the test will come back negative. I've never had a problem with being tired like this before and I've been overweight for a while now.
I really think I'm exhausted because of our schedules - two kids in marching band that has insane practice hours, a job that now has me attending evening meetings every Tuesday night (until at least 9pm - last Tuesday I didn't get home until 10pm). So...I'm getting in bed around 11pm and back up by 5am almost every day. I'm the kind of person that HAS to have my 8 hours of sleep and I'm not getting it - but since it'll make the doctor feel better to blame my weight - whatever.
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