Glad I sent my kid to daycare/preschool

[Deleted]

even though I'm a SAHM.

I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years. I also had undiagnosed ADD.  It got really bad after I had DS.  It's one of the multiple reasons I put him in preschool/care around 20 months old.  Ever since then I've really appreciated that he's had two stable, wonderful, and loving women at school to take care of him and be present for him even when I was having a hard time.

While it felt ridiculously self-indulgent to send DS to care when I was at home it's nice to have that choice validated.

Day care may reduce the risk of emotional problems in children at high risk of such problems, according to a new study from Canada.

The researchers found that among children of women with symptoms of depression, those who went to day care had fewer emotional problems, and were less likely to show social withdrawal and separation anxiety symptoms, compared with children who were in their mother's care.

Previous studies show that kids whose mothers have symptoms of depression are at a higher risk of mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression, during childhood and adolescence. However, it's not fully understood how mothers affect their children. "There might be a number of mechanisms that explain why children of depressed mothers are at higher risks for emotional problems," said study researcher Catherine M. Herba, assistant professor of psychology at Université du Québec à Montréal. "It could be genetic predisposition to mental health problems, or it could be that mother's depressive symptoms affect the interaction between her and her child," she said.

The researchers wondered whether group child care settings could provide kids more opportunities for social interactions with other children, and reduce their exposure to their mother's depression.

news.yahoo.com/day-care-may-good-kids-mental-health-204343643.html

[archrival]

Oh man, here comes the SAHM vs Working Mom debates...

[thyme4change]

More than half the kids in my kids' "preschool" 2-year old class had SAHMs.  Probably the same ratio for the 3 and 4 year old classes, but that felt more like preschool.  The 2 year old class was absolutely daycare.  Most of those kids weren't in there 40 hours per week - usually a couple of mornings per week.  But, if we are going to criticize people for staying at home, and utilizing daycare, I got a list of names as long as my arm.  I don't know their reasons.  I don't know if they wanted to play tennis, or clean the house, or they slept, or they cared for their sick mother, or they thought the kid would learn something, or they wanted the kid to get potty trained by a professional, or they had health issues, or they had mental health issues, or whatever.  It never occurred to me to care.  

Anne - I'm glad you had a successful solution in your family so everyone could find some peace.  

[swamp]

I don't see a problem with putting a kid in preschool even when there is a SAHM. Kids can use the socialization. 

[milee]

It's so hard to do what's right for your family in the face of disapproval and judgment - good for you for doing what is best.  <img width="45" height="30" alt=" " src="http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/smileys/hug.gif" text="">

[thyme4change]

Jun 19, 2013 18:02:52 GMT -5 @wrongsideof30 said:

 I still haven't come up with a good 10 second elevator pitch for when people ask me why. 

How about:

I am a strong believer in delegating things to competent people, and I looked around and decided to homeschool.



 

[Deleted]

Not sure what I did wrong then . . . did pre-school & day-care and my 24 year old still gets "homesick" for her family when she doesn't see us for a couple of weeks 

[The Captain]

@anne81 - I'm glad you are getting the little guy socialized.<br><br>I have to admit being a little worried about you though - you don't spend all the time he's gone alone do you?  Get out and get involved with other people (we on the boards don't count).  <br><br>I'm a SAD person myself and find I have to force myself to interact with other during the winter months but always feel better after doing so.

[Deleted]

Thank you captain - I do not spend all my time alone.  Being a parent has forced me to socialize far more than I would otherwise.  I'm a loner by nature but I've learned to get out and do more.

Having DS has made me to pay even more attention to my mental health than I would otherwise.

I've found it difficult to verbalize the positive effect that preschool has had on DS and our family - it feels like admitting that I'm a bad parent when I say that consistency is something I struggle with.  I'm so glad that he's had teachers in his life that are able to be consistent when I am not.  That's why I posted this link.

[geenamercile]

discovermagazine.com/2013/may/13-grandmas-experiences-leave-epigenetic-mark-on-your-genes#.UcJSuPmcdX-

Okay so I just read this and it is my summer project to learn more about this research...  

[Lizard Queen]

Anne, I also feel good about sending my kids to daycare. I've had depression off and on since I was 9 or 10, and I know it's good for me to get out of the house and recharge without them, and it's good for them to be cared for by a more outgoing, energetic individual too. My 3 yo loves daycare, and socializing with the other kids there. My husband and I are much more introverted, so I'm sure DS would be bored to tears if he had to stay home fulltime. We actually threaten him sometimes that if he doesn't behave, he won't get to go to daycare.

[Deleted]

I've found it difficult to verbalize the positive effect that preschool has had on DS and our family - it feels like admitting that I'm a bad parent when I say that consistency is something I struggle with. I'm so glad that he's had teachers in his life that are able to be consistent when I am not.

@anne81,

You are too hard on yourself. You are a kind, intelligent, and thoughtful person. You need your "alone" time too.

 

[sam]

How many adults can spend all day with their kids and not have any adult time or adult communication? I feel it's the same for kids. They need kid time. If daycare or pre-school is the place for them to get that interaction, it's so worth it whether you are a SAHP or not.

[Angel!]

Jun 19, 2013 19:54:53 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

discovermagazine.com/2013/may/13-grandmas-experiences-leave-epigenetic-mark-on-your-genes#.UcJSuPmcdX-

Okay so I just read this and it is my summer project to learn more about this research...  

I just learned a little about this.  Apparently there is research that shows that a kid is more likely to develop allergies if a parent or grandparent smoked even if the child was never exposed to smoke even during pregnancy.  They think the smoke is changing the genes & that is then passed on to the child.

As far as putting your kid in daycare - do what works best for you.  Even if I wasn't working I would put my kids in daycare at least part time.  Frankly, I would suck as a full-time SAHM & both the kids & I would do better with a break from each other.

[thyme4change]

Jun 20, 2013 16:52:09 GMT -5 sam said:

How many adults can spend all day with their kids and not have any adult time or adult communication? I feel it's the same for kids. They need kid time. If daycare or pre-school is the place for them to get that interaction, it's so worth it whether you are a SAHP or not.

I can't even spend the whole day with my husband without taking an extra long bathroom break or something.

[sam]

I can't even spend the whole day with my husband without taking an extra long bathroom break or something.

Then he comes knocking on the door to see if everything is okay.

[thyme4change]

Or at least to get the iPad back.  

[sam]

That's where you went wrong. You leave the IPad to entertain him.

[Deleted]

I think I saw this in This is 40.  Which was horribly depressing.

[thyme4change]

That iPad is half mine.  If I have to hide from him in the can, he has the TV and the computer.  The least I can have is the iPad.

[milee]

Jun 20, 2013 17:54:21 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

I think I saw this in This is 40.  Which was horribly depressing.

Glad I wasn't the only one who found that movie depressing.  The worst part was how many of the awful parts were so true to (my) real life...   Things that are realistic are the worst.

[Deleted]

Sorry, but I find it strange to send your kid to daycare if you don't have a job outside the home, unless there are issues such as Anne mentioned.  I was raised by a full-time mother.  She took care of the 5 of us at home, taught us to read and do basic math, did the laundry, mowed the lawn cooked the meals and made clothes for herself, my sister and me. 

How can you hire a landscaper, get a cleaning lady, get takeout 3 times a week, send your kids to daycare and then say you're a full-time mother?  So what's your job description, exactly?  (I realize the posters here didn't mention cleaning ladies or landscapers, but I saw a lot of that in my suburb in NJ and wondered what the SAHMs were doing.  I was pretty sure they weren't running up clothes on the sewing machine since the lady at the dry cleaner said they'd bring in merit badges for her to sew on their kids' Cub Scout and Brownie uniforms.)

[milee]

Jun 20, 2013 19:35:08 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Sorry, but I find it strange to send your kid to daycare if you don't have a job outside the home, unless there are issues such as Anne mentioned.  I was raised by a full-time mother.  She took care of the 5 of us at home, taught us to read and do basic math, did the laundry, mowed the lawn cooked the meals and made clothes for herself, my sister and me. 

How can you hire a landscaper, get a cleaning lady, get takeout 3 times a week, send your kids to daycare and then say you're a full-time mother?  So what's your job description, exactly?  (I realize the posters here didn't mention cleaning ladies or landscapers, but I saw a lot of that in my suburb in NJ and wondered what the SAHMs were doing.  I was pretty sure they weren't running up clothes on the sewing machine since the lady at the dry cleaner said they'd bring in merit badges for her to sew on their kids' Cub Scout and Brownie uniforms.)

Part of the issue, IMHO, is that in the past women were raised to expect that type of SAHM job description and had few alternatives.  But for the last 30-40 years, we've been telling our young girls that they can do anything and be anything they want.  They've been college educated and many have even worked in intellectually stimulating careers and then... they're expected to perform a job that is equivalent to a series of manual labor tasks that are valued at or around minimum wage in our society because they require so little skill.  It's not a recipe for happiness and I'm surprised more SAHMs don't struggle with depression.

[Deleted]

I have a cleaner person and have been know to eat out, not as much lately true. I don't mow, although I do garden. I consider myself a sahm, as that's my first priority, although I do wear several hats...

[Deleted]

Oh, nd I wasn't a sahm when the kids were infants, early toddlers. Although it wasn't feasible in reality, if it was I still don't think I would have handled it well... Kids are cool... Little blobs of poo and droll who sing the same song for three hours and watch Barney... Should be taken in smaller doses in my opinion....

[toomuchreality]

Good for you! 

What works and seems like the right thing to do for one person, may not for another.
In my opinion, people should do what works best for them.
No one should have to feel bad about their choices. I don't see the need for debate.

[whoisjohngalt]

I would feel crazy guilty spending money on day care if I am not working.  Especially if it's every day

[taz157]

Jun 20, 2013 17:08:07 GMT -5 Angel! said:

As far as putting your kid in daycare - do what works best for you.  Even if I wasn't working I would put my kids in daycare at least part time.  Frankly, I would suck as a full-time SAHM & both the kids & I would do better with a break from each other.

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2013 20:04:38 GMT -5 @wrongsideof30 said:

Jun 20, 2013 20:01:09 GMT -5 oped said:

Oh, nd I wasn't a sahm when the kids were infants, early toddlers. Although it wasn't feasible in reality, if it was I still don't think I would have handled it well... Kids are cool... Little blobs of poo and droll who sing the same song for three hours and watch Barney... Should be taken in smaller doses in my opinion....

It's sooooo hard when they're little and super needy 24/7. I actually felt like going to work was luxurious. I got to eat sitting down, taking my time. Went to the bathroom alone. Made uninterrupted phone calls.  It was a treat.

I know what you mean. And the occasional business trip.. Heaven!

[Sam_2.0]

Shoot, half the guys DH works with have SAH wives that also have full-time live in nannies. I wish I could land that gig

I totally agree with sending kids to preschool when you are a SAHM. Kids need to have other authority figures in their lives and they need to get out and make friends. I also love the idea of mom's day out, or daycare 2-3 times per week so mom can get things done without kids. Do you know how long it takes to grocery shop with a toddler? Aly stole a "tomino" (tomato) yesterday when we went to the store. Just reached over to the display, grabbed it, and started eating away. Of course I had to buy another (and asked them to ring it up twice) so we could pay for the one she ate. But my 1.5 hour trip could have been done in about 45 minutes if she was not around. That would be worth paying a babysitter for an hour or two!!

I am not a SAHM right now and long weekends or days off with my kiddo just reaffirm that we made the best decision for us for now. I would go batty if I had to watch Mickey Mouse clubhouse all freaking day long.