whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 17, 2013 20:53:29 GMT -5
It doesn't hurt to say "I'm sorry." Honest it doesn't. If it did, I'd be perpetually bruised. It might not hurt to say "I am sorry", but it means very little without feelings behind it. And I don't know what you were thinking, but to my post "I don't tell them "don't do this" or don't do that bc I don't think it will accomplish much" - your direct reply was "well, if you think telling your kids "don't do this" won't accomplish anything, I fear for their future". So, yeah, I am suuuure you were talking about your sister's children. And for the record - no need to apologize to me - I am not a sensitive type and opinions of COMPLETE strangers on a message board mean well....not really anything to me.
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Green Eyed Lady
Senior Associate
Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
Joined: Jan 23, 2012 11:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 19,629
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 23:36:16 GMT -5
It doesn't hurt to say "I'm sorry." Honest it doesn't. If it did, I'd be perpetually bruised. It might not hurt to say "I am sorry", but it means very little without feelings behind it. And I don't know what you were thinking, but to my post "I don't tell them "don't do this" or don't do that bc I don't think it will accomplish much" - your direct reply was "well, if you think telling your kids "don't do this" won't accomplish anything, I fear for their future". So, yeah, I am suuuure you were talking about your sister's children. And for the record - no need to apologize to me - I am not a sensitive type and opinions of COMPLETE strangers on a message board mean well....not really anything to me. It most certainly was not what I stated at all. I didn't say anything of the sort. But believe what you wish. If you wish to be mad and offended over some made-up issue, there is nothing I can or wish to do about it.
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whoisjohngalt
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:12:07 GMT -5
Posts: 9,140
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 18, 2013 10:15:50 GMT -5
It might not hurt to say "I am sorry", but it means very little without feelings behind it. And I don't know what you were thinking, but to my post "I don't tell them "don't do this" or don't do that bc I don't think it will accomplish much" - your direct reply was "well, if you think telling your kids "don't do this" won't accomplish anything, I fear for their future". So, yeah, I am suuuure you were talking about your sister's children. And for the record - no need to apologize to me - I am not a sensitive type and opinions of COMPLETE strangers on a message board mean well....not really anything to me. It most certainly was not what I stated at all. I didn't say anything of the sort. But believe what you wish. If you wish to be mad and offended over some made-up issue, there is nothing I can or wish to do about it. OK, GEL here is your direct quote in post 12. While I don't have kids of my own, I do have neices and nephews and they know very well how to expresss themselves in ways other than aggression. They have from a very young age. Because they were taught that way and they were taught that aggressive behavior is not acceptable. They certainly knew it by age 4. And if telling them "don't do this" doesn't accomplish anything...I would fear for their future.
And your reading skills might need some improvement since I just told you - opinions of strangers on a message board mean not much to me, so why do you think I would be mad or offended. But at the same time - I find it amusing when people try to BS their way through it since their words are right there.
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mizbear
Senior Member
Stand back. I have a budget, and I know how to use it.
Joined: Jan 2, 2011 13:12:46 GMT -5
Posts: 3,958
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Post by mizbear on Jun 18, 2013 21:01:08 GMT -5
My brother and I rarely scrapped at all until my parents divorced. Aside from him biting me once bad enough for me to get an infection and him constantly yanking my hair, he was not an aggressor. He was a quiet, chubby, shaggy haired kid who even though he was bigger than me by the time he started school and had me by about 6 inches and 50 pounds when I started high school- he was sooo laid back, that if someone picked on him his favorite thing was "I'll tell my big sister" (I weighed 75 pounds and was about 4'6"-8" when I started high school). And of course, I was raised the dutiful big sister- you never start a fight, but feel free to finish it- and always defend your little brother.
Things changed when our parents divorced because he blamed me. Although my brother was mostly mouth, it was a good thing I could physically defend myself- and occasionally my much younger cousins. And again- wasn't supposed to retaliate... I was the oldest.
We have the same issue with my nieces. While some issues are sibling related, some are related to the one's illness (she has a combination of Asperger's and mental illness), some is straight up bullying from the other one.
I don't believe there is any one solution for the problem.
First, as everyone has tried to point out- not every act of aggression is bullying. I question how the questions in the study were presented to the children. Studies for children need to closely monitored that everything is worded for the age group and that everything is very clear. Everything is labeled bullying now. Even when the act is inappropriate, bullying may not be the best name for it. Second, as everyone has pointed out- each household is different. Every household dynamic is going to have a different way of handling these situations.
And it doesn't matter how good you are as a parent or how good your support system is:
Some kids are just brats
My brother is an almost 35 year old deadbeat one
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