whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jun 17, 2013 12:13:48 GMT -5
So, yesterday, being Father's day and all, I told my Dad that "I" think he did a SPECTACULAR job as a parent, considering, you know, how great I turned out. He just rolled his eyes and said that all you can do as a parent is give your child as much love as you can and hope for the best. One on hand, I hope he is right bc that means I am way ahead of the game. On another - what the heck I am doing, putting all this work into parenting for? It better pay off at the end
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 12:30:43 GMT -5
Again, another poster who only likes to post a partial quote so that it further suit their purposes MY neice and nephews, Thyme. Not anybody else's. I don't presume to know anything about anybody's life or children except the ones I know personally. Good try, tho.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 12:32:12 GMT -5
That is not what I said at all. That may have been what you read, but I put in every single post that I'm going by the way I was raised and that doesn't necessarily make it right. Disagreement does not equal insult. I will post my opinions in opinion threads when I want and as long as they comply with the CoC, and just because you don't like them does not give you right to insult me or my family. I certainly wasn't doing that to anyone. But really, Thyme, if you are having one of those days and just need to be mean...feel free. Just understand I'm not one of those wishy-washy posters who will just slink away. And a few hours a week? Seriously? I wish! You have no idea what you are talking about, but don't let that stop you. I'm not being mean to anyone. I'm just stating my opinion that someone who spends 168 hours per week with their children knows what works and what doesn't on those particular children in their particular situation, and someone who has not raised children is not really qualified to pass judgement. If you think that is an attack on you - then so be it. It is just my opinion, and it is also within the CoC. Just because you don't like that opinion doesn't mean it is incorrect. You made a crack about my sister and her "perfect" children. Jeez, Thyme. Cowgirl up. Everybody, especially me, says things they shouldn't. An adult apologizes and tries not to do it again. Apology accepted.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 17, 2013 12:32:56 GMT -5
I don't see an apology from either of us. I'm sorry if you misunderstood.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 17, 2013 12:34:07 GMT -5
Oh wait - I am sorry for something. I meant to quote your entire line where you said that if Lena's children don't respond in the exact way you believe they should, then their future is going to be a mess. You were very clear.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 12:34:31 GMT -5
Just following the "I read what I want to read" protocol here lately!
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 12:36:57 GMT -5
Oh wait - I am sorry for something. I meant to quote your entire line where you said that if Lena's children don't respond in the exact way you believe they should, then their future is going to be a mess. You were very clear. With all due respect, I completely disagree. While I don't have kids of my own, I do have neices and nephews and they know very well how to expresss themselves in ways other than aggression. They have from a very young age. Because they were taught that way and they were taught that aggressive behavior is not acceptable. They certainly knew it by age 4. And if telling them "don't do this" doesn't accomplish anything...I would fear for their future. One would think so....
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 17, 2013 13:14:56 GMT -5
I would love to hear what works to teach kids how to control their emotions. Ds is nearly 4, and when he melts, wow...
We've tried working on all kinds of things in good moods, but nothing sticks once he's upset.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 17, 2013 13:19:42 GMT -5
I do the same. More evidence I am a crappy parent.
And while I don't tell my kids "tough shit," I do tell them "tough, go find another toy."
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 17, 2013 13:23:19 GMT -5
I would love to hear what works to teach kids how to control their emotions. Ds is nearly 4, and when he melts, wow... We've tried working on all kinds of things in good moods, but nothing sticks once he's upset. I'd like to know too. DD is 5.5 and she still has epic meltdowns.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 13:26:56 GMT -5
This is the part of the OP that I was responding to with my first post and what the thread was about. It wasn't about the huge percentage of sibling interactions that are non-violent.
So seriously? All of you who think I'm over the top let your kids smack either other around, forcibly take things from the other, destroy the other's things, and call each other names? And you just let them "work it out"? Cause that's what the OP was about - not the "Mommy! He's staring at me." kind of things. I'm not saying it's wrong or right. I'm just asking.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 17, 2013 13:28:24 GMT -5
I don't think all physical incidents between siblings are bullying.
And I have let my kids hit each other. One kept poking the other after being warned to stop. The pokee then smacked the poker. The poker learned a valuable lesson that all the refereeing in the world from mom won't teach them.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 13:33:11 GMT -5
I don't think all physical incidents between siblings are bullying. And I have let my kids hit each other. One kept poking the other after being warned to stop. The pokee then smacked the poker. The poker learned a valuable lesson that all the refereeing in the world from mom won't teach them. I agree and said so in a post on the previous page. But regardless of what term is placed on it, do you allow your children to be physically agressive with one another. Now I don't mean the wrestling and stuff that all siblings do. I'm speaking of what is talked about in the OP. Do you allow your children to just duke it out until they can come to an agreement? Or do you allow the older sibling to intimidate the younger one with threats/actions of violence?
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 13:34:23 GMT -5
Sorry. You added the last part of your post while I was replying. I see you answered my question.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 17, 2013 13:35:01 GMT -5
I don't think all physical incidents between siblings are bullying. And I have let my kids hit each other. One kept poking the other after being warned to stop. The pokee then smacked the poker. The poker learned a valuable lesson that all the refereeing in the world from mom won't teach them. I agree and said so in a post on the previous page. But regardless of what term is placed on it, do you allow your children to be physically agressive with one another. Now I don't mean the wrestling and stuff that all siblings do. I'm speaking of what is talked about in the OP. Do you allow your children to just duke it out until they can come to an agreement? Or do you allow the older sibling to intimidate the younger one with threats/actions of violence? I tell them to knock it off and figure it out, or I'm going to do it for them, which will involve a solution that they won't like. If one is outright aggressive, they get sent to their rooms. And the younger one is bigger than the older one.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 17, 2013 13:35:47 GMT -5
I don't feel that either of my kids are overly aggressive with each other, and neither of them dominate the other. I have not seen a situation where either of my children are in physical or emotional risk due to the action of their siblings.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 17, 2013 13:36:30 GMT -5
forcibly take things from the other, destroy the other's things, and call each other names? And you just let them "work it out"?
My brother ripped the legs off my Ken doll. So I took his doll and ripped it's head off. He whined to my grandma and my grandma told him he shouldn't have ripped the legs off mine. She did also tell me not to rip heads off. I bit my brother when he kept sticking his finger in my face even though I told him stop it or I'd bit it off. My dad said she warned you. Hasn't used either one of those against me so he must not remember. Guess it wasn't mentally damaging enough.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 17, 2013 13:36:52 GMT -5
I don't feel that either of my kids are overly aggressive with each other, and neither of them dominate the other. I have not seen a situation where either of my children are in physical or emotional risk due to the action of their siblings. If I thought one was being bullied by the other continuously, I'd intervene, but I'm not going to be a referee. They're kids, they bully each other once in a while.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 13:37:39 GMT -5
I agree and said so in a post on the previous page. But regardless of what term is placed on it, do you allow your children to be physically agressive with one another. Now I don't mean the wrestling and stuff that all siblings do. I'm speaking of what is talked about in the OP. Do you allow your children to just duke it out until they can come to an agreement? Or do you allow the older sibling to intimidate the younger one with threats/actions of violence? I tell them to knock it off and figure it out, or I'm going to do it for them, which will involve a solution that they won't like. If one is outright aggressive, they get sent to their rooms.
And the younger one is bigger than the older one. So you DONT allow them to be physically agressive. That was exactly my stance.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 17, 2013 13:38:37 GMT -5
DD complained to me that her friend gave her a "snake bite." The friend, an 8 year old boy is normally not really aggressive, so I asked her what she did. She denied doing anything. I told her then tell him to stop.
Come to find out, she spit in his hair, so he retaliated. I don't blame him for what he did.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 13:39:59 GMT -5
I don't feel that either of my kids are overly aggressive with each other, and neither of them dominate the other. I have not seen a situation where either of my children are in physical or emotional risk due to the action of their siblings. I don't imagine they are because it would be my guess only that you've taught them better than that. But what if they were? Again...the question....would you stop it or just let them beat the hell out of one another? Cause that's all I've been saying all along.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 17, 2013 13:40:00 GMT -5
I tell them to knock it off and figure it out, or I'm going to do it for them, which will involve a solution that they won't like. If one is outright aggressive, they get sent to their rooms.
And the younger one is bigger than the older one. So you DONT allow them to be physically agressive. That was exactly my stance. Aggression is in the eye of the beholder. Some people would say I let them get too physical before I intervene. I let them go a while with a few warnings. Some people don't let their kids have physical disputes, ever. I don't think that's realistic for my kids.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 17, 2013 13:41:35 GMT -5
Beating the hell out of each other is different from one kid beating up another kid.
And I wouldn't necessarily stop a single fight. There are a lot of shades a gray in the word "aggressive."
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 13:43:10 GMT -5
I would agree with that. But the OP isn't talking about the agression where it's hard to tell if it's agressive or not. It's talking about some serious issues. And those were what I was responding to and what almost everyone seems to agree with, without wanting to say so.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 17, 2013 13:52:32 GMT -5
You think someone will come here and say "Nah, I like it when one of my kids purposely breaks my other kid's arm. It will teach one kid to win, and the other to survive. Besides, I've got all my money on the big one. That little one is shady and I don't really love him."
Of course we are all going to say that we would take a bullet for our kids and we would be perfectly aware of their relationship at all times, and we have the skills and power to control our 14 year old boy's interactions with his 7 year old sister, and no harm would come to the sister at his hand, ever, because we are in control of our own family. We have to say that. We have to believe it. If you don't believe that, you lose all control over yourself and lose your confidence in your own skills as a parent. That doesn't mean we can or do actually protect as perfectly as we would like to protect. Either the kids are alone, without us, sometimes. Or, we miss the signs. It happens. Just as some kids become drug addicts, or pregnant without parental approval. I would love to say that I would never let my daughter get knocked up, or never allow my son to break the law - but let's see what happens when they are 15, not 6. I suspect the amount I don't know about parenting tweens and teens could fill volumes.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 13:56:26 GMT -5
You think someone will come here and say "Nah, I like it when one of my kids purposely breaks my other kid's arm. It will teach one kid to win, and the other to survive. Besides, I've got all my money on the big one. That little one is shady and I don't really love him." Of course we are all going to say that we would take a bullet for our kids and we would be perfectly aware of their relationship at all times, and we have the skills and power to control our 14 year old boy's interactions with his 7 year old sister, and no harm would come to the sister at his hand, ever, because we are in control of our own family. We have to say that. We have to believe it. If you don't believe that, you lose all control over yourself and lose your confidence in your own skills as a parent. That doesn't mean we can or do actually protect as perfectly as we would like to protect. Either the kids are alone, without us, sometimes. Or, we miss the signs. It happens. Just as some kids become drug addicts, or pregnant without parental approval. I would love to say that I would never let my daughter get knocked up, or never allow my son to break the law - but let's see what happens when they are 15, not 6. I suspect the amount I don't know about parenting tweens and teens could fill volumes. I would agree with everything you just said. And I don't believe anywhere that I stated you could ride herd on your children 24/7. I simply said I would not allow my children to be physically agressive with one another and everybody lost their minds. It goes without saying that if I didn't see, it wouldn't be a case of me "allowing" it or not - because I didn't see it.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 17, 2013 13:59:07 GMT -5
Nobody lost their minds.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 13:59:08 GMT -5
And by the way, Thyme? When I said, regarding my sister's children, that I would fear for their future? It was a tongue-in-cheek remark as to whether or not they would be allowed to continue living if "don't do that" didn't result in not doing that. It had nothing to do with Johngalt's children, and I apologize to her if she felt that it did.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 17, 2013 14:00:46 GMT -5
LOL - Whatever.
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Green Eyed Lady
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Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 17, 2013 14:02:47 GMT -5
It doesn't hurt to say "I'm sorry." Honest it doesn't. If it did, I'd be perpetually bruised.
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