Someone correct me.

[Queen of Interesting Nuts]

I always thought that groomsmen and bridesmaid stuff is paid for others. Was it that way and now changed.
I see a lot of stories lately that they are responsible for buying the dresses or renting the tux themselves.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2340029/Record-number-bridesmaids-best-men-turning-weddingexpensive.html

Hey I gave you all a link.

[thyme4change]

Every time I have been a bridesmaid I paid for my own dress and shoes.  Every time my husband has been in a wedding party, he has paid for his own tux.

[Rocky Mtn Saver]

Ditto.  I think it depends on the couple getting married and their finances, but I agree that I think it used to be different. 

[Queen of Interesting Nuts]

Hhmmm. So where did I get that from then, maybe not here but in England.

[The Captain]

I'm going back 25+ years but every wedding I stood up in (all 7 of them, yea...) the wedding party had to cover their own expenses.

It got to the point where at one wedding I put my foot down to the bridesmaid dress the bride's soon to be sister in law wanted and told her it was more than I could afford and I wouldn't be able to stand up if that was the one chosen.

My sister then reconsidered trying to be nice to her soon to be sister in law and choose a much more practical dress...

[Cookies Galore]

I'm an expert now because I'm getting married soon and i post on a message board. Here the bridesmaid/groomsman pay for their own apparel and it's still common in other countries for the bride and groom to pay. The British and Australian brides on my message board are more likely to pay, though some american brides pay. I didnt want a wedding party, so I rule!

[973beachbum]

Every time I was in a wedding I paid for my own dress, shoes and part of the bridal shower.  I think the difference today is weddings are getting much more expensive.  So a $75 dress with shoes I already own isn't good enough.   It has to be a $250 dress with matching shoes and head pieces and hair and makeup done professionally.  Then add in the bridal shower and a batchelorette party and it is probably over a thousand dollars.

I have also heard brides talk about how much they spent on weddings they were in as the reason why their bridesmaids should shut up and spend whatever it takes to make the bride happy.  All it does is drive costs up and up IMO. 

[movingforward]

Yep, like others said I have always paid for my own dress, shoes, etc.  I have been in 4 weddings and one was pretty costly.  It was 6 hrs away so I ended up paying for 2 nights hotel accommodations, gas to get there, the dress, the shoes, and the bride wanted us all to have our hair done a certain way so paid for that as well.  She gave us all matching earrings as her wedding gift to us.  I told her my wedding gift to her was being in her wedding

[muttleynfelix]

If you are talking about traditionally, going back 65+ years to when my Grandparents got married if it was a "big" wedding the bride and her mother and sister made the dresses.  Which is what happened on my mom's side of the family. My Grandma and her sister got married 6 weeks apart in 1948. My Great-Grandma made all of the dresses for both weddings.  My dad's parents "eloped" to Missouri (which sounds weird, but they lived 2 miles from the state line and there was a waiting period in Iowa and not in Missouri).  His brother and her sister came with them to act as witnesses. 2 weeks later my Grandpa shipped out to the South Pacific (this was January 1943) for 2 years.  

For my sister's wedding, my mom made all the bridesmaids' dresses for my sisters wedding and she made my bridesmaid's dress for my brother's wedding (a family friend made the other 5). My parent's would have had to pay for my dress in both of those weddings regardless because I was 13 and 16 respectively.   For my wedding, my parent's paid for my bridesmaid's dresses and the tuxes for the groomsmen.  But no one in my wedding expected that.   Everyone expected to pay their own way, but my parents were done paying for college, had a healthy retirement, and wanted to treat everyone. So they did.

If I'm in a wedding at this point, I expect to pay for my dress. The last wedding I was in, the bride pitched in so that we only had to shell out $100 for our dresses (they ended up being about $160).  The wedding before that the bride picked up my bridesmaid's dress on clearance for $35 and gave it to me.   Thank god it fit.

[thyme4change]

Jun 12, 2013 13:29:32 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

Every time I was in a wedding I paid for my own dress, shoes and part of the bridal shower.  I think the difference today is weddings are getting much more expensive.  So a $75 dress with shoes I already own isn't good enough.   It has to be a $250 dress with matching shoes and head pieces and hair and makeup done professionally.  Then add in the bridal shower and a batchelorette party and it is probably over a thousand dollars.

I have also heard brides talk about how much they spent on weddings they were in as the reason why their bridesmaids should shut up and spend whatever it takes to make the bride happy.  All it does is drive costs up and up IMO. 

I think that may be a stereotype/marketing ploy.  My nieces are on the wedding circuit right now, and the weddings they are part of aren't any more lavish or demanding than the weddings I was part of 15-20 years ago.  Dress and shoes are required, and if you want to do your hair, great, but if you can do your own, that is great, too.  I know that some people - I don't know if it is regional, or being in a certain economic group, or what - but there are still some reasonable gals out there, who do want to have a wedding, and celebrate, but don't want to bankrupt all their friends in the process.  

[Queen of Interesting Nuts]

I have no idea where I got it from. Is it my thinking that if you ask you pay, like it shouldn't be on them to pay if you ask them or is it from something back home that I learned it.

I think that if I ever have to do it I will do it my way and pay for the dresses and stuff.

[Deleted]

Jun 12, 2013 13:21:00 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Every time I have been a bridesmaid I paid for my own dress and shoes.  Every time my husband has been in a wedding party, he has paid for his own tux.

Same for us...the bride or groom never paid for anything and in the past 5 years we've each been in at least 2 weddings / year.

But we have received some gifts from some brides or grooms to show their appreciation.

[steph08]

I haven't been in a wedding party, but my wedding party paid for their own dresses, I told them to wear whatever shoes they wanted, and as their gift, I gave them earrings and a necklace to go with their dresses. My mom paid for their hair to be done on the day of the wedding.

However, I did pay for my ring bearer's tux and my flower girl's dress. I wanted them in my wedding and the parents really couldn't afford to pay for those two things.  

[Phoenix84]

At my sisters wedding, I was an usher, and paid for my own crap.  I think the bridesmades/groomsman did too, but I'm not 100% sure though.

[Deleted]

Not only does the bride and groom not pay for the wedding party, but lots of times the groomsmen rent a certain number of tuxes and the groom gets his free, so the groomsmen are subsiding the groom.

[973beachbum]

Maybe it is regional.  The wedding here on the East Coast seem to have gotten crazy expensive.  It has gotton to the point where anything under $25000 is cheap.

I will say that it is only weddings where people expect others to pay for things like this in my experience.   I can't imagine having a party and expecting anyone to bring anything let alone pay hundreds of dollars for something.  If I ask them I expect to pay for them. 

I guess it has to do with the "gift' part of young people starting out.  I seem to remember when I was a kid mothers of the brides buying the bridesmaids dresses and the bridemaids just paying for the party type stuff.  Maybe I'm misrembering though.

[Queen of Interesting Nuts]

holy shit, you Americans aren't very polite are you ..

[Deleted]

Jun 12, 2013 13:48:07 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Not only does the bride and groom not pay for the wedding party, but lots of times the groomsmen rent a certain number of tuxes and the groom gets his free, so the groomsmen are subsiding the groom.

That is the wedding I am going to in July.

He is making us buy , yep you read it "buy", our suits at $250/each.

When they were taking our measurements the people there accidentally informed us it was part of buy 9 and get 3 free deal. So he is making 9 of us buy our suits and him, his father and brother are getting theirs for free.

That is why he opted for buying suits vs renting out tuxes

[Queen of Interesting Nuts]

Yeah fuxxing no, I just can't imagine asking someone to be with you on a special day and having them foot the bill.

[souldoubt]

All the weddings I've been a part of members of the wedding parties generally have to buy their own stuff.  Add in the cost of a bachelor/bacehlorette party and it can get pricey.  My gf is in a wedding this summer and between the bachelorette party, dress and shoes she will probably spend close to a grand which is asking a lot.  I'm the best man in a friends wedding in a few months and their gift to us is that they're buying the shirts we will wear.  They're trying to keep it modest and for gifts just asking for cash "donations" to go towards their honeymoon instead of registering somewhere.   

[The Captain]

Jun 12, 2013 13:49:16 GMT -5 Queen of Interesting Nuts said:

holy shit, you Americans aren't very polite are you ..

Nope, we're a bunch of crass, loud mouthed, ill-mannered cast-offs from other countries who have no problem telling the rest of the world exactly what we think of you

And most of us wouldn't have it any other way!

[NancysSummerSip]

Jun 12, 2013 14:09:51 GMT -5 The Captain said:

Jun 12, 2013 13:49:16 GMT -5 Queen of Interesting Nuts said:

holy shit, you Americans aren't very polite are you ..

Nope, we're a bunch of crass, loud mouthed, ill-mannered cast-offs from other countries who have no problem telling the rest of the world exactly what we think of you

And most of us wouldn't have it any other way!

Speak for yourself. (I'm not crass. The other stuff...um, yeah, OK)

[Cookies Galore]

Jun 12, 2013 13:57:19 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Jun 12, 2013 13:48:07 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Not only does the bride and groom not pay for the wedding party, but lots of times the groomsmen rent a certain number of tuxes and the groom gets his free, so the groomsmen are subsiding the groom.

That is the wedding I am going to in July.

He is making us buy , yep you read it "buy", our suits at $250/each.

When they were taking our measurements the people there accidentally informed us it was part of buy 9 and get 3 free deal. So he is making 9 of us buy our suits and him, his father and brother are getting theirs for free.

That is why he opted for buying suits vs renting out tuxes

Oh hell no! I would have dropped out!

[sesfw]

'reason why their bridesmaids should shut up and spend whatever it takes to make the bride happy.'

At this point I would say 'thanks, but no thanks'.  Guess I think buying expensive dresses that won't be worn again is not cost effective.


'That is why he opted for buying suits vs renting out tuxes'

Unless you think you will have need of a tux in the future I would tell the tux store that I'll be renting the suit.

It's very selfish for a bride/groom to require friends to spend that kind of funds for one day.

When I got married in 1961 our 2 attendants wore 'Sunday go to meeting' clothes.

Ditto when I married again in 2001.

[zibazinski]

Brides and grooms pull this shit because "friends" put up with it. If friends would say HELL NO, it'd stop.

[Deleted]

I've only stood in one wedding. I bought my own dress but the bride was a dream. She had my and the Maid of Honour get burgandy velvet evening gowns, each in our own cut. It was reasonably priced and I had a wonderful dress for New Year's for almost a decade. I didn't wear it every year, but I got a few wears out of it. As long as we had black shoes she was happy. We did the hair appointment thing but I got out of the whole thing spending under $250 including wedding gift.

[The Captain]

By the time I got married I had already stood up in 6 weddings.  I had 6 completely useless bridesmaid dresses hanging in my closet, none of which could be used for any other occasion.  Each one cost more than $150.  (I eventually donated them all to a local prom dress recycler)

My sister and I were shopping a clearance center one day and saw a rack full of bridesmaid dresses.  I asked my sister if she was ok with the cut and color - she was.  I called my other friend who was standing up and asked if she trusted me, she did but wasn't sure if she wore a size 10 or 12.  

I got both sizes for her and paid for my sister's dress.  I figured at $18 a pop I could afford it.  Both wore their dresses many times and my friend gave the extra dress to her sister to use for a special occasion dress. 

At the time the clearance center closed it was the saddest day of my life...

[Deleted]

I was in my roomie's wedding back in the 1970s, and we had to buy our dresses.  Actually, my BFF's mother made both of ours (my aunt bought the material), and my aunt paid for both pairs of matching shoes to compensate her mother for making them.

I served cake, etc. at the BFF's later wedding; she only had one attendant, her sister.  I got to wear my own dress, but she told me the color.

When my daughter served in a friend's wedding in the 1990s, all the bridesmaids dresses were provided.  That startled me.  And when my daughter married, her attendants bought the dresses.  I wish I had paid to have them pressed, though.  Can you believe they ALL showed up in wrinkled gowns?  And one girl put her hair in a ponytail using a scrunchie?  I could almost picture why brides get so obsessive.  Lol.  We were so laid-back.

[susanb]

When I got married I paid for my bridesmaids' dresses and for hair.  I also paid for hotel accommodations the bridesmaids who traveled from out of town to be members of my wedding party.  I chose the color of their dresses, they chose the cut that they would feel most comfortable wearing.  They also chose their shoes and accessories, which I didn't pay for. 

I have been a maid of honor twice, and paid for the dresses, travel, and accessories both times. 

To this day, I feel very good about paying for attendants' clothing, but I have to admit it wasn't entirely altruistic....DH's family and mine have very different ideas about what is the polite thing to do.  Rather than have a winner or loser in that argument, we just used a 50 year old Emily Post book.  It probably cost us some money in terms of modern wedding costs, but it saved us a fortune in terms of family conflict.   Well, almost, I have posted here before about my SIL, who confronted me for my behavior at my wedding with a 21 point list of faults in crayon in the back of her kids' coloring book that included the fact that I had the audacity to let my bridesmaids (including her) change into comfy clothes after the photographers left and (gasp) "let" my bridesmaids get drunk at my wedding.  Oh, well.  It saved us from having two Momma Bears go to war. 

There is no wedding solution that will please everyone, but if the bride and groom acknowledge that the day is about sharing with loved ones, there are a lot of solutions that will please everyone who is willing to be pleased. 

[Deleted]

Last bridesmaid gig I paid airfare, car rental, hotel, dress & full time nanny for my kids while i was gone.  I was a single parent without any extra $s.  I did it because it was so important that I be there for my friend.

And then I found out that bride/groom had footed the entire travel, wardrobe, hotel bill for the best man.  I can't tell you how upset that I was that they covered the bill for a single working guy . . . can't say the friendship was ever the same after that.  In true YM fashion, you don't mess with my money