Malarky
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Post by Malarky on May 23, 2013 18:57:52 GMT -5
Reason # 542 why I suck as a parent...
Unless you missed me in the "free range kid" thread...
I worked short hours and was home by the time they got up. I sent them to camp one summer and they both flat out refused to go after that. EVER. They were 3 and 6. They hated being confined.
After that, I had a babysitter who taught them cooking skills..".since you're up, we may as well make pancakes..."
By the time they were 7 and 10, they just wanted to be left alone. Granted, I was home by 2 in the afternoon, but I could have left them longer.
I grew up with "watch your brother." I didn't choose him and frankly being responsible for him sucked. I never put that on either of my kids. You are each responsible for your own self.
I felt comfortable leaving my kids. I never cared about what the laws said. They had the skills and one of my neighbors was always available.
IMO we do a disservice to a child that can not be left to fend for themselves, in their home environment, by the age of 10. When are we meant to leave him alone? What is he supposed to know? What will he do if something goes wrong?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 23, 2013 20:05:40 GMT -5
Guess it depends on the kid and the financial situation of the parent. If paying someone to watch your child is the end of the world, then you leave said child home alone for hours.
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on May 23, 2013 22:43:32 GMT -5
So, like, what do kids who are 8 and 10 do for 8 hours a day while their parents are at work? What do they do? Invite all their friends over and play spin the bottle, make crank phone calls, smoke cigarettes (dope wasn't until 14), drink beer... **sigh** The good ole days.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 24, 2013 6:13:49 GMT -5
So, like, what do kids who are 8 and 10 do for 8 hours a day while their parents are at work? At the age, my sister and I would pretty regularly walk 3 miles to the convenience store to buy a slushy and a bunch of candy. We would either walk back home, or walk another block to the bus stop and catch a bus to the city. Then, we'd hang out at the mall the rest of the day, catch the bus back so that we could be sitting on the couch like little angels when my mom got home. Or, I would practice jumping off things- like the second story window or off the screen porch roof. That was tons of fun. We built a tree-house, but our tools were limited to hammers, nails and whatever wood we could steal from construction sites. I never tried to cook anything because I was filling up on candy. But, I was very thin because of all the activity it took to get to the candy. Oh and did we fight. Once my sister bashed me in the head with a blunt object so hard my scalp really bled and another time my other sister took a bat to my legs. But, we never ended up in the hospital or with anything important broken. At 11 I was baby sitting my infant brother, so I couldn't do as much. One summer, we went to the YMCA summer camp and hated it at the time. But, looking back it wasn't so bad. Knowing what I was up to all day at the age while unsupervised will not bode well for my daughter.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 7:34:48 GMT -5
So, like, what do kids who are 8 and 10 do for 8 hours a day while their parents are at work? Summers I was on the farm, so after breakfast and some morning TV I was outside the entire day...usually playing with the animals. After I hit 10 or 11 I was allowed to take my pony off the property and would ride to my friends house 5 miles away or we would meet each other somewhere and go riding together. Just the trip there and back ate up a good chunk of the day. No cell phones back then either, so nobody knew where I was or if I was alright until I got there. Those summers were so awesome. Such happy, peaceful times. FWIW, I decided to let my son stay home starting at 8 after a bad summer at a YMCA program. He was getting bullied constantly and would come home crying nearly everyday. He's like me. He'd rather sit in his room with a book all day then be forced to interact with a bunch of kids from the break of dawn until evening.
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on May 24, 2013 8:29:09 GMT -5
What kind of job do you have during the day? Can you come home every day for lunch and a mid day check in? Can you take all the personal phone calls you want at work?
I left my boys home alone in the summer when they were 11 and 8 while I worked 3 days a week. Every disagreement triggered a phone call to mom at work. This was before cell phones and bosses do not love it when your kids tie up their business phone. It got so bad that I instructed the boys that someone had better be bleeding if you are calling me at work!
If your kids do want to stay home during the summer work day, it takes a large amount of planning. Meals, activities, people to check on them. My kids did not like the Boys and Girls club that I sent them to one summer, but it was the only arrangement available until I hired the 14 year old neighbor boy to stay with them. Look around your neighborhood. Most employers are not interested in hiring kids under the age of 16. Hiring a young teenager that you can trust could be a win-win for both of you. You get supervision when you need it, the teen gets some spending money without having to commit to a summer long job.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 24, 2013 8:31:04 GMT -5
What's wrong with daycare? Most daycares are open during the summer. Our local daycare plans a lot of fun activities all summer.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 24, 2013 9:18:23 GMT -5
Daycare costs money. When you've had free or almost free daycare all school year. Forking over a lot of money is hard. I still wouldn't do it. I think of the headlines when I see a situation where kids very young, and 8 and 10 are young, happens and I don't think anything good. Can the same thing happen with a babysitter? Well, sure, but then the article would also say "THeir 15 year old babysitter called 911 and applied ice until help arrived. " Much better scenario.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 9:26:46 GMT -5
I do think there's a difference between leaving one kid at home and two or more. Besides the potential conflicts and power struggles, they seem to find more trouble in groups.
Still I think it comes down to the maturity level of the kids and the comfort level of the parents. At some point they meet. Might be at age 7, or might not happen until the mid 30's!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 24, 2013 9:38:44 GMT -5
True enough. I could have but would not have, left DS home alone at the age of 10. Not for hours and hours but for a bit. His sister at 10, no way in hell. Them together? No way in hell!
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on May 24, 2013 10:34:47 GMT -5
Isn't that what latch-key kids do in the summer? Usually summer camps, YMCA, daycares, etc at least 1/2 day. At least that is what my friends who had a working parent did.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 24, 2013 10:53:58 GMT -5
My two nieces were allowed to go to public restrooms together, but my nephew had to go with his Dad. The buddy system worked out for the two nieces. I'm sure my nephew thought he was less trusted, which wasn't the case.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on May 24, 2013 11:01:10 GMT -5
Ok, for everyone who answered my question about what an 8 and 10 year old do ALONE all day while their parents work... how about thinking about what kids in this century do... From the end of the 20th century my neices/nephews when left alone at that age did the following kinda stuff: Family A - 11 year old boy gets bored at home and decides to it fun to toss stuff out second story window to watch it 'explode' when it hit the cement walk way below. 8 and 10 year old discovered they could get out the 2nd floor windows and go out on the 'porch' roof - even with it's fairly steep pitch. No one fell off the room - but they did make a mess of the roofing shingles and filled up the gutters with the waste from the snacks they ate out there (bottles, wrappers etc)... the gutter got clogged and eventual caused water damage to the porch. A neighbor did call the police when the kids were on the roof and THOWING stuff at that neighbors house - after the neighbor told the kids to get off the roof!! Kids denied being on the roof. Parents believed kids until the clogged gutters became a problem. The kids decided to 'skate board' in the house - made a mess of the hardwood floors in two rooms. Took the skate boards out to the yard (after being forbidden to do it in the house) and one of them broke his arm skate boardign down the railing of the deck. I'm just getting started... Family B - the kids got left alone for 6 hours - put a pizza in the oven even thou explicitly told not to turn on the stove AND there was other food for them to eat... but, they wanted pizza. Forgot about pizza in the oven - house filled with smoke - cause the kids went out in the yard... came in to smoke filled kitchen and screaming smoke detector. These kids never got left home alone ever again. Family C - the kids decide to wash the dog... or maybe they did something to the dog that required the dog to be washed. Their parents pointed out the stain in the dining room cieling (from the water overflow in the upstairs bathroom to anyone who entered their home - in an attempt to shame their children. I've got more stories that make me glad I never had kids. FWIW: I might not worry so much about leaving the kids for a couple of 8 hours days to fend for themselves... but when they know they've got 5 days each and every week for 5 or 6 weeks of "having to entertain themselves"... I'd be alittle worried about what would happen once boredom sets in.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 24, 2013 11:04:52 GMT -5
Tiny - those all sound like things that could have easily happened when I was a kid in the 70's and 80's. I mean, remember the episode where Bobby Brady washed his suit in the washing machine?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 11:33:59 GMT -5
Ok, for everyone who answered my question about what an 8 and 10 year old do ALONE all day while their parents work... how about thinking about what kids in this century do... From the end of the 20th century my neices/nephews when left alone at that age did the following kinda stuff: Family A - 11 year old boy gets bored at home and decides to it fun to toss stuff out second story window to watch it 'explode' when it hit the cement walk way below. 8 and 10 year old discovered they could get out the 2nd floor windows and go out on the 'porch' roof - even with it's fairly steep pitch. No one fell off the room - but they did make a mess of the roofing shingles and filled up the gutters with the waste from the snacks they ate out there (bottles, wrappers etc)... the gutter got clogged and eventual caused water damage to the porch. A neighbor did call the police when the kids were on the roof and THOWING stuff at that neighbors house - after the neighbor told the kids to get off the roof!! Kids denied being on the roof. Parents believed kids until the clogged gutters became a problem. The kids decided to 'skate board' in the house - made a mess of the hardwood floors in two rooms. Took the skate boards out to the yard (after being forbidden to do it in the house) and one of them broke his arm skate boardign down the railing of the deck. I'm just getting started... Family B - the kids got left alone for 6 hours - put a pizza in the oven even thou explicitly told not to turn on the stove AND there was other food for them to eat... but, they wanted pizza. Forgot about pizza in the oven - house filled with smoke - cause the kids went out in the yard... came in to smoke filled kitchen and screaming smoke detector. These kids never got left home alone ever again. Family C - the kids decide to wash the dog... or maybe they did something to the dog that required the dog to be washed. Their parents pointed out the stain in the dining room cieling (from the water overflow in the upstairs bathroom to anyone who entered their home - in an attempt to shame their children. I've got more stories that make me glad I never had kids. FWIW: I might not worry so much about leaving the kids for a couple of 8 hours days to fend for themselves... but when they know they've got 5 days each and every week for 5 or 6 weeks of "having to entertain themselves"... I'd be alittle worried about what would happen once boredom sets in. Eh. I know this is going to sound like a "well, not MY kid", post, but seriously, my kid would never do these things. He plays Skylanders, reads voraciously, watches Netflix documentaries, plays with his dog, makes videos with his ipod and sends them to me, and if I encourage him, gets his bike out for awhile. I would never leave him alone for weeks and weeks on end, because he'd turn into brain dead, overweight, couch potato, so most of his summer is scheduled, but a week here and there, sure.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on May 24, 2013 11:35:30 GMT -5
If I left my 7 year old home alone all day, he would play his DS until he passed out. Its the 5 year old that worries me.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 24, 2013 11:51:04 GMT -5
My kid would also play video games all day. When I get home at 5 pm, I expect him to say "What's for lunch?"
We also don't have a second floor, so even if they do climb out, or throw stuff or whatever - it wouldn't be that big of a deal.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on May 24, 2013 12:15:57 GMT -5
Family B - the kids got left alone for 6 hours - put a pizza in the oven even thou explicitly told not to turn on the stove AND there was other food for them to eat... but, they wanted pizza. Forgot about pizza in the oven - house filled with smoke - cause the kids went out in the yard... came in to smoke filled kitchen and screaming smoke detector. These kids never got left home alone ever again.
My college roommate did that at the age of 20. She fell asleep on the sofa with a pan of brownies in the oven. I came home and the fire dept was there because she set off the smoke alarms and couldn't get them to turn off. This is the same apt that I filled with suds from the dishwasher. She bought some concentrated dish washing liquid that you were supposed to one drop of and she didn't tell me. I filled the slots in the dishwasher as usual, turned it on and went to take a shower. I came out of the bathroom and the entire kitchen and part of the living room were full of suds. My cat was sitting on the kitchen counter scolding me . Never heard so many meows in such a short period of time.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 24, 2013 12:19:01 GMT -5
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on May 24, 2013 12:31:57 GMT -5
My niece (age 7) decided to play with matches. Lit one and panicked. Threw it into her closet and closed the door and walked out like nothing happened. And that was with her parents home. Coworkers sons (age 14 and 11 at the time) decided to see what would happen if you threw a wet washcloth into a ceiling fan. It hit the curio cabinet and broke a bunch of things. My son, stays home, and thankfully the worst thing he's done is lost track of time while reading. My little
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on May 24, 2013 12:33:40 GMT -5
So, like, what do kids who are 8 and 10 do for 8 hours a day while their parents are at work? Here is the biggest problem...I live in Phoenix. Summer SUX here. Everyone has these wonderful memories of playing baseball in the empty field, and riding bikes from sun up until sun down. Not me. I remember being sunburned and hot and miserable, and my kids have my skin. So, they have to do indoor activities. TV, movies, video games, toys, games - maybe a craft or two. Think they will spontaneously read a book? Okay if you live in a furnace and have a pool, I'd DEFINITELY try to find some kind of adult presence in the house for those weeks so the kids could use the pool. Summer in the pool is one of my favorite hazy days-gone-by memories (my mother used to laugh that she would occasionally check us for gills), and if I were a kid I'd HATE to be banned from the pool until the 'rents got home. But that's just me. YMMV
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on May 24, 2013 12:35:11 GMT -5
What's wrong with daycare? Most daycares are open during the summer. Our local daycare plans a lot of fun activities all summer. Nothing is wrong with daycare - except the kids have gotten their "fill" and have asked for some "down time." I think it is a legitimate request. YMMV
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 24, 2013 12:55:25 GMT -5
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 24, 2013 12:59:28 GMT -5
My Mom left me in the car all the time. My daughter begs to play in the car while it is in the carport. Generally, I say no, but I did let her a few times this winter. Now that it is hot again - no way!
I love in Mad Men when they have scenes where kids are sitting in the car while their mother is in the grocery store, or whatever. I find it quite true to life from a time gone away. Not necessarily a good time, but it was my experience.
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swamp
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THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on May 24, 2013 13:04:38 GMT -5
DH's brother and SIL got social services called on them for leaving their 9 year old in the car. The 9 year old wanted to be there instead of the grocery store, she had a DS to keep her occupied, it was about 30 degrees out but she was dressed appropriately. She was not in distress and didn't even notice someone was checking up on her. The car was locked.
People are stupid.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on May 24, 2013 13:05:41 GMT -5
Indeed, I was left in the car all the time for 1-2+ hours. I survived and turned out JUST FINE! Also, no pervs ever got me when I was running all over the city. Again, I turned out JUST FINE!
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 24, 2013 13:11:20 GMT -5
What's wrong with daycare? Most daycares are open during the summer. Our local daycare plans a lot of fun activities all summer. Nothing is wrong with daycare - except the kids have gotten their "fill" and have asked for some "down time." I think it is a legitimate request. YMMV I didn't say it wasn't. There are lots of summer programs. But, at those ages, i would want adult supervision the entire time i was not home. YMMV
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 13:43:14 GMT -5
My 10 year old would rather take his chances on dying in the car than come into the grocery store.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on May 24, 2013 13:50:24 GMT -5
My 10 year old would rather take his chances on dying in the car than come into the grocery store. Sometimes I feel that way now
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 24, 2013 13:54:15 GMT -5
My 10 year old would rather take his chances on dying in the car than come into the grocery store. Sometimes I feel that way now I agree, and there are just things you have to do in life. I don't want to give my kids 100% freedom to never have to do an unpleasant chore. I also agree with wrongside that I like the company. If you are coming with me, why not come with me so I won't be alone.
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