Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 23, 2013 13:00:34 GMT -5
Sorry Thyme I wouldn't but you know your children. Good luck.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 23, 2013 13:00:47 GMT -5
Funny, my son has been in Cub/Boy Scouts for 7 years now, and he's had me paged in stores really young before as well. And, if you want to leave and unsupervised child in those situations and count on them to always know what to do and how to react, i guess that is your prerogative. Yes, it is my prerogative if I want my 9 yo to begin to be comfortable being alone. Not with any siblings, though, because that won't work. I guess I don't see it as not doing my parental responsibilities. I also don't see leaving my oldest at home as life threatening as leaving a loaded gun on the table. I don't think my kids are special, and sure they get into trouble. But we ACTIVELY work with them to get used to problem solving at an early age. This means they are thinking for themselves and not relying on us for every. little. decision. How do you define putting them in a problematic situation? Our whole lives are filled with problematic situations that need to be solved. Sure some could be life threatening, but most are not.. We've all read the studies that say brains don't mature until people are in their mid 20s. So does that mean that every parent who doesn't go to college to live in the dorms and make sure their 18 yos don't get into trouble is abdicating their responsibilities? Because, bad things happen in college. Heck, bad things happen after college. When do you let go and let your kids be independent? And, I'm also wondering how my summers where so much better. There was a SAHP that was at home with me summers. Whether or not the SAHP was keeping tabs on me was dependent upon how bad the untreated depression was. If it was bad, I was left to my own devices for 8 hours a day. So, just because my SAHP was in the same building as me, that makes it OK? That there was no way I could get myself in a problematic situation....
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 23, 2013 13:19:43 GMT -5
I guess when they are between 8 and 12 years old, you get to feel around and act accordingly for each child. However, at 12:01 on their 18th birthday they are COMPLETE adults who can't so much call you for advice, because every single one of them better be ready to immediately have a 6-figure job, buy a house, get married and have perfect children.
At least, that is what I gather from the other thread.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2013 13:30:35 GMT -5
I don't think my kids are special, and sure they get into trouble. But we ACTIVELY work with them to get used to problem solving at an early age. This means they are thinking for themselves and not relying on us for every. little. decision.
This reminded me of the episode of Desperate Housewives where Gabby was feeling like a bad Mom and Carlos was reassuring her that they were going to have such strong, independent kids just because she was such an inattentive mother. LOL
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 23, 2013 13:37:59 GMT -5
I guess when they are between 8 and 12 years old, you get to feel around and act accordingly for each child. However, at 12:01 on their 18th birthday they are COMPLETE adults who can't so much call you for advice, because every single one of them better be ready to immediately have a 6-figure job, buy a house, get married and have perfect children. At least, that is what I gather from the other thread. Thanks. I'm make my parenting decisions accordingly then..
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on May 23, 2013 13:39:58 GMT -5
We have some camps and some vacations planned. But we have a few weeks with nothing planned. The kids want to not do anything those weeks. One in June, one in July, and we have nothing scheduled for the one or two weeks in August before they return to school (different schools - the boy has one week unscheduled, and girly-pants has two weeks unscheduled.) This week, they are staying with friends during the day. I think that is wearing them down. And I don't want to overstay my welcome with friends. I remember wanting unscheduled, "goof off" time as a kid (lo those many centuries ago, lol). I remember my girls wanting it, too. It CAN be hard to always be so "programmed." I think their desire is legitimate. So it comes down to supervision. Do they have a favorite family member they would love to see? Can you find a college student or family member to come and stay with your those weeks? They wouldn't really need to "do" anything except be an adult presence in the house in case of an emergency. Oh, and sit outside with the kids while they are in the pool.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 23, 2013 13:43:13 GMT -5
No, shockingly all my college aged family members graduated, got jobs and moved out of town.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on May 23, 2013 13:45:10 GMT -5
No, shockingly all my college aged family members graduated, got jobs and moved out of town. Bummer for your kids! Any other way to arrange for some adult supervision in the house that is not active babysitting/nanny duty? Just someone there as a physical presence in case of emergency? College friends/sorority sisters/fraternity brothers of the family members who just graduated?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 23, 2013 13:47:30 GMT -5
They all seem to have jobs too.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 23, 2013 13:51:13 GMT -5
I guess when they are between 8 and 12 years old, you get to feel around and act accordingly for each child. However, at 12:01 on their 18th birthday they are COMPLETE adults who can't so much call you for advice, because every single one of them better be ready to immediately have a 6-figure job, buy a house, get married and have perfect children. At least, that is what I gather from the other thread. LOL! I wouldn't have left my 18-year-old son home alone! He couldn't be trusted not to knock himself out running into walls! Hyper little rugrat he was! I'm kidding, but I could not have done this with my children at 8 and 10. That doesn't mean your kids can't do it. We know our own kids better than anyone else, and staying home by themselves while maintaining responsible behavior is dependent, IMO, on the kid in question. Some might be able to do it very well while others ... well, couldn't.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2013 13:51:31 GMT -5
meh, I was a latchkey kid starting at 8 years old and I turned out fine. In general. I think it depends on your kid and your situation. I was home alone, but I was free to go to the neighbor's place if I wanted to, was told how to answer the phone properly (remember this predates caller ID ), and was a huge dork who basically got a snack, watched a little TV, and did homework. The house didn't burn down and I didn't get kidnapped.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 23, 2013 13:58:30 GMT -5
Now an 18 year old can't even be left at home??!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2013 14:05:53 GMT -5
Now an 18 year old can't even be left at home??!! talk about failure to launch!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 23, 2013 14:06:37 GMT -5
meh, I was a latchkey kid starting at 8 years old and I turned out fine. In general. Sample size of 1 - whoo hoo, decision made.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2013 14:23:10 GMT -5
Dang. You know, I thought my parents were helicopter parents, but I guess not by this standard. We started getting left alone at young ages (like 9, 7, and 6) with an above ground pool and water lily pond and everything. Older sis and I are really cautious and got along well though. Little sis liked to whip us with her blanket, but we only chased and maybe wrestled. We were all 18 months apart. Deep countryside, and behind a locked gate, so nobody would notice and call CPS. We were told absolutely not to cook anything, and for some reason we all bunched together when left alone. Because older sis and I were really cautious, we were pretty safe on our own. More risks were taken when parents were home. I didn't like heights, so no one would climb when we were alone, even though older sis liked to. Older sis didn't like cooking, which ensured I never tried to bake anything or use a knife on fruit like I did when our parents were home. Trying a stunt like going down stairs in a laundry basket or taking an animal away from a cat seemed beyond stupid to us (our cousins did stuff like that). Little sis... well, she just wanted us to play tag like maniacs. I am SO glad she's an adult who dances, cleans, cooks, and does chores like a whirlwind with that energy now Now that I'm older I can only guess my parents figured they survived being left alone for hours at a time, and we seemed obedient and much more keen on safety than they had been. Mom and dad were both farm kids raised in the 50s, so dad and his brothers used to jump off barn roofs and would zip around all day slinging green apples at each other, and raising welts. Mom didn't want one of us to be left alone though. If one was home, another was too. We watched a lot of movies and later read books to each other. Older sis could do great voices for stories. I can't remember a single injury in the times we watched out for each other. DF definitely wouldn't go for a parenting style like this though, even though he got left alone to look after his 5 younger siblings from the time he turned 12. He's super protective of our cat, even though P-chan is 13.3 pounds of pure muscle and bone now, instead of a teetering little stray kitten. DF still sees an inky fluff ball that can fit on a palm.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 23, 2013 14:29:30 GMT -5
And, if you want to leave and unsupervised child in those situations and count on them to always know what to do and how to react, i guess that is your prerogative. Yes, it is my prerogative if I want my 9 yo to begin to be comfortable being alone. Not with any siblings, though, because that won't work. I guess I don't see it as not doing my parental responsibilities. I also don't see leaving my oldest at home as life threatening as leaving a loaded gun on the table. I don't think my kids are special, and sure they get into trouble. But we ACTIVELY work with them to get used to problem solving at an early age. This means they are thinking for themselves and not relying on us for every. little. decision. How do you define putting them in a problematic situation? Our whole lives are filled with problematic situations that need to be solved. Sure some could be life threatening, but most are not.. We've all read the studies that say brains don't mature until people are in their mid 20s. So does that mean that every parent who doesn't go to college to live in the dorms and make sure their 18 yos don't get into trouble is abdicating their responsibilities? Because, bad things happen in college. Heck, bad things happen after college. When do you let go and let your kids be independent? And, I'm also wondering how my summers where so much better. There was a SAHP that was at home with me summers. Whether or not the SAHP was keeping tabs on me was dependent upon how bad the untreated depression was. If it was bad, I was left to my own devices for 8 hours a day. So, just because my SAHP was in the same building as me, that makes it OK? That there was no way I could get myself in a problematic situation.... If you want to argue in the realm of the absurd (aka a 20 yr old), have at it. I am not engaging that. An 8 yr old is a CHILD. So, i treat a child as a child. If you don't, then don't. But, for me, i am going to ensure that my children are safe and supervised. If you want to assume i am some kind of "helicopter parent", then assume whatever but i'm not.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2013 15:46:01 GMT -5
I think people get defensive when it's implied they're bad parents. I was raised by a single mom and was a latch key kid with an 8 block walk to and from school starting in the first grade. I survived, and don't even recall any "bad" or scary things happening in all those years. Most of the time I even had to fend for myself for dinner. (Which also goes to show that kids can live off a diet of frozen pizza, mac and cheese, and chocolate milk for years without being obese, unhealthy adults).
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midjd
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Post by midjd on May 23, 2013 15:51:30 GMT -5
I agree with those who have said it depends on the kid. I was a latchkey kid starting at age 6 (and no, there are no age laws in my state). I was babysitting the neighbor kids at age 10. My sister was similarly responsible and could've been left home alone at 6 or 7. My brother, OTOH, couldn't really be trusted to stay home alone until 14 or 15... he had a bad habit of forgetting to turn off the burner after making grilled cheese. He also put foil in the microwave more than once. I certainly wouldn't call someone a bad parent for leaving an 8 and 10yo at home, assuming they are relatively responsible and not prone to indoor BB gun wars or "let's see what happens if I stick my arm into the ceiling fan"-type hobbies.
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on May 23, 2013 15:52:31 GMT -5
I think being a latch-key kid is a LOT different than being left alone 8+ hours a day.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 23, 2013 15:54:06 GMT -5
The thing about all these "I survived" stories is that they are mostly all or nothing. For example, I survived never evening knowing car seats existed, and only having a lap belt for my entire childhood, but one good car accident and I could have easily been dead. So far, my kids would also have survived the automobile, sitting on my lap, or sitting on the floor and never even wearing a seat belt - because we haven't gotten hit (knock on wood!) Most of the safety precautions are "This will increase the chances of safety in the event of...." My kids could easily walk 8 block, and likely cross a major street. But just one idiot not paying attention and mowing them down, and everyone says "I can't believe those kids were walking alone." Being with mom increased the chances of safety in the event of that one idiot.
That said - car crashes were more likely and the death toll was higher in the 70's. So, we can all say "I survived not having a car seat" but there are probably 100,000 kids out there that didn't survive, and they can't tell us that to balance out the story.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on May 23, 2013 15:54:55 GMT -5
Isn't that what latch-key kids do in the summer?
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on May 23, 2013 16:13:22 GMT -5
So, like, what do kids who are 8 and 10 do for 8 hours a day while their parents are at work?
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on May 23, 2013 16:17:40 GMT -5
During the summer we enroll DD in the local park district sports camp with wrap-around after care (from 3:30 - 6 but DH usually picks her up by 5:15). During the school year she is picked up at school by the daycare center and is there from 3:30 - 5:15.
This will last until she is 12. She really enjoys it and had made some good friend there.
I am already starting to panick about what we'll do when she turns 12.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 23, 2013 16:31:29 GMT -5
So, like, what do kids who are 8 and 10 do for 8 hours a day while their parents are at work? My kids go to Daycare. And, they do whatever they do at Daycare.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on May 23, 2013 16:45:40 GMT -5
So, like, what do kids who are 8 and 10 do for 8 hours a day while their parents are at work? Oh, oh! Even an old fart like me remembers this one! Sleep in play with the dog read play with the cat watch TV read make simple meals and snacks ride bikes play in the back yard read talk to grandma on the phone check in with mom every two hours play board games (can you tell I'm old?) read listen to music do crafts today's kids could add all of their electronic and computer games.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on May 23, 2013 17:03:52 GMT -5
So, like, what do kids who are 8 and 10 do for 8 hours a day while their parents are at work? Watch The Outsiders and Little Darlings about 20 times and swoon over Matt Dillon. Geez, I am old
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2013 17:06:18 GMT -5
Oh, oh! Even an old fart like me remembers this one! Sleep in play with the dog read play with the cat watch TV read make simple meals and snacks ride bikes play in the back yard read talk to grandma on the phone check in with mom every two hours play board games (can you tell I'm old?) read listen to music do crafts today's kids could add all of their electronic and computer games. Lol, that was about our line up. Stories were a major pastime for us. We watched a lot of movies with the VCR, read books near each other or out loud, and played with stuffed animals and things based on that. Like for Fantasia, we'd all pile side by side into this one big armchair, and pretend we were on a plane for the dinosaur music, flying over all the lava and stuff going on in the screen, all leaning in different directions and pretending to push buttons on the chair's arms. Little sis always wanted the horse music bits to be rewound. Big boxes were awesome for houses and spaceships. We didn't have internet until I was in high school, and I distinctly remember saving some homework rather than doing it in class so I'd have something to do at home during middle school. We did have a PC at some point though, and it was popular for one person to play a game, and for the others to watch or back seat drive like at an arcade. We'd all shriek when the little prince in Prince of Persia got chomped, or when a character got eaten. The "trail" games like Oregon Trail II and Amazon Trail ate a lot of time, along with Math Blasters and Toggle Trouble and Hoyle Classic Board Games. One book had instructions on how to make dandelion crowns, so that was a favorite outside when they were in bloom. The lava game of keep off the ground was good for puzzles, and playing with our cats was cool, they'd all follow us around like dogs. Mostly it was stories though. We have a mania for stories. Books, movies, tv series, tapes. Mom got us Teddy Ruxpin, Mother Goose, and Grandfather Time, and they could all tell us stories. Grandfather Time was for bedtime stories, and we did take a lot of naps, just passing out randomly in chairs or from playing on our beds or after getting frustrated with little sis' energy. When dad brought home Muppet's Treasure Island, we would watched that thing several times in a row, singing the songs and giggling and parroting the phrases we thought were funny. We all liked the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and would pretend to be the turtles. It was the kind of stuff we'd do if our parents were home, and didn't have time.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on May 23, 2013 17:18:35 GMT -5
LOL, copperboxes! My girls could recite the entire Land Before Time movie from memory. All the different voices and everything.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2013 17:21:35 GMT -5
I don't know your kids, Thyme, but my sister and I stayed alone in the summer at age 6 and 10. This was back in the Dark Ages when women didn't work, but our mom did. I set a fire or two (no joke), but only burned up one of my favorite toys. My sister was reading at the time. I'm sure my post was VERY reassuring.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 23, 2013 18:10:57 GMT -5
So, like, what do kids who are 8 and 10 do for 8 hours a day while their parents are at work? Here is the biggest problem...I live in Phoenix. Summer SUX here. Everyone has these wonderful memories of playing baseball in the empty field, and riding bikes from sun up until sun down. Not me. I remember being sunburned and hot and miserable, and my kids have my skin. So, they have to do indoor activities. TV, movies, video games, toys, games - maybe a craft or two. Think they will spontaneously read a book?
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