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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2013 14:52:57 GMT -5
Did you or someone you know have an "oops baby" creating a big age gap between your other children and the new born? How did you cope? How was the news received?
One of the store managers in our area just announced his wife was pregnant with #5; definitely not planned and definitely a big "oops". He is 51 and she is 48, their youngest is 15 years old, the others are 18, 21 and 25 (18 and 21 in college, 25 on his own out of the nest).
So not a case of 2nd marriage and wanting to start a new family. They are high school sweethearts and have been married for 26-27 years or so. It is a big shock to him...
I mean how would you take it? Your youngest being 3 years from leaving the nest and boom; you have to start all over again. I know for my mom and step dad (I was 18 and step brother was 16) it was planned, they wanted it. But for that guy and his wife; they definitely did not want it. His plan was to retire at 55 when the youngest was in college and start collecting his pension. I don't think that is going to happen now.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on May 12, 2013 14:58:27 GMT -5
oh boy....I thought this thread was going to be about you and Mrs C. I grew up with a girl who had an "oops" sibling. I think the age difference was 12 or 13 years. her parents decided to have another child after the "oops" baby was a year or so old - so that child would have a playmate in the same age range. the rest of the neighborhood children were around the same age as my classmate and the older siblings, so that makes some sense to me. I totally recognize that's not for everyone, though.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 12, 2013 15:00:07 GMT -5
I wouldn't have been right for me, that's for sure! I love my children dearly, but when I was through, I was through. I wouldn't have been willing to start all over at that age.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on May 12, 2013 15:06:35 GMT -5
A friend of mine is an oops baby, she was born 17 years after her sister. The responsibility for her aging parents fell squarely on my friend's shoulders.
She dealt with this, but chances are this oops child will be dealing with the death of her parents at a far younger age than most.
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lurkyloo
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Post by lurkyloo on May 12, 2013 15:07:49 GMT -5
Beyond the sibling age gap, pregnant at 48 is a pretty high-risk situation I know of a number of accidental pregnancies although my group is a little young to be in the situation you describe. Something that makes me deeply skeptical: the three women I know with accidental pregnancies had two apiece. At that point I think it's less accident and more user error. Another couple, friends of DH's, had an accidental pregnancy...at least that's how the husband described it and we're confident it was unintentional on his part
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 12, 2013 15:14:19 GMT -5
One of my clients had an oops baby. They had an 8th grader, 6th grader, and newborn.
While they weren't that late into their 40's, they were in their 40's.
The mom was diagnosed with thyroid cancer after their second child. She had her thyroid removed, and was told they were unable to have kids after that.
They were excited, but their life really imploded, worse than ours, actually. Their baby was constantly sick-ear infections (needed tubes), viruses, etc. The parents often worked different shifts, so there was often only one parent for the three kids. They had to pick which of the older two would get to their activities.
This isn't something we should have to worry about, between our BC choices and my infertility getting worse as I age.
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Oops baby!
May 12, 2013 15:15:54 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2013 15:15:54 GMT -5
There are these things called BC pills/shots/condoms/vasectomies out there, and I hear they can prevent pregnancy....
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2013 15:18:56 GMT -5
A friend in high school got a brother for graduation.
Personally, I'm with mmhmm...
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 12, 2013 15:20:04 GMT -5
I was one of those oops babies.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on May 12, 2013 15:25:33 GMT -5
There are these things called BC pills/shots/condoms/vasectomies out there, and I hear they can prevent pregnancy.... in the case I mentioned, the parents were a minister and his wife. I'm not sure of their church's views on all of the above, but I'll bet it had something to do with it all. ETA: not really sure what happened to my smiley there.
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Miss Tequila
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Oops baby!
May 12, 2013 15:33:52 GMT -5
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 12, 2013 15:33:52 GMT -5
My husband is an oops baby. His mom thought she was going through early menopause! She was 38, his dad was 41 and his sister was 15.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on May 12, 2013 15:43:22 GMT -5
There are these things called BC pills/shots/condoms/vasectomies out there, and I hear they can prevent pregnancy.... In their defense, when you are entering menopause, your body is so screwed up that it is hard to know what is going on. Not only that, by 48 many doctors are not quite so willing to write scripts for BCPs and shots due to I morbid conditions that many women acquire in their late 40s. for a period of 2-3 years, I had roughly 10 periods and never knew when they'd hit. More than once, I was scrambling. And just about the point that I thought I was done, another would happen. I think I still carried supplies in my purse 2 years after my last period.
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2013 15:48:23 GMT -5
When we're done with kids, one us is doing something permanent to prevent more. And by "one of us" I mean DH.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 12, 2013 16:17:30 GMT -5
DH and I had an oops pregnancy. My kids were 10 and 12. Not the hugest gap as some we have heard here but it was still an oops.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on May 12, 2013 16:40:31 GMT -5
I was an oops baby. My mom was 44 and thought she was going through menopause. She found out at 6 months pregnant that she was having me. There is a 7 year difference between me and my sibling.
Oh and my birth wasn't an oops more like a OMG train wreck.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 12, 2013 16:49:43 GMT -5
Actually my uncle was an oops, I think my mother and other uncle are 15 and 17 years older.
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constanz22
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Post by constanz22 on May 12, 2013 17:24:12 GMT -5
My sister was an oops baby. My brother was 12 and I was 8 when she was born. My sister now has three kids. I guess the first was an "oops" in the respect that she was a senior in HS when she got pregnant with #1. She is 35 and has a 16 year old, an 8 year old and a newborn. NO THANK YOU
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on May 12, 2013 17:37:45 GMT -5
I'd probably shoot myself. LOL! I had the same thought, MM!
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2013 17:42:58 GMT -5
My uncle is an oops baby...for a long time my grandmother thought she had a tumor. So of course my aunt and father always refer to him as the tumor. Good to know that sibling rivalry last through your 80s. The age difference between the three; aunt is 6 years older than my father who is 10 years older than the brother. My father said everyone thought my uncle was my aunt's child since she was 16 when he showed up on the scene.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on May 12, 2013 18:25:38 GMT -5
I read that as the "TOOM-ah"
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midjd
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Post by midjd on May 12, 2013 18:40:16 GMT -5
Finances and age gaps aside, being pregnant at 48 would worry me... My youngest two siblings are 20 and 21 years younger than me... I'm not sure if my sister was planned or not, but my brother (who came along 10.5 mos later) was definitely an "oops." My dad has kids aged 29, 23, 22, 9, and 8 and stepkids aged 10 and 13. He and my stepmom are in for some fun in about 4 more years! One of my friends from elementary school got pregnant during our senior year - about 6 months later, her mom announced she was pregnant (I think she was close to 40) and they both ended up with twins! It made it into our local paper.
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justme
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Post by justme on May 12, 2013 18:54:23 GMT -5
This is why I'm going to marry a man willing to get snipped when we're done with kids. No oops possible.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 12, 2013 19:06:17 GMT -5
Age difference aside and even MY age aside, but for me having an "oops" baby at ANY time would not be happy news.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 12, 2013 19:39:04 GMT -5
My Aunt had an oops when her one son was a senior in high school and the other was a freshman in college. The " baby " has been sickly from day one and is always having some sort of medical crisis. She's been at deaths door countless times. As her parents, it's been hell, but it's over and done with.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on May 12, 2013 19:45:17 GMT -5
My DH is an Oops baby. My MIL will say that he wasn't, but I don't believe her (she's lied to me in the past ). DH's 3 siblings are 9 to 12 older than he is.
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on May 12, 2013 20:19:01 GMT -5
I think DH is an oops baby. He has an older brother followed by twin girls. I know people do have more after twins but I kind of think he was.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on May 12, 2013 20:31:18 GMT -5
One of my friends from elementary school got pregnant during our senior year - about 6 months later, her mom announced she was pregnant (I think she was close to 40) and they both ended up with twins! It made it into our local paper. and I thought it was news that a girl a couple classes behind me in HS was going to be a big sis to a little boy that would be born into being an uncle to nieces and nephews older than he was (is?).....I can't imagine bringing twins into the equation, on either side of the equation. yikes!
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on May 12, 2013 20:39:09 GMT -5
I'd probably shoot myself. I would shoot my husband! But he is getting snipped on the 31st. Can you imagine? If I was 48, my DH would be 65!!!!!! My kids would be 20 and 17! Yikes!!!!!
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susanb
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Post by susanb on May 12, 2013 20:43:16 GMT -5
I used to work with a woman who was told she was infertile. When she turned 40, she decided to get in better shape. She cut out sugar and started working out. She lost 30 pounds and got pregnant! Her adopted son was a senior in high school. She and her husband had been having unprotected sex for nearly 20 years.
She understandably had a lot of mixed feeling about it, but she was a great mom to her adopted son and a great lady, so I am guessing it has all worked out.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on May 12, 2013 21:49:40 GMT -5
My godson is an oops baby. My cousin and her husband had a 14-year old daughter and a 9-year old daughter when they had their son. He's 16 months now, and while they love him, it's definitely been an adjustment, especially for the younger daughter.
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