Oops baby!

[marvholly]

this is one of the reasons I am personally PRO-CHOICE.  i did not want to face a decision like that so had my tubes tied the SAME day DD2 was born.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DH was an oops baby.  MIL had a couple miscarriages before him and was told she couldn't have anymore kids.  He's almost 10 years younger than his siblings. 

My brother is an oops baby.  We're six years apart.  My mom said on the one hand it sucked to start all over, but it was nice that I was already out of the baby/toddler stage.   I was pottied trained, i was old enough to get why my brother took up so much of her time and I was able to help out a little.

Then when they had to spend time in the hospital with my brother it was nice to not have to worry about supplying diapers/wipes/formula and all that stuff to my grandparents.

Downside is my mother was 52 when my brother graduate and he still hasn't left the nest.  I was done and gone before that. 

They were more stable finanically and maritally when they had my brother, but also had more demands on their time compared to when they had me so juggling wasn't as easy.

You do what you gotta do, it's not like you can turn back time.

[thyme4change]

My husband's Aunt is the same age as my husband's brother.  Oops!

[happyhoix]

My little sister was an oops baby. There were three older girls, seven years between the oldest and youngest. They had three because they were trying for a boy, once they had the third girl they decided to stop trying, but then little sister came along seven years later, when the oldest was 14.

In our family, the three oldest kids were raised as a group, with a different set of rules, and with parents that didn't have a lot of time or money to devote to any one kid. Once the youngest hit middle school, the three oldest were out of the house, and she benefited from more money/time from our SAHM, so she was essentially raised as an only child. She feels resentful because she thinks her older siblings excluded her, and we were resentful she benefited from being the only child, both financially and from our mom's undivided (and adoring) attention, so in our family, having the oops baby was kind of a disaster.

[Deleted]

DH has a vasectomy so it would be one hell of an oops - probably one that would lead to divorce.

DS is 4 so I have mixed feelings.  I still want to have another kid, which is a terrible idea, so there is something attractive about the thought of having the decision taken out of my hands. If DS was a lot older I'd probably be pretty upset at starting over.  As it is I'll be a relative young'n when DS is (hopefully) independent.  He'll be graduating high school when I'm 46.  I have friends that age with toddlers.

OTOH - having two kids very far apart would be like having two onlies. And I like having an only. 

[alabamagal]

My third was an oops baby. We wanted 3 kids, but wanted to wait awhile before the 3rd because my first 2 are 16 months apart. We had an oops and 3rd was 26 months after 2nd. Then we took permanent steps.

I had a friend who had ablation procedure in her mid-40s. You are not supposed to have that until you are done having kids. It is not technically a method of birth control, but you are not supposed to be able to get pregnant. She did. She had her 4th child when her others were 22, 18 and 10.

My DH has an aunt who is 1 year older and has a cousin that is older than the aunt. They are in their 50s now. He grew up in a large close knit family with lots of cousins, and his aunt is like an extra cousin. The aunt now has 3 kids in their 20s, which are technically my DH cousins, but he really doesn't know them because of the age difference.

[Deleted]

My brother is an oops baby. I'm not kidding when I say I come from fertile stock: my Mom's IUD was recalled and he was conceived after she had to have it removed but before she decided on what other form of bc she was going to use.

Which is why I got fixed as soon as possible after having DS. I KNEW if I didn't do something we'd end up with 3 (we're also weak-willed people as well  ).

[Wisconsin Beth]

My younger brother was an oops.  He's 7 years younger than my younger sister.  We're 46, 44, 42, 39 and 32.  Mom was 39 when he was born. 

Both of mine are oopses.  I was 37 with DD and 39 with DS.  With DD, I was on the pill and both DH and I were told we couldn't have kids without medical intervention.  After DS was born, DH got snipped. 

My older sister told me when I was pregnant that she knew a lot of moms in her girls classes that were pregnant - they were oops babies, 1 last baby or new relationship babies.  She thought they were all nuts, starting over when your other kids were teenagers.  I tend to agree.  I have 8 nieces and nephews - ages 13-22.  They're all pretty tight.  And then mine at 5 and 3.5. 

I too would be concerned about pregnancy at 48.  The odds scare me. 

[imawino]

48 and pregnant?  I would be having a non-oops abortion.

[swamp]

May 13, 2013 10:26:23 GMT -5 imawino said:

48 and pregnant?  I would be having a non-oops abortion.

[img]http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/yeahthat.gif[/img]

[Deleted]

I am sure they will love their child, but I wouldn't want to have another with a big gap in between.  I have seen it with other couples and they make the best of it.  It seems like the baby sucks all the attention though. 

DH was snipped after DD.  If we had an accident in the early years of DD, I would have been happy.  But not now.  DD is at great age and we are loving doing things with her.  A baby thrown into the mix would really restrict what we could do with DD and  I don't think that would be fair to her.  Plus the count down until we are done with kid stuff and kid schedules would have to start again.  18 years is a long time.

[thyme4change]

I thought I was an oops baby until I was 22 years old, and my mother said "Are you kidding me?!  You were the only one planned.  We were young, had no money and lived in a tiny apartment when your sisters were born.  I started taking the pill the minute it came available. Sheesh!"  LOL.  

My husband and I have the same age difference between ourselves and our siblings.  He was an oops baby.  But the age difference is only 5 years between us and our next oldest sibling, and 7 to the oldest.  Although there is a big life change between having a baby and having a 7 year old, it isn't like when you are basically coming into an empty nest and a baby shows up.

[Formerly SK]

Having an ooops third kid is one of my few nightmares.  DH was snipped six years ago and we recently had it retested just to be sure it was still holding up 100%.  I love my kids, but they are 7&8 now and the thought of starting over makes me want to vomit all over myself. 

[thyme4change]

I see families that have older kids that want to do more "grown up" stuff, and they can be held back by younger kids.  My husband recently found out that his parents rule that his brothers could only go on rides (at Disney) that everyone in the family could go on - total lie.  They said that, and then distracted my DH while the older kids went on all the rides they wanted.  Not that my husband cares - but I just don't want to have to split up and lie to one kid, and tell the others to deceive and hide stuff from the youngest.  I'm sure it goes back to my childhood where I was the youngest that was left out, and how I constantly felt like I was holding the family back.  They just physically could do things that I wasn't up to doing.  My kids are just getting to that age where we can do a lot of fun stuff.  I would feel like I would miss out on doing a lot of things with them.  I'm just not that Mom who wants to put a baby in a backpack and go surfing, or hang out with the baby, while Dad and the other kids go on the rollercoaster, or take a toddler to New York, and hire a nanny to watch the baby while we see a Broadway play.  I like being with my kids and experiencing all of those things.  I don't want a life where I have to divide my attention between two age groups.  I know many Moms who are awesome at it.  And if something happened, I'd find a way.  But if I draw a picture of my perfect life, it doesn't involve an infant and a 10 year old in the same family.

[giramomma]

May 13, 2013 11:30:43 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I see families that have older kids that want to do more "grown up" stuff, and they can be held back by younger kids.  My husband recently found out that his parents rule that his brothers could only go on rides (at Disney) that everyone in the family could go on - total lie.  They said that, and then distracted my DH while the older kids went on all the rides they wanted.  Not that my husband cares - but I just don't want to have to split up and lie to one kid, and tell the others to deceive and hide stuff from the youngest.  I'm sure it goes back to my childhood where I was the youngest that was left out, and how I constantly felt like I was holding the family back.  They just physically could do things that I wasn't up to doing.  My kids are just getting to that age where we can do a lot of fun stuff.  I would feel like I would miss out on doing a lot of things with them.  I'm just not that Mom who wants to put a baby in a backpack and go surfing, or hang out with the baby, while Dad and the other kids go on the rollercoaster, or take a toddler to New York, and hire a nanny to watch the baby while we see a Broadway play.  I like being with my kids and experiencing all of those things.  I don't want a life where I have to divide my attention between two age groups.  I know many Moms who are awesome at it.  And if something happened, I'd find a way.  But if I draw a picture of my perfect life, it doesn't involve an infant and a 10 year old in the same family.

I completely see your point.

Unfortunately, I could not have my kids close together. I just wasn't ready to have another kid until the previous one is 3 years old. Then we had more troubles getting pregnant with the last. I had to go to a fertility clinic rather than just popping clomid prescribed by my OB. So, an 8 year age gap between the youngest and the oldest is what it is.

I think it also depends on your family and what kind of kids you get. My oldest is not a roller coaster kid. (I know it's just one example). So, no worries if the youngest one is. The middle child I think will gladly do roller coasters. The oldest would poke his eye out before seeing a show. We'll save that for the girls. 

Sometimes my kids are in activities where we can't bring the whole family along. DS is in scouting (and my h was a scout leader for 6 years starting before DS came along). Scouting campouts were never an entire family goes with you sort of event. Even if there is one kid, I've never seen both parents take a week off to go to a week long summer camp with their boy.  Heck, with my den now, we're lucky to even get parents to volunteer an hour or two of their time.

All that said, we are planning a family trip to Europe when the last one is 5. We've also taken family driving trips with the kids. Since my kids don't have exactly the same interests, we all have to a bit of compromise and planning.  We try do at least one thing that one person likes, and the majority of things that would appeal to all. We also treat the kids as individuals, too. And we don't blame them for their limitations based on age. Again, it's just an it is what it is thing.

And, we've never had to lie to our kids about why do or don't do things at any given time.

ETA: We knew one family that did a father-child trip as a HS graduation present for the child. I'm hoping we can do something similar for our kids.

[thyme4change]

I didn't mean to imply that my truth is a truth for all families.  It is just how I am and how many family is.  

[Formerly SK]

I think there is a huge difference in dynamics between an 8-10 year age range when there are kids in the middle, and an 8-10 year age difference when there are no kids in the middle.  I think when there is a middle child (age 4-5) then you naturally do things more towards that age range and have the outliers participate.  If you just have a 10yo and a 1yo, activities are either all one age or all the age. 

[973beachbum]

May 12, 2013 18:54:23 GMT -5 justme said:

This is why I'm going to marry a man willing to get snipped when we're done with kids. No oops possible.

You do realize that although the odds are pretty high that you won't get pregnant that 1 in 10,000,  I actually know two people who had vasectomies that reversed themselves years later.

[Formerly SK]

May 13, 2013 14:06:07 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

May 12, 2013 18:54:23 GMT -5 justme said:

This is why I'm going to marry a man willing to get snipped when we're done with kids. No oops possible.

You do realize that although the odds are pretty high that you won't get pregnant that 1 in 10,000,  I actually know two people who had vasectomies that reversed themselves years later.

Yes, I've known someone who got pregnant years after a vasectomy.   That's why I make DH get retested every few years.  Even the urologist warned us it isn't 100% effective. 

[thyme4change]

I know a post-vasectomy baby.  

[amishgal]

My parents were unable to have children so they adopted me after 12 years of marriage. About 3 years later they adopted two more children who were siblings. Then, when we were about 10, 11 and 12, my mom got pregnant, she was 42 and my dad was 46. It totally blew everyone away including our family physician. Yeah, my baby brother was definitely spoiled!

[gooddecisions]

I probably read too many of the Sara Palin/Bristol pregnancy conspiracy theories, but can't help but wonder if this is a cover-up for the 15 year old. 48 just seems really old to conceive without a lot of fertility drugs.

[kittensaver]

May 13, 2013 15:00:03 GMT -5 gooddecisions said:

I probably read too many of the Sara Palin/Bristol pregnancy conspiracy theories, but can't help but wonder if this is a cover-up for the 15 year old. 48 just seems really old to conceive without a lot of fertility drugs.

Not necessarily. I have a very dear friend who never had a child with her first husband. She met her second husband when she was in her late-late 30's. Around age 40 or 41, they went through the heartbreak of trisomy-13 baby. They mourned for him for a few years. Part of their mourning was they thought that was the end of their chances at having a family. When she was 47, she went to the doctor for a routine checkup because she wasn't feeling right, and was blaming it on menopause. Nope, she was pregnant - and shocked, but quickly delirously happy. Their daughter is now a happy, healthy, normal 4 year old. No medical intervention of any kind. They like to tell people that their son (the baby who died at 22 weeks) sent them a sister from heaven to make up for the sorrow he caused them.

[justme]

May 13, 2013 14:09:29 GMT -5 Formerly SK said:

May 13, 2013 14:06:07 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

You do realize that although the odds are pretty high that you won't get pregnant that 1 in 10,000,  I actually know two people who had vasectomies that reversed themselves years later.

Yes, I've known someone who got pregnant years after a vasectomy.   That's why I make DH get retested every few years.  Even the urologist warned us it isn't 100% effective. 

Ok, well less possible than if I stayed on BCP or something.  I know there are instances, though it's crazy you know two people! My hypothetical husband will love me - not only do you get snipped but now you have to keep "passing" a test.

[Chocolate Lover]

I went to school with a set of oops twins. Their older siblings went to school with my aunt, who is about 20 years older than me. They are aunt/uncle to people older than them. It's weird.


I also had a friend whose Mom had what I could only assume was an oops baby when we were seniors. I'd jump off the nearest bridge at the thought of starting over when my only child was almost gone/done.

[kgb18]

I know a few people with "oops" babies.

My aunt and uncle had a baby on their own and then were unable to get pregnant again. A doctor told them they would likely never be able to conceive on their own, so they adopted a child. Then ... She got pregnant. Of course they weren't preventing because they had tried for so long and a doctor told them they couldn't.

My MIL has a brother who is a few years younger than her, and her other brother is 16 years younger than her.

[doxieluvr]

May 13, 2013 14:06:07 GMT -5 973beachbum said:

May 12, 2013 18:54:23 GMT -5 justme said:

This is why I'm going to marry a man willing to get snipped when we're done with kids. No oops possible.

You do realize that although the odds are pretty high that you won't get pregnant that 1 in 10,000,  I actually know two people who had vasectomies that reversed themselves years later.

Actually, recent studies are saying odds of pregnancy after a vasectomy is more like 1 in 100. 

[thyme4change]

I live next door to an oops baby, and his young, single mom.  There are no older kids - but that fresh, hot love affair produced a child, a shotgun marriage, and a divorce.

[constanz22]

May 13, 2013 15:43:14 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

I went to school with a set of oops twins. Their older siblings went to school with my aunt, who is about 20 years older than me. They are aunt/uncle to people older than them. It's weird.


I also had a friend whose Mom had what I could only assume was an oops baby when we were seniors. I'd jump off the nearest bridge at the thought of starting over when my only child was almost gone/done.

My BFF in high school was an only child until her mom had a baby when BFF was 15. Yeah, I'd say that was an oops too!

[tskeeter]

May 13, 2013 10:07:44 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

My brother is an oops baby. I'm not kidding when I say I come from fertile stock: my Mom's IUD was recalled and he was conceived after she had to have it removed but before she decided on what other form of bc she was going to use.

Which is why I got fixed as soon as possible after having DS. I KNEW if I didn't do something we'd end up with 3 (we're also weak-willed   friendly people as well  ).

Fixed