Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 17:38:57 GMT -5
One of the things I would say is that a shared vision and respect are key.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 6, 2013 17:40:26 GMT -5
Pre-nup.
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The Captain
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Hugs are good...
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Post by The Captain on May 6, 2013 17:41:49 GMT -5
DON'T DO IT!!!
(just kidding)
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 6, 2013 17:45:16 GMT -5
Wait until you are over 25 years old.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 17:46:21 GMT -5
DON'T DO IT!!!(just kidding) ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png)
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 6, 2013 17:47:47 GMT -5
Make sure you have known them for at least 18 months, or more, before you marry.
Answer the "100 questions" that you should know before you marry them.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on May 6, 2013 17:47:59 GMT -5
Elope (so I don't have to spend so frickin' much money on the ceremony!)
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The Captain
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Hugs are good...
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Post by The Captain on May 6, 2013 17:51:37 GMT -5
Make sure you have known them for at least 18 months, or more, before you marry.Answer the "100 questions" that you should know before you marry them. I would say there is a lot of truth in this. Personally, I would also advise waiting several years before having children. REALLY get to know the person before you reproduce with them. Divorces can be quick, but once you have kids together they other parent is in your life forever.
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kittensaver
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We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
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Post by kittensaver on May 6, 2013 17:57:08 GMT -5
Follow your heart, but be sure to take your head with you.
(The actual advice we gave them)
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on May 6, 2013 18:10:14 GMT -5
Try to chose someone much like yourself. I believe major differences cause trouble even if minor trouble. So match as many things as you can like race, religion, age, career, ambition level, location, family background.
I married a much older man from 3,000 miles away. We matched some things like race, religion and family background. We both came from blue collar union families with most women being housewives. It made it easy to agree on things like that a man supported the family and women did most housework.
Age and location caused minor problems like him expecting to retire when I was about 48 and still working and having to take care of his family who were no where near my family.
I can imagine it would be hard to deal with things like major cultural differences. I wouldn't want to marry into a rich family that looked down on me or one where women weren't considered equal if they didn't earn as much money.
My ISO is my age, both 65 and a union worker. We are not the same religion but he believes the same as I do about what is men's or women's work in the household. He takes care of the mechanical things and yard work but seldom does dishes and never cleans a bathroom, but we are both ok with that.
Our values are old fashioned now and a young couple should discuss things like who changes diapers or mows lawns if they both work high pressure jobs
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on May 6, 2013 18:12:20 GMT -5
Shack up first and don't have kids.
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mrsdutt
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Post by mrsdutt on May 6, 2013 18:15:09 GMT -5
That you need to truly accept each other for who you are. Trying to fashion someone after your image is trouble!
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quince
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Post by quince on May 6, 2013 18:18:19 GMT -5
Marry who your partner is, not who you want them to be. Do NOT get married because you're getting older and it's what everyone expects. Get married because you're committed to building a life with someone- don't force a commitment because at your age you're "supposed" to get married.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on May 6, 2013 18:18:27 GMT -5
That you need to truly accept each other for who you are. Trying to fashion someone after your image is trouble!Exactly - so don't have kids! ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/tongue2.png)
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on May 6, 2013 18:26:35 GMT -5
What's that saying". Something like "A wife hopes she can change her husband but a husband hopes his wife never changes."
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Peace Of Mind
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[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
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Post by Peace Of Mind on May 6, 2013 18:34:19 GMT -5
What's that saying". Something like "A wife hopes she can change her husband but a husband hopes his wife never changes." Which is why divorce is so prevalent in our country. Both end up extremely disappointed if that's their hopes. ![](http://images.proboards.com/new/grin.png)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 18:58:32 GMT -5
Don't get married; don't have kids.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 6, 2013 19:01:42 GMT -5
Know your intended's people because they bring that baggage with them into your marriage.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on May 6, 2013 19:30:59 GMT -5
Love is important, but you need to marry someone who you respect & trust. If they say they're going golfing with their friends, they'd better be at that golf course! ![](http://syonidv.hodginsmedia.com/vsmileys/whip2.gif)
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deantrip
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Post by deantrip on May 6, 2013 20:00:26 GMT -5
I would tell them they need to learn to fight fairly, all marriages will have their fights, even over the small stuff, but if you don't fight them fairly, that's when it falls apart!
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swamp
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Don't be a fool. Call me!
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Post by swamp on May 6, 2013 20:03:27 GMT -5
A spouse won't make you happy. You make you happy. Love yourself first, then you can love somebody the way they should be loved.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on May 6, 2013 20:10:58 GMT -5
Don't get married; don't have kids. Would you really want your kids not to get married or have kids?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2013 20:16:45 GMT -5
It isn't about being 'in love', it really isn't. And the things that will make you love your partner for life, they aren't traditionally 'romantic' things...
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swamp
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Don't be a fool. Call me!
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Post by swamp on May 6, 2013 20:17:47 GMT -5
Somedays you will hate your spouse. That's ok.
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kgb18
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Post by kgb18 on May 6, 2013 20:21:25 GMT -5
That is great advice.
I would also say to marry someone you really have fun with. It sounds cliche, but you really do have to be friends. There are times where the romance might fizzle for a bit, so you'd better like your SO on more than one level.
My mom gave me a piece of advice: Don't do anything at the start of a relationship you don't want to do always. She told me if you move in with someone and you start doing a chore (like taking out the trash) it will always be your job. I think she learned this the hard way.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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"How you win matters." Ender, Ender's Game
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on May 6, 2013 21:10:42 GMT -5
Marriage is a decision best made with the head, NOT your private parts. Take a good, careful look at your possible mate. Is this REALLY who you want to wake up beside each morning, who you want to share life's journey with through good/bad/joyful/completely heartbreaking times, and will this person honor, support, and accept who *you* are? These considerations are not romantic at all. But, romance will only get you so far in a marriage. The most successful marriages are between people who not only love everything about each other, but also who tolerate everything about each other.
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mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on May 6, 2013 21:19:36 GMT -5
Romance is wonderful. Revel in it. When, however, you start thinking long term, be sure you're thinking of someone you want to spend a lifetime with just the way he/she is. Never consider marriage as a way to get what you want, or make things easier for you. Instead, realize it's a companionable journey through which two people help one another, learn from one another, teach one another, and share the good times and the bad times with equal fervor. Romance passes, but love becomes richer and fuller with the passage of time.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on May 6, 2013 21:33:01 GMT -5
Don't just concentrate on things that you love about her. Make sure that you can live with the things that you don't. Don't pay attention to what she says, pay attention to what she does. And not the big things, the little ones. Put respect and commitment above "love".
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 6, 2013 22:18:10 GMT -5
Don't marry for love only. Love is never enough.
People are capable of anything. Marriage is a risky proposition with no guarantees. Make sure you are in a position that you have options no matter what happens.
The only person's behavior you can control is your own.
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simser
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Post by simser on May 6, 2013 23:29:13 GMT -5
If you can't be yourself, they're not the right person. They need to love you for all of you.
And if I had kids right now: listen to your grandparents about a good marriage and me about a bad one. Do what they do and not what I did!!! (Mom and dad happily married 35 years, me abusive marriage for 6).
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