What does moving in together mean to you? Is it a level?

[Opti]

In reading another thread it occurred to me that perhaps my difference of opinion is due
to how I look at moving in together versus how some other people do.

To me moving in together isn't a level of a relationship like becoming exclusive, getting
engaged, or getting married. It is more like deciding to have sex with someone. It might
be escalating the intimacy of the relationship emotionally or it might not.

So what do you think?
Is moving in together a relationship level and if so, what does it mean?

[swamp]

If someone is moving in with me, I've already had sex with them.  Several times. 

[Shooby]

  I wouldn't know.  Because i wouldn't be moving in with a man to do his laundry until and unless i was married to him.

[swamp]

May 3, 2013 7:45:21 GMT -5 Shooby said:

  I wouldn't know.  Because i wouldn't be moving in with a man to do his laundry until and unless i was married to him.

what if he moves in and does your laundry?

[Shooby]

  Personally, i think it benefits men more than women.  Men get all the perks and bennies of marriage without any requirements or commitments on their part.  Not sure what the point of it is.  Basically it seems like a half hearted attempt to test the waters.

[Shooby]

May 3, 2013 7:46:28 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 3, 2013 7:45:21 GMT -5 Shooby said:

  I wouldn't know.  Because i wouldn't be moving in with a man to do his laundry until and unless i was married to him.

what if he moves in and does your laundry?

The sooner you shove him down the aisle the better!

[swamp]

May 3, 2013 7:46:43 GMT -5 Shooby said:

  Personally, i think it benefits men more than women.  Men get all the perks and bennies of marriage without any requirements or commitments on their part.  Not sure what the point of it is.  Basically it seems like a half hearted attempt to test the waters.

I don't know if I agree with you on that. 

DH, then BF, moved into my house.  He paid some of the bills, cleaned up after himself, did the laundry, did some renovations that needed to be done, and did the yard work.   I didnt' feel taken advantage of.  YMMV.

[Shooby]

  Among the people i know living together, the majority are women who would like to get married living with men who are hemming and hawing.

[Deleted]

Certainly a relationship level. 

I agree that it should be discussed to see if it means the same to both parties. 

I've lived with two guys. 

The guy I lived with after college, we had dated four years. I assumed it was the next logical step before marriage. We picked a place together, although I gave more as he had the funding. Christmas after I moved in, I assumed, as did his family, that I'd get a ring. Especially when he said he wanted to give me my present in private. It wasn't a ring. It was a whole set of self help tapes, not even the originals, but dubbed copies, he thought might help me. Needless to say, the move hadn't meant the same thing to both of us. I didn't live there long. Sidestepped a land mine there. 

The other was husband, although not at the time and at the time neither of us were thinking marriage, but we were pregnant and it made sense and eventually we cme round to it  

[Shooby]

May 3, 2013 7:48:30 GMT -5 swamp said:

May 3, 2013 7:46:43 GMT -5 Shooby said:

  Personally, i think it benefits men more than women.  Men get all the perks and bennies of marriage without any requirements or commitments on their part.  Not sure what the point of it is.  Basically it seems like a half hearted attempt to test the waters.

I don't know if I agree with you on that. 

DH, then BF, moved into my house.  He paid some of the bills, cleaned up after himself, did the laundry, did some renovations that needed to be done, and did the yard work.   I didnt' feel taken advantage of.  YMMV.

Yes. It just my opinion.  I just don't see any reason why i would combine a household and life and move in.  I would date and then either marriage or move on.  As i said, just my opinion.

[InsertCoolName]

Being legally wed is just a paper. It only means something to the fucking government.

Having a marriage, paper or not, is about actions. It's about commitment. It's about what you do with it. You can either enjoy it and your partner or you can piss it away just like anything else in life.

[Opti]

Being legally wed is just a paper. It only means something to the fucking government.

It often means something to the people involved as well otherwise some people wouldn't be fighting so hard against gay marriage.

But yes there is a legal aspect of living together especially if you choose to rent together or
someone pays rent. I agree commitment on the part of both parties is more important which is why I don't see living together as a level unless perhaps both parties involved see it as a step towards long term commitment.

[milee]

...:::  Christmas after I moved in, I assumed, as did his family, that I'd get a ring. Especially when he said he wanted to give me my present in private. It wasn't a ring. It was a whole set of self help tapes, not even the originals, but dubbed copies, he thought might help me.   :::...



Did those tapes "help" you to find the strength to allow him to live to see another Christmas?

Please tell me you listed this on that old YM thread about the worst Christmas gift ever... because this one is a doozie.

[Deleted]

I think I did mention it on that thread,  lol.  

It certainly gave me the proverbial wake up call. Well, my first instinct was to use the tapes strategically to alter his anatomy. A close second was to seriously question what in the heck I was doing there...

[Cookies Galore]

Why would you have to do someone else's laundry just because you live with them? Df is a grown-ass man and does his own laundry. We'll throw a couple of things in with each other's wash from time to time, but Im not going to gather his clothes or do anymore laundry than necessary.

We moved in together after knowing each other a few months. I don't know what I was thinking at the time since.I barely knew him, but it turns out that was the best risk of my life. I wasn't sitting around waiting to get married. Even though we're getting married soon, it's still just a piece of paper to me. Df was the one who waited for me to change my mind! Why buy the pig when you can get the sausage for free, am I right ladies? ;-)

[Deleted]

Living together is a relationship category, not a level. I've lived with 7 men. I ended up married to 1 and common law with another. At the end of the day I ended up split up with the those 2 just as thoroughly as I was split with the other 5. There was no extra magic to "married" vs living together. And oddly, out of all of those relationships I felt most taken advantage of by the one I married.

[bookkeeper]

I moved in with my BF, now my husband, for the exact purpose of testing the waters.

You do not REALLY know someone until you live with them 24/7.  I view cohabitation as a necessary step before marriage.  My parents did not feel the same way and pitched a big fit about it.  They got over it, we have been married 30 years this coming August.

We call our anniversary party the "Annual Beating the Odds Celebration".

[swamp]

Why buy the pig when you can get the sausage for free, am I right ladies? ;-)

Amen,. sister.

[swamp]

I view cohabitation as a necessary step before marriage. My parents did not feel the same way and pitched a big fit about it. They got over it, we have been married 30 years this coming August.

My mother was horrified when DH, then BF, moved in with me.   She wanted my father to "talk some sense into me, and what would everyone think"

He said, she's 32 years old, it's her house, she pays for it, what would you like me to do about it?  And nobody's going to think anything since everyone else does it. 

Not bad for a 65 year old catholic dude.

[Shooby]

  I don't think living together is a prerequisite to marriage.  There is no greater success rate in marriage among people who choose to live together or not.

[raeoflyte]

When I was younger I would have been quick to live with someone to save money. Now I wouldn't live with someone without knowing we were both planning on a life together.

And in reality dh moved in with me before I had graduated highschool. Young dumb love was so much simpler.

[muttleynfelix]

May 3, 2013 8:22:33 GMT -5 Shooby said:

  I don't think living together is a prerequisite to marriage.  There is no greater success rate in marriage among people who choose to live together or not.

I worked with my DH and I routinely spent the entire weekend at his place when we were dating.  I wasn't surprised by anything he did when we moved in together 6 weeks before our wedding. 

[Bob Ross]

May 3, 2013 7:36:18 GMT -5 Opti said:

To me moving in together isn't a level of a relationship like becoming exclusive, getting
engaged, or getting married. It is more like deciding to have sex with someone. It might
be escalating the intimacy of the relationship emotionally or it might not.

So you 'd move in with someone to have sex with them, but still keep open your option of having sex with other people?

This seems like a really, really bad idea.

[swamp]

May 3, 2013 9:07:41 GMT -5 Bob Ross said:

May 3, 2013 7:36:18 GMT -5 Opti said:

To me moving in together isn't a level of a relationship like becoming exclusive, getting
engaged, or getting married. It is more like deciding to have sex with someone. It might
be escalating the intimacy of the relationship emotionally or it might not.

So you 'd move in with someone to have sex with them, but still keep open your option of having sex with other people?

This seems like a really, really bad idea.

I'm not seeing the problem................

[Bob Ross]

I'm not seeing the problem................





 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DH and I had been having sex long before we moved in together.  So if it was a "why buy the cow" situation I should have been aware of it before that point.

I lived with him because I didn't want to live at home in-between college.  He had a house so I crashed there.

When my grandmother died I moved into her house for awhile to live on my own.  He moved in after we got engaged and we decided it made more sense to live here than it did at his house.

MY house has centeral air, so of course it was an obvious choice.

[Deleted]

May 3, 2013 7:48:38 GMT -5 Shooby said:

  Among the people i know living together, the majority are women who would like to get married living with men who are hemming and hawing.

That's the woman's fault, though. Did the guy say that moving in was a precursor to marriage or did the gals just assume it? 

[swasat]

May 3, 2013 7:36:18 GMT -5 Opti said:

In reading another thread it occurred to me that perhaps my difference of opinion is due
to how I look at moving in together versus how some other people do.

To me moving in together isn't a level of a relationship like becoming exclusive, getting
engaged, or getting married. It is more like deciding to have sex with someone. It might
be escalating the intimacy of the relationship emotionally or it might not.

So what do you think?
Is moving in together a relationship level and if so, what does it mean?

LOl....


I never moved in with my DH before we got married. We dated for 2 years but never moved in. I had my own apartment with a roomate and he had his his own with his roommate. We just never saw the need.


And yes, we were physically intimate before we got married. Plenty of sex and testing waters. Whenever we wanted to be together I would stay over at his place (his roomate used to travel a lot for work). No issues whatsoever.

What I am trying to say is people can be very very intimate without living together. Vice versa is true as well, you can live together but not be very close or have frequent sex.

[Deleted]

I can't decide if I am super old fashioned or just super lazy, but I wouldnt move in with a guy unless we were married - or at least getting married.

Moving is a huge pain in the ass.  It's way too much work to bother with if I might want to stop sleeping with you in the future.

[swamp]

May 3, 2013 9:49:08 GMT -5 @craftysarah said:

I can't decide if I am super old fashioned or just super lazy, but I wouldnt move in with a guy unless we were married - or at least getting married.

Moving is a huge pain in the ass.  It's way too much work to bother with if I might want to stop sleeping with you in the future.

You've got a point.....

In my case, BF just kind of showed up after he finished school and never left.