thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 11, 2013 10:35:30 GMT -5
I've already forbidden my children to die before me. I told them that was the #1, non-negotiable rule in the house. I decided if I made it a family topic now, when they start driving and old enough to do a bunch of stupid shit, I could throw it in their face often. That is, after all, my parenting style.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Apr 11, 2013 10:53:26 GMT -5
I take it Im the only one voting "the cats"?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 10:56:42 GMT -5
Is there an hierarchy on love? Yes. For me it is to love God first as best I can and then love all people as I've loved myself. Nurture every relationship that is in my realm of influence to bring a good balance to the whole. Not a perfect one mind you. That's impossible because everyone in my world (including me) is yet, human.. I've often felt tempted to kill family softly, but would never follow through, of course. The hierarchy of love for me is in response when it comes to family. After a healthy love foundation has been set in place and being followed through that allow amendments when needed- Having laid that foundation, then my love-in-action responds to whatever area the rhythm is off, FIRST.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 11, 2013 10:59:48 GMT -5
My kids are my flesh and blood...without a doubt, if I had to choose one it would be my children. If there was a fire and I could only save my children or my spouse, I would choose my children. I would hope my husband would also choose the children if it were life and death between me and the kids...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 11:01:20 GMT -5
My kids are my flesh and blood...without a doubt, if I had to choose one it would be my children. If there was a fire and I could only save my children or my spouse, I would choose my children. I would hope my husband would also choose the children if it were life and death between me and the kids... I think they are their own flesh and blood.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 11, 2013 11:03:09 GMT -5
My kids are my flesh and blood...without a doubt, if I had to choose one it would be my children. If there was a fire and I could only save my children or my spouse, I would choose my children. I would hope my husband would also choose the children if it were life and death between me and the kids... I think they are their own flesh and blood. LOL...ok, that's just the saying...but they are from me
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 11:03:54 GMT -5
I think they are their own flesh and blood. LOL...ok, that's just the saying...but they are from me Would you feel the same way about an adopted child?
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 11, 2013 11:05:14 GMT -5
This is like the esoteric question my wife always asks me- Do you love me or are you in love with me? (I guess there is some difference? ) The answer to that question, Bill, is: "Both, dear, of course! I can't imagine it being any other way."
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 11, 2013 11:07:32 GMT -5
I would hope in any life or death situation, my husband could save himself. But yes - even if a firey beam fell on my husband's head and knocked him cold - I probably could lift his 180 pound body and drag it out of the house. But, I might be able to still pick up both my <60 pound children and run out of the house. [/span]
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 11:09:02 GMT -5
I would hope in any life or death situation, my husband could save himself. But yes - even if a firey beam fell on my husband's head and knocked him cold - I probably could lift his 180 pound body and drag it out of the house. But, I might be able to still pick up both my <60 pound children and run out of the house. [/span][/quote] What if your kids started the fire?
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 11, 2013 11:10:23 GMT -5
When I was 7 mo pregnant with our first we were in a car accident. I later asked my DH if he had to choose between saving me and saving the baby, who would he choose. He didn't even blink an eye before he answered. But of course, it's different bc the child wasn't born yet.
However, there are plenty of women, who when pregnant, would still choose to save their unborn baby vs saving themselves.
Another question:
for those who say in case of a fire they would save children first - would that also apply to grown up children or are you saving children first bc you think they need more help?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 11, 2013 11:10:24 GMT -5
LOL...ok, that's just the saying...but they are from me Would you feel the same way about an adopted child? That is a very good question. I have many friends that have adopted and those are their children, just as much as my children are mine. The PC answer would be to say "of course"...but without actually having adopted there is no way for me to ever know how I would truly feel. I would hope I would feel the same
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 11, 2013 11:11:02 GMT -5
Then I would save the cats, and do as MoneyJenny suggested and start over alone in another locale.
Reminds me of the book "We need to talk about Kevin." What would you do in that situation? Live in town and visit him in prison?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 11:12:16 GMT -5
Would you feel the same way about an adopted child? That is a very good question. I have many friends that have adopted and those are their children, just as much as my children are mine. The PC answer would be to say "of course"...but without actually having adopted there is no way for me to ever know how I would truly feel. I would hope I would feel the same So it not the fact that your kids are from you. Could it be that your kids need you more than your husband does? Perhaps when they become adults and don't need you as much the tables turn?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 11, 2013 11:14:00 GMT -5
When I was 7 mo pregnant with our first we were in a car accident. I later asked my DH if he had to choose between saving me and saving the baby, who would he choose. He didn't even blink an eye before he answered. But of course, it's different bc the child wasn't born yet. However, there are plenty of women, who when pregnant, would still choose to save their unborn baby vs saving themselves. Another question: for those who say in case of a fire they would save children first - would that also apply to grown up children or are you saving children first bc you think they need more help? I'm one of those women who would choose the life of my child over my own, whether born or unborn...to me it is still my child. When I was pregnant I was devastated because I had a similar conversation with my husband and he would have chosen to kill the baby to save my life (if something happened and I was unconscious and it was either kill the baby so I could live or let me live long enough for the baby to be born healthy). Granted, he didn't bond with the babies like I did throughout pregnancy but I still couldn't believe that my own husband would not save his child. I honestly thought all parents had that instinct to save their children...after that, I stopped having those conversations with him because it really upset me.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 11, 2013 11:15:53 GMT -5
That is a very good question. I have many friends that have adopted and those are their children, just as much as my children are mine. The PC answer would be to say "of course"...but without actually having adopted there is no way for me to ever know how I would truly feel. I would hope I would feel the same So it not the fact that your kids are from you. Could it be that your kids need you more than your husband does? Perhaps when they become adults and don't need you as much the tables turn? I'm not saying that it's no the fact that the kids are from me...I'm saying I have no idea how I would feel if the kids weren't from me. I do know that if I were in a house fire and there were 4 kids, two of mine and 2 not mine, I would save mine first. They are my children and my duty is to protect them. I have unconditional love for my children that I have for no one else out there.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Apr 11, 2013 11:16:08 GMT -5
My guess is most of the husbands would save their wives over their unborn child- I was not surprised at all.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 11, 2013 11:16:35 GMT -5
[/span]
I can only naturally think about who my family is today. And today, my kids would need more help - so I can naturally say that I would help them. My husband is pretty competent, so I would count on him to take care of himself. Honestly, if I imagine the average 20 year old, and think my kids would be similar, I would still help them first. Even if they were physically capable, it wouldn't necessarily mean they had a lot of experience thinking clearly in panic situations. But, if they grow up and my kids are firefighters, but staying at my house for the weekend, I'd hope they get their asses in here and help US!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 11:16:59 GMT -5
So it not the fact that your kids are from you. Could it be that your kids need you more than your husband does? Perhaps when they become adults and don't need you as much the tables turn? I'm not saying that it's no the fact that the kids are from me...I'm saying I have no idea how I would feel if the kids weren't from me. I do know that if I were in a house fire and there were 4 kids, two of mine and 2 not mine, I would save mine first. They are my children and my duty is to protect them. I have unconditional love for my children that I have for no one else out there. So you wouldn't love an adopted kid? You are cold.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 11, 2013 11:17:45 GMT -5
My thought is that there can be more babies. I agreed with my husband that if it was me vs. fetus, I win.[/span]
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 11:18:33 GMT -5
My guess is most of the husbands would save their wives over their unborn child- I was not surprised at all. Absolutely. It would be a simple, but not easy choice to make.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 11, 2013 11:19:00 GMT -5
I'm not saying that it's no the fact that the kids are from me...I'm saying I have no idea how I would feel if the kids weren't from me. I do know that if I were in a house fire and there were 4 kids, two of mine and 2 not mine, I would save mine first. They are my children and my duty is to protect them. I have unconditional love for my children that I have for no one else out there. So you wouldn't love an adopted kid? You are cold. We all know I'm cold...I'm saying I don't know how I would feel. It would be easy to say but I've never raised a child that I didn't bond with long before birth. I might feel exactly the same or I might not. I will never know because I'm not having any more babies (popping them out or adopting)!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Apr 11, 2013 11:20:14 GMT -5
My guess is most of the husbands would save their wives over their unborn child- I was not surprised at all. I honestly was...plus I was pregnant and hormonal so not only was I surprised, but quite upset over it. I told him without hesitation I would let him die and save the baby!lol
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Apr 11, 2013 11:25:57 GMT -5
I would choose my husband.
Kids grow up and - if lucky - go on to find mates of their own. Although mothers and fathers are most important to a child during the formative years, eventually that place will be superseded by a spouse. I don't want to prioritize my kid(s) over my husband for 20 years and then be shocked (or bitter, or clingy) when my kids begin to prioritize others over me. I've seen a lot of marriages in which one spouse was basically frozen out in favor of the child, and it doesn't seem to be beneficial to anyone in the household.
Although our child isn't born yet, I suspect my husband would feel the same way.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 11, 2013 11:26:36 GMT -5
I'm one of those women who would choose the life of my child over my own, whether born or unborn...to me it is still my child. When I was pregnant I was devastated because I had a similar conversation with my husband and he would have chosen to kill the baby to save my life (if something happened and I was unconscious and it was either kill the baby so I could live or let me live long enough for the baby to be born healthy). Granted, he didn't bond with the babies like I did throughout pregnancy but I still couldn't believe that my own husband would not save his child. I honestly thought all parents had that instinct to save their children...after that, I stopped having those conversations with him because it really upset me. Well, as a woman who had three kids, I don't know that I would save a child at all costs. Depends on the situation. But, I also would not want my life saved at all costs either. I missed a bunch of genes as a woman..
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 11, 2013 11:27:02 GMT -5
My kids already prioritize others over me.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Apr 11, 2013 11:28:22 GMT -5
For me personally, my life is pretty devoid of love.
Regarding "spouse or kids." I was always told the best gift a father can give their kids is to love their mother, and I would assume the reverse would also be true. So I would think you should love your spouse first and foremost and let your love to your kis flow from that. If you don't love your spouse, then you're pretty much just two strangers raising kids together. If you don't make your relationship with your spouse a priority, then you are doing your kids a disservice in my opinion.
But I have neither a spouse nor kids, so what the hell do I know?
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Queen of Interesting Nuts
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Post by Queen of Interesting Nuts on Apr 11, 2013 11:30:36 GMT -5
My man and my marriage comes first. We have always tried to work on our marriage and tried not to let our children have more priority over our marriage. He was there before we had our children and he is there now that the children have moved out. A stable and strong marriage bond can lead to able and strong children.
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973beachbum
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Post by 973beachbum on Apr 11, 2013 11:34:54 GMT -5
i have no doubt DH would pick the kids. Same here. Well, OUR child. The son I had before...doubtful. Sometimes I think he wishes he was out of the picture. OMG that made me so sad! I can't imagine how it makes you feel.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2013 11:47:54 GMT -5
I would choose my husband. Kids grow up and - if lucky - go on to find mates of their own. Although mothers and fathers are most important to a child during the formative years, eventually that place will be superseded by a spouse. I don't want to prioritize my kid(s) over my husband for 20 years and then be shocked (or bitter, or clingy) when my kids begin to prioritize others over me. I've seen a lot of marriages in which one spouse was basically frozen out in favor of the child, and it doesn't seem to be beneficial to anyone in the household. Although our child isn't born yet, I suspect my husband would feel the same way. Obviously, I'm jaded by divorces, both my parents and my own. But my feeling is spouses come and go, but my kids will always be my kids no matter what. Even when they're grown and gone and with spouses of their own, I'll always love them more than anything.
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